peach
01-01-09, 14:49
hi,
i just want to get stuff of my chest.
i been feeling better in the last 6 months, and started to think i may get the life i always wanted so hubby n me went for a home loan, but got refused by like a small thing! 2 payments on a loan 2 days late..urghh...
then, our little dog got pregnant, we were so so excited! but the night before i dreamed we lost both pups, and would you beleive it, the next night, we did....i almost lost it...
then we decided to make a tree change for less stress life, but been mucked around so badly by ppl who letting us take the house, its not their fault, theyre new house building isses, but its taking 2 months now, and we been homeless for 4 months now...urghhhhhh!!!!
and my anxiety has come back in the evenings again, cant sleep, cry a lot...and my tocophobia is rampant to the point i dream about it, and freak out every night...see, i turn 35 in 3 months, and doc said i have to have baby this year.....i so so so want to be a mum, but am beyond terrified about the pregnancy...i mean, i absess about it every day, most of the day and my health anxiety is making it worse cause im convinced i will have a heatattack while pregnant or worse, ill go crazy and hurt myself, which i am terrified off, cause i wouldnt want to hur the bub....i just dont want to give up on having a bub, but it seems this may have to be my path...i would surrogate if it was possible, but over here its not legal......so unfair......
sorry this post so long, i havent posted in ages..so catching up i guess.lol..
i just want to get stuff of my chest.
i been feeling better in the last 6 months, and started to think i may get the life i always wanted so hubby n me went for a home loan, but got refused by like a small thing! 2 payments on a loan 2 days late..urghh...
then, our little dog got pregnant, we were so so excited! but the night before i dreamed we lost both pups, and would you beleive it, the next night, we did....i almost lost it...
then we decided to make a tree change for less stress life, but been mucked around so badly by ppl who letting us take the house, its not their fault, theyre new house building isses, but its taking 2 months now, and we been homeless for 4 months now...urghhhhhh!!!!
and my anxiety has come back in the evenings again, cant sleep, cry a lot...and my tocophobia is rampant to the point i dream about it, and freak out every night...see, i turn 35 in 3 months, and doc said i have to have baby this year.....i so so so want to be a mum, but am beyond terrified about the pregnancy...i mean, i absess about it every day, most of the day and my health anxiety is making it worse cause im convinced i will have a heatattack while pregnant or worse, ill go crazy and hurt myself, which i am terrified off, cause i wouldnt want to hur the bub....i just dont want to give up on having a bub, but it seems this may have to be my path...i would surrogate if it was possible, but over here its not legal......so unfair......
sorry this post so long, i havent posted in ages..so catching up i guess.lol..