so many fears/issues = lame life

[peach]

hi,

i just want to get stuff of my chest.

i been feeling better in the last 6 months, and started to think i may get the life i always wanted so hubby n me went for a home loan, but got refused by like a small thing! 2 payments on a loan 2 days late..urghh...
then, our little dog got pregnant, we were so so excited! but the night before i dreamed we lost both pups, and would you beleive it, the next night, we did....i almost lost it...

then we decided to make a tree change for less stress life, but been mucked around so badly by ppl who letting us take the house, its not their fault, theyre new house building isses, but its taking 2 months now, and we been homeless for 4 months now...urghhhhhh!!!!

and my anxiety has come back in the evenings again, cant sleep, cry a lot...and my tocophobia is rampant to the point i dream about it, and freak out every night...see, i turn 35 in 3 months, and doc said i have to have baby this year.....i so so so want to be a mum, but am beyond terrified about the pregnancy...i mean, i absess about it every day, most of the day and my health anxiety is making it worse cause im convinced i will have a heatattack while pregnant or worse, ill go crazy and hurt myself, which i am terrified off, cause i wouldnt want to hur the bub....i just dont want to give up on having a bub, but it seems this may have to be my path...i would surrogate if it was possible, but over here its not legal......so unfair......

sorry this post so long, i havent posted in ages..so catching up i guess.lol..

[lizzie29]

I'm sorry that all the things you were looking forward to haven't happened. I know I personaly find it very hard when that happens - the buildup is so exciting, and i manage to focus on something good and positive rather than anxiety, and then the carpet is whipped from under you and it's gone.

I don't really know anything about tocophobia, but ive just done a good old google search! I too really want children but the thought does scare me. I HATE hospitals (don't feel safe away from home and hospitals are so depressing and I worry about all the germs, my husband wouldn't be able to stay with me, etc etc). So I guess my fears are a bit different to yours, but it's still scary. We haven't tried for any kids yet, but I'm hoping that when the time comes we wanting them will outweigh the fears. And I'll keep telling myself that so many people have them without any probs, people in some countries give birth on their own at home, and all other kinds of positive things! Do you think maybe if you got pregnant and there was no turning back the excitement of it all may make things easier? Complications are rare and there are so many checks to make sure things are okay. Why do you think you will go crazy?

Hope this helps, or at least makes you feel that someone is trying to make you feel a bit better! x