PDA

View Full Version : Emetophobia 'Side Effects'



Angelai
02-01-09, 00:37
***I'VE JUST FINISHED WRITING THIS AND MUST WARN YOU THAT IT GOES ON A BIT, SORRY!***

Hi all, I'm 35 and have been an Emet for as long as I can remember...

I just wanted to list some of my 'behaviours' - partly because it might help me to see it all written down, partly in the hope that others will share their cranky activities (to reassure me I'm not TOTALLY crazy:D). So, here goes:

*I once phoned my mum at 3am to come and look after my 1 year old child (who was 'ill'). Then left him inside alone and waited on the doorstep;

*lots of handwashing, particularly after going anywhere;

*avoiding houses/buildings where anyone is known to be/have been ill, as well as anyone who has been there themselves;

*not going to my mums house for nearly two weeks because she had a bug;

*no trains, no boats, def no buses (ever), planes only with Diazepam, only cars that I'm driving (currently can't go more than 10 miles from home, sometimes am ok with passengers and sometimes not);

*once, I was about to board a plane to Majorca (had taken Diazepam!) when, at the last minute, I couldn't go through with it. Made my friends go without me (my rucksack went);

*ALWAYS have sea-bands and motilium (anti-s*** pills) in my bag;

*if anyone around me pulls a face/rubs their stomach they automatically get an inquisition from me (also applies when talking to friends on the phone). I absolutely have to know everything about their symptoms, how long they've had them, what they think it is etc. Why must I know? I don't really want details but I have to have them!

*I will start to feel ill if I hear of anyone I've been in contact with (directly or indirectly) being ill. I could be at my grans house and she might say that my cousin is ill. I then have to know when that cousin was last at my grans and how long after they were there did they get ill. They might have left germs;

*if I see any s*** on the floor when I'm out, I will remember exactly where it is and avoid that place for as long as I think it will take for the evidence to disappear;

*no theme parks for me, and absolutely NO roundabout type things;

*if anyone is staying at mine, it's normal for me to question them every time they return from the bathroom;

*I won't take any medication that lists nausea or v******* (or gastric disturbance) as a possible side effect, however small the risk. I've had some rather prolonged throat/sinus infections;

*my guided self help book (I'm supposed to work through it,having a telephone session with a counsellor once a week) is buried under a pile of paperwork and books where I can't see it. I was told to read it through before starting the course, and I came to a chapter that told me I would have to do one of the things on my 'I never/can't...' list. Need I say more?

*a long time ago my ex-boyfriend had had too much to drink and was ill. While he was in the loo I grabbed the key from the door and locked him in. I fell into a fitfull sleep, and was woken about 5 hours later by my mum. I was clutching the key VERY tightly...

*so far I have broken 3 tv remotes - in a completely involuntary action they have been launched at the tv when someone on it does the thing before I have chance to turn over/close my eyes, block my ears and sing really loudly;

*I always check sell-by dates, and throw stuff away 2 days before. I've become very good at slyly checking dates when in other peoples houses. And I will ask my mum how long the cream/dairylea/anything has been open;

Right, I think I'd better stop now - this has got far too long! Sorry for going on and on, and if you're still here thank you!

Please share, I'm feeling quite worried now...

x

orangeblossom
02-01-09, 01:06
lol - I had to laugh whilst reading your list because so many of them sound familiar and they are things I've not really voiced before or even really thought about!

- I've felt so worried that I might be ill that I've sat on the floor, wrapped in a duvet with newspaper in front of me ALL night 'just in case' of course, nothing happened)

- I can't go to bed without first putting some newspaper on the floor by my bed, once again, 'just in case' I am ill

- There are ALWAYS mints / other hard-boiled sweets in my bag, along with newspaper, motilium (i even get that on prescription now), propranolol

- I always have an elastic band and hair grips with me in my back pocket, or wrapped around one of my fingers, so that I can put my hair up 'just in case'

- I think very carefully if I can wear high heels (even moderately high heels) because I might not be able to get out of somewhere quickly enough 'just in case' and also, this is also a bit crazy, the extra movement whilst walking in high heels might make me ill

- I haven't left the house in two days because my aunt called me and mentioned she had had the flu and had been ill, and I am now terrified

- I am supposed to go and sort out my wedding cake tomorrow (I'm getting married this summer) and I've spent the day pretty much ensconced in bed worrying about the food in the shop and whether they will make me try anything. I will most definitely take motilium before I even leave the house and my Mother is coming with me too.

Just reading the above makes me realise that it is just so crazy and completely and utterly irrational, and yet I can't quite get on with things without doing them(!)

CABelieve13
02-01-09, 01:30
I just have to say this. I thought i was alone with this fear. This fear of throwing up has taken over my life.
NO planes, no new foods, no foods that are within a week close to experation date, no amusment park rides, in school i always have to have hand sanitizer and apply it frequently. Im afraid of having kids when i am old enough in fear of morning sickness and the kids bringing home bugs. I remember once my dad came home from work puking his brains out and i had no where to go so i ran into my room and wouldnt let anyone come in. I was constantly rubbing myself with rubbing alcohol lol (i still do that). Then the next day my mom got it. I was SUCH a mess. Same thing. in my room with my precious rubbing alcohol. Then i got myself so nervous i messed up my intestines and that freaked me out.....that was a long 4 days.
Ive had a fear of throwing up since the 3rd grade and all the doctors i went to never said that it was an actual phobia that other people have. All the doctors i have gone to basically have tried to find if i have been abused or raped etc. I go through the same exact things that you have listed.
The other week i had a little tummy bug and was so afraid of throwing up i sat in my room huddled and crying and didnt stop until finally i got up and (in the middle of winter) walked around my house over and over again until i relaxed, then i felt better. Thank god i never threw up or i dont know what i would have done. Then when you have IBS that makes you feel sick and i get more nervous.
I really am glad i found this site. :]

SharonDerby
02-01-09, 02:14
LOL
did you steal my diary? i could not have written that better myself.
I live in fear all day every day, thought i was getting better but i am kidding myself, this last month has set me back many many years, it's awful to say i'm glad i'm not alone in this, but i do wish i was then you all would't have to feel as bad as me.
I could list many many more strange/quirky/crazy things i do but i am sure you all know what they are because you all probebly do them yourselves.

The trip to the cake shop, tell them you can't test any cakes because you have a tooth ache, i use that excuse whenever i don't want to eat somehere, or something i don't want to eat at someones house.

Thanks for making me feel human :)

Love Sharon x

Angelai
02-01-09, 23:54
Thanks guys! I hope I managed to lighten the mood just a bit...

Right now I'm watching Rude Tube 2009 - and soooo on edge because there's bound to be a clip involving s*** at some point. I should change the channel. Right, have turned the volume down and have a cushion handy.

Angelai
02-01-09, 23:58
Oh, forgot to mention the most important thing - Every night before I go to bed I have to make sure that I have a completely clear run to the bathroom, i.e no shoes/hoover/cat toys to trip over. And I still keep a light on all night, just outside the bathroom (I don't want to have to turn the light on in the bathroom if the worst happens, can't trust myself to just not look in the toilet).

bugglesbeth
10-01-09, 23:15
I think you have got this down to a tee. It is like reading about myself. WOW, pretty wierd. But completely one of the worst ever phobia I feel and you probably do too. It rules my life!!!

Bethan x

belle
11-01-09, 10:40
Does anyone else find this worrying!?




*I once phoned my mum at 3am to come and look after my 1 year old child (who was 'ill'). Then left him inside alone and waited on the doorstep;


I've been emetophobic since i was 4, i am now 33 (i do have a 10 year old son too), i don't ever recall leaving my sick child in that kind of situation.

Angelai
11-01-09, 22:17
Hi Belle. Yes, it is worrying. Very worrying. By the time that incident happened I already had a social worker and a home help - and was on medication. The deal was I had to promise to call my mum if I needed help/couldn't cope as she was only 5 minutes away. Sadly, I handed my son over to mum full-time when he was 2. He's now 11 and still with her.

belle
12-01-09, 10:24
You handed your child over because of your emetophobia?

Angelai
12-01-09, 18:26
Not directly because of emetophobia - but whatever has caused that has also caused many other big issues for me. Sometimes severe depression, panic disorder (daily panic attacks), constant anxiety. I had serious anger/temper problems when I had my son and was always shouting and screaming at him, throwing things (I was on my 3rd set of mugs by the time he was a year old and down to my last plate). I didn't trust myself not to hurt him and even though I had a lot of support, I was still alone with him a lot. It was better for him to go with my mum at that time, but it wasn't intended to be permanent.

I've been judged by many people - family, strangers - for handing him over. They don't need to judge me, I beat myself up about it every day. And no, it isn't as simple as just having him back now because there is a lot more to it than I want to go in to.

I hope I'm not being judged again now, because that still really gets me down no matter how often I tell myself I don't care what people think. One of the biggest causes of my repetitive depressions is ruminating over what people think of me. I've left 5 jobs because I couldn't deal with the 'suspected' low opinions of a colleague...

Now I've gone on and on, revealing stuff that I should really keep to myself. I guess I just have to get it all out to give people a chance to hate me!

andie73
12-01-09, 18:32
Hi Angelai

I don't think anyone should criticise anyone for saying how they feel or how their anxiety and other problems have made them behave at times. We just never know just what is round the corner for us and none of us have room to stand in judgement over another until we have lived their life....and we can't do that can we?

Don't beat yourself up about what others think as they are not you and have not had the same experiences as you.

Take care

Angelai
12-01-09, 19:05
Thanks Andrea, I really appreciate that :hugs:

april tones
18-01-09, 12:26
I am scared of having side effects to drugs, is that same thing?

MissChampers
18-01-09, 14:23
Not directly because of emetophobia - but whatever has caused that has also caused many other big issues for me. Sometimes severe depression, panic disorder (daily panic attacks), constant anxiety. I had serious anger/temper problems when I had my son and was always shouting and screaming at him, throwing things (I was on my 3rd set of mugs by the time he was a year old and down to my last plate). I didn't trust myself not to hurt him and even though I had a lot of support, I was still alone with him a lot. It was better for him to go with my mum at that time, but it wasn't intended to be permanent.

I've been judged by many people - family, strangers - for handing him over. They don't need to judge me, I beat myself up about it every day. And no, it isn't as simple as just having him back now because there is a lot more to it than I want to go in to.

I hope I'm not being judged again now, because that still really gets me down no matter how often I tell myself I don't care what people think. One of the biggest causes of my repetitive depressions is ruminating over what people think of me. I've left 5 jobs because I couldn't deal with the 'suspected' low opinions of a colleague...

Now I've gone on and on, revealing stuff that I should really keep to myself. I guess I just have to get it all out to give people a chance to hate me!

(((Big Hugs Angelai))) Nobody should judge you because they've not been in your shoes and haven't a clue what you've been through, unfortunately there's always ignorant people out there who will judge and make cruel remarks. I've done things in the past I'm not proud of and I have been judged, these days I tend to keep things to myself as it's nobody else's business. Take carex

BNCfan
18-01-09, 16:20
Angelai, I just wanted to add my support, it's all too easy to judge other people - too many self-righteous individuals around these days who haven't had to cope with what you have obviously had to endure. I know what it's like to give up someone you love because you think/know your panic/anxiety/depression puts them in danger. We all have our unique problems, depending on what our lives have thrown at us, and I thought this was a place to get support, not criticism. If you've nothing good to say don't say it, especially when you are ignorant of the painful details involved. Hugs, Helen

andie73
18-01-09, 17:08
Hi Angelai

See what did I tell you in that pm!!!!! Don't be afraid to talk about things cos there are lots of us out there that won't criticise you. We never know what life has in store and we should never be so quick to be judgemental about others when we do not live their lives.....it could be us one day!!!!!

:bighug1:

belle
18-01-09, 18:57
Hi.
I would never judge you. Why? I am not perfect and i have made a gazillion mistakes in my life.

Raising a child is hard, raising children is harder. I would be the first person to put my hand in the air and say i could definitely be a better mother.

I don't think you should beat yourself up because i am sure, if you were well enough, you'd have your som back in the blink of an eye.

I apologise if you felt i was judging you...

x

Angelai
18-01-09, 20:09
Thank you all so much, it's a real help getting feedback/hugs and stuff from you all!

Belle - thank you, I know I'm extremely over sensitive.

My son stayed with me this weekend, think we're back to 'normal' after missing a week because of noro and my b****y phobia.

xx

BNCfan
19-01-09, 11:32
You handed your child over because of your emetophobia?

Belle, a brief post like that did 'read' like criticism and I immediately sprang to Angelai's defence, because, as I wrote, none of us really knows anybody else's circumstances. I don't want to upset you either, so forgive me if I did.

andie73
19-01-09, 11:42
Can I just second what BNCfan just said. No upset intended but it did sound a bit critical and we just never know when we or someone close to us may be made to make such a difficult decision. Just because we may not understand someones actions doesn't make it wrong......sorry if you were upset Belle.

ajones473@yahoo.com
31-10-12, 15:20
I don`t blame you for throwing the remote at the tv when someone pukes on tv, because I feel like doing that myself because I`m so fed up with all the puke scenes on tv, as if there wasn`t enough of that cr*p in real life!

Angelai
06-11-12, 00:19
oh, yes, there is def enough of it in real life!

wow, it was wierd reading back through this thread! I am still emet, still anxious, been back on sertraline for 3 months.... AND I HAVE MY SON BACK!!!