purplehaze
02-01-09, 04:47
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he said, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"
God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that Adam so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well, Adam no. I did that so that she could love you."
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humouring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
YO MOMMA'S SO FAT JOKES
Yo momma's so fat,
she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac
Yo momma's so fat,
when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials
Yo momma's so fat,
the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale
Yo momma's so fat,
when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please
Yo momma's so fat,
when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock
Yo momma's so fat,
when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate
Yo momma's so fat,
at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"
Yo momma's so fat,
when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"
Yo momma's so fat,
she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
Yo momma's so fat,
she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.
Yo momma's so fat,
Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo momma's so fat,
she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.
Yo mama so fat,
that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.
Yo momma's so fat,
I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
Yo mama' so fat,
she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!
Yo momma's so fat,
they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
Yo momma's so fat,
she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.
Yo momma's so fat,
the horse on her Polo shirt is real.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
Yo momma's so fat,
her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
Yo momma's so fat,
all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Momma"
Yo momma's so fat,
when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Yo momma's so fat,
instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.
Yo momma's so fat,
when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.
Yo momma's so fat,
she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
Yo momma's so fat,
she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
Yo momma's so fat,
a picture of her fell off the wall!
Yo momma's so fat,
her picture takes two frames.
Yo momma's so fat,
her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard
God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that Adam so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well, Adam no. I did that so that she could love you."
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humouring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
YO MOMMA'S SO FAT JOKES
Yo momma's so fat,
she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac
Yo momma's so fat,
when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials
Yo momma's so fat,
the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale
Yo momma's so fat,
when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please
Yo momma's so fat,
when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock
Yo momma's so fat,
when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate
Yo momma's so fat,
at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"
Yo momma's so fat,
when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"
Yo momma's so fat,
she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
Yo momma's so fat,
she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.
Yo momma's so fat,
Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo momma's so fat,
she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.
Yo mama so fat,
that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.
Yo momma's so fat,
I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
Yo mama' so fat,
she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!
Yo momma's so fat,
they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
Yo momma's so fat,
she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.
Yo momma's so fat,
the horse on her Polo shirt is real.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
Yo momma's so fat,
her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
Yo momma's so fat,
all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Momma"
Yo momma's so fat,
when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Yo momma's so fat,
instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.
Yo momma's so fat,
when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.
Yo momma's so fat,
when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.
Yo momma's so fat,
she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
Yo momma's so fat,
she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
Yo momma's so fat,
a picture of her fell off the wall!
Yo momma's so fat,
her picture takes two frames.
Yo momma's so fat,
her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard