Hi

[Reggie]

Hello, it's been a complete new experience for me to come to this site and read posts that I could have written myself.

I'm a mom of 3 children, one of whom, my precious daughter, I lost to cancer when she was 6 years old. Two weeks after she died, I had the my fiirst and most severe panic attack ever and ended up in hospital. I think, trying to hold it together whilst she was in treatment for two years (countless chemo rounds, 12 weeks in total of radiotherapy and many surgeries), I just lost the plot.

I've had anxiety and panic ever since, it's spiraling into agoraphobia and my life is miserable. I have two sons, one of whom is profoundly autistic, he cannot speak at all and is in nappies at age 9.

The past breaks my heart and the future terrifies me, I feel like I can barely look after myself let alone my son who needs 24 hour care, I feel like I'm just going into meltdown and try as I might (and I do try), I can't stop it.

I've seen a psychiatrist since I lost my daughter, I'm in the process of changing meds to Trazodone but I just feel so ill all the time.

Thanks for listening.

[suzy-sue]

WELCOME REGGIE,WHAT A TRAGIC TIME YOUVE HAD,MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU:bighug1: IM SURE YOULL FIND LOTS OF HELP AND SUPPORT ON THIS SITE,&MAKE LOTS OF FRIENDS ALONG THE WAY.WISHING YOU LOTS OF GOOD THINGS IN 2009 LUV SUE XX:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[belle]

Hi there..
I'm so sorry for what you have been through.
I'm sure you'll be able to get lots of advice and support here..

x

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi reggie , im so sorry about all your troubles, welcome , you have found the right place youll find support here, see you in chat sometime, love paige x

[Southern_Belle]

Reggie,

You have survived what I think everyone fears the most. My condolences on the loss of your little girl. I'm also in awe of the strength that you have to take care of your son every day. I'm not surprised at all that you are feeling the way you do. I can't imagine how I would be if I were in your shoes.

I have been on Trazadone in the past and just so you know they put me on in for a sleep medication. I was on a large dose but it did make me tired.

If you can I would try and get some help for yourself so that you can maybe take a break. Do you have any family or friends that could come in and help with your son? If so, ask for help. I would not care if they have been helping for the last 2 years they don't live with all of this 24/7 like you do.

Please fight to keep going out even if it is difficult. Walk around the block if you have to, just go out. The outside air will be good for you.

Many here will support you and you will make friends. I'm so glad you are here. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.

Take care,

Laura

[sunshine-lady]

Hi Reggie and :welcome: to NMP
I am so sorry to hear about the sad loss of your beloved daughter, I can't even imagine how hard that must be for you.

I agree with what Laura has said when she asks if you could get some help with your son, pehaps some respite care - you must feel drained.

I am sure you will like it here, there is a lot of support, help and advice. Chat is a great place to make new friends.

[Reggie]

Thank you for the warm welcome and advice, I really appreciate it.

Southern Belle you're so right, I think I'm coming to screaming point at the moment, I do need help with my son. I was actually pregnant with him when my daughter died, and the panic that ensued makes me feel it's not surprising he ended up so disabled, the panic/anxiety at that time was unbearable for me as a grown up woman, he was a little 16 week old fetus at the time, also having the same adrenaline and chemicals being pumped into him. Thing is, I always felt that his disability didn't matter because we'd been through worse, much worse - I just felt happy that he was alive and happy, but as he's growing it's becoming so much harder and he isn't happy, he's aggressive and so hyperactive, you'll never see him sitting down.

I've got a social worker involved now, he's been awarded 20 hours a month respite care so we're trying to find the right person to come and help with him.

Thanks again guys, it's incredible to read other people's accounts of their panic/anxiety and think "yes, I know exactly how that feels" - wish I'd have came here earlier.

[weeble40]

Hi and a big welcome to NMP its great to have you here, hope to see you in chat sometime,

Take care

Emma xxx