i don't know what to do

[stellabella]

i've been suffering from depression and anxiety for many years now, but recently my anxieties and depression have got worse, 2 weeks ago my doctor put me on Citalopram and I took a few days off work over Christmas because of the side effects - i felt even more anxious and tired all day. i still don't feel a lot better and I'm supposed to be going back to work on Monday but even thinking about it just fills me with dread. It involves an hour journey on the tube and it's the part I hate the most - I panic so much and on these tablets I feel even worse. But I'm a contractor and if I don't work, I don't get paid. I'm also worried that they'll just see me as someone who's always sick and replace me with someone else which I really can't risk, as I was made redundant a couple of months ago and can't afford to be jobless. I also live with my Dad and he doesn't understand, however many times I've told him, about my condition - he just sees it as lazyness and gets angry if I take time off work.
What do I do? The doctor signed me off work til Monday but I really dread going back :( i just know that I will panic like crazy on the tube and I will just cry and cry on Monday morning :(

[Nechtan]

There is obviously no quick fix for Monday so it may be that if you really cannot cope with going that you may have to ask to be signed off for longer. The thing with medication is that different things work for different people so it might be a bit of trial and error before the doctor and yourself can gauge what best fits. From the sound of things though in your case Citalopram is not the right medicine- though to be honest I don't know anything about it, the side effects or how long it takes to work.

If it was me I would try to make an appointment with the GP on Monday explaining the situation and how the medication is not helping.

All the best

Nechtan

[marie1974]

hiya unfortunately wiv some meds u get this, in some ways they make u feel better and other ways worse but i had bad depression years ago and went on meds for few years but wot helped me to get off the meds and cure my depression and make me alot more positive was exercise, just in doors for ages with my video or ipod etc. eventually i felt better, looked better and felt alot hapier and positive and got off the pills.

routine is a must too for depression, i used to feel like laying in bed all day but its the worst thing cos it makes u feel lazy and not motivated at all, so try to keep to a routine of getting up inmorn, brekkie, shower etc etc.

you will feel better hun xx

[missacorah]

Stella if you are not ready to go back to work then you just cant! Dont beat yourself up about it. Sometimes our body just needs time to recover and recuperate - sadly it pays no attention to when or where we may have to be on a certain date or time so you will need to wait for this more difficult period to pass.

Im taking exactly the same medication as you and after a while they really do help. Good luck x

[mlondon]

Hi Stella

It really does take some time for the citalopram to work and the side effects are horrible so if you can't make it to work then you can't. Don't beat youreself up about it.

Could you take a cab there for the first day as a way to ease yourself into it? I hate the tube and don't use it now either, luckily for me there is an overland train I can get.

It will get better, everyone finds going back to work this time of year difficult even if they don't have anxiety!

[Bill]

I don't feel there is any quick fix for your panics. I do think though that it maybe your job that is creating the panics rather than the tube because if you feel under too much stress in your job, the stress will surface as a feeling of being trapped while will then surface as panic whenever you feel in a confined space such as on a tube.

In the short term, you can probably only take meds to try to lift your mood and focus on deep breathing while you're on the tube. You could try buying a magazine and engrossing yourself in it until you reach your destination.

In the longer term, perhaps you should consider trying to find a less stressful job nearer to where you live, even if working as a temp to begin with until you find a job that you feel happy working in.

Your wellbeing needs to come first.:hugs:

[stellabella]

Thank u all for your replies. I never made it in and now I feel like such a failure and tomorrow will now be twice as hard.

I did used to work close to my house, a 20min walk, but I was made redundant and had to accept this job which is an hr away as I was desperate. Maybe I will look for something else. In the meantime I have to push myself tomorrow to go in.