marnie
05-01-09, 23:08
hi im new, and ive made a post about my own problems about anxiety/depression but i was wondering if anyone on here has a family member or a close friend who suffers from personality disorder as my brother does, and has done his whole life. he is now 20 and has only jus been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. i understand it is not his fault, i love him so much, i really do but im 17 now, and because of the trouble the disease has brought him and my family, my whole life (on a whole) has been HELL! i mean, dont get me wrong, i have great friends and finally a good relationship with my mum but this has affected me my whole life, overall, to me i kind of have a happy childhood but only becuase i suppose i was neglected so therefore went off and done my own thing. i always knew what was going on, but as i was young didint really understand. i got older and started making sence of things from roughly the age of 9/ 10. im talking about understanding these issues more than any other child would have to at that age. my brother has smoked weed, done drugs, drunk stupid amounts of alcohol which boosts his anger problems and the way he deals with them (if he ever will deal with them) and been in an un countable amount of fights since he was 13. he is now 20 and has only just been diagnosed with personality disorder now. well about 6 months ago. he's been to prison within the last 2 and a half years for breaking probation, for stabbing someone "in self defence",or so he says. i have no reason to believe otherwise, he isn't one to lie. after this my brother got further into drugs. by further i mean selling them. he always sold weed, and i knew, but what could i do about it right? im younger than him, and to be honest although he loved me he has always scared me. so yer, basically the weed lead to cocaine, and the cocaine lead to extacy pills. he earnt a lot of money for this over the 10months to a year of selling and yer he did look after me and make sure i benefitted but i always knew it was wrong. at one point i even sold a bit of weed, just for the money side of things and i suppose taht because we always were so close, i looked up to him and wanted to be a part of whatever he was doing. not as deep though. it all worked out well for a while, after a month i stopped selling as i came to my senses! but he carried on, and one day before i went to school, about 15 police officers bombarded through my house and all ran up, restrained me and my mum and searched the house. the grabbed my brother and excuse my language but beat the S**t out of him, automatic reaction for me was to go and help him so i tried to escape and then got pulled away from him by police and restrained harder, they told me to calm down or i would be arressted. i had to go into school later that day, roughly half an hour later and sit through revision for my GCSE's. and that is where i started to REALLY go down hill. this was in april/may time. and the court cases are still going on now. despite the differences me and my brother have now, and the fact he hates me(a different story) it still hurts me and gets me down. i dont want to have to ever see him in prison again. its horrible there. maybe he deerves it, who knows but i know with his mental state, it will only make him worse. and all of this is making me worse. no-one has probably read this whole thing through because its sooo long and maybe i have gone on too much, i jus dont know anyone who would understand and i guess im just hoping that someone on here will understand even if its just the tinyest bit. i want to move on from the depressed part of my life. its been going on for too long now.
sorry for going on, and if anyone reads this, thankyou so much for your time.
hope to hear from you soon.
marnie
sorry for going on, and if anyone reads this, thankyou so much for your time.
hope to hear from you soon.
marnie