My step mom is playing mind games! HELP PLEASE!

[ricric]

My Anxiety is being exaserbated again!! here is the story!!

Step mom from hell!
I think my step mom is manipulating me and my sister against my dad!

For years my dad and I have had a fragile relationship, where my sister and my dad have had a better relationship.

My stepmom has children one is under 6 and lives with their dad.

My step mom first asked my wife over my sister to be a bridesmaid, it was the way she went about it. she and my dad went out for dinner and it was announced to us that they were getting married. My sister said so am I gonna BE Bridesmaid jokingly but she shot her down coldly NO! And as my sister was in bits she said to my wife would you like to do it? My wife declined politely out of courtesy to my sister.

Let me get this right, My sister has been going on for the last 18 months saying that the 'stepmom' has had it in for her, but I never really believed her, as the step mom always praised my sister when I was round, but my sister said she is very subtle making sly comments every now and again. My sister gets very upset about this.

My dad is extremely lazy he wont make an effort, he could nt even be arsed to propose he had to be filled with booze and pressured into it. He never phones either my sister or myself apart from special occassions etc etc when we will get a text of him and his missus. he wont buy birthday or Xmas prezzies for us he leaves it down to the 'step mom'

He never did anything for the wedding preparations, and me and my sister was left in the dark over wedding preparations.

Now my dad is alright, apart from he doesnt seem to care about mine or my sisters feelings.

Now my sister has been doing really well trying to lose weight, when the step mom discovered how much she did weigh she said that was disgusting.

And some of the gifts she has recieved of her have been slightly a piss take for instance my sister asked my dad to look out for some fancy designer handbag for her when he went away Duty free.

My step mom bought her a bag and claimed to my dad and my sister it was designer however it was plumped with newspaper. and put in a harvey nicholls bag. And she also has been bought tee towels etc .....ok, so many many occassions has my sister been in tears from some of the terrible gifts she has bought her.

Well this Christmas she went a little to far in my eyes, and I felt the wrath from her.

First she bought my 5 month old son a nice jumper it had a J on for his name we presumed, but the step mom said oh it wasnt originally bought for him (she has a grandson called Jack)
And then imagine my horror when I open my present to myself and my wife and I get some Towels some frickin towels..

and imagine my horror when someone said 'do you think it could be an excess wedding present they didnt want'. So I have that on my mind now!!

If I confront her or my dad, I will be labbelled as causing trouble, which as Im s**t at asserting myself I probably would.

I think Im in a lose lose situation, Im jst getting myself worked up about it, and I needed to vent.

Revenge is on my mind now, my dads birthday is next week, and I have a spare towel rail that doesnt fit in my bathroom which I was going to give him, in the hope that it would shock him into an apology or from her.

Should I right a letter telling them how much I was hurt buy everything???

TIA:)


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[Reggie]

That was a mean thing to do, asking your wife over your sister, I'm glad your wife had the decency to decline.

My husbands father, as lovely as he is, got remarried and his wife was insanely jealous of my husbands mom, so much so that he wasn't allowed to come to weddings or christenings. They've split up now, but for all she dictated to him and made his life a misery, really it was up to him to say "no, I'm going to my sons wedding, you can like it or lump it".

Do you think your dad is aware of her having a dig? people like this can be very sneaky and subtle. I wouldn't worry about the presents too much, it was mean her saying that the J was for someone else, but as far as gifts go, personally I wouldn't make a fuss about it as it would come across as petty and you'd lose the point you're trying to make. Pick your "fight" here, if she's personally nasty, then bring it up with your dad or directly with her at the time she says it.

[Dahlia]

It sounds like a horrible situation. And I don't just mean your step-mum, I mean your dad too. Because frankly, he sounds no better than your step mum.

Honestly, the best thing you and your sister can do is to just 'write off' the presents your step mum buys. Don't allow them to have any significance for you, other than (possibly) providing entertainment. I have a relative who sends over bizarre presents, and I look forward to them to see what strange thing has been chosen this year. If you feel like giving her a towel in return, then do so...or buy her a pair of jump leads or something. A kettle, perhaps. Turn it into a joke with you and your sister to get her the most inappropriate present. How about a screwdriver set?

I wouldn't bother telling her how the presents make you feel, because this isn't really about the presents. It's about how she behaves in general towards you and your sister. Pinpoint what that is, and speak to her directly if need be. Although I actually think you would be better off trying to become indifferent to her. You could try talking to your dad, but it doesn't sound like he would do much about it. But as Reggie said, sneaky people slip their way out of things...you can't always get people to change how they behave, but you can change the way you feel about their behaviour.

[playman44]

i have had the wicked step mum thing ,my mum died when i was nineand she moved in as a house keeper,one thing led to another and ended up my stepmother ,there my childhood ended,she destroyed every picture of us as kids or my mum ,but to cut a long story short,my father passed away 3 years ago ,now she is a old lonely woman,who,s own daughter wont even speak to ,she sowed the wind now she reaps the whirlwind ,my advice ,let her have both barrels and dont worry about her ,she will come to regret her actions .

[diane07]

I can totally relate to how you feel, i had all this from my stepdad, i am now also stepmum, my personal opinion would be to tell you not to rise to it, your stepmum might be waiting for this, so there can be a fall out and wipes you and your sister out of your dads life.

I would say think hard and long and buy your dad something that you know he would absolutely love, if your stepmum wants to play games then let her play yours, me personally, i would praise her for the towels and tell her it was just what i wanted.

Maybe your dad didn't get involved in the marriage arrangements as maybe he didn't really want to get married.

I do feel for you as i have been where you are now, but don't let your stepmum ruin everything, you and your sis can stand strong on this.

best wishes

di xx