What do I do?

[ladybird64]

I am used to dealing with anxiety and panic attacks (well, trying to deal with them) and apart from a short episode of depression recently, it isn't something that I usually get.
I had quite a good weekend, had been reading Claire Weekes again and had a successful trip to a crowded market which I actually enjoyed.
Yesterday morning I was hit by such awful feelings I felt floored and it is still with me. I feel almost dead inside and have spent most of the last 24 hours thinking about all that will go wrong in my life and mulling over all the crap that has happened in the past. I have a memory like a blasted elephant and I have been thinking about all the awful things that have been said to me, unfairly, I can't get this out of mind.
I have hardly been able to speak to my OH and I have been trying to sort myself out by being active, I can't do that either.
I don't know what the hell is going on, what has caused this or how to get rid of it. As I type, hubby and daughter plus her friend are sitting downstairs talking, I can't even face being in the same room as them.
If anyone has any ideas how I can shake this off quick, please reply.

[simmi2009]

Hi i understand how you ae feeling i have been suffering from panc attacks and depression for over a year. Sometimes i feel on top of the world and then someone says something i feel like crying then repeat it over in my head the negative things that people have said to me. I have just descovered this website and i feel releived that it is not only me that feels like this. I have recently spoken to my doctor she has put me on different medication to help me with anxiety. I feel it is helpfull to tak to people about it throught e-mailling and also beingaround positive people. I am also feeling a bit more positive today as me and my partner are arrangng to book up a holiday, perhaps you could do that and it will be something to be exited and look forward to.

[Bill]

My feeling is that the thoughts are a symptom of anger and resentment which were triggered by an enjoyable "feeling free" weekend. Perhaps at the weekend you felt free of your cage of home reality that represents all the stress and pressure in your life so that waking up Monday morning made you remember how much you enjoyed your freedom mixed with the thought of another week of stress at home which would then create anger/resentment making you feel so low which would then make you think about all the bad events in your past that have caused you hurt.

Only my guess.:shrug:

I think you need something to look forward to next weekend to focus your mind on something good in the future to help you in the present so that you don't dwell on the bad in the past.:hugs:

[signedoffwork]

I understand and can totally relate to what you're saying. I've been suffering with depression and I too have days where I will just mull things over and over in my head to the point where it drives me crazy.

My advice would be to go to your gp and ask for a referal to a therapist, perhaps cognitive therapy (to help you learn ways to readjust your thinking). I'm doing this at the moment and it's helping. It's not a quick fix, it takes time, but it is working.

Lots of love!

:hugs:

[armanoo]

i'm sorry you are going through a hard time :mad: ..

i have experinced that very well.. is uffer from anxiety and depresstion and it's awful.. i know what you are talking about .. sometimes i wake up in the mornning and feel my head is gonna explode bcoz it's filled with horrible thoughts and regrets..

i believe you should go to the doctor and he would definitely help you .. but you cant fix it on your own ..

i have lately started to go to the doctor and he put me on medications for anxitey and depression

good luck :bighug1:

[ladybird64]

Thank you all for your caring. I have just got to hope that this will start to lift soon because if anything I'm feeling worse tonight as well as shattered, I have been awake since 4am.
I just can't think straight :weep:
Going to the doc is not an option for me, I'm not being awkward but I don't want anyone saying I can't cope especially when I have got family commitments, I don't need anyone giving me a label.
Bill, your guess is spot on as usual. Can't say no more than that at the moment, too raw. Sorry if this isn't making much sense but didn't want anyone to think I wasn't grateful for the replies.

[Bill]

Dear Ladybird:hugs:

You know my situation, and although different to yours, you know I can understand how you're feeling because in some ways I've been where you are which is why I my hunch was right.

Ladybird, a lack of sleep will certainly affect you as you've been feeling today. I often feel that way myself and for many years just like yourself I received no support. I am not a good example and I realise it's not always possible but it is so important you find a way to get your sleep to re-charge your batteries so that you are able to cope with the stresses of each day.

For the first few years that I had to cope with my wifes illness, I did it alone. I had no support from anyone, I had very little sleep and I was also trying to hold down a full time job. It was unrealistic and impossible to achieve so eventually my mind and body couldn't take anymore so I became "ill" with anxiety which led me into my darkest period.

However, this period turned out to be a blessing in disguise because the doctor and mental health team then realised they had to find a way to support me so they arranged more direct support for my wife which eased my burden. These days she now has helpers so my pressures are lessened so that I am now free to find enjoyment for myself.

What I'm trying to say Ladybird is that we feel responsible for "family commitments" but we are only human beings ourselves who have our limits and we shouldn't consider ourselves a failure for not being able to cope with what is humanly impossible for any individual.

No one would give you a label except for one that would smply say you a very caring woman who does more than is reasonable to expect from any human being. A doctor isn't there to label you. A doctor should be there to turn to as a key to additional support that every individual is entitled to.

A doctor might say someone needs medication but often they are not the answer when the actual causes need to be addressed and it's the actual causes and getting more support that you need to push with your doctor because it's simply extremely unfair to suffer all the burden alone. The doctor would then arrange a carers assessment and social services would then have to provide you with the support you Do need.

Dear ladybird, it is not a refection on yourself and your ability to cope because Anyone would feel the same as you are and often even worse! Please ladybird for the sake of your own health, don't suffer alone in silence because I don't want you going through the things I suffered when I tried to cope alone because I felt I should.

After a good nights sleep you'll probably feel better but if you keep feeling so low and ill, I would rather you got help for Your sake. If I were your husband I'd be nagging the doctor to get them to act because it would make me So angry that you're being neglected because to me, Your wellbeing would be my Priority!!!:bighug1:

[ladybird64]

Now my husband thinks I should see a doctor as well. I ma still swinging in and out of this depression, well not really out but trying to cover it..obviously it's not working.
I was at the surgery on Friday with my daughter. I put in a repeat prescription for my asthma medication yesterday and have just had a call saying that I need a review and they won't give me my inhalers until I have been seen by a doctor. Even though I explained that I have very little medication left and I had a severe infection in November that the GP recommended I go into hospital for, I have to go there at 8PM tomorrow evening. Then the receptionist rings back and says that my daughter needs a review appointment as well, only appointment available is Weds. I explain that she goes to college and has special needs, I don't want her to have time off college but no, she has to be seen.
I point out that we were only there on Friday, basically why the hell couldn't this have been dealt with then? Can I bring her with me tomorrow at the same time as me to save her having time off and me from making 2 separate trips? NO. :mad:
I then start to get a little annoyed, say to the guy I have agoraphobia and panic attacks, no car and it is very hard for me to keep making the journey to the surgery, also pointed out that I have never taken up their precious time making appointments about my anxiety,,that didn't work either.
This nonsense is one of the reasons why I haven't been to the doctor and asked for help, I don't want to be at the mercy of people who obviously aren't bothered about people as long as their rules are followed.
I have come off the phone, kicked off a little and OH says, "why don't you mention your mental health to them?"
I feel like everyone is conspiring against me, surely it is possible to get through a spell of depression without going to the GP about it? I don't want their tablets, don't want to talk to some stranger face to face about how I feel.
Sorry for the rant, I'm just starting to feel a little hemmed in if you know what I mean.

[Yvonne]

Ladybird

I really sympathise what with your daughter having special needs - that's a strain on you.

GP's surgeries are the worst aren't they? You really feel like screaming at them at times it's all red tape and regulations - however they have to stick to these rules I guess and no matter how we feel we have to go along with it. You have to think yourself lucky to see a doctor I think these days.

The doctor does know about the agoraphobia and stuff doesn't he? Sorry if I'm being stupid. You really will have to speak to him/her because y ou have obviously hit a low and it needs addressing. Iknow you don't want the meds and the therapy but you so have to give these things a try. You've obviously tried hard with your own self help but when it isn't working we have no choice but to seek help from the experts.

I really wish you well and please do go and have a chat with the doctor, some of them are very understanding - honestly.