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sadie
11-12-03, 23:29
I just wondered if anyone feels anxious when their home alone. I always seem to get myself into a panic when I know I'm going to be home alone. In fact I am alone at present as hubby on his Xmas work night out. So far I'm doing not too bad since I have you guys to chat to but I know I'm not relaxed as I should be.

All my friends love to get the house to themselves so they can go for a nice bath, play their own music etc but i HATE it..I hate my own company.

I'm 29 yrs and to this day I think I have only stayed myself once and that was a disaster...I had no sleep. To be honest I think I have always been like this but I remember my dad saying that I would eventually grow out of it...I'm still waiting.

Does anyone else feel like this?



sadie

benoo5
11-12-03, 23:54
hi sadie,

ime really answering this,cos i want you to know were here,if that makes sense!

i think this might well be a female thing,ime not sure,so dont knock me down..this past year,i have felt a bit lonely,at times,but ime not an anxious person anyway,so that doesnt come into the equation.

i will leave the ladies to give there views..but its nearly 11pm,and were here,ok!....bryan.

sadie
12-12-03, 00:00
Bryan

I have said it before and will say it again..you are a great person. You always say the right things and say them well. Thanks for your help, yet again. You are probably right though..it will be mostly a female thing.

I've only gone and put the washing machine on, which was not the most intelligent thing to do at this time of night, when I'm home alone and slightly anxious...since my washing machine is the noisest thing ever made. I have been up to check the house etc at least 4 times since i put it on due to the noise it makes.

Never mind though...I'm sure I will survive.

sadie

Meg
12-12-03, 00:16
It is not a female thing.

It's a fear thing and anyone can get it.


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

sadie
12-12-03, 00:24
Radar

Do you think this type of fear is always brought on by past events or just a symptom of anxiety?



sadie

benoo5
12-12-03, 00:24
of course,you will survive,your a winner,being on your own tonite,is just another little test,you are doing great,and deserves a choc bar tomorrow,tell hubby,bryan said so!

ive got two windows open(pc wise)on one ime studying,and the other is here ,so i keep popping in every 15mins,or when my brain gets fuzzy,on all those stupid latin terms,that medicine involves...god,wished ide listened during latin at school,instead of eying all the girls lol...bryan.

sadie
12-12-03, 00:25
Bryan..what you studying?

sadie

benoo5
12-12-03, 00:32
meg,

i will fight you on this...england versus wales!

take 1000 non anxious,non fearful people,in other words..non sufferers..

and bye the way split women/men.

i am positive that you will find the majority of women,feel anxious,when left alone,specially those women,who are currently in a relationship....so come on matey..pick up the gauntlet..bryan.

Meg
12-12-03, 00:36
Hi Sadie,

I was never afraid to be alone, I lived as the only white person in an Inuit village in the arctic with no way in or out except a plane 3 times a week -weather permitting - with no issues at all. Loved it .

When I was anxious I developed a fear of being home alone and it lasted yonks. In the end I made Gary go back to his cottage for nights on end so I could practice being home alone.

Then he pushed off to Oz for 2 weeks- that pretty much confirmed that all was well.




Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

Meg
12-12-03, 00:41
Of course Bryan - with non sufferers I totally agree with you and looking at the rates of the victim of home crime - extremely rational too.

But add in the fear factor and although men still have their physical strength - they're just as vunerable to this.


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

benoo5
12-12-03, 00:42
sadie,

when i was very young(a few years back)i dropped out of med school,after three years...my room mates were into sex drugs,and booze,and i had to join in,or run away,so i ran.....the last four years ive tried to catch up,and have my finals next april...i then wont to study phsycotherapy..6yr course..so fat chance ive got of a relationship..never mind,ive got charlie,and her horse...bryan.

sadie
12-12-03, 00:44
Meg,

My husband (peter) went off to Oman just after the war there for 6 weeks to do some training for his company. It was a complete nightmare for me..apart from missing him terribly, I couldnt bare living myself. The thought of being in the house myself panicking with no-one there to help if I needeed it was too much for me. I hated being reliant on Peter to an extent but would never stop him doing anything he wanted to do. In the end I was kind of like a gypsy for those 6 weeks, staying at my parents,at the in-laws, my sisters, friends or my friends staying at mine.

maybe I should have just done it and stayed myself and maybe I wouldn't be so scared now..I don't think I'm ready for that just yet though!


sadie

sadie
12-12-03, 00:48
washing machine has stopped...yipee:)

sadie

benoo5
12-12-03, 00:51
meg..round two.

sometimes its easy to confuse rational fears..home alone..with irrational fears..oh god,ime home alone,i wont be able to cope.

they both arise from a fear going back thousands of years,where a man was the protector of his woman.

bryan.

sadie
12-12-03, 00:58
Bryan,

Well done for going back and having the courage to finish off your course!! It must be difficult with working and studying...[:0]

So tell me then, do you suffer anxiety/panic attacks or is this just helping you with your studies? [^]

sadie

benoo5
12-12-03, 01:12
sadie,

i was lucky enough to find this site,doing research into OCD,for a friend of mine in the states,she had fostered a little girl,and was worried about some of her behaviour.

i fell in love with this site,and the people on it,so ive stayed around,and made some really good online friends...i try to keep out of the heavy side of the site,leaving that to meg,as she has been there,done it,and wears the T shirt with pride..meg is one of those people,i would love to meet around a roaring fire,lots drink,and talk all through the nite..she is the angel of this site,and is helping day by day to get people through there problems..and i really dont think she realises how important she is to the people on here....bryan.

sadie
12-12-03, 01:23
Bryan,
yeah I totally agree..as you say, Meg not only knows what she is talking about through her own personal experience but she has her knowledge from her nurses background also. She is a definite assest to this site. Although, I think everyone who takes the time to listen and offer advice to other fellow sufferers are soo important too, as everyone is unique on how their anxiety affects them. Its good to understand how it affects us all diferently but yet we can all as a group understand the fear the symptoms cause no matter how they present themselves.

Anyway, thanks for the support tonight..I know you have probably been quite busy with the books etc.

Going to try and get myself settled and see if I can drop off to sleep as I am shattered..was a hard day at the office.

Take care and thanks again.

sadie

benoo5
12-12-03, 01:31
goodnite,my friend,youve done really well tonite,be proud of yourself,and dont forget to treat yourself..remind me tomorrow to tell you about hotmail..ideal for a nite like this one..bryan xxx

Laurie28
12-12-03, 09:50
Hiya Sadie,

I've just read your post from last night and hope yu feel more settled this morning.

I don't like being left alone and it can bring on panic, but i do get left alone and I do survive. the other night after a few hours of being alone and a massive panic attack I actually quite enjoyed it!!! Having a bath watching what i wanted etc!!!

Before the bad anxiety started I liked being alone.
Curling up with a book and not having someone 'bend' my ear

Anyho hope u are well sadie

Take care
Lucky

Lottie32
12-12-03, 09:56
Hi Guys

I'm going to throw a spanner in the works now - I always get a bit anxious when my mum goes away, but end up not wanting her to come home by the end of her holiday! I'm not very good at stopping in all night on my own, so I usually pop round to see a friend for a chat and a cuppa, and then I go home and am fine.

What I don't like is other people stopping in my house! A friend (who I know reasonably well) asked in the summer if she could stop on New Years Eve. I was drunk and not thinking and said yes.

Now I've phoned her and lied and told her that my mums friend is stopping. I feel really guilty about this, but I;m not sure what I am doing on New Years eve yet. This is the first time in eight years I won't have to work first then meet everybody to play catch up. Consequently I have been invited to loads of different things, and I want to keep my options open and decide what to do later. My friend doesn't know my other friends, and therefore she can't tag along. Also, she really enjoyed going round the village last year, and I hated it, and fancy doing something different this year.

I know I should address the issue and not run away, but I don't think New Years Eve is the best time to do it.

I am only just getting used to stopping at other peoples houses which I try to do whenever the opportunity arises.

Do you think I'm being mean? I'm getting quite wound up about the fact that I have let her down, but alot of the people we would normally go out with are not here this year, so what she wants to do will not be the same anyway.

I know I should have tackled it head on, and let her stop, but I don't think New Years eve is a very good time to do it. I'm not a New Years person anyway, and find it quite depressing (although I always make the effort and go out and make myself enjoy the celebrations)


Charlie

Laurie28
12-12-03, 11:36
Charlie,

If you are avoiding something cause u are scared of something that is completely different from not doing something cause u don't want to!!!

We got lumbered with the new years party the last 2 years and it is fine - until u want everyone to go home!!!
I prefer going to others as well - nothing wrong with that!!

If you don't want to do something cause u just don't want to that seems fine to me (does that make any sense at all??)

love
lucky

PS if u want a laugh come and see my christmas tree it is a shambles!!!!!!

Laurie28
12-12-03, 11:43
quote:Originally posted by benoo5

sadie,

i fell in love with this site,and the people on it,so ive stayed around,and made some really good online friends...i try to keep out of the heavy side of the site,leaving that to meg,as she has been there,done it,and wears the T shirt with pride..meg is one of those people,i would love to meet around a roaring fire,lots drink,and talk all through the nite..she is the angel of this site,and is helping day by day to get people through there problems..and i really dont think she realises how important she is to the people on here....bryan.

Bryan,

You are absolutely right in what you are saying and i totally agree. Can I say though that even though u keep away from the 'heavy side' of the site that you do pop up now and again giving encouraging and lovely comments - that mean an awful lot and very comforting - you are a star

Love
lucky

Lottie32
12-12-03, 12:21
Lucky

It's a bit of both. I'm anxious about her staying, but I'm also getting anxious about what I want to do on New Years eve. My best friend is almost ready to "drop", and she is on about having her immediate family (and close friends) round, for a chilled out night (basically she wants to slob out in her jim=jams with her nearest and dearest). My friend has never met her, and it would spoil the moment if I took her, my best friend would have to get dressed etc.

Some other friends are up from London this year, and they have invited me over, and they don't know her either.

It's a combination of the two if I'm being honest, but I really don't think that New Years eve is the best time to tackle these issues - a weekend later in the year would be better, when there is less all round general stress, and more people are about so I don't have to spend all my weekend with her. (I'm not being horrible, but I have jobs to do, which I must do and can't get out of, and if I'm having to keep her entertained 24/7, it will be really stressful. If I wait till our friends are back from holiday, she can visit all of us, and stop the night at mine)

I hope that makes sense. 50% is running away, 50% just wants to keep her options open, and do whatever I feel like on the night.

God I sound really selfish don't I!

Charlie

Laurie28
12-12-03, 12:26
Not selfish Charlie just honest. Wanting youi best friend to be comfortable is NOT selfish Charlie.

I'm sure your other friend will get over it!!!
I think u should go with your gut instinct on this one Charlie and don't beat yourself up too much about it.

Just be yourself and relax and I'm sure u will have a great time. You've already told your friend she can't come and it is done now so pls
Sometimes you have to think of yourself

Love
Lucky

Lottie32
12-12-03, 12:35
Thanks for that Lucky

I've been thinking about it for the last month, and finally plucked up courage to tell her this week. How crap is that.

My other friends understand, and say that I have done the right thing. Three of them are also refusing to commit to anything cos like me they have different options open, and are unsure what to do.

Sometimes though, I find it very hard to be "selfish", I always want to make sure that I do the right thing. And you can't all the time can you?

Like you said, it's done, so going to stop worrying about it now!

Love

Charlie

Laurie28
12-12-03, 13:03
No you can't 'do the right thing' all the time i'm afraid Charlie.

I'm terrible for saying 'yes' to people even uif it makes me feel deeply unhappy

Take care
Lucky

twister
12-12-03, 15:44
In reply to Bryan's earlier message I dont think the caveman/ protector analogy is very useful for someone suffering from a form of agrophobia, which is totally different from just 'not liking being alone'.

There has been some progression in the equality of the sexes over the years and I know many many women who love spending time alone. I know many who dont. I know men that like spending time alone. I know men that don't.

Emily

benoo5
12-12-03, 16:56
emily,

ime sorry you read all these posts,and then decided to chose just one simple analogy.

the dialogue between meg and myself,was light hearted,and to be read as such..sometimes emily,it does us good,to laugh at ourselves.

i wish you a happy weekend :)

best wishes..bryan.

sadie
12-12-03, 21:43
Hi all

hubby never came in until 1.30am so after logging off from here about 12, I managed to get into my pyjamas and get settled in my bed and even fell asleep...this is amazing for me as i normally are on edge until he comes home.

Im well pleased with myself!!

A special thanks to Bryan for being there last night..your a star.

Bryan, you asked me to remind you about 'hotmail' tonight??

sadie

benoo5
12-12-03, 22:14
hi sadie,

gosh,you really did well last nite,and as meg would say,i hope you gave yourself a little reward,i just hope it wasnt me boring you to sleep :)

its only in the past year,that my girls,have left home,and at first it was nice,that my house was always tidy,and i could hear myself think,but on the downside,i often felt lonely..but hotmail was a god send to me,and i still use it now,catching up with all the gossip lol.

its part of the msn messenger service,and allows you to talk to fellow members in <real time>,most people that have a hotmail addy,are also on messenger,so you just ask them,if you can add them to your <friends>list.

once you have signed up,a little box appears to tell you when your friends are online,but ime making it sound complicated,and its not,by the way its all free..if your interested,email me at bryancday@hotmail.com,and i will ask them to email you,it only takes a couple of mins to join.

ps,has hubby got a hangover :(....bryan.

sadie
12-12-03, 22:29
no thankgod as he was helping my parents move house today and he would be no use with a hangover...his last the whole day and involve a lot of trips to the loo..need I say more.[xx(]

Hubby was quite impressed also last night when he came home to find me snuggled up in bed and SLEEPING.:)

Hows your house hunting coming along..hope its not causing you too much stress:(?

sadie

sadie
12-12-03, 22:32
P.S. Bryan...do I need to email you from my hotmail?? (sorry, not very good with the computer marlarky...you would never have guessed I was at uni for 4 years would you?)

sadie

benoo5
12-12-03, 22:44
sadie,

your getting me confused now,ime not much good either,i think this is the blind leading the blind lol

are you saying you already have a hotmail addy? if so you must already be on msn messenger?...bryan.

sadie
12-12-03, 22:49
yeah I do www.leighmcnally_1@hotmail.com

So what now?;)

sadie

benoo5
12-12-03, 23:38
sadie,

ive just emailed you the details,but it came back..no such address..when you get time,email me from your hotmail,and i will get your address from that...bryan.

sadie
13-12-03, 00:37
Bryan,

dont know whats going on with that...after 'mcnally' it should be _ (underscore) 1@hotmail.com...never mind, I will email you from my hotmail.

sadie

Meg
13-12-03, 16:30
Sadie,

Well done for another whacking great step forward !!

Fantastic .

Meg

nomorepanic
13-12-03, 20:26
Phew

Just read all this and I have the following comments.

I used to love being alone - didn't bother me atall. I lived alone in Sheffield for many years so I got used to it. Having people stay was more hassle to be honest.

I have lived with Alex for over 5 years now and when he does go away (which isn't very often) then I am fine on my own but do feel a bit lonely and the house is so quiet. At least I get to sleep in my own bed cos he isn't there breathing heavy!

Sadie - you need to go to www.msn.com and download Messenger. Then you can add friends with hotmail addresses and chat online - easier than posting in here all the time when you need a instant response.

I hope you are proud of yourself Sadie for coping alone and even sleeping. Well done.


Nicola