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[Socalneurotic]

I am new here. I live in California and am 26. I was diagnosed about 6 months ago with Health Anxiety arising from family members having MRSA. I have been convinced that I have it. (Though thankfully, and knock on wood I have not) I am constantly body checking, have seen therapists, psychiatrists and I will start to do better but then I notice a "mark" on my body and it all starts again. I was also diagnosed as OCD due to my cleaning and hygiene issues. I am having a horrible time lately and have no one to talk to about this. My husband does not understand, just tells me to calm down and get over it basically. The few in my family that know are really nice about it, but do not know what to say to help. I have read through some posts here and hopefully I can get some support. Who out there has stayed up all night staring in the mirror to see if something changes or keeps touching and pushing on stuff so often you end up making it sore and tender and then wonder if something is wrong because it is sore and tender. I just feel so alone and close to tears all the time. Please someone tell me I am not alone!

[lamentinglaura]

Hi Social,

You certainly are not alone. I've spent countless hours worrying myself sick over HA. I just recently spent a few months rubbing a lymph node over and over until it seemed bigger (no wonder with all that rubbing). I've lost a lot of joy in life due to this illness as I know many others have. Try to hang in there, there's always hope that we can beat this illness.

[Socalneurotic]

Thanks Laura. I am again sore today from all of yesterday's poking. I want to stop it, but cant seem to stop. Are you an I the only "pokers"?

[jellybean43]

Hi Sweetie
You are most certainly not alone. I started with HA about 16 months ago after we a very stressful house move!!Crazy the thing i wanted most(to move) caused my stress levels to "tip over the edge" and triggered this blasted HA off!!
I have had a course of CBT which my GP recommended and it has worked wonders. I am not cured but I am a good 50% better than i was. Have faith that you will get better but it does take time.
As for the prodding and poking and making glands bigger I am the worlds worst.
I did this for about a year. I would wake in the night and just stand in front of the mirror and prod and poke. My groin used to throb with all the poking and the gland in my neck(the one that started my HA off) got bigger---thankfully now it has gone down a lot but i have given up prodding it!!!
After the CBT and after the help of some kind people on here I am now able to think a lot more logically. I have had all the tests for lymphoma, they all came back clear so i tell myself i am ok. The checking and prodding has stopped and i am starting to feel i can move on with my life.
You will get better---but i do fully understand where you are at today xxxx

[Socalneurotic]

Jellybean,
The mirror has become my enemy. I never really liked them before but now it is the worst. I scan my body on the minimum 4 times a day, at the worst in excess of 20 or 30!!!! I keep trying not to, but I can not help it. I am convinced that every bump I see will be/is an infection. I am going to be looking into the CBT. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone!