Want to resign before they sack me

[tadpole]

I've been suffering with anxiety for 18 months now and I was signed off sick for 6 months in 2008 while I went through CBT. Understandably I have not been performing my best at work (when I've been there) and although I want to do well I find it difficult to cope in certain circumstances, which I then avoid. This is preventing me from doing the job to my managers expectations.

However January is a new start and I came into work this week determined to overcome my anxiety and do a good job. I had a feedback session with my new manager and he read out the feedback my old manager (who resigned just before Xmas) has supposidly delivered to me in October. It was a complete bunch of lies which she had never discussed with me. I'd only worked for her for a couple of months and hardly had any contact during that time. I wouldn't mind so much but she told me she was an honest person, who didn't bulls**t so I don't understand what has motivated to pass on these lies to my new manager.

My new manager has managed me before and he knows I can take constructive criticism (ie I tell myself I'm useless at my job and will happily agree when somewhen tells me what I already know). Anyway he told me that I've got to start performing otherwise I'll go down the disciplinary route (ie dismissal). I went home on Friday and had a complete meltdown, I couldn't stop crying, I feel like such a dailure, I can't do my job and they're going to sack me. It doesn't help that I feel trapped because I'm part time which makes it difficult to get another job and I don't have the confidence to try and find one anyway. My husband is reluctant to let me quit (I've been asking for months now) because he is worried that he may lose his job this year. But I can't go on waiting to be sacked and I'd rather resign now and try and save some of what little self esteem I have left.

Sorry to ramble on, I'm glad I've just found this website because it makes it so much worse not having anyone to talk.

[Dominic1975]

sorry to hear you are having so much trouble and stress.... I am a manager for a large organisation and you cant be sacked for not be able to do your job due to health reasons.....
I would immediately go to your HR rep and explain how you are feeling and the support you havent been recieving... Secondly there is a process they have to go through to dismiss, which would include different stages of disciplinary.... at each stage they have to show they have supported you, or you could claim unfiar dismissal....
I would also book an appointment at you local CABX office, so they can give you some advise on this one
Hope things get better for you soon

[tadpole]

Thanks for your reply. I suppose the problem is proving I'm ill. I'm no longer being treated for anxiety so the assumption is that I'm well and fit to do my job. I'm planning to go back to the mental health clinic to see what they say, but I can't be signed off work because I used all my sick days up last year.

I've only been back at work 3 days and despite my January resolution to make 2009 a better year, I've already started crying at the drop of a hat. I'm so scared that I'm going back to the blubbering mess I was this time last year..... so much for moving on.

I shall try and speak to HR but they got outsourced last year, hmmmmm the joys of working for a large american company.

[Graz]

Hey Tadpole

I can sympathise you entirely. My boss has very little compassion or care for how I feel and my anxiety problems I've had, and the only thing that made him grudgingly do something for me was a strong letter for my doctor. Even now, he's saying that this "help" is only temporary and he expects me to be "normal" in 3 months, which is a major worry, and he's also made several very derogatory comments at me.

My view is, if you can afford to, leave. You don't deserve people putting you down in this way. If you leave, it will be a tremendous weight off your shoulders and will get you motivated for a refreshing change into somewhere where people will appriciate your effort. The only concern is the job market isn't great at the moment, but there are others around, so always look out. I feel the same way- I've decided, after this temporary period I will go. Wishing you the best.

[freakedout]

Hi,

Sorry about your predicament at work. I would strongly advise against resigning. Especially as unemployment is on the rise there maybe very few other job opportunities. If you resign it would affect benefits you may be able to claim. I would also recommend you see someone in HR and perhaps consider taking some sick leave if you are struggling with your anxiety. It least this will buy you some time. Please don't make a decision to resign while you are so upset.

Good luck,

Freaky

[freakedout]

Hi again,

Sorry I have only just read your second post and realise you have used up your sick days. I really sympathise with your situation be feel so strongly that you shouldn't feel cornered into resigning because of lies that were passed onto your new manager. It is just not fair.

However, I know first hand how awful it is to struggle with anxiety issues at work and despite trying to cope with it over several years I too avoided situations to prevent the anxiety and panic attacks. I changed my job several times over the years in an attempt to find 'the right one' where I didn't need to avoid anything. Unfortunately I did myself no favours by doing that and am now unable to work at all at the moment. I appreciate that you want to do your job well.

Is your GP supportive? Despite having had a course of CBT anxiety can still persist and I find that the slightest stress is enough to trigger immense anxiety for me. If you take sick leave and do not receive any occupational pay you may still be entitled to benefits. It used to be 'incapacity benefit' but I think it changed to something else last year, it may be worth looking into. Just a thought.

Freaky

[tadpole]

Thank you all for your supportive comments. It helps just to know I'm not the only one in this situation and that there are people that understand. I wish I had found this forum ages ago. I'm not going to rush into anything but I'm going to talk to my GP, HR (if I can find them) and I'll take it from there. Its not the right time to quit my job but the last 18 months has made me realise that a job is just a job and its not worth making myself sick over. I can worry about financial anxiety later :)

[andie73]

Hi Tadpole

I would also strongly advise against resigning. I know that you say you have used up your sick days but the doctor can still sign you on the sick if he/she thinks you need to be off work at the moment. Though you will only get statutory sick pay, not much money but if you were to resign you would get nothing so worth bearing in mind.

They can't sack you even if you say it is proving you are ill that is the problem. You have had a doctors note for the time off you have had up to now so that is proof in itself. They cannot question your doctors decision. People with anxiety and depression have rights under the discrimination at work act so I would definitely seek advice form citizens advice bureau.

If you can keep it in your head that it is just a job but that YOU are not ready to leave it then it may help you relax a bit and think well let them say what they want. They may say they are going to go down the disiplinary route but this does not necessarily mean dismissal. However you don't deserve to be disiplined as you have done nothing wrong.

Take care

[Smiley?]

I too totally sympathise. I've been back at work about 3 weeks after about 3 months off with depression. I think I may have gone back too quick but I was about to go down to half pay so had to go back for financial reasons. I don't want to go most days and sometimes don't make it through the day. And nights are another trial because i'm on Mirtazapine which is sedating.

I agree with the others that it would be best not to resign. And if the doctor signs you off they cannot sack you by law, whether you've run out of sick days or not.

[dmckinney]

Do Not Resign

[Cinders]

I am sorry to hear about you job issues. My job is the cause of my illness, it caused sustantial stress leading to anxiety and now i am currently off work. Not too sure how long i am supposed to take off for this, some people say a week or two others suggest a couple of months! Work needs to get out of my head so i can relax and i can't get it out of my head knowing that in a weeks time i will be back there.

I am in a vicious circle and don't know how to get out of it. Other than leaving but i cannot afford to do that.

C x

[Utility]

Hi

If you are told that you are under performing in some sort of way then your employer is duty bound to provide the resources and support in order to help you improve. If they don't do that then they cannot sack you.

If you have a human resources department contact them with your concerns. They are there for your support. If you don't, then contact Citizens Advice.

I manage about 50 members of staff and it would be a poor reflection of my management skills if I were to say to one of my employees that they were under performing without then providing support.

[smith127]

Hello Everyone

I'm in a similar situation at my work. I had quite a few days off last year due to both anxiety and general flu/bugs. I had a absence review at work and choose not to tell my boss what the underlying cause was because he's not very understanding and seems to dislike me. There also seems to be a clique at work and I think it would almost become a joke because of the office mentality and I think this would make my self-awareness/social paranoia worse. I've been grinding work out despite my symptons being particular nasty recently but today I had to take a day off because my girlfriend was not well and needed looking after. I rang my boss and explained the situation and asked to take the day off as holiday rather than sickness but he basically threatened me stating that "I need to think strongly about my career".

The thing is that I actually perform better than many of my collegues in terms of the amount of work I get through in a day. We have a reporting system that shows that I actually do considerably more work but the reports do not provide hard evidence by themselves because the work is carried out under generic accounts.

What are my rights in this situation? I'm doing my job well but taking days off here and there due to panic attacks/anxiety. I don't want to take days off, i just want to get on with my life and stop feeling so pathetic.

Sorry to everyone for the rant!!!!

[bluegirl09]

I have read all the posts on this subject very carefully and i can honestly feel i can give you some constuctive advice as i have been through this very recently, my advice too you is quite simply this, if working at the present job is causing you anguish and is detretmental to a persons well being then leave the stress you are putting yourself under will only continue untill you get really ill and something "snaps" anyway,it sounds like your very unhappy and under a great deal of pressure.My own situation i was very stressed started noticing things like feeling not hungry not sleeping that well it all built up not coping so well in work until i was called into the managers office and was told to see my gp i never went back i was put on anti-depressants signed off for two months and even the thought of returning made me physically ill - i made the right choice in that i decided to pack it in for my health had improved away from work - its simple really health or wealth i chose my health there are benefits you will be entitled to and there are other jobs about you never know a fresh start somewhere may do you the world of good.

[bluegirl09]

I just re-read my post and i think i trivialised somewhat its not an easy decision to leave employment for myself i thought long and hard and it caused me a lot of distress but it really was the best move i feel my confidence has been dented somewhat but i am looking forward to what the new year has to offer.I f something is upsetting you on a daily basis then you should address it head on tell em* too stick it up their asses - good luck kiddo xx

[smith127]

Thanks for the advise. I've been looking for other jobs but with the current economic crisis it's hard and this is my first professional job since leaving university so I need a good reference. Maybe things will get better if I confront them about the issue?

[staple]

Hi there Tadpole I hope bye now you have sorted out your job situation. The work situation is always tricky for anyone anxious and we only go to work for the diginity of the paycheck. Always remember you are a valid person no body can take that away from you.
Mike