View Full Version : Xmas Party Blues
nomorepanic
13-12-03, 23:06
Last night I went to my partner's works Xmas party.
I turned up wet due to the fact that we walked (10 mins) and it chucked it down (of course I forgot the brolly)!! I felt a real mess. My heel was bleeding cos my shoes rubbed and I just didn't feel very glamorous!
I sat at looked at all the other girlfriends in there slinky dresses with nice firm boobs and flat stomachs.
I looked at myself in the loo mirrors and saw a fat frumpy woman in trousers, a camisole top and a blouse.
I was really depressed :(
Yeah the makeup looked good but I looked overweight (which I am by nearly 2.5 stone) and I looked 6 months pregnant with my huge stomach!
So it can't get any worse can it?
Some guy that works with Alex came up to me and gave me a kiss and said "you look lovely tonight". Ahh so sweet. Then a few others came over and gave me a kiss.
I still felt fat and yes I do look it!! So, my new years resolution is to lose this weight and next year I may be wearing that slinky dress too!
The only saving grace was that all the other girlies were about 10 years younger than me so they have no reason not to wear the slinky outfits - lol - I was at their age.
Anwyay - today - hangover from h**l and I am never drinking again - [xx(]
Oh this glass of wine is purely medicinal and to test the theory of "hair of the dog".
I have my work's party on 22nd Dec - can't wait :( At least I can wear the same outfit again and no-one will tell.
Does anyone else suffer from Xmas party blues.
Nicola
I am overweight too Nic and I work in an advertising agency which means that everyone else is thin and beautiful! I always feel frumpy at Christmas do's and stuff, I'm the same as you I think my face is alright but the body lets me down!
Lets make a pact to lose our weight in the new year - if we feel good about ourselves it has to help our panic!
Are you in????[?]
Emily
nomorepanic
13-12-03, 23:40
Hi Em
Thanks for the vote of confidence :-)
We will both lose it eh? Together we can do it.
Nicola
I always feel frumpy cos I need to lose about a stone and I always feel like I have to apologise for how I look! If it doesnt worry you then being overweight is not an issue. If it DOES bother you though it can really sap your self confidence.
Count me in on the diet, girls!
Kate x
cool Kate - anyone else want to join in?
I'll have to eat lots over Christmas then before the barren period!![}:)]
Emily
yea Em, we will gain another stone or so over Xmas, really give ourselves loads of weight to lose in the new year!
Now, where did I put that mars bar........
Kate x
As it Christmas my boyfriend (who is stick thin!) keeps buying more food. Today I have eaten:
Crumpets
Ham Roll
Apple turnover
Cheese Straws
Steak and Chips
Chocolate Tart
Phew - Ive got a head start!:D
Emily
Not much then Em! I've had
Bran flakes
2 pieces of toast
egg mayo sandwich
BUT only cos I got a cold and my appetite has gone! Usually can manage about 6 times as much in one day!
Kate x
hi nic,
arriving at a party soaking wet,is a nightmare for anyone,male,or female...the first port of call is the loo,just soo you can stick your head,under the hand dryer lol.
as for weight,i cant speak for any other males on this site,but my ideal woman is dawn french,as the vicar of dibly,as i find her humour,and personality,a big turn on.
but i do know,that ladies worry about their weight,so if it makes you feel better,mentally,and physically,then by all means,go for it.
but please remember,the only healthy way of losing weight,is a calorie controlled diet,with exercise..no pills..no adkins...best wishes..bryan.
nomorepanic
14-12-03, 00:29
Thanks all
Yes I did feel frumpy cos I wear clothes to hide the fat!
This will make you laugh --- I joined Rosemary Conley diet club last year (Jan) and I weighed 12 stone 2.5 pounds.
I got weighed last week and I was 12 stone 2 pounds. yes half a pound in a year - lol
I am doing so well!
Nicola
did you do it properly?
I did Atkins for a bit, it did work but I just got bored with it....
Emily
Hi girls,
Well I too would like to lose a bit of weight as I have put some over the last year. I would like to try the Scottish Slimmer diet as at least you can still eat some of your favourite food and still loose weight.
Dont think I could stick to the Atkins diet though..for a start Im not a big meat or dairy eater so what could I eat??
I bought some new trousers last week and there a bit tight on me but I'm determined to get into them comfortably. I think thats a good idea to spur you on..
Nicola why dont you buy a slinky dress and keep it hanging up on the front of your wardrope and try it on at the end of every week/month...this should spur you on and give you lots of confidence every time you feel it getting slacker on you!!
sadie
Nicola why dont you buy a slinky dress and keep it hanging up on the front of your wardrope and try it on at the end of every week/month...this should spur you on and give you lots of confidence every time you feel it getting slacker on you!!
sadie
thats great advice sadie................emily i wrote a paper on the adkins diet last year,its ok for two weeks,but long term,it can be dangerous,kenosis,for instance,as with all these miracle diets...you cant beat nature.........best wishes..bryan.
Count me in on the diet ladies!!!
Im up for a bit of a challenge. Im not eating properly at the mo as i cant be bothered so i need a bit of a boost.
Sarah
xx
Cool Sarah!! We'll have a diet club going! At least it'll give us something else to worry about[:0]
Bryan - Do you mean Ketosis? I don't think this is a dangerous state in itself it just means you are burning more fat than usual and is often confused with ketoacidosis. I did Atkins for about 6 months and was fine. I got this from a website:
quote:There is nothing harmful, abnormal or dangerous about ketosis. Some of the confusion comes from the word ketoacidosis, which is completely different from ketosis. Ketoacidosis is a potentially dangerous condition seen in Type I diabetics.people who cannot produce insulin, when their blood sugar levels are out of control.alcoholics and people in a severe state of starvation. Research shows that ketosis does not cause adverse effects to the heart, kidneys, liver or blood cell functions. Nor is bone health compromised
Obviously its not for everyone, to be honest I just found it boring!
Emily
nomorepanic
14-12-03, 19:37
Hi all
Thanls for the encouragement. I was not doing RC diet as seriously as I should have. I did write it all down every day for about 4 months and I know that the alcohol took up more calories than I would have liked it to!! I found Weight Watchers easier so I may go back on that and do the RC classes cos I like the exercise class twice a week.
I know that my downfall is alcohol and crisps (yum yum).
We could start an on-line panickers diet club - lol and have virtual weigh ins each week.
I do have a dress I would like to fit in - so I will aim for that.
Thanks for all your advice
xx
Nicola
Hi Nic
I'm not going to say too much, cos I'm quite thin, and there is nothing worse than thinnish people giving advice to those with a bit to loose. However, I noticed that whilst quaffing the Guiness, I was slapping on the pounds, so now I drink Vodka, Lime and Soda in a tall glass with ice. It is virtually free from calories, being a "pure" alcohol, the hangover you get from it is less severe. You can substitute the vodka for gin if you prefer (similar principle), and obviously the lime for orange or blackcurrant.
The other great thing about this is that if I am having a wobbly day, I can just keep drinking lime and soda, and tell everybody it's VLS, and then you don't get the social hassle of go on, have a drink, etc etc.
Good luck with your diets girls, but always remember its what inside that counts, and you are such lovely people. Don't let the stick insects get you down x x x x
Charlie
P.S.
Emily - you look really trim in your photograph. Or is the donkey totally out of persepective?
Charlie
Thanks Charlie but the donkey was HUGE at least 25 stone!
Emily
nlancashire
16-12-03, 21:37
You can buy them body corset thinning things from Evans, but if you get one too small it makes your head go purple.
Theres nowt better than a big pair of sloggies and pop socks (ooooohhhhhhhhhh make it up)!
If you need any advice Nic you know you can depend on me to make you feel good x
;)Neil
Neil
Your knowledge of womens corsetry and where to buy it from is rather alarming.
Is there something you want to tell us???
LOL
Charlie
nlancashire
17-12-03, 21:35
Nic already knows !
;)
Neal
nomorepanic
17-12-03, 22:54
Neil
Calm down man - behave son!!
xx
Nicola
Hi all
I'm new well kinda have been a member on the site for a while but just kinda come back. Looking forward to getting too know you all.
At least reading your posts you all got to go to these christmas partys. I dread them have to keep making excuses up not to go as i hate going anywhere which is far from the house. Fella is working in a new job and its a 45 min drive from where we live, and the party is being held at a hotel not far from where he works. How the hell am i going to go. So think the fella may just be history before Saturday[:0] Most of me wants to go if only it was not so far away. I need some fun in my life but what do you do when your fear is being so far from the house.
I also need to lose some weight so if its ok when you start count me in. But for now there is going to be alsorts eaten:Dand drunk.
Take care
pauline
pjpriest
Hi Pauline
Can you not explain your anxiety to him?
I can quite understand where you are coming from though, I don't like going very far away from my "base". For years I avoided anything like that, but eventually, it gets a bit boring, and you end up missing out on so many good times!
In order to overcome this, you need to start making yourself go out. Before you go running for cover, I don't suggest that you start by forcing yourself to go to your blokes Xmas do, unless you really want to. Instead plan some outings nearer to home that you can be in control of. They needn't be anything grand or exciting, a trip to the pub, a local cafe for a meal, visiting friends with a bottle (don't forget to book a taxi), just something different basically.
Keep visiting places locally until you feel comfortable, then you can gradually build up the places and people that you visit.
There is a motto on this site about Little Steps, and it's very true, by taking repeated little steps, you can reach your goal. And have learnt strategies for coping along the way!
If you really feel that you WANT/MUST go to your blokes Xmas do, then think positive, and keep repeating that you will be fine. Offer to stay sober and drive if that will help. Tell your partner that you would rather come home than stop away. Practice breathing techniques, you can use these if you get into trouble, and nobody need know you are suffering.
If you have things that you use (medication, lavendar oil, rescue rememdy etc) to help, then make a little "kit bag" up, which you can carry with you. You can keep it in your handbag, and pop to the loo if you need to use it, and again, nobody need know.
Wear something you feel comfortable in, and allow yourself plenty of time to get ready and relax.
And above all, remember life is for living (even if the majority of us have problems actually doing that some of the time).
Long term though, you need to take some steps to control your problems.
Are you seeing the doctor? If not book an appointment in the new year, and ask him about CBT. He may advise drugs, which can help short term and give you the "boost" you need.
Make the new year a time to create the new you that you want to be! Look at your diet. Start making changes to ensure that you are eating healthily, start exercising, and take some time out for you to relax too!
I hope that you find the support from everybody on this site helpful - I certainly have. It definitely makes a difference to be able to talk to people who understand, instead of being told, "don't be stupid, just go with him, you'll be fine"
Good luck
Charlie
wow,that was a great post charlie..so all i will add,is welcome pauline,you have found a great little haven...best wishes..bryan.
Hi Charlie and bryan
Thanks so much for your reply. Have suffered for a long time in fact my story is mostly the same as Nicola's. I do go out as long as its local and i'm much better than i used to be, will go into Town which is about 15 min away and go out for the evening. I do all the things you say to help. Mostly managed fine have even got back to work which i had to give up as a could not get on the buses, so i know i'm better, its just going so far away knowing that i will not be able to be back home soon. Even though i am so much better there are times when i could be 5 mins away and i start to panic, but at least i know that in 5mins i will be home, the thing is as well i cannot say that home is my safety place because even there i have panic and anxiety. Have been to doctors over the years but nothing much has helped me. Have been seeing a counceller for some years now and it has helped me lots but still have this going away from home issue. Fella is ok and will not push me to go but as he says he would like me to be there and i understand that. Councellor has said for me to try anti-depressants which over the years i have tried but they have not really helped me. But she seems to think it will help me get over the last hurdle. So i'm thinking of trying them but i hate to take meds and give myself a panic attack just taking them stupid i know but thats me for you. She also said she would put me on the waiting list to see a CBT which she thinks would help me. She said because i have had the panic thoughts for so long its deeply inbedded in me and will take a lot of new thought to get them out. Which i do agree with as panicking is just a way of life for me now.
Take care
Pauline
pjpriest
nic? you frumpy?give me a break? why do the lovliest women do themselves down???? i,ll never understand!!!!
Hiya Pauline
Just remember, if you do go to this party, most people will be so drunk they wont even notice if you feel a bit funny or have to keep popping out for some fresh air. They will be too worried how their makeup is doing or how many pints they can get down their neck b4 the end!
I panic everytime I go further than a few minutes away from the house but not one of my friends has ever noticed me panicking in the pub even though I feel like im really obvious. They are all too busy eyeing up the men...lol
Also Charlie's suggestion of a kit bag is excellent. I never leave home without mine. I have my moblie...in case im panicking in the loo and cant come out so i can call hubby to get me out...lol (never happened so far but you know how the mind works!!!). I have my rescue remedy, a couple of 'emergency' diazepam and a small paper bag - suggest going to the loo to use this as people will definately notice!!!
At the end of the day the worse that can happen is you panic and go sit in the car for a while while your boyfriend politely tells everyone youve had too much to drink...lol. Take a book in the car with you or play games on your mobile.
i dont mean this post to sound flippant as if its really easily sorted, I know exactly how hard it is and sometimes cant even take my own advice but I really hope this helps and lets you know that we are here to support you whether you decide to go or not!!!
love Sarah
xx
Hi Sarah
Thanks for reply. Looks like will not have to get rid of fella:D
and spend Christmas behind bars as he will be playing at a greek res (he is Greek) as the usual guy is sick so he has been asked to step in. So thats me of the hook, but then we have the problem of him being out every night, yes i know is there know pleasing the woman:)
Take care
Pauline
pjpriest
Dear Pauline,
Check that you have been put on the CBT list.
The reason that you have panic attacks and anxiety following you around is because they are caused in your own thoughts which are with you constantly.
Going on meds can alter your mood and make you feel more confidant but until you challenge your thought processes- when you come off meds, the situation is not likely to have changed.
I would suggest you think about what goes on in your thoughts moments before an attack. For some its the fear of being alone and being 'sure' something awful is going to befall you, for others the physical symptoms are so scary, for others - it's being out with strangers and thinking you're going to go crazy etc . We all have our individual foibles.
It may take a few go's to figure it out but this is the biggest favour you can do for yourself. After that , you're pretty much on the last bend before the finishing line, the home straight is practising erradicating it.
Once you've worked out what are your personal triggers and thoughts, then you can start to challenge them and set up some positive affirmations and mantras and techniques to get you through difficult situations- so you can expand your boundaries and put panic behind you.
We're all here to help you through it , take the time to help yourself.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
pauline,
a good time to take medication,is when your having CBT,as the two do seem to work well together.
best wishes..bryan.
Dear Pauline
You have come a long way so take a step back, and pat yourself on the back.
I do know exactly how you feel, because I have suffered like this for 20 years on and off and I avoid things because I THINK I can't do them. With the help of this site, I have started to try and change my thought processes, and it's working, SLOWLY.
I think that that is the key for you too. Don't sit there thinking about what you can't do, just keep thinking about what you HAVE managed.
I suffer anxiety at home too, but you still view it as a safe place otherwise you wouldn't be repeating 5 minutes from home!
Please try really hard to turn your thinking around, I have started keeping a positive diary, and only mark bad days when I can pin point a reason - i.e. anxiety attack, due to bad hangover.
Look at your lifestyle, your diet, how much "you" time you give yourself etc. etc.
Make sure you're down for CBT - it works. I have never taken a course of medication, and if you feel uncomfortable with taking tablets, then please be reassured that it is possible to fight this without their help!
You are so nearly there Pauline - please believe me that you will get there, and soon!
There is lots of great support and advice on this site, and usually somebody who has "been there, got the t-shirt" so you should never feel alone!
You have done so well, so concentrate on building on it!
Charlie
Thanks to all that answered
Charlie what a lovely post so uplifting, as i do find it very hard to prase myself, i only ever think negative thoughts and do not really prase myself at all. Even my sister who i have just found long story brought up in children's home. Said listen to you all you ever do is think bad all the time. So perhaps now is the time to change. Thanks everyone for your help and support having no family it has been so hard and i have done nothing but keep this panic in frightend that my family would think i was nuts. For years i never said anything just silently going mad and thinking what the hell is wrong with me.
Take care
Pauline
pjpriest
Pauline
Your story sounds so like mine - I thought for years that what I was feeling was "normal".
Then I realised I wasn't, and resigned myself to the fact that I would have to live the rest of my life like this - at half speed, so to speak, avoiding things and feeling scared.
Then, I started CBT a few months ago, found this forum, and started pushing myself. Now I am beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel. It is only a "candle flicker" and somedays some unkind bas***d has blown it out. Before I would just sit back and wait for somebody to come along and relight it (eventually). Now I have begun to see that with some damn** hard work and determination, I can relight the candle myself, and keep it lit.
I know exactly what you mean about negative thinking though - I have done it for so long, it's very hard to reverse it sometimes. It's basically a bad habit, along with smoking, drinking and over eating. Everybody can over come it - you just have to have determination and above all BELIEVE that you can do it!!! Sometimes recently I have realised that my anxiety has come on, not because I am anxious about doing something, but because this time last year I would have been anxious about it, so therefore I should be now! It's learnt behaviour, and I have learnt to feel like this most of the time.
You have done so well, you are back at work, travelling on buses (you never catch me near public transport, I would much rather stay off the pop and drive than catch a taxi somewhere!) Try keeping a diary, it has really helped a lot of us. Just a few lines each day detailing the POSITIVE things you have done. Mine is called New Year New Me!
Please don't feel you are alone just because you don't have a family. I have a family, and I quite often feel alone, because bless them, they just don't understand.
Instead I rely on the "family" that I have adopted on this site, and who have adopted me. Always remember that you have this forum to come to whenever you feel ill, worried or more importantly, want to share a POSTITIVE achievment!
Make sure you are down for CBT, start that diary, pamper yourself, learn to relax, and check your diet and exercise routines. Then start the new year, with a fresh perspective, new goals and a positive outlook - and this time next year, you'll be out there having your hair done, and getting ready for your partners Xmas Party.
Take care
Charlie
Hi all
Well my family still might be visting me in prison as fella just might not be playing at res if the guy he is standing in for comes back tomorrow, i cannot believe that i'm actually wanting him to go and play. As most weekends my grown up kids go and stay with there girlfriend/boyfriend. So i'm home alone which i do not mind as i get to have computer to myself, but and of course you new there would be a BUT do not like being on my own late at night as cannot relax to sleep, and fella does not get in till 3am or 4am specially on a sat just before christmas res will be packed. I so do not want to go to his christmas works party that i hope he is working to save any rows and me feeling like crap because i know i should go but just cannot face it. If it was local would look forward to it but what is the point if i make myself go and will be terrified all the way there and for the rest of the evening. I tell ya fear is a horrible thing and it has so spoiled my life. Well i'll let you know tomorrow what is happening.
Take care
Pauline
pjpriest
nomorepanic
19-12-03, 21:10
Pauline
I have been trying hard to change my attitude to things. When I had hypnotherapy earlier this year I was very negative and kept saying "I can't", "I won't", "I daren't", "I would never" etc etc. He kept saying "excuse me what did you say" and then I had to turn it into a positive.
When Meg came to see me I was still doing it saying "oh I can't do that"!.
We all get stuck in a rut and our positive thoughts are replaced with negatives. Even trying to make it more positive by saying "oh i really will try but I am not sure I can do it" is re-inforcing the negative and then the anxiety.
I still do it but I am learning to try and turn it back into positives. Oh it is not easy but I try to consciously stop myself from being so negative. Read the post before this one that you wrote and count the negatives - "I will be terrified", "I cannot face it", "what is the point".
Try and turn these into postives. I am not saying that straight away you say "I can", "I will" etc but what about "Ok, I may feel anxious but I am going to try it" and "I may be terrified but I can cope with those feelings"
Just try a few positives and see how it goes.
Good luck
Nicola
Dear Pauline, please try and calm down.
I know it's very hard, because I have spent years not wanting to go somewhere, and then either bottling out (the cause of many arguments/guilt/worry about letting people down etc), or going and getting myself so wound up before hand that I found it impossible to relax once there.
Please take a step back. Ok, I accept that you do not feel able to go to the party, and i understand where you are coming from entirely. But I have learnt from CBT/this site, that it is only by pushing yourself that you start to get better. Fair enough if you really feel you can't manage it this time, but don't let the negative thoughts take over, and keep in your head the thought that you are going to spend 2004 "pushing" yourself, so that at Xmas 2004, you WILL be at your partners Xmas party, and you WILL enjoy yourself!!!
However, as Bryan very often reminds us, it is the LITTLE STEPS that matter! Little steps build up a solid foundation for us to progress to more challenging situations, AND SUCCEED!
Nic and Meg are so right. I can be asked to do something, say yes, then shortly after MY THOUGHTS say ooh, I can't do that, I never do that, I'll get anxious and panic. And guess what - within a short space of time I have made myself feel like I think I should! I'm not really anxious - if I was, the suggestion would have made me anxious and I would not have had to think about it before I started feeling "wibbly". Instead, the negative thought creates the anxiety, which strengthens the negative thought some more! Next time it becomes harder.
Sometimes, I manage to do things without thinking - I get in the car, and arrive at a friends house, or drive to the local city, and then realise that I haven't panicked but maybe I should have because I always do (negative thinking). Then I kick myself, and realise that often, the only reason I'm anxious is because I think I ought to be, so therefore I am. (I hope this makes some sort of sense).
Nic is right on both counts - 1. that you can learn to change the negative thought to the positive and 2. that it is hard to do, and something that you have to work at.
Which is where Bryans little steps come in.
I went to a friends on Thursday night to finish making some Xmas decs with her kids, and to stop for tea, and her hubby phoned to say he needed fetching from work. Straight away, her little boy said, you go mum, we'll stop with auntie Charlie. Well actually, I would have prefered to have gone and fetch hubby, cos I could have escaped, been in control, and not had any responsibility.
But her little boy has been very funny about going to parties and stopping with people without his mum there, so I felt honoured. I also felt too stupid to say anything - No, you can't leave me here with the kids. I feel sick,what if something happens, what if I have a panic attack, what if I can't cope, I don't feel well.
So I tried to think positively, Tracy went to fetch her husband (leaving me to watch tea), and I finished making the decorations with the kids.
Infact I managed to think so postively that tea wasn't as nice as it could have been! I relaxed, forgot what time she'd left, and didn't turn off the rice after 15 minutes as instructed, but after 35. Luckily, Tracy was on a diet and not eating much, and her hubby is a human dustbin, and I was too polite, it being my mistake to not eat it, so tea got polished off after all!
When I left, I had a little buzz, cos I had successfully taken another little step. Then her daughter asked if I would take her to the craft shop over Xmas to see where I buy my things. I said yes - then straight away, thought, ooh I hope I don't panic, what if I'm having a bad tummy day, etc etc, and MADE myself feel anxious again. To say I was VERY annoyed with myself is an understatement!
This is negative thinking at it's worst! And I can do it for nearly every situation too!
If you are really worried about the party Pauline, I think you should sit him down, explain that the idea about going is making you feel
Hiya pauline,
I agree with what Charlie is saying, but have a look under PANIC - WEDDING PANIC and read Kat's story (all the posts). Kat was very panicky about going to the wedding but it turned out great. I hope this gives u hope pauline.
Good Luck whatever u decide
Love
Lucky
Hi Pauline
How did it go? Or didn't it? I hope you managed to resolve things one way of the other.
Lucky is quite right, (and better at positive thinking than me!)Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet like Kat did, and everything works out ok.
I have just read my post, and it could be taken that I am being negative when I suggest you don't go. I wasn't, just saying that sometimes when things are really bad, you have to start lower down and work your way up!
Hope that everything worked out ok.
Love
Charlie
Charlie,
I don't think your post was at all negative - (just thought that Kats story was a good one ) - after all i am the queen of baby steps and not into big ones at all!!!
You still get there in the end!!
Love
Lucky
Hi Lucky
Not sure - just thinking about all those times when the going got too bad and I wimped out! I now know that it only feeds the anxiety and makes it worse next time, and although I understood what Pauline was going through, cos lets face it we've been there too.
Just thought that I was sort of saying to Pauline don't go, but in a positive sort of way, when actually, it might have been better to have been more encouraging like you were. Forgot about Kats success at the wedding, and how terrible she felt before hand, yet she still went and had fun in the end!
You are right about baby steps too - going to the gym is easy. Now need to start going with somebody else - instant panic - can't escape if somebody else is there, I'll look stupid! See what i mean about still being negative. There is no earthly reason why going to the gym with a friend should be a hassle if I'm perfectly ok on my own. But my stupid ingrained nonesense anxiety inducer seems to think that there is. So I start to get wound up.
Think I might treat myself to a frontal labotomy for Xmas. These negative thoughts are always flying round, invading my head. I am going to meet Jan there on Tuesday after work though, so thats a compromise!
Love
Charlie
Hello Charlie and Lucky, Nic
Charlie your post was lovely not negative at all, and you seem to understand me totally because i understand you, where you are coming from. What you said about looking after friends kids i so understand what you mean its the responsilities which is a killer the knowing you HAVE to stay because you are looking after these kids and if anything happened to them it would be your fault. Did not go to party have not been sleeping well at all i do have problems with sleeping have done since i started suffering with anxiety, but i think because of all the extra stress with christmas partys hanging over my head i have not been sleeping at all. On Saturday i was a total mess having not slept at all the previous nights and heart was jumping and i was dizzy head all over the place i just could not of gone. Fella did not go he did not want to go that much but would of gone if i had gone. He was ok about things though cause he new i was not well you only had to look at me to see that.
Tomorrow have an appointment with the doctors for anti-depressant tabs i really do not want to take and have avoided them over the years, but what can i do feel that i am stuck where i am at the moment, yes i am so much better but also i am not if you get me, so councellor has been intouch with doctor as to which ones for me to take last month i was given Clomipramine but only took one and i hated the side-effects. To be honest i'm all over the place do not want to take tabs but what can i do. will they help can i get past the side effects. So i'm going tomorrow not really knowing what i'm doing but thinking i have to do something, i cannot carry on like this. Being ok as long as its not far from home its no way to live.
Hopefully councellor is putting me forward for CBT but their is a waiting list.
Feeling a little better at the moment as i think the partys are over and hopefully can relax over christmas.
Take care
Pauline
pjpriest
Hello Pauline
First of all try and keep things in perspective. An awful lot of us on this site are feeling pretty *****y at the minute. The added strain of Xmas, combined with the dark mornings/nights, and miserable weather definitely doesn't help anybody. So you certainly aren't on your own there!
As regards the medication, try and turn your negative thougths round -
1. The tablets can be a short term measure
2. The tablets will help to get you through the whole Xmas/New Year festive nonesense (humbug!)
3. The tablets can help you cope until your CBT appointment comes through
4. The tablets may very well help you to "break the cycle"
5. You are on the waiting list for CBT
6. CBT will help you to tackle your problems
7. CBT will provide you with long term solutions and life coping skills
8. Once you have started to benefit from the CBT, you can start to decrease your tablets (obviously with medical guidance)
Make a new years resolution to start taking some positive steps.
Make sure you are eating a healthy diet. Start doing some exercise. Remember three walks a week, at a pace of one mile in fifteen minutes will do you the power of good! Keep a little diary of your ACHIEVEMENTS, however small.
Make a list of all the things that worry you, and put them in order of worry. Keep repeating the easy ones, until they don't bother you (one of mine was going shopping into Derby - I go once a month now, and I'm ok. Next year, I'm going to take myself off to Nottingham - a much nicer city, but further from HOME!!! Arggghhh!)
Over Xmas, I'm also going to the pictures. I was going to see the new Lord of the Rings, but think a marathon viewing session after never having been to the pictures in years is pushing it a bit, so will find something else to see!
Make a pact with yourself that you are going to take some little steps in the new year, and make sure that you do. Remember, that little steps are enough, it doesn't matter how stupid or silly it may seem, if you have an issue with doing something, then it is important!
Try and stay calm, and make time out for yourself over Xmas for some "you time".
Take care
Charlie
Hello charlie
Thanks again for your advice. I went to the doctors this morning as she has given me Citalopram i'm just going to take it i'm not going to look at side effects as otherwise i would not take them. I have to do something as fella is sick of me not going places he tries but when there is a row it all comes out what he really thinks of me, he says i'm not normal why car'nt he be with someone who just goes places and not have all this fuss with me saying i'm not going anywhere. At the moment he has called me mental and not normal i said tell me something i do not know. I suppose he is sick of me and who can blame him. I'm sick of me let alone him.
Take care
pauline
pjpriest
Hiya Pauline
Im on citalopram and they are working for me. I didnt really have side effects at first so i was lucky, i guess they just suited me. Maybe it will be the same for you, but if it isnt, just remember, as soon as your body gets used to them they should make you feel a lot better.
As for your boyfriend, well what can i say? My husband doesnt understand me feeling like this either but i do understand how hard it must be for him too. I used to be out all the time, had a fantastic career and now look at me, no job, dont want to go out in case i have panic, the list is endless.
That sounds like a bit of a contradiction when i say that the tablets are working for me, but if you would have seen the state i was in before i took them you would see me as 'cured' now!!!!
love Sarah
xx
Hi Pauline
I never read the side effects, it make me get them (or fear I'm going to get them).
It's very hard for our partners to understand, and it can be very hurtful in arguments.
However, remember you always have the forum, and we all understand what you are going through.
Also remember we are normal. We are not mental. A part of our brain is malfunctioning, but with help it can be controlled and turned around. It's a bit like the pancreas in diabetics - it can be controlled with diet/insulin etc.
I'm afraid you must do your upmost to ignore his negative thinking, and try and stay positive.
I know what you mean about getting cross though - I get so wound up with myself, particularly if I have had a few good days and do something without thinking about it, and without any anxiety. Then a few days later it all starts again! Nightmare.
Just keep plodding on. You will get there. Give the medication a proper try. Review your diet and exercise patterns. Try and be as positive as possible. And remember, there is nothing wrong with us. Everybody is different. Everybody has things that they find hard to do. Nobody is the same. You are a very caring lady, and you will get there.
Take care
Charlie
Hi Sarah and charlie
I just wanted to say how grateful i am for your replys it helps.
How are your partners with you? To be honest i feel very lonely cause i want to tell him i'm going to be taking these tabs, but he thinks you should just be able to get over it and why take tabs. See's it as a sizn of weakness. You see have been like this for years and i have kept it all in incase he thought i was mad or weak and as he once said i have him now so what am i panicking about. Have decided not to say anything to him, just take tabs but that makes me sad inside because you should share things i feel with partner.
I was also getting a lot better by talking which i do now. But i suppose i have to try and see it from his point of view and unless you have panic you just do not know where the other person is coming from. Its so easy to say pull yourself together.
Sarah What time of day do you take your tabs and what strengh do you take. I have 10mg to start of with.
well i'm of out tonight with work collegues not going to far so anxiety is not to bad.
Take care
Pauline
pjpriest
Pauline
I'm far too mad to have a partner!!!! And haven't had one for several years. Infact, going without one for so long, has given me something else to worry about - I don't think I could face seeing anybody now!
If it's not one thing its another!!!
Know exactly what you mean about confiding though. My mum and sister dont know
Hav fun tonight
Charlie
Hiya Pauline
How long have you been with your partner?
If you need medication to get better, then why not take them? My opinion is that if it works to get you better, why not give it a go?
Im on 20mg a day, but started off at 10mg. 10mg is the starting dose to get your body used to it. I take them at night b4 bed but only because i sometimes feel a little anxious after taking them so i would rather be in bed. (i think the anxiety after taking them is only in my head tho!!). Im assuming your doctoer said to take them in the morning - thats when they say to take them.
My husband doesnt understand although he tries hard. He just gets really frustrated with me if I dont want to go somewhere although I do try to go anywhere I can. (if I dont try im scared i will end up a hermit).
He doesnt understand me taking medication either and wants me to stop them so we can have a baby, but I cant really take care of myself yet, let alone a baby!!! He does however see the difference its made to me taking meds so he would rather me be on them and relatively sane than not on them and agoraphobic!!!
By the way, I was put up to 30mg/day for a while but I didnt feel as good on a higher dose but...I kept the fact that i was on a higher dose from my husband. Sometimes its better not to tell them if you think you arent going to get a good response from them.
Love Sarah
Pauline
Have a good time on your nite out!!!!!!
Sarah
xx
Hi Sarah
Doctor did say to take in the morning but i'm like you far to anxioues so she said i could take at night, the only thing that might happen she said is that i might dream more. Do you still sleep ok taking them at night. I'm a terrible sleeper so she said it might help me to sleep better. I am going to take them, but in a few days doing far to much drinking at the moment and suffering quite badly as i type this with a hangover and of out tonight as well.
Last night i was fine i always surprise myself when i'm ok and its like i cannot believe that i went out and was ok. Have to keep tellng myself that i did alright.
MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone and a Lovely panic free year
Take care Pauline
pjpriest
Hiya Pauline
Ive never been a good sleeper since i was about 15. (im 30 now) so i dont think it has anything to do with the medication that i cant sleep! I do dream a lot but I have to say, most of them are good drams about hunky men!!!!!
Glad you did Ok last night. Good feeling when you have no panic when you think you will eh?
love Sarah
xx
Hi Pauline
At first I took my tablets at night-time and it was horrible. I had bad dreams and couldnt sleep. My doc advised me to take them in the morning and that was much better.
Emily
nomorepanic
29-12-03, 22:11
I am a great believer in taking drugs at night so you can sleep off the side effects - lol
Nicola
Hi All
well i have started taking the Citalopram on Monday, but have cut up the 10mg so i'm taking 5mg will do this for 7 days and then take the 10mg. So far so good only really side-effect is feeling sick but that could be me as anxious about taking tabs, but saying that on Wed did not take as new i would be having a few drinks with it being NEW YEARS EVE, i did not get the sick feeling and i went to town with my daughter for 3hours and that is usually a very bad time for me. But i will put up with the sick feeling. If it helps i don't care i have to do something to try and be able to go further from the house without the dreadful fear.
I am taking in the morning about 10am rather than at night as i do not fancy not being able to sleep as i am such a bad sleeper anyway.
Could i ask the one's that are taking this med. When do you take your vitamins? not sure when to take them before or after and if after how long after.
HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone.
Take care
Pauline
pjpriest
Well done Pauline
Sounds like you've found something that works for you.
Hope you had a good Xmas/New Year
Love
Charlie
Ladies,
I always say 'big girls need love too'!:D
There's nothing more unsexy than a waif! Give me Dawn French, Caroline Quentin or Nigella Lawson any time[8)]. They can gorge themselves on chocolate off my body whenever they like![:I]
Self-esteem is often an issue with our 'illness' (last year I went unshaven from August to May and looked like Sean Connery in The Rock ("it's a grunge thing") because I, literally, couldn't look at myself in the mirror) but I'm sure you're all lovely and fret for no reason. Your loved ones are just that, they love you for being you, not some silicon enhanced 'bint' that's being promoted as an ideal.
I've never been one for dieting but since I went onto 40mg of Citalopram a day I've lost about 3 stones (don't know what that is in kilos, I'm too old for this modern metric stuff!) due to the nausea and lack of appetite. An unexpected and, if I'm honest, quite welcome side effect of the medication.
I also get amazing erections [:I].............. if it wasn't for the other side effects I'd be promoting Citalopram as a wonder drug!
Happiness and light to all,
'Chopper'
I saw her once, one little while, and then no more:
’Twas Eden’s light on Earth a while, and then no more.
Amid the throng she passed along the meadow-floor:
Spring seemed to smile on Earth awhile, and then no more;
But whence she came, which way she went, what garb she wore
I noted not; I gazed a while, and then no more!
James Clarence Mangan 1803 - 1849
Flippin eck Chopper where've you dug this old post out from.
So glad the Citalopram is helping in *cough* in so many ways!
Piglet :D
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
nomorepanic
28-11-06, 14:25
Piglet - I put up a link to it under the Christmas thread on here.
Nicola
People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel
:D:D:D:D abit of a blast from the past eh Nic!!
Once a salad dodger always a salad dodger - once a pringle eater always .......................
Piglet x
Ladies,
Let me ask you this, "Lowrie or Rubens"? One's a matchstick painter the other knew his way round, as I call my missus, 'a sturdy wench'![B)]
Look in the mirror and enjoy, nay rejoice, at your femininity. What's more attractive, a curvacious woman in the prime of life or a fat, balding, middle-aged geezer who still thinks he's Brad Pitt's older brother? I know who'd have more success with the opposite sex ......... oh, anyone out there looking for a fat, balding, middle-aged geezer who still thinks he's Brad Pitt's older brother?
Happiness and light to all,
'Chopper'
I saw her once, one little while, and then no more:
’Twas Eden’s light on Earth a while, and then no more.
Amid the throng she passed along the meadow-floor:
Spring seemed to smile on Earth awhile, and then no more;
But whence she came, which way she went, what garb she wore
I noted not; I gazed a while, and then no more!
James Clarence Mangan 1803 - 1849
Sue K with 5
28-11-06, 15:53
Lucy you made me laugh then
Years ago I weighed a staggering 8 stone right up until i was 26 and then had my third son and went from being 8 stone to 10.5 but when I did put on the weight I was told how great I looked.
Since being on the citalopram I put on 2 stone, am now back down to 12 stone but I know that unless i come off the medication the weight will be a struggle so I am going to face one thing at a time, the anxiety, smoking then the weight.
I like my food and I dont dislike my body I just want to rebuild some of my curves.
My husband used to say to me, either accept yourself for who you are or change it and he is right, ( I think he was trying to say stop bloody moaning and do something about it ) but i have to agree with him
Love yourself for who you are first and the weight loss or gain will change.
Sue
scknight
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