JMR
13-01-09, 16:27
Hi there,
I posted a thread back in mid December after I had been to GP's worrying about many diverse symptoms. My huge fear is lymphoma, and after googling, this fear has increased greatly, as I worry about 'hidden' symptoms such as enlarged nodes in my chest now. I was reassured by my GP's clinical evaluation of me at the time, and wasn't too concerned over his casual remark about my lymphocyte count being slightly below the minimum parameter - until I got home and googled 'low lymphocytes!' (Had blood test done back in Oct).
Just managed to 'envelope' myself in Christmas and cope, but the anxiety will not go away and for the past week I've just gone completely 'flat' and depressed. I became so obsessed by my intrusive thoughts last week that I plucked up courage to book another appointment to discuss blood results again. To my horror, I suddenly found myself sobbing on the phone to the receptionist. Although I couldn't get an appointment with my chosen Dr until the 16th... the same Dr kindly phoned me back last Friday afternoon and tried to reassure me that my lymphocyte level is only below the parameter which my local health authority sets..he explained that if I lived within the nearest city just seven miles away, my reading would be well within. This started to make me feel better but he then suggested that for peace of mind I have the blood test repeated so that he has the results when I next see him. This sent my anxiety soaring again, but I also mentioned my fear of 'unseen' symptoms and he arranged for me to have chest xray.
I have had both these tests earlier today, and now I am in a constant state of alert and anxiety.... the phone just rang and I dreaded answering it - convinced it would be the Drs with bad news from the xray or bloods.
I don't know whether to ring for blood results tomorrow -(I know they will be back by then)- so that I am prepared for Friday or whether to just leave it. I don't think the xray will be back by then, but surely if anything untoward showed up on it, it would be reported quicker than usual?? I'm dreading that my lymphocyte count hasn't improved or worse fallen even more....
I have been constantly stressed for over a year with very little respite from it and I think I have descended into depression. Can't face even the basic aspects of day to day living at the moment. I am dressed today, because I had to go for the tests, but for the past few days, I have sat in my dressing gown or laid in bed trying to 'escape' into sleep. I am worried about all over itching and burning sensations I have... though these are intermittent and seem worse when I am worrying. I have started poking and prodding at two pea sized lymph nodes in my neck (which I had examined in 2001 by ENT consultant). These haven't worried me for ages but I find I can't stop touching them now, likewise the same with a 'hard' but long standing node in my right groin..which is slightly larger than neck nodes. (Not really had that one evaluated,though one Dr did notice it during a routine exam around 2000, but wasn't unduly concerned). I don't know whether to mention these to Dr again on Friday, but I can't face further tests... I'm SO worked up about these today. I think the Dr is expecting to talk more about the depression/anxiety symptoms I mentioned on the phone. I'm feeling terrified and I have lost all interest in even the smallest aspects of lifestyle I used to enjoy. I feel that I can't cope, the news upsets me, I don't want to interact much, heightened awareness of noise - ie crashing cutlery and crockery, panic about the future - even the immediate next few hours, and just feel I've lost ME somewhere where I can't reach her! I can't even seem to drum up a plausible facade to the outside world at the moment. My husband is an angel and I feel so sorry for the impact my behaviour is having on him and my elderly Mum, but I can't hide my anxiety.
Crikey, what a long post! If anyone can be bothered to read it all, and still have the energy to reply, I would appreciate some reassurance, though I know I have to sit tight for the results.
Thanking you in anticipation.....
I posted a thread back in mid December after I had been to GP's worrying about many diverse symptoms. My huge fear is lymphoma, and after googling, this fear has increased greatly, as I worry about 'hidden' symptoms such as enlarged nodes in my chest now. I was reassured by my GP's clinical evaluation of me at the time, and wasn't too concerned over his casual remark about my lymphocyte count being slightly below the minimum parameter - until I got home and googled 'low lymphocytes!' (Had blood test done back in Oct).
Just managed to 'envelope' myself in Christmas and cope, but the anxiety will not go away and for the past week I've just gone completely 'flat' and depressed. I became so obsessed by my intrusive thoughts last week that I plucked up courage to book another appointment to discuss blood results again. To my horror, I suddenly found myself sobbing on the phone to the receptionist. Although I couldn't get an appointment with my chosen Dr until the 16th... the same Dr kindly phoned me back last Friday afternoon and tried to reassure me that my lymphocyte level is only below the parameter which my local health authority sets..he explained that if I lived within the nearest city just seven miles away, my reading would be well within. This started to make me feel better but he then suggested that for peace of mind I have the blood test repeated so that he has the results when I next see him. This sent my anxiety soaring again, but I also mentioned my fear of 'unseen' symptoms and he arranged for me to have chest xray.
I have had both these tests earlier today, and now I am in a constant state of alert and anxiety.... the phone just rang and I dreaded answering it - convinced it would be the Drs with bad news from the xray or bloods.
I don't know whether to ring for blood results tomorrow -(I know they will be back by then)- so that I am prepared for Friday or whether to just leave it. I don't think the xray will be back by then, but surely if anything untoward showed up on it, it would be reported quicker than usual?? I'm dreading that my lymphocyte count hasn't improved or worse fallen even more....
I have been constantly stressed for over a year with very little respite from it and I think I have descended into depression. Can't face even the basic aspects of day to day living at the moment. I am dressed today, because I had to go for the tests, but for the past few days, I have sat in my dressing gown or laid in bed trying to 'escape' into sleep. I am worried about all over itching and burning sensations I have... though these are intermittent and seem worse when I am worrying. I have started poking and prodding at two pea sized lymph nodes in my neck (which I had examined in 2001 by ENT consultant). These haven't worried me for ages but I find I can't stop touching them now, likewise the same with a 'hard' but long standing node in my right groin..which is slightly larger than neck nodes. (Not really had that one evaluated,though one Dr did notice it during a routine exam around 2000, but wasn't unduly concerned). I don't know whether to mention these to Dr again on Friday, but I can't face further tests... I'm SO worked up about these today. I think the Dr is expecting to talk more about the depression/anxiety symptoms I mentioned on the phone. I'm feeling terrified and I have lost all interest in even the smallest aspects of lifestyle I used to enjoy. I feel that I can't cope, the news upsets me, I don't want to interact much, heightened awareness of noise - ie crashing cutlery and crockery, panic about the future - even the immediate next few hours, and just feel I've lost ME somewhere where I can't reach her! I can't even seem to drum up a plausible facade to the outside world at the moment. My husband is an angel and I feel so sorry for the impact my behaviour is having on him and my elderly Mum, but I can't hide my anxiety.
Crikey, what a long post! If anyone can be bothered to read it all, and still have the energy to reply, I would appreciate some reassurance, though I know I have to sit tight for the results.
Thanking you in anticipation.....