I'm scared and lonely with HA!!!

[indigo]

I'm 32 and feel so trapped with HA. I had a panic attack at work today. I work as a teaching assistant, but i could tell no-one and no-one noticed, i obviously hide it well!!!! I can't tell my husband as he doesn't understand, i can't tell my family as they have probably had enough of me as i have suffered with it all my life, i'm feeling really trapped with it. I feel so lonely and close to self harming again, what can i do?:weep:

[mandie]

Hi

Awwww sorry to hear that.

Have u been to your gp? Wot about councelling? Have u got a close friend you can speak to?

If not chat to us on here, we all understand

love mandie x

[Duckie]

Hugs I am here.:hugs:

[indigo]

Hi and thanks:flowers:

I am going through phychotherapy at the moment and maybe thats why i'm feeling like this. I have been going for 1 year and 9 months. I have only really got 1 close friend but i work and find it difficult to meet up alot. I also find it hard to tell people about my anxiety, i always need to be seen as coping with anything!!!!
Thanks again x x x

[RosieXXX]

Hello indigo,

It can be a very lonely experience, especially when there aren't many people you can chat to. You will find this site extremely comforting, because there are so many people who are caring and supportive; it makes so much difference to know there are others who fully understand.

[mandie]

Hi

Im like that to, i always feel the need to let eveyone no im coping, but inside im falling apart.

To me its like admitting im a failure cause i have the anxiety.

love mandie x

[Duckie]

Yeah no one knows I suffer from it either. Just me, myself and I.

[swirledpeacat]

Hey, I haven't posted on here for ages because of uni work, but lately I have been talking to people, not necessarily good friends even, sometimes just good aquantainces about my anxiety and it is AMAZING. The more people you talk to the more you find that many, many people suffer from anxiety (be it health, seperation, etc). Personally I have found this makes things a lot less lonely, plus you may learn some interesting tips from them.

Things do get better, promise!

xxxxx

[indigo]

aawww thank you everyone, it does make me feel better that others can be suffering just the same as me on the inside with no clues on the outside. Well not that i want you to be suffering of course! To look at me you would never guess there is anything wrong and like you say mandie its like admitting you are a failure!!!!!

[Toffeeapple]

Hi Indigo! I feel for you! But I really agree with swirledpeacat, when I first casually told a few people about my HA I felt FREE!! Somehow it dedramatized the fact that I had anxiety, and like Swirledpeacat I realized that a hell of a lot of people admitted to suffering from different sorts of anxiety.
Anyway, I am pleased to say that now, at 32 years of age, I consider myself as cured (near enough!! Just a little concerned about a lump on the right side of my stomach at the moment! :blush:, but I haven't been to the doctors for a good 10 months!!), so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Please don't think "that's it that's my lot, I will be like this for the rest of my life" (I thought that, and I truly thought there was no way out).
I basically tried to nip it in the bud as I couldn't carry on like this, so I started yoga, and trained my brain little by little to not imagine the worst everytime, and most important of all: I learned to laugh at myself and at the situation.
I know it's hard sometimes when you're feeling at your lowest, but it helps tremendously.
Now I think that I will always more or less have that little streak of being a hypocondriac even if it's very very slight, but I've managed to (somehow) find it funny, and even publically laugh about it. It's who I am, and it's improving day by day, so I am really happy! If anything it's taught me a hell of a lot about myself.

People know the way I am now, and it doesn't make me a failure, it makes me human!
Try not to isolate yourself, it's a really good thing that you came on this site, because everyone understands 100% and wants to help.
I really really wish you the best, and I'm sure that you will feel better very very soon!
Big hugs!!! :bighug1:
Toffeeapple
P.S: Sorry if this sounds cheeky but if anyone has had experience of a longuish kind of sausage shape lump, that you can move about with you fingers, on the right side of your stomach, please let me know (only if it's good news please!!). I have had this for years and years and have been to the doctors about it but he couldn't feel anything. Thank you.

[menomum]

Hi Everyone,
I've been going through a really bad few months with HA and like you Indigo I don't have anyone to speak to about it. I can't discuss it with my Husband because he just doesn't understand, he says well you haven't got anything wrong with you so what are you worrying about, but us HA suffers know it doesn't work like that does it. As I previously posted this has all been made much worse by the dreaded Menopause with hormones all over the place. I had a course of Hypnotherapy before Christmas and yes it has helped me a lot and taught me a different way of thinking but its just so damn hard trying to constantly think in this new way of possitivity. I seem to go from one symptom to another, starts with the throat can't swallow food, then stomach pains, now thats gone I'm back on the throat but now its sore all the time,funny I never seem to get any of these symptoms at the same time and if I took a Lorazapam they mostly go and don't bother me. I've gone past the feeling scared stage, now I just feel sick and tired of it all but don't seem able to put it out of my mind.

Take Care.

[Toffeeapple]

How I know how you feel, not with the menopause because I'm only 32 (although my period seems to be very erratic at the mo it's probably the perimenopause or something... oops, got to be positive :blush:), but because my HA really got out of control after my first child (4 and a half years ago) so I'm sure hormones and fatigue play a big part.
Like I said to Indigo, speak to people on this site and carry on with your positive thinking and the hypnotherapy, I know it's hard work to always teach yourself to constantly see things positively but it takes time to change your old habits of thinking doesn't it?
Slowly but surely!!! Big hugs

[indigo]

Hi Toffeeapple, thank you so much for your post, it's so lovely to know that there is a light at the end of a very long tunnel!:flowers:

I am so happy for you, that you are feeling good after having HA. It is so totally true, if you hide the fact you have HA, you are in fact hiding yourself and you isolate yourself, well thats what i do anyway. I don't feel i can tell anyone just in case they think i am a nutter:wacko:

I am scared of being me i think, scared that i might acyually be the way i am, a hate it and have difficulty accepting this. I suppose this would be my first!

Anyway, thanks again:yesyes:

Julie x x x

[hm1177]

Hiya I just told my partner about my HA last thursday (via email!) and felt a huge release of built up emotion which made me feel so much better. I had felt so lonely and so down but instantly felt better. I had debated about whether to tell him as he's very much a pull yourself together type and worried he wouldnt understand but to be honest it was obvious at home that I wasnt right and it had to come out sooner or later. He said he doesnt really understand but is trying to be supportive. I now know I can talk to him about it if need be and I do feel better. Less symptoms than usual!

As far as other friends and family are concerned I'd imagine they'd be quite surprised if they found out as I always seem quite chirpy round them (I do feel quite false to be honest). There is no way I would tell them but I am so glad I told my partner.

Maybe you could email your husband and include some links to this site. I always find it easier to write what you have to say as you can get everything down without interuptions.