Hopefully a new start [Archive]

Karen

14-01-09, 12:36

I thought it was time for a new thread, so this is a continuation of the one here (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=38836&page=43)
Thank you Andrea and Donna

I had this problem also with my hubbys laptop, he is on vodafone mobile. I had to change the connection settings and put in our password (which our ISP gave us)for our home Broadband. It works fine now with both vodafone and BT.
Thanks for that suggestion Andrea. I now seem to have got it working. The problem must've been having two broadband modems connected at the same time. Stargazer was using one of those free modems that internet providers give away, but because I have a wireless enabled laptop, I have a wireless internet router.

All the passwords seemed fine etc but someone said it is like trying to use two phones on the same line at the same time, which is why two broadband modems can't be connected to the phone line at the same time. I don't know - don't know much about networking etc. I just know it worked with my old internet.

Anyway, now we'll just have to take it in turns!

Donna - yes the joy of being woken in the middle of the night lol! Not good for someone with insomnia. Anyway, my new bed is hopefully being delivered today, so that should be a bit more comfortable at least.

When the cherubs wake up I put my walkman on and try to go back to sleep.

Been feeling extremely stressed and anxious for the past few weeks, and couldn't stop shaking these past few days. I think it's the worry about everything and also feeling a bit lost. It's really strange not actually having a home of my own but I am feeling more positive today, especially now I can get on the internet again!

I know I still have all the same problems but I am trying to make the most of this chance I have to be with my friend and her family for a while.

Karen xx

honeybee3939

14-01-09, 12:52

Awww Karen

How lovely to see your new thread. Im sending you lots and lots of postive vibes to help you along that new road where the light at the end of the tunnel is waiting for you!:)

I can imagine how stressfull the last few weeks must have been for you. Moving home is one of the most stressfull things we can do, so well done for coming out of it all with some positivilty:flowers: !

I wish you all the luck in the world:) !

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx

marie1974

14-01-09, 14:03

oh yes like andrea i am sending u positive vibes too, can u feel them yet lol. best of luck to u and great new thread hun for fresh start.

Karen

14-01-09, 15:17

Thank you Andrea and Donna :hugs:

Yes, stressful is not the word! My anxiety has been through the roof :ohmy: Don't think I've stopped shaking at in the past couple of weeks.

Other problems are still very difficult and my OCD issues have really been triggered by everything that's happened, but trying to settle in and adapt to a new routine which is always hard for me.

Karen xx

tracy.splosh

14-01-09, 17:18

Wow darling

You have had so much going on recently that im not at all surprised thats its been stressful. What did you do with all your belongings? I know that you managed to sell your kitchen goods but often its all the other stuff thats hard to store. Stargazer is a wonderful friend isnt she. It must be so exciting for children to have you there. I take it you have your own room etc? How long are you planning on staying with stargazer?

I have been shopping today which is the first time in the sales but it was so cold and not much left. Im pleased that youre ok at the moment, remember a minute at a time not an hour or a day!

Glad youve managed to do a new thread too.

Lots of love Tracy x:bighug1:

Karen

14-01-09, 18:30

Well done Tracy :hugs:

I decluttered loads of stuff before I moved so I've managed to get it all in one room.

Don't know how long I will be here. Until I find somewhere else or get housed from the housing register.

I'm really easily knocked at the moment. I was feeling more positive earlier on when I posted this new thread but have been crying again this evening. I worry about things all the time and get easily affected by what's happening around me.

I am struggling a lot right now.

Karen xx

Duckie

14-01-09, 19:00

Hi Karen,
I know how it is easy to feel so sensitive like one thing can just send you into a flood of tears.

Take it moment by moment (I mean that like second by second).

Some days I feel so positive and other days I feel down right crappy!

Sending A WHOLE BUNCH of hugs your way. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Smile. Duckie xx :blush:

tracy.splosh

14-01-09, 19:30

Oh darling

you see im like that too sometimes. I can get myself so worked up and worried about things. When i get worried my anxiety levels are dreadful and i can think the worse case about everything.

Try and think that at the moment you are secure and safe at stargazers.

Is it a biggish place so you have your own space.

Love Tracy x

kate

14-01-09, 20:37

Try to enjoy your time with your friend, Karen. Take this time to relax ( I know, it's hard!) and just try to put your worries to one side for a while.

Sending you loads of :bighug1: You know where I am if you ever want to talk.

Love Kate xxx

Karen

14-01-09, 21:13

Duckie - Thank you :hugs: I am so sensitive. I never used to break down and cry until last year really. I used to suppress all my emotions but now I get so tearful at the slightest thing.

Yes, I do need to focus on getting through small parts of every day because my days are so long. I am always waiting to go to sleep.

Tracy - Thanks hun :hugs: My anxiety has been sky high recently. I think my toothache is worse because I've been clenching my jaw.

Stargazer's is a relatively spacious house and I do have a double bedroom. Just had my new single bed delivered today. I sold my double bed as I need to get all my stuff in one room and with my mobility problems I need space around the furniture in which to move around safely.

My OCD issues also mean I am always decluttering my possessions. It's something I've done for the past couple of years and every time I move it's a chance to get rid of more stuff.

Kate - Thank you :hugs: It's hard for me to put my worries aside because I am so used to having to do everything for myself (and not managing lol), so it is kind of strange to have other people around and it's obviously a bit strange for all of us so we're all trying to adapt at the moment.

I had a quiet cry by myself earlier and now I'm feeling calmer again. I can't wait to go to sleep though. I wish I could sleep for most of the day!

Karen xx

tracy.splosh

14-01-09, 21:37

Have you always been a de-clutterer Karen. I am always tidying drawers etc and seeing what i can get rid of or do without. My family get really cross with me as sometimes their stuff goes too......... Saying that my son has sold alot of stuff this week only to replace it with other things!!! I have never asked you before Karen but how does your OCD control you? Is it a cleaning thing? Mine is.

Anyway, have a lovely sleep tonight in your new bed. Im off to bed now. Catch up tomorrow.

Lots of love Tracy x x

Karen

14-01-09, 22:28

Hi Tracy

I don't think I've always been a declutterer, although I've always liked to keep things neat and tidy. I think my OCD seriously started showing in this way when I got out of hospital 2 years ago, my first admission not one last year.

Not sure what started it but as soon as I was discharged I decided I needed to get rid of most of my possessions, especially big things like furniture etc. I emptied the lounge of everything - gave some away, sold some of it and lived the rest of my time in that flat in just the bedroom.

I find now that whenever I am very stressed I feel the need to do it again. I guess it's about control in a way and maybe about cleansing my life by clearing out things I don't need.

One thing my friend said when I came to stay here was not to declutter her house! She was joking but thought she might come home one day to find I'd emptied her home too!

Yes, my OCD does affect me in the way of dirt and cleaning. I can't stand having dirty hands especially and I think that goes way back to childhood, but it is worse lately.

It also takes the form of not wanting to handle food and use plates, cutlery, pots and pans etc that have been used. So I buy and use a lot of disposable plastic plates and cutlery etc.

I also have obsessive worries about people I care about and fearing I will lose them in some way - either by them leaving me, or by them being hurt in some way.

Hope you sleep well and will probably catch up tomorrow :hugs:

Karen xx

Piglet

14-01-09, 22:40

Well Karen you are sooooo deserving of one of my golden cloak hugs lol (not an around the globe one... cos in January that's just stupid!!) - I was made up to see this thread and really chuffed that you had the feeling you wanted to do it, specially since moving is a stressful time for anybody!

I'm not surprised you've had a few tears hun - the last time I moved (20 years ago) there were tears (and not just mine) and an awful lot of shouting, 'f'-ing and the smashing of plates and files for divorce!!!:ohmy: :shades: :blush: :D

Well done on the move - I don't underestimate how unsettling that can be, but I know it will pass in due course. It really is the right place to be just at the mo while you look for a new nest with more promise than the last place, and nice to have a double room while you cogitate (I've been trying to use that word for days - New Years resolution is to use more big words)!!

Well done mate for trying to start the year with a positive attitude - it's the trying that counts here!!!

Love Piglet :flowers:

Karen

14-01-09, 22:53

Thank you Piglet :hugs: A special hug, I am honoured! :)

Thanks for telling me about the last time you moved. I know I have read so many times that moving is one of the most stressful things someone can do and I've moved twice in the space of a year! I forget sometimes that anyone would find this stressful and it's not just because I have anxiety problems anyway.

I'm feeling a bit better this evening after my tears earlier. You are so right about moving from my old flat. I never felt comfortable or happy there and it is a relief to be free of the place. I guess it's just me adjusting to a new situation that's been the stressful bit but I'm like that when it comes to change.

While I'm here I do have support and time to find somewhere I will hopefully feel happier in and that will suit my health needs better.

With some help I've now managed to set my wireless internet router up and I feel happier that I know I can spend some time online and it's so kind of Stargazer to give me a room to sleep in, as well as sharing her internet with me (now I know that sounds a bit strange lol but you know what an internet addict I am).

Stargazer helped me put my new bed together earlier so now I have a nice new comfy bed to sleep in.

I'm glad you are pleased with my attempts to be more positive. It's a real challenge for me as you know :winks:

Karen xx

Dominic1975

14-01-09, 23:06

Hi Karen

I have read a lot of posts with your threads on, but never directly exchanged words... I dont know all of your problem, but I can tell you are very sensitive person... This is a nice quality
I gather you have moved out of your home and are now sharing with another member of NMP.... that must be great to have kind and geniune people around
I also love my sleep, but if I am suffering with high anxiety, it hard to drop off and stay asleep.... it would be so nice to sleep all the way through and wake up fresh and new again
Anyway I wish you luck with your future plans

Karen

14-01-09, 23:20

Thank you Dominic :hugs:

Yes, I have moved in with someone who is also a member here. We have been friends since school days. I'm temporarily staying with her and her family as I was about to become homeless and I also have both physical and mental ill health so I needed somewhere more suitable than my last flat.

I too find it difficult to sleep. I've suffered with insomnia since my anxiety and depression became worse a few years ago now. I take medication to help me sleep but I have trouble staying asleep too.

Karen xx

Piglet

16-01-09, 18:54

I'm glad you are pleased with my attempts to be more positive. It's a real challenge for me as you know :winks:

Karen xx

:bighug1:

Love Piglet :flowers:

Cherbear

16-01-09, 19:19

Karen, I hope you're ok and just wanted to pop in and say hello. I know how you feel about being very sensitive, everything effects me I have no control over my tear ducts I really don't! I hope this thread is a fresh start for you and you have the support of all of us:hugs:xx

honeybee3939

16-01-09, 19:35

Hi Karen

Hope you are managing to settle in at Stargazers:bighug1: .

Did you manage to get the internet sorted?

Andrea
xxxxx

Karen

16-01-09, 21:01

Thank you Piglet, Cherbear and Andrea :hugs:

I think we are all doing some adjusting at the moment.

Did you manage to get the internet sorted?
Kind of. It's working now but because Stargazer's PC uses one of those free broadband modems and I've got a wireless modem router we can't both connect at the same time. Apparently you can't have two connections on the same phone line, unless they both go through a router and Stargazer's doesn't. So we have to take it in turns to connect.

Karen xx

happyone

16-01-09, 21:11

Hi there hunny:hugs:

I am not up to speed on all what has been happening and I am rushing my post as my laptop is bleeping low battery!
I am pleased for you that you are with stargazer and so happy to see your thread that you started.
I wish you well in everything hunny. You are a lovely person Karen and I hope 2009 brings a year that you believe it.
Happyone
xx

Karen

17-01-09, 13:26

Thanks Happyone :hugs:

I'm having a bit of a down day today. Woke up feeling low and can't shake it off.

Karen xx

tracy.splosh

17-01-09, 17:29

Me too Karen.

Been like it since yesterday, i hate this, anyway I hope we both cheer up soon.

Love Tracy x x

Karen

17-01-09, 18:36

Hugs Tracy :hugs:

My low mood too started yesterday I think. Today I've felt like hiding away and Stargazer noticed I've been a bit low.

Going to watch her appear in a panto tonight with her mum so that should take my mind off things for a while. I feel ashamed to be seen out now really as I feel I look terrible and I am ashamed of myself for being the way I am now but I said I would go so I'll go anyway.

I just feel terrible because I have no clothes that fit but I feel so dreadful about myself that even the thought of going and buying anything new makes me feel even worse. I've still got several boxes of clothes that I liked when they fitted and I can't bear to get rid of them, even though I fear I will never be like that again.

Karen xx

honeybee3939

17-01-09, 20:01

Karen

I still think you are doing real well to say you have just moved into new sorroundings.
Sorry to hear you are feeling low though i hope it soon passes.

Have a good time at the panto.."Oh yes i will!":yesyes:

Love and hugs
:bighug1:
Andrea
xxxx

kazzie

18-01-09, 16:39

You have come sooooo far Karen:yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes:

Im proud of Ya:yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo:

Kaz x x x:hugs:

Karen

18-01-09, 22:18

Thank you Andrea and Kaz :hugs:

I went to the panto and Stargazer was good. Tried to enjoy myself even though I feel so ashamed of the way I am now :blush:

This evening I watched the Karen Carpenter story again. I used to be very obsessed about watching it and tonight I cried during it because it reminded me of how I used to be. I hate how I am now and will never get used to it. Food is still a demon. I cry in silence and hide my emotions and try to numb them with other, just as damaging means.

Life is still as tough as ever.

Karen xx

tracy.splosh

19-01-09, 10:01

Hi Karen

Sorry i cant say anything positive today. Still feeling low in myself and very anxious. I wish it could all change. Glad you went to the panto though - thats good, well done.

Love Tracyxxx

marie1974

19-01-09, 13:10

hi karen panto sounds very good hun, bet u enjoyed it. sorry i not replyd much as i not been on as much as normal as i have had a tough time myself but i am feeling much more positive now and exercising and feeling better, although taking a bit of a break on here but will still b back just not as often. hugs and u have my email anyway and can email me anytime u want hun xx

jo61

23-01-09, 15:54

Hey Karen, haven't seen you on here for a while. How're yo doing? You ok?

:bighug1:

Karen

23-01-09, 19:17

Don't worry Donna. As long as you are ok :hugs:

Jo - Thank you :hugs: I'm just have a rough time right now.

Karen xx

Piglet

25-01-09, 00:08

Sending you a hug mate. :hugs:

I seem to be so busy this end with one thing another that I havent had time to log in and now I have 22 pages to read.. gulp! That'll 'learn' me lol!!!

Did manage another filling on Tues though and seem to be getting better at the whole dental business these days but get the feeling teeth become a big issue as we get older, unless we are very lucky and we looked after them when we were kids!!! In our street you took turns to use the local toothbrush and you were lucky to do that!! :ohmy: :winks:

Love Piglet :flowers:

Karen

25-01-09, 18:41

LOL Piglet!

Well done for managing the dentist again :hugs:

I've finally got an out patient appt for the dental out patients to see someone about having my teeth out. I've been in a lot of pain with them in the past couple of weeks so need to get it sorted but I bet they will be a waiting list for the procedure after I get seen so don't know how much longer I'll have to wait. Oh well such is life.

Still struggling rather here. Stargazer sent her youngest to knock on my bedroom door today to get me up as I have taken to hiding under the duvet all day :blush:

Karen xx

Piglet

26-01-09, 17:56

Still struggling rather here. Stargazer sent her youngest to knock on my bedroom door today to get me up as I have taken to hiding under the duvet all day :blush: Karen xx

Ooops - I guess it can be a bit hard to adapt to the fact you're living in someone elses home (even if it's a very close mate) and can't be like you usually are when you're on your own...when in Rome and all that.

For the time you're living there perhaps try and go with their routine - I'm sure if you are up and dressed in the morning either before the school run, or just after, then you can always excuse yourself to go back to your bedroom for chunks of the day (having a more fixed routine like that may help you sleep better at night because you'll be properly tired etc)!

Maybe go with Stargazer to take eldest cherub to school sometimes, or perhaps some mornings offer to take her yourself to help Stargazer out, or do you already mind the little 'un' while she goes??? Mornings always used to be such a mad house when my piglets were little!

I'm sure you find lots of ways to be appreciative don't you hun - it must be such a help to Stargazer to have an extra pair of hands and eyes around.

Have you started flat hunting for your own place yet?

Love Piglet :flowers:

Karen

26-01-09, 21:17

Hi Piglet

Thanks for replying hun :hugs:

Yes, there is quite a bit of adjusting to be done and Stargazer has done so much to make me feel at home. I guess it's just hard for me to change.

A more structured routine and having more to do during the day would probably help me sleep better at night, however there are a lot of practical problems with a lot of it - like my restricted mobility.

Apparently this afternoon eldest cherub came home from school and instead of getting changed from her uniform she wanted to put her dressing gown on oops :blush: Stargazer said its my bad example lol!

Maybe go with Stargazer to take eldest cherub to school sometimes, or perhaps some mornings offer to take her yourself to help Stargazer out
I couldn't actually do that as in the time it would take me to walk there it would be time to come home again!!

or do you already mind the little 'un' while she goes??? Mornings always used to be such a mad house when my piglets were little!
No, I don't but I probably could do more. I have orffered. When I first came here it was suggested that it would be best if I stayed out of the way in the mornings as I think they have their routine and as my staying here is temporary I guess if I do things to help now it will unsettle things and then the routine will have to change again when I move on again.

I must admit I find it difficult to know what is best to do between offering to help, being around and getting involved and being around too much so that I am getting in the way if you know what I mean? I don't want to be a nuisance or disrupt their family life more than I have already.

Have you started flat hunting for your own place yet?
Well I keep a look out at the property pages and I have finally filled in the housing form to go on the housing list with the council as I think this is probably the only way I am going to get re-housed now, but I have no idea how long this will take.

Karen xx

Love Piglet :flowers: