Breast cancer fear driving me mad

[jojo2316]

So guys, I really need to splurge about my stupid nutty breast related HA. It's been going on now for about three months and I worry about it almost non-stop (literally). I check my breasts compulsively, several times a day...... even though I try desperately to stop myself (like taking the mirrors off the wall before I shower so I can't look to see if they are uneven, etc).
I don't have one particular lump - rather about 10 different places in my breasts that worry me when I focus on them (I tend to worry about one at a time, and rotate them).
In the last 6 months I've had several doctors feel my breasts and THREE breast ultrasounds (paid for privately - the NHS, quite rightly, doesn't need to be burdened with the likes of me :blush: )....... none of which found anything abnormal.......... But I don't believe the results, I keep thinking they must have missed something and I keep feeling things that worry me in my breasts (not always a lump, sometimes a sort of ridge in the breast tissue, or a very smooth place, or a rougher place, or a grapepip sized bump, or if I move my arm in a certain way the curve of my breast looks like there is a lump under the skin, even though I can't feel one... ).

I know, as I write this, how mad it sounds, how far removed from the way sane people are. I am going to see the consultant again on friday to talk about screening options until I - or my breasts - calm down (I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding for the last four years so my breasts are changing all the time). I'll just have to admit I am an insane hypochondriac at the moment and hope he bears with me. I nervous in case he finds anything and nervous in case he doesn't and I don't believe him! Urgh, so sorry for this rant. But it's great therapy for me to write it down :yesyes:
xxx

[Nutmeg]

I had this! It started when I was 14 I was absolutley petrified even though I knew it couldn't be anything I was scared out of my mind for years. It lasted til I was 18 and because I have OCD it morphed into health OCD. I started off compulsively checking including having to go to the toilets to check (I was worried someone would think I was groping myself). I wouldn't wear revealing or tight clothes eventually I was imagining constant pain in them. I didn't think it would ever end. But I was sent to do cbt for my ocd and it helped. I really don't know what to tell you but you're not alone. I'm not anxious about it anymore - so things can improve. Sorry but you're not alone!

[lamentinglaura]

Hi, my HA concerning my breasts began when I was 19, I'm 43 now. It started off when I felt a small lump. I was like you. I had them checked repeatedly and was told each time that they were fine. Over the years they got lumpier and this used to freak me out. I was sure I had breast cancer. I finally got to the point where I realized that I just had lumpy breasts. I recently had a mammogram which showed normal breast tissue. Over time I'm sure you'll calm down concerning this issue. Take comfort in the fact that you've had normal tests. Keep reminding yourself of that.