View Full Version : FINDING IT HARD TO COPE
I am finding it really hard to cope at the moment I am so depressed nearly every day is a struggle I keep busy and i have actally done loads this morning, but as soon as my daughter comes home lunchtime to take me out I start to feel strange and my head clamps up and the tiredness hits and so its just driving about. We stopped at the shops but Iwas just too bad to attempt to go in. I havent been in a shop for nearly a year ( when this setback started) so I started to cry as usual and it all seems so pointless I long to be able to go out and enjoy myself again but its been so long now I dont see it ever changing and I have so much guilt about my husband he has spent years building our business up and we should be having a great life with no money worries I cant remember the last time we went out together but its been years I dont know how he has stayed with me . He does have a social life but gets fed up being the only one without a partner and now I feel we have drifted apart although he doesnt agree. I belong to the No Panic charity
and have just finished a 14 week phone group on cbt which I enjoyed and have gone on to the befriending group my goal this week was to go in a shop and somehow by tuesday I HAVE to do it. I just think that after all these years and after all I acheived over the years I am back to sqaure one trying to get in a shop. Sometimes I just dont think I have the strength to start all over again.
Luv Barb xxx
Oh Barb,
i so fully understand how you are feeling, i could have written most of that myself, this last year i seem to have gone backwards, but i refuse to give in, i like you find it difficult to go shopping and how i imagined my life to be right now, is not what i had planned. kids are 'sort of' off hand and i thought this is me and hubby's time, but unfortunately, he likes to go out and i find it difficult. i have been trying lately, (with a lot of back-up plans) i go to the shops, he pays at the checkout, that sort of thing, it is very frustrating and makes us feel very low, but you have a good family around and some day soon...i'm sorry to sound so negative, not what you want to hear, but things will turn around, it takes time and a lot of perseverance and patience. xxxx
Oh, Barb...
Like you and Carlin I get so fed up of feeling like this too.
You know what guys though it does pass - over the last 6 years I've had lots of good spells its just I lose sight of them when I'm struggling.
At the moment I'm as happy as larry at home but not really enjoying being out. I go out with my kids who I have to say have been terrific and just now we've been out to the shops.
Recently I've been saying to myself when I'm out, not to fight the panic, so I let it wash over me like a wave and let it move on. I did that on the bus coming home and you must remind me to carry on with it as it worked I've done it a few times in Hombase with the same result. I am realising that I musn't gird myself up against the panic as I tighten everything up but relax into it (oh boy is this so hard to do).
Recently I've been feeling so positive so I'm willing to give things a go but can totally identify with how you are feeling as its all so up and down.
Does it make you feel any better to know that there are loads of us out here feeling just like you - it does make me feel better. Wish we all lived together in a commune and we could just send the more outgoing ones out to the shops couldn't we.
Lots of love
Piglet
Barb,
I like you used to have trouble going out to the shops, i would get so worked up at the thought of it by the time i got there i just couldnt do it. Now i have found that if i dont plan to do things i just suddenly say right lets go to the supermarket and then i go, i dont have the time to get myself anxious about it, and then once i am there walking around (always holding onto the trolley mind, its my security blanket LOL) i get so absorbed in looking at things and deciding what i am going to buy, that i completely forget about my anxiety. The first time is the hardest, but once you have overcome the first step, you come out thinking what on earth was i worried about, try to go when you know it will be quiet the first time, and take someone with you who will chat away to you, to stop all the negative feelings, and once you get to the checkout, busy yourself by packing the shopping and talking, and before you realise it you will have done it. I hope this helps.
Take care
Trac:D
hi Barb,
I used to be just like you. I didn't leave the house for 3 months when I was at my worst. There must be someone who you really trust and who you can go with. Once you have done it once, you will be SO proud. Why not do it in little stages? The first time, you can just walk in, look at something in trhe aisle closest to the door, and then leave. Then you can work up from there. Good luck!!
Sarah :D
"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal
Thanks Everyone
I do have someone to go out with, my daughter Nic takes me every day as where I live there are no shops which is why I got so trapped in the first place. I will do what you suggest Sarah. I will start tomorrow
Barb xxx
hi Barb,
well done you for doing what sarah suggested! or at least planning it. it just goes to show you have got some positivity in you and strength left to use.. I remember my wonderful GP telling me that when you find this strength, grab onto it with both hands and dont let it go..
Its true that once you do the thing you're scared of, you feel so chuffed with yourself.. its worth doing, just for that feeling.
it does take hard work but you will get there..
Lisa
xxx
"do not fear to hope...Each time we smell the autumn's dying scent, we know that primrose time will come again"
Barb .
I'm glad you enjoyed the CBT 14 weeks by phone . How have you benefitted from it though ?
**I start to feel strange and my head clamps up and the tiredness hits and so its just driving about**
This is normal anticipatory anxiety and to be expected ahead of doing something that you fear. Unfortunately this is the time where despite how rotton you feel, I so strongly urge you
to take one step towards the shop .
Stand at the entrance as though you're waiting for someone and make no attempt even at going in.
Stand there and lean on a trolley and wait it out for 5 minutes breathing regularly , letting your heart pound etc and then leave. The very next day repeat the exercise and stay 7.5 minutes and tell yourself again and again that you are safe and will be ok again today.
I'm sure you will have gone through all this in your phone sessions but the only way this is going to improve is to do it tiny bit by tiny bit.
Sometimes its the thoughts that lead you to horrid feelings and sometimes the horrid feelings and sensations lead you to think awfully dramatic thoughts.. Either way - you will not be harmed by them.
Where do you live ?
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Because I am struggling so much now meg I keep thinking all the symptoms I get must mean something is wrong with me and I wont go near a doctor. I do all my grocery shopping on the computer and that was the worst thing I ever did thats what stopped me going in shops. Plus I have to wait for someone to take me.
I live in Bedfordshire in a village on the outskirts of Luton
Barb xx
Barb ,
*I keep thinking all the symptoms I get must mean something is wrong with me *
Fortunately, this is not true or I would not still be here to tell the tale.
Whats your biggest fear with seeing your doctor and getting a check up that would most probably resssure you that you are ok ?
I'm glad you enjoyed the CBT 14 weeks by phone . How have you benefitted from it though ?
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
I dont know why I started fearing the doctors its been many years now. The last time I went I really showed myself up, wouldnt let him close the door panicked like mad tried to run out and when he took my blood pressure he asked me if I was still alive!!! its not just doctors its opticians,dentists,hospitals ect. Basically I just dont want to know if there is anything wrong with me ( I know it sounds stupid)
I did benefit from my CBT while I was doing it I didnt want it to end' But we go on to befriending every 2 weeks and I have made good supportive friends
Barb xx
nomorepanic
06-07-05, 22:21
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I live in Bedfordshire in a village on the outskirts of Luton
Barb xx
<div align="right">Originally posted by Barb - 06 July 2005 : 20:27:13</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Barb - I will probably know it as I live in Potton but work at Luton airport.
You are close to me then.
Nicola
"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"
My cbt group ended but I am continuing to improve by spending a little time working on my exercises everyday. My group leader encouraged us to do our tea forms everyday for the rest of ou lives for maximum benefit.
Hi Everyone
Thanks for all your help and advice and I shall try it out. I agree with Nigel that always going out the same time of day doesnt help, but I do eat healthily and dont touch caffeine.
Barb xxx
Hi Nic
Wow we do live quite near. I live in Sundon Village not far from Ampthill and Flitwick. Perhaps when I feel braver we could meet somewhere even at the airport that would be great
Barb xxx
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Hi Everyone
Thanks for all your help and advice and I shall try it out. I agree with Nigel that always going out the same time of day doesnt help, but I do eat healthily and dont touch caffeine.
Barb xxx
<div align="right">Originally posted by Barb - 07 July 2005 : 11:54:37</div id="right">
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Hi Barb, How are you faring these days? I hope life is going well for you now!
Hi All
Barb, I just read your message and all the wonderful replies people have given.
I too know exactly how you feel. I have had over a year of feeling so depressed and anxious. Mine started when I moved to Colchester from Romford. It was something we had planned. I felt great. I had been on Seroxat for a few years and when I moved here the doctor and I agreed that I should come off it. That's when the trouble started.
Now I have tried a couple of different meds. One gave me bad dry eye syndrome and the other an abnormal heart rythm. I have had to go back on the one that caused the dry eye syndrome for the moment.
I know how you feel exactly. I cry a lot. My hubby gets fed up with it and really worries about me so it's stressful for him too.
I go out to the shops, only local. Hate going in big stores. Although I am better when I go with hubby.
People have given some good advice which I intend to try myself.
I did actually manage Tescos a couple of months ago. But the feeling still comes back when I try again. Mine is more depression now according to the psychiatrist. I don't get real bad panics I just get this awful feeling of h eaviness, or a gutted feeling in my stomach, a heaviness on the chest and lump in the throat - the most distressing thing is that I just want to burst into tears. The psychiatrist said that the depressive symptoms are taking over the anxiety symptoms.
When I read the messages on this site and see how many others are suffering with basically the same thing - at home during the day, a bit isolated - not much company it makes me realise that if we had the company of others who feel like us I am so sure that it would help.
There would be no need to try to hide the panic. depression, the other person knows exactly how you feel and so you would not have to put on an act. People could support each other and I just know it woud be such a help.
This website and others like it are marvellous for communication between people like ourselves.
I have no friends in this town (Colchester) - I have put messages on here a few times asking if anyone lives in Colchester and would like to have some kind of friendship with a fellow sufferer - but people from this area seem thin on the ground.
So, if there is anyone listening and would like to make contact with a lonely and isolated 48 year old who is suffering from depression and anxiety then I would love to hear from you.
Barb, it is incredibly hard getting through the days as I say I know how you feel. I think it's great that your daughter comes to see you every day. As everyone else has said try to do things in little tiny steps. If you have your daughter with you when you go into a supermarket for example then just think to yourself - well I'm not on my own if I feel really dreadful my daughter's here.
The lady who posted above was talking about letting the panic wash over you. I have tried this many times. It's not quite so easy when your body is so tensed up. I did have some success last year and seemed to get on better for a little while - I just kept thinking come on bring it on. However, sometimes you just get one little thought and it can start the whole panic spiral again. It's all very difficult and I really do think it's the worst illness ever.
Lots of love to everyone and good luck to you Barb.
Yvonne
Y Goble
Hi everyone ,I am in exactly the same boat I was doing ok till I stopped Seroxat and since then its been awful.I had always suffered from anxiety but never depression but this year I have both and qiuite severe.I am 51 and wondered if the menopause has something to do with it .I live in Merseyside but would also like a friendship with a fellow sufferer.I know that we have to face the fear and do things but it is easier said than done.
Hi All, Jrank I am not doing too good these last couple of weeks ,but have had some good spells. Yvonne thanks for that post I am feeling very down at the moment and cant seem to pull up, feel weird all the time and feel anxious and giddy, I think you are right about the menopause I really went downhill when my periods stopped nearly 3 years ago I got much more anxious and weepy. I have got to the stage now when I feel I will never get better ( I have suffered for 23 years) Had EFT with Carl from the forum for quite a along time and that did help until I stopped as he got so busy. So will just plod on,( so hard though)
Take care
Barb xxx
Barb,
I know how hard it is - it's a cruel illness - had a bad day myself just wish there was someone I could confide in who lived close who would understand.
By messaging on here and reading others messages it does help a lot.
Love to all
Yvonne
Y Goble
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Hi All, Jrank I am not doing too good these last couple of weeks ,but have had some good spells. Yvonne thanks for that post I am feeling very down at the moment and cant seem to pull up, feel weird all the time and feel anxious and giddy, I think you are right about the menopause I really went downhill when my periods stopped nearly 3 years ago I got much more anxious and weepy. I have got to the stage now when I feel I will never get better ( I have suffered for 23 years) Had EFT with Carl from the forum for quite a along time and that did help until I stopped as he got so busy. So will just plod on,( so hard though)
Take care
Barb xxx
<div align="right">Originally posted by Barb - 23 May 2006 : 16:38:28</div id="right">
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Hi Barb and nice to hear from you. Sorry that you are not doing too good these last couple of weeks. Being a guy I can't really comment on the menopause but I am sure that probably does not help your anxiety. I don't know what EFT is but I am glad it gave you some relief and hope you can get back to it because if it is anything like the CBT that has helped me so much you really need to keep doing it to get the best results. Just so you know there were people in my cbt group who had anxiety and depression problems for almost 40 years who were able to get considerably better so NEVER give up hope. If they could do it there's no reason you can't too.
Thanks Jrank,so glad you are doing well with your CBT. I am feeling much better and have done really well today and am going to try and keep it up.
Tke care
Barb xx
Hey Barb how are you doing? It's me Jrank with a new moniker:) I hope life has been going well for you and let me know if you are feeling better now? Life is great for me and I'm on break from grad school right now.
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