simplysal
15-01-09, 15:45
Here we go.............
I'm 31 years old and have two adorable children aged 6 and 10. I have been with my girlfriend for two years.
Things started after my 6 year old was born. Around six or so months after her birth, I started feeling very lethargic. My legs and arms felt as though they had dumballs hanging from them. I could sleep all night and still feel tired all day. Then started these peculiar sensations in my chest that felt like missed beats.
I went to GP and saw a Cardiologist. GP did a thyroid test and I'm underactive, not always great at remembering to take my thyroxine every day but I do try. Cardiologist noticed that I had quite a few 'ectopic' heart beats but assured me that they were benign.
I have chest pains, not the crushing type that you see with heart attack stories but just short and sharp pains that come on a lot of the time. I can get an aching jaw and a very dull ache in my left arm. I've had these for a couple of years now. The only thing that can be picked up on an ECG is 'T WAVE ABNORMALITY'. My GP doesn't seem bothered by this but in my head any abnormality is like the biggest frightening thing.
My father had to have a triple heart bypass operation when he was 50 years of age and suffered from angina pains for a while before his bypass and for the years that followed. My father died at the age of 60 from a massive heart attack. I had been working in a Medical Emergency Unit at our local Hospital as a Ward Co-ordinator when a call came in from ambulance control saying that there was a 60 year old unknown male coming in. During the time we were waiting for this patient to arrive, I mentioned to two of the nursing staff that I thought this was going to be my father. I was told not to be so silly but when the ambulance arrived, one of the nurses went out to the ambulance, came in and ushered me away from the desk. There wasn't anything that they could do for him.
The problem is, when I used to get the odd chest pain and ectopic beats, I would seek reassurance from my father. I figured that if my father had needed a triple heart bypass in the first place, his arteries would have been really clogged and for him to survive this surgery and still be here with us, I was sure that mine didn't need worrying about but after he died, I thought if it happened to him, it could easily happen to me!!!
After my father died, by my own admission, I'm sure I developed anxiety...health anxiety!!! I don't worry unnecessarily about pain anywhere else in my body just my fears for my heart health. I'm sure I'm going to die of heart related troubles. I still have chest pain and because of my history, I'm waiting to be re-referred back to another Cardiologist 'to be on the safe side'. I haven't as yet received an appointment.
I feel really low. I love my two children and my other half so much but I can't enjoy my life. When I need to drive very far, I'm thinking "what will happen if I have a heart attack whilst driving this car". When I go away on holiday I'm thinking throughout the entire time "I hope nothing happens to me during this holiday, it would scar the children forever". If I need to take the children to the park, swimming lessons, anywhere I'm thinking of the what if's!!! We took the children to the Millenium Stadium in Cardiff and all I thought was "oh no, how would the ambulance men get me out of this tight seat" - it's just sooooooooo ridiculous!!!
The irony now is that I'm a medical secretary and work within Mental Health for the Elderly. To the outside world, I'm functioning. All of my time at work or anywhere else, I more often than not have a nervous rash over my chest all of the time. My thoughts are always of my worries for my heart.
My children deserve better and they are loved, cuddled, fed, watered you name it they have it but on top of my worries for my heart health, I'm full of guilt because I don't seem to be enjoying them or my life generally.
I feel very guilty and feel very short changed. I can't believe that I've become the person that I've become. I get very upset. I feel quite flat. I'm very afraid for my health.
Thing is, I know that I might have some heart problem. I hope that I don't but I've started taking a daily dose of aspirin (just in case the pain is angina) but now I'm frightened because I was hoping that after I saw the Cardiologist and if he says that I'm fine, I had planned to just stop taking the Aspirin but as information would have it, it's apparently very bad to stop taking Aspirin suddenly because it can triple one's chances of having a heart attack!!!
Honestly, what am I like????????
I wouldn't dye my hair incase I suffered an allergic reaction to the hair dye.........I now won't eat peanut butter (even though I always used to and enjoyed it) incase I suffer an allergic reaction. I'm 32 and was willing to turn grey rather than dye my hair!!!
I know most of this is anxiety but for all the tea in China, I don't think I could clear these thoughts from my head even if I wanted to.
I feel like a freak and a complete failure and I think my children and partner deserve more.........do you know summit, I deserve more than this too!!!
Thanks for reading. Sorry if I bored you xxx
To bring you all up to speed with things, I feel like the biggest freak now that ever lived!!!! A while back
I'm 31 years old and have two adorable children aged 6 and 10. I have been with my girlfriend for two years.
Things started after my 6 year old was born. Around six or so months after her birth, I started feeling very lethargic. My legs and arms felt as though they had dumballs hanging from them. I could sleep all night and still feel tired all day. Then started these peculiar sensations in my chest that felt like missed beats.
I went to GP and saw a Cardiologist. GP did a thyroid test and I'm underactive, not always great at remembering to take my thyroxine every day but I do try. Cardiologist noticed that I had quite a few 'ectopic' heart beats but assured me that they were benign.
I have chest pains, not the crushing type that you see with heart attack stories but just short and sharp pains that come on a lot of the time. I can get an aching jaw and a very dull ache in my left arm. I've had these for a couple of years now. The only thing that can be picked up on an ECG is 'T WAVE ABNORMALITY'. My GP doesn't seem bothered by this but in my head any abnormality is like the biggest frightening thing.
My father had to have a triple heart bypass operation when he was 50 years of age and suffered from angina pains for a while before his bypass and for the years that followed. My father died at the age of 60 from a massive heart attack. I had been working in a Medical Emergency Unit at our local Hospital as a Ward Co-ordinator when a call came in from ambulance control saying that there was a 60 year old unknown male coming in. During the time we were waiting for this patient to arrive, I mentioned to two of the nursing staff that I thought this was going to be my father. I was told not to be so silly but when the ambulance arrived, one of the nurses went out to the ambulance, came in and ushered me away from the desk. There wasn't anything that they could do for him.
The problem is, when I used to get the odd chest pain and ectopic beats, I would seek reassurance from my father. I figured that if my father had needed a triple heart bypass in the first place, his arteries would have been really clogged and for him to survive this surgery and still be here with us, I was sure that mine didn't need worrying about but after he died, I thought if it happened to him, it could easily happen to me!!!
After my father died, by my own admission, I'm sure I developed anxiety...health anxiety!!! I don't worry unnecessarily about pain anywhere else in my body just my fears for my heart health. I'm sure I'm going to die of heart related troubles. I still have chest pain and because of my history, I'm waiting to be re-referred back to another Cardiologist 'to be on the safe side'. I haven't as yet received an appointment.
I feel really low. I love my two children and my other half so much but I can't enjoy my life. When I need to drive very far, I'm thinking "what will happen if I have a heart attack whilst driving this car". When I go away on holiday I'm thinking throughout the entire time "I hope nothing happens to me during this holiday, it would scar the children forever". If I need to take the children to the park, swimming lessons, anywhere I'm thinking of the what if's!!! We took the children to the Millenium Stadium in Cardiff and all I thought was "oh no, how would the ambulance men get me out of this tight seat" - it's just sooooooooo ridiculous!!!
The irony now is that I'm a medical secretary and work within Mental Health for the Elderly. To the outside world, I'm functioning. All of my time at work or anywhere else, I more often than not have a nervous rash over my chest all of the time. My thoughts are always of my worries for my heart.
My children deserve better and they are loved, cuddled, fed, watered you name it they have it but on top of my worries for my heart health, I'm full of guilt because I don't seem to be enjoying them or my life generally.
I feel very guilty and feel very short changed. I can't believe that I've become the person that I've become. I get very upset. I feel quite flat. I'm very afraid for my health.
Thing is, I know that I might have some heart problem. I hope that I don't but I've started taking a daily dose of aspirin (just in case the pain is angina) but now I'm frightened because I was hoping that after I saw the Cardiologist and if he says that I'm fine, I had planned to just stop taking the Aspirin but as information would have it, it's apparently very bad to stop taking Aspirin suddenly because it can triple one's chances of having a heart attack!!!
Honestly, what am I like????????
I wouldn't dye my hair incase I suffered an allergic reaction to the hair dye.........I now won't eat peanut butter (even though I always used to and enjoyed it) incase I suffer an allergic reaction. I'm 32 and was willing to turn grey rather than dye my hair!!!
I know most of this is anxiety but for all the tea in China, I don't think I could clear these thoughts from my head even if I wanted to.
I feel like a freak and a complete failure and I think my children and partner deserve more.........do you know summit, I deserve more than this too!!!
Thanks for reading. Sorry if I bored you xxx
To bring you all up to speed with things, I feel like the biggest freak now that ever lived!!!! A while back