Anxious about going out - any advice?

[Martin Ell]

Hey guys,

This is the first time I've ever talked about my anxiety, I feel quite weird actually putting the words down. I don't like to admit I suffer from anxiety to people - I don't know why, I guess I just feel uncomfortable doing so. I've read through the topics here and greatly admire you all for being able to talk about your problems so openly. It also makes me feel better to read that people are experiencing things similar to me :)

Even though I suffer from anxiety, I've still been able to lead a pretty normal life, and for long periods of time, the anxiety doesn't even bother me that much.

However, on the new years eve just gone, I was at a bar when I started to feel really anxious (a lot worse than I normally feel), I ran through a lot of the "what ifs" that usually go through peoples head, like "What if I faint/be sick", "would I be able to get home (taxis are triple fares on new years eve)", "What if I struggle to breathe? Would anyone help me?" etc, I'm sure you all know this stuff anyway :winks:

Even since then, I've been anxious about going out with my friends to a bar at night and have been putting it off ever since. I've been able to walk to the shops over a mile away on my own, and also be in the house of my own without problems, so I'm guessing it's just anxiety about being in a bar. I've never been one to let anxiety get in the way of life, I've guess most times I always face anxiety head-on and I know that if I just went out a quite a few times, I'd get used to it and have no hesitation about going in the future, it's just I'm nervous about taking that first step.

So, does anybody out there have any advice for me about going into this situation?

Thanks for any/all advice.

[bottleblond]

Hi there

Ok firstly and importantly DON'T stop going out. If you start to avoid these social situations, it could lead to further anxiety problems.

New years Eve is a pretty busy time everywhere and would raise alot of peoples anxiety levels hun. Please see it as a blip (which most of us have) and carry on as normal. Your anxiety may be a little high to start off with but the more you realise that nothing bad is going to happen to you, the better it will become.

You will be absolutely fine :biggrin:


Lisa
xx

[mandie]

Hi

Dont put off going to a bar. The longer you do that the harder it will become.

I got panicky about going into supermarkets, but i kept going in and facing my fear and in time it got easier.

For the first few times when i got there i panicked and came straight out, but then gradually i told myself nothing bad will happen, and eventually it got easier

We all have blips but just try not to dwell on it. Think to yourself i was ok before and i will be now.

love mandie x

[HighwayMiles]

My husband started having attacks in restaurants, but he couldn't stop going because he's a restaurant critic. He just had to keep going despite his fear. When he experiences panic he steps outside (he's a smoker, so that's his excuse). I think knowing he can always step away has helped him. He very rarely has a problem anymore because he's replaced his bad experiences with new positive ones. You just have to keep at it. When you start avoiding things it just makes it worse. I know this too well because I had a bad experience in the US midwest on a roadtrip and tried to avoid that region for years. Do you have any idea how tedious it is to drive from New York to Colorado without going through the midwest? It took FOREVER!

So keep at it. Step out if you need to. Give yourself permission to feel how you feel and work through it. Do you have a little saying you could repeat to yourself while you're out? In your head? Something along the lines of... I choose to be brave or I can handle this? Sometimes that helps me. Or stop and think... this is as bad as it gets and I'm still okay. I can do this.

I'm sorry you're suffering. If it helps, I know several people who have passed out or been sick in public and they were always assisted by well-intentioned onlookers. People can be surprisingly helpful.

Good luck!

[Martin Ell]

Thanks guys, your advice is really good! :) Tonight I'm going to bite the bullet and go for a night out with my friends. Should the ol' anxiety start to rear it's head I'll be thinking of your posts.

I can't say I'm not nervous, but I don't want to put this off too long or, as some of you said, it could become a real problem for me. I'll let you all know how I get on tomorrow.

[tryingtocope]

I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said, it's all great advice.

You have just replied to my post, so you know that i'm trying to do the same thing. Because this only happened at new year, it'll be alot better for you to try and nip it in the bud now before it takes a hold over your life. I put off going out for about a year before i've finally decided to tackle it, the longer you leave it the harder it'll be.

Don't be put off and just try to think rationally. If you can't breathe/faint of course someone will help you, if your sick, it's not going to be the end of the world. I know it's easy to say, and i have the same thoughts, but it's true.

I hope you have a good time :)

[Martin Ell]

Well, I did it. I was quite anxious though. It was a double-whammy for me because, unusually, I had to make my own way there and back - getting the bus alone at night would make anyone anxious, not to mention walking alone to my friends house, but I did it. The bus ride back was great, I felt like I really achieved something. I had to cut the night short because my friend felt ill, so it wasn't like a full night out, but all the same I'm glad. I'll still feel anxious next time, but over time I feel it will get better.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement.

[Dominic1975]

Tell yourself you are going to have a great night, as the more you concentrate on feeling anxious, you will make it true for you....

Just assure yourself that you will have a good night and at the least you will stay for 1 drink... So you don put yourself under pressure... If that drink goes ok, you will stay for another... When its time to go home, you will be ready

Like they have said above, never avoid what you normally do, or you will end up not being able to do it at all... just be gentle with yourself

Hope you have a great night (and if you start feeling anxious do some deep breathing exercises)

[sMINT]

Well done for going out man and enjoying it.

I went out on Boxing day last year and started to feel really anxious and started worrying about the queue for a drink as I needed some water. Then I started thinking what if I dehydrate or faint etc. After about 20minute though I finally got served and felt much better. I laughed about it when I got home but at the time it was scary.

[paula im me]

well where do i start i have an invitation for a great valentines night with a large group of people, it means a night in a hotel with a friend, but im so scared of panicking in the bar. been 6 years since i did it. think i talk myself into the anxiety. ive started taking valerian which hope willl work by then. anybody got any real good tips, i think im really excited as ive booked hotel n got new clothes its just the doing it lol x

[Martin Ell]

You're bound to be anxious after 6 years, but it's great that you're excited. There are loads of good tips on this website, from before and during an anxiety attack. Don't keep thinking of the anxiety, think of the great time you'll have. :)

I'd find it easier knowing there's a hotel room near by I could go to, perhaps you will too.

[paula im me]

thanks martin xx well 2nd day on valerian pills today and yesterday i did notice a huge difference i managed to play with my daughter for 6 hours without getting stressed. the only problem is kept waking up during the night. but yeh martin think once i get there and have few drinks it will relax me.

[sunshine-lady]

I went to a friends wedding in August. Weeks before going I tried all my delaying and distraction tactics with my hubby, but he was having none of it as like he said I was the one who agreed to our friends that we would go. He took me out and helped me choose 2 outfits, one for the day and one for the evening. Weeks before all the 'what ifs' set in and I had planned in my head ways I could escape if it got too much. The day of the wedding arrived and I felt physically unwell as well as anxious, so I took some Diazepam. The wedding was held in a castle so I made sure I was as near to the door as possible. I scraped myself through the day but was having hot sweats and was paranoid that I would smell of BO. We went home after the meal and I got showered and changed. I really didn't want to go back but hubby managed to persude me on the condition that we would come home when I wanted. I managed 2 hours on the evening, but found it hard to cope as there was quite a few people there. True to his word my hubby took me home. I started crying when I got home, half relief and half panic. Although it was a hard day for me (I'm agoraphobic) It wasn't as bad as my imagination made me think it would be, saying that I won't be rushing to go to anyones wedding!