Gareth
07-07-05, 09:26
Hi,
My "condition" seems to have moved on. I was suffering from constant high anxiety, the main problems being physical symptoms in my head and constant racing thoughts. I would wake up in the morning anxious and go to bed anxious, worrying that I had lost my mind. This has gone on for four months.
In the past couple of weeks this has changed into what I can only describe as a "constant low mood". I wake up feeling low, and feel low throughout the day, worse at some times. I kind of feel "emotionally exposed" - the pressure that I used to feel in my head, I now feel around my heart - it feels like a chronic sadness I suppose. It is definitely a "feeling" rather than a sensation. I feel emotionally raw, and for the first time since the start of all this I kind of feel like I could cry at any moment.
But I do not despair, I don't think the world is a terrible place, or that I am a terrible person, or that terrible things are going to happen to me. I am not especially pessimistic. I just have this "feeling" all the time. I still value my life very highly and desperately want to be happy. I have a good life and appreciate all the things I have and want to be able above all to enjoy them and connect with them.
I have been seeing a psychotherapist and we have been dragging up loads and loads of painful stuff from my childhood and I suppose it is only natural that I should feel "raw" as a result. I just don't know if the depression was the thing that was always the problem and the anxiety just kick-started it, or whether I should consider that the depression is just a natural step on in the recovery process.
Am I depressed? And if so - is this a normal part of recovering from anxiety? Should I feel positive about this step?
Any insights very welcome!
thanks,
Gareth
*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***
My "condition" seems to have moved on. I was suffering from constant high anxiety, the main problems being physical symptoms in my head and constant racing thoughts. I would wake up in the morning anxious and go to bed anxious, worrying that I had lost my mind. This has gone on for four months.
In the past couple of weeks this has changed into what I can only describe as a "constant low mood". I wake up feeling low, and feel low throughout the day, worse at some times. I kind of feel "emotionally exposed" - the pressure that I used to feel in my head, I now feel around my heart - it feels like a chronic sadness I suppose. It is definitely a "feeling" rather than a sensation. I feel emotionally raw, and for the first time since the start of all this I kind of feel like I could cry at any moment.
But I do not despair, I don't think the world is a terrible place, or that I am a terrible person, or that terrible things are going to happen to me. I am not especially pessimistic. I just have this "feeling" all the time. I still value my life very highly and desperately want to be happy. I have a good life and appreciate all the things I have and want to be able above all to enjoy them and connect with them.
I have been seeing a psychotherapist and we have been dragging up loads and loads of painful stuff from my childhood and I suppose it is only natural that I should feel "raw" as a result. I just don't know if the depression was the thing that was always the problem and the anxiety just kick-started it, or whether I should consider that the depression is just a natural step on in the recovery process.
Am I depressed? And if so - is this a normal part of recovering from anxiety? Should I feel positive about this step?
Any insights very welcome!
thanks,
Gareth
*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***