so lonely today

[darkphantom]

got up this morning but gone back to bed this is a hard day for me, what m akes it worse is in 4 weeks time it will be the annervarsary of dads passing his birthday today then that. this is the first anniversary ive had to go through on my own. it hurting so much today need a hug so much. he was the only one that loved me. everyone misses him i wish it was me who had died and not dad.
noone would miss me after all they told me they wanted me dead. i wish someone was here with me now.
its not true what they say time doesnt heal its been 24yrs and i still feel the same. now lose the rest of family cause of this depression, ive got no children, nothing to look forward to if family hate me perhaps everyone will be better off if i was with dad. the world doesnt want bad, burden, losers, and waste of spaces.
sorry ive gone on abit, im just at rock bottom today i wish i could meet each one of you who have helped me and just give you all a hug need one so bad. i cant stand this lonelyness much longer it been with me 5 years. noone cares if i died, so why should i carry on, i want to get better but not to live this lonely life it hurts to much.
thankyou for listerning
i got so much love to give but people hate me and i dont know why
love you all
susie darkphantom

[leo05]

hi susie

i understand where you are coming from wanting to be with your dad as i so want to be with my mam and i know that one day i will

*big hug*

it only been 12 yrs since my mam died and it hurts like hell

your family will love you probably just dont know how to deal with depression
we would alll miss U if you did anything stupid

*even bigger hug*

i will never hate you

i e-mailed you my no if you dont get it let me know

leanne [8D]

[Karen]

Hi Susie

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low today. I know the loneliness and isolation can get to you. We may not be with you in person, but we do care and want nothing more than to see you get better.

It isn't true that no one would miss you if you weren't here, and you are not a burden to anyone. I am sure your husband would be devastated if you weren't here anymore, and lots of people here care about you too. It is the depression convincing you otherwise.

Can you get out of the house for a while? Sitting alone, constantly ruminating and focusing on the negative thoughts only serves to make you feel worse. Maybe you could go for a short walk, or to a local park. Perhaps being somewhere that there are people around will help a little.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[nomorepanic]

Susie

Sorry you are having a bad time at the moment.

We all care very much about you ok so please remember that and you are not hated or a waste of space.

Have you been in the chat room yet? May catch you in there later tonight.

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[Sax]

Hey Susie,

Hows things today? I hope you managed to get some sleep last night and are ready to take your next small steps!

I know yesturday was really really hard for you - I hope today can be a better day for you. Your Dad would be proud of you for wanting to get better which is what you told me, for him and for yourself. You should now be proud of yourself for telling me that! We'll work on that won't we Susie?

Maybe catch you in chat later Susie - you know we are all here for you! You'll be OK, we are all here to support one another!

I do hope your hand isn't causing too much pain at the moment.

Sax xxxx

[looby]

Hi Susie,

I hope you are feeling a bit brighter today.

I am sure your family will miss you if anything happened.
When I first started with depression, I was told "to pull myself together and stop being selifsh" and "can't you see what you are doing to everyone??!!!"

It was a long hard slog, but now they try to understand.

Grief is a terrible thing, and it may help if you could talk to a counsellor about your loss. It gets harder around anniversaries (?sorry spelling woeful!) I lost my grandmother 6 years ago, we were so close, but she went a bit senial towards the end, and it was so hard to understand why. She didn't really treat me as her grand daughter when she was bad. It is my mother in laws birthday the same day as my gran, so I know it is difficult trying to put a front on while people try to be happy.

Please take care and try and remember the good times you had with your dad, I try and do that to get me through the bad days.

Take care and here's a massive hug for you <squeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeeeeee>
xxxx