Please HELP, is this normal? i'm so scared

[phil75]

Hello,

I recently fully accepted my years long panic attack problem, and nervous illness and feel in my mind i can control it,as i cant have one now, and thats the problem, i am just dwelling, and dwelling, with my mind, and now instead of panic, am just in constant fealing, waves of DOOM!. I can't get up, i have no motivation to do anything!, i cant do a simple task, as i am dwelling. dont want the kids to see me like this, dont want my friends and family to know.. I have always been very strong, now i feel Sooo week, and helpless,and disatached. My partner dosen't know what to do...

I have been like this for 2 days now, i am not on Medication,
only joined the forum a couple of days ago, and found some MP3's of Claire Weeks, which i listnend to, and cried for the first time in Many Years, as it described my feelings exactly.

The Question i need answering really is. is this a Normal feeling?
after accepting your ILL. if so how long does it last for?.
I really need to talk to someone, i am scared so scared,
panic i can deal with, but this is unreal :-(

I have an appointment with the Doctor tomorrow.

The reality is i have been fighting for to long, and keeping strong for my family, and i realise i have been holding back a major depression. I have never been depressed before in my life. I realised yesterday, all the down pointers,episodes (panic) that have led to This. But i am so scared...


ANY help or advice on this would be appretiated,
i wish i could just talk to someone

Thanks,
Phil

[ladybird64]

Hi Phil

A lot of this sounds very familiar. :)
I like to think I'm strong too (have to be!) and have not yet managed to conquer my panics and agoraphobia..I also have a major issue with even considering that I might be "ill" mental health wise.
But..all that "fighting" is exhausting and takes it's toll, I also slid into a bad depression just before Christmas.
So I think it can go hand-in hand with anxiety and I think you have done the right thing to make an appointment to see your doctor, he/she may well be able to reassure that there is help available whether it's some kind of therapy/medication or a combination of both.
If you found the Claire Weekes downloads useful she has also written some books which you could order from the bookshop here on NMP.
You have taken steps to deal with how you're feeling although it might not seem that way..you have joined here so you can get info and support from others who know how you feel and you're going to see your doc.
If you have a look at some posts here on the forum you can see we come from all walks of life..these disorders can strike at anyone. They're not selective so if you don't feel able to "fight" anymore that's ok, give yourself the time you need to get better.

good luck at the docs :flowers:

[pooh]

Hi Phil

I just want to reassure you that it is perfectly normal for every single person on the face of the planet to go through a period of depression in their lives at some point. Some people like me experience it a little more often and a little more severely. I can completely relate to what you are describing.

As something new that is unfamiliar to you i also understand how absolutely scared you must feel. Depression really can be a debilitating thing HOWEVER you have done the absolutely right thing by arranging to go and see the doctor. And if you need a little helping hand with a course of medication that's more normal than you realise too. Please do try to tell the doctor exactly how you feel.

There is a bit about depression in the left hand side menu give it a read. You know I am hard pushed to think of anyone in my adult life who hasnt crashed down at some point. whether its follows losing a job, a bereavement, a relationship breakdown or indeeed like yourself and many of us on here follows on from trying to live and cope and manage with heightened anxiety and panic.

You can and will get through this and you are perfectly normal.

Pooh xx

[phil75]

Thanks Pooh, and Ladybird,
I really appretiate your responces, I feel a bit better from reading them,
i will have a look round at all the posts relating to this, i think i really need to try and stop myself dwelling on one thing, I know am not crazy, i thaught i was when i was 16 and had that episode, that i now know to be a Panic Attack, which then caused my anxiety, i have always hid it well, and only told my Partner last year. So opening up and talking about it is fairly new to me. I am a very creative thinker, infact a musician so you can imagine all the thaughts going through my head. My main concern is how will the family cope, and what about my Business, i run an eBay business from home,
i know these are normal worries, but its this total lack of fight, and motivation i cannot understand, this is what i am dwelling on, then comes the waves of doom.

I understand i am not the only person going through this,
i just cant wait to get better :-)

Thanks again for your posts, they have been helpful, and kept my mind from wondering again.

Phil

[june]

Most of us try and "keep a brave face - we are in control of our lives) when in reality we are falling apart.
We have been trying so hard and then wonder why we are exhausted?????
I think that is what may of happened to you - it has all caught up on you without you realising it.
All good advice from other posts as you have seen.
One tip I give is make a list of your worst fears or aches / pains etc so that you can tell your doc "Exactly" how you are feeling.
Best wishes
June

[phil75]

Thanks June, I will do that, i am dreading going out to the doctors tomorrow,
i am exhausted from fighting to, I was once so strong and in control of it,
I was a Manager, with 60 staff, i had to do a presentation in front of 100 peoaple, my fear got in the way, i went on the sick and eventualy left, that was 5 years ago. Thats when fear got in the way, and the anxiety started, I just think i am going mad this time, i am scared of becoming housebound, i have never had so much anxiety in the house before. even alcohol isnt shifting it, like it normally does. I just want to get back to normal, but have no motivation or fight, i really hope it gets better...

[june]

I was at UNI in 2000 (mature student) I gave speech and presentation to 70 students ABSOLUTELY no problems i loved it.
And yet i fear going out of the house = i fear any ache or pain (it is always life threatening) I always feel ashamed - of what???? i have no idea!!!!
2nd tip of the day - leave the alcohol alone - it is not your friend.
I am not preaching - just not a good idea. Better off taking a 20 minute walk to clear the cobwebs.......
june

[phil75]

My Main Fears at the moment are:-

Fear of Going Mad
Fear of Loosing Control
Fear of forgetting how to speak
Fear of bieng branded Mental from Family / Friends
Fear of Loosing my Partner

My Normal Anxiety, and Panic Attacks when out and about are triggerd from
Trembling sensation, and when i am really bad my speach stutters.

I can't think straight at the moment, so please excuse me if i am not making any sense

[june]

You are excused:ohmy: welcome to the club:blush:
Please read "main Menu" on left of this screen

panic attacks
symptoms
health anxietymight give you some relief:hugs:
:hugs:

[phil75]

I was at UNI in 2000 (mature student) I gave speech and presentation to 70 students ABSOLUTELY no problems i loved it.
And yet i fear going out of the house = i fear any ache or pain (it is always life threatening) I always feel ashamed - of what???? i have no idea!!!!
2nd tip of the day - leave the alcohol alone - it is not your friend.
I am not preaching - just not a good idea. Better off taking a 20 minute walk to clear the cobwebs.......
june


I know its awful,fear of what.. i just hope we can get back to how things were, one day

I Never Drink in the day, but both me and partner do drink at night,
its the only time i can completley wind down, and not have ANY anxiety
it didn't work last night though, just don't know whats happened these last couple of days have been like a nightmare! constant ups and downs of worry, and doom
I HATE IT!..

[phil75]

lol :-)

[starlight78]

Hi Phil,
Bless you, I so recognise alot of the feelings you expressed in your post. I was struck down with incredible panic and depression about 5 years ago.

I have never felt so awful in my life, i really never believed I would get through it. I started on medication (Citalopram) and a few tablets of sleeping tablets so I could rest (i'd barely slept for weeks) and I have to say it really relieved the worst of it, and after that I had 8 sessions of CBT which has helped me stay pretty good since then. I feel like it got to the root cause of the depression and as I can keep the depression at bay, i'm less vulnerable to the anxiety.

I have my wobbles, but generally life is really good. Please believe me there is hope and you will get better, but take the help thats there.

Big Hugs

[rgb76]

Hi Phil

Sorry to read that you are going through this at the moment. You will find lots of support here.

I was signed off work last week as I too felt I was coping with anxiety and then fighting off depression. I have just started a course of Citalopram-10mg which increased to 20mg today. So far I'm okay with this but I would not have thought I would ever try or need meds but I finally admitted that I needed extra support which it sounds like you need now.

Contact your GP for help and support- you will feel so relieved just unburdening this problem

Take care

rgb

[phil75]

I went to the Doctors today,dont ask me how lol, and took my notes with me, of my feelings,
it turns out i have a bigger problem aswell, i knew i had, it could be whats caused the breakdown. I have been drinking everynight for 6 years, mainly to unwind at night, and my Doctors seams to think this is the route problem to my anxiety, Which i can understand. I have been prescribed mertazapine sleeping tablets, and have to go for my bloods next week, I can't believe she hasn't given me anything for the severe anxiety though

My Depression today has worsened, and i really feel i am going mad. I cant think straight, or concentrate on 1 thing without thinking, or anxiety, i can't find nothing to do i enjoy, i can't even talk i keep getting muddled up, i can't even sit down stairs with the kids, as i don't want them to see me like this. I have finally let me gaurd down to a friend, and my Dad, believe me that was hard to do, I didn't mention all the symptoms to him, but when i said panic attacks, he said he has them occasionly, which was kind of wierd, but releaving i suppose. I am just so down, and beating myself up, i feel so worthless... i am contemplating putting myself in a mental institute, if i cary on.

:-( :-(

[phil75]

I feel a lot better today :blush:

[Maddy]

Hello Phil
Hope you feel a little better today. It's scary I know when severe anxiety and depression strike but it's natures way of telling us that there are problems to be addressed, maybe long-standing ones. You mentioned feeling shaky in your teens so perhaps you just pushed those anxieties away and didn't really look into them deeply enough. Hopefully you have an understanding GP but my advice to you would be to see a counsellor at some point too. From my experience it helps to sort things out in your mind and give you a new perspective. Good that you are going to GP but I don't suppose you would want to take medication longer than is really necessary. Whatever you decide is best for you I wish you the best of luck in your recovery. Try to live in the moment if you can and distract yourself from negative thoughts by doing something active that you enjoy. Maddy

[june]

I feel a lot better today :blush:
Really glad to hear you are feeling better today:yesyes: most of us on here have roller coaster emotions.
Good idea of Maddy's to see a councellor (and it might have done you good to talk to your dad and your friend)
Once people know you have a problem you don't have to keep hiding it and you tend to relax a bit.
Best wishes
june
:hugs:

[phil75]

Thanks for your comments guys, I do feel much better today, everything seemed a little brighter, and i went out for a walk with the kids, the panic was thier, and at long que of traffic, it got so i could feel my heart, normaly i would have turned round, and gone another way, but i carried on!, and i calmed down, it felt great. Small steps as they say.
I think i have been hiding the anxiety with alchohol for Many Years, and it finally caught up with me, god i wouldn't wish those last 2 days on anybody,
I reall thaught i was going to go insane!!..
I am back at the Doctors on Tuesday for blood tests, and for next step,
I have been refferd for Counciling for the drinking, and i am feeling ok-ish at the moment, Thanks for the support, I know i am not on my own :-) :-)

Phil