hatered for mother in law

[heavymind]

Just want to dump my raging thoughts out.

I dont know what on earth makes her think she can sit on top
of my head. Her daughter is great, according to her and that
gives her the right to talk as if everybody else in the world is
bulls**t and only she knows how to raise a kid.

Who in the hell is she to come dictate my daily routine. Who in
the hell gave her authority over me.

My wife is very close to her mother and some games they play
they play it together. She is ingeneral good, but under her
mothers influence becomes an idiot, who justifies all actions or
hers, and her parents and rejects and criticizes all actions by
me or by my parents.

We were a very loving couple and her mother has almost damaged
it completely. I dont seem have be able to forgive them and move on.

I get invaded by obsessive thoughts of things that happened in the
past. We have planned a 2nd aniversary vacation and on one side,
I feel like, I dont want to do it. But I know we will have a good time,
but I have lost trust in her, since when it comes to aspects relating to
her parents, she lies, she justifies and manipulates and thinks
what ever she does or her parents do is right.

All three of them are a bunch of manipulative mfbstds.


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[alias_kev]

Sorry to hear from your experiences. I can relate to the difficulties of a difficult mother in law. Some of them have to be the centre of attention in any situation. Others are directly manipulative.

You seem to have the latter and its unfortunate that your partner is so locked into her parent(s) that you only get more conflict EVEN when the parents are not present. I see you are in india and without wanting to assume sterotypes - that is a culture where parents have a strong influence and perhaps mothers most in a hands on way. So you are fighting a social norm and not just an unpleasant mother in law.

In your wife's defence it might be that she has been so dominated by her mother all her life, and perhaps so desperate for her mothers approval (anything else might well have been horrible) that she is capable of little else. And as I said you have a lot of cultural influences that way too.

If things always feel as bad as you described you might do well to seek some form of marriage counselling. The two of you have to find a way to work together especially if you have children.

[heavymind]

My wife does that because her mother had a durnkard for a husband, who was abusive, she has struggled a lot and that gives my wife a need to say yes to any demands that her mother places on her or our family, and her mother exploits this well. She complains about her husband to me, but gets him to come home drunk to my house and place demands on us, relating to small issues. I cant eternally be saying YES to them.. I am now saying a strong NO and its not easy.

I get enraged when they manipulate their way into getting me to say YES on issues that I would prefer to do differently.

[tm_edinburgh]

Could you leave the room and go away and think about the best way for you to negotiate what you want without losing your temper. I know its easier said than done but from the sounds of it you aren't getting the response you want with the approach you have. Look at it as a marketing strategy, you've got to sell it to your wife.
Best of luck.

[heavymind]

Actually things arent that bad between me and my wife, we are still getting along well and we dont fight over anything other than demands from each others parents. My father-in-law is a typical demanding narcissist. I dont like authority. I have made my parents understand that and they never interfere these days and the relationship between my and my parents has significantly improved since me/my parents learned the boundaries.

But her parents hadnt learned it yet.