Some advice please

[tom1]

Hi everyone, I wanted to make another thread for this as this is seperate from my sleeping problems.

Anyway to the point. Basically I am experiencing what I can only describe as reckless behaviour (I don't care until it happens attitude) even though I am still an anxious person. When I am in this state of mind, I do things that maybe I shouldn't do just to feel better about myself or things - or perhaps in some ways deal with a certain 'anxiety'. Lately this has been partly drinking, buying things I can only just afford, indulging in foods I don't normally eat and not caring about getting my uni work done properly. It's like I am acting careless, and each day I am almost trying to live life to the full, but it's always at the expense of either being unhealthy, messing up my uni work, spending money that I have saved for other things etc.

I just don't know what to do anymore, I have phases of this sort of behaviour some months - like I don't do any of this and then others are like this... I thought for a while this might be a sort of 'high' but I'm not too sure. It seems like I am doing it to make myself feel better in order to combat certain depressive phases and anxieties. My problem is learning the root cause.

Could this be worsened or contributed by my medication Sertraline? I really don't know. Some might say it's step forward and perhaps a good thing, because I am not excessively worrying about doing things that might be unhealthy, or emptying the wallet every now and then. Some might even say this is normal human behaviour. But because I am usually so careful and constantly avoiding things that may/not merit a certain problem I live sometimes in isolation - cut off from certain acitivities. All I know is this concerns me and I feel something needs to be done but I really would like some advice.

Thank you.

[Lynnann]

Hi Tom,

I don't know if I would call this normal behaviour or not, from what you have descibed it is not usual behaviour for you. Have you considered that your worrying and constant avoidance and isolation put you under a tremendous amount of stress? This is alongside the usual stresses of life and University as well.

Somewhere inside you know that you need to relax a little and treat yourself but but you are not allowing yourself to do that on a regular basis the result is a build of pressure resulting in an explosion of activity and excess. A bit like shaking a champagne bottle then popping the cork:blush:

Perhaps a more regular routine of activities would help to even things out allowing you to accept that we all need to socialise and treat ourself sometimes.

Lynnann

[tom1]

I think your suggestion could be right - it could well be that I am feeling constantly stressed and going a bit overboard to counter this feeling. I suppose my real problem is knowing when it is appropriate and when it isn't. For example a couple of times, I was up all night drinking and watching movies (I suffer from sleep problems - so I am awake anyway) but I had uni the next day which led to a severe hangover and it affected my performance at uni. A lot of people my age might say this is normal (part of being a student) but this isn't like you mentioned 'normal' behaviour for me.

My parents have also grown some concerns to my growing 'living life to the full' behaviour'. At first they weren't too bothered by it, but then they asked me a couple of times why I was doing this and I merely said I want to chill out and enjoy life.

Basically I think I am realising now that all these times I've isolated myself and cut myself off, I've missed out and not 'lived' or enjoyed my life. I feel as though I am making up for it now, but obviously it's at the expense of other important things in my life... It's tricky because on one hand it's great I am enjoying things and my life but on the other hand it sacrifices other things that are just as important.

I think I just need to find balance. I am just you know... trying to straighten this all out before I come crashing down or something crazy. Also the guilt I have afterwards sometimes leads to making me depressed and then repeating the previous event.

[lorac]

Hi Tom

I think you have just answered the question yourself "you need to find a balance". There is nothing wrong with treating yourself sometimes and you certainly should be enjoying yourself along with finding time for your studies. I have a nephew at uni who is doing exactly the same as you so I think I would say you are behaving in a very normal way. Just try and ease things out a bit and don't overdo it.

I wish you well

Carol

[Lynnann]

Hi Tom,

learning when things are appropraiate and not is something that we learn through time, trial and effort. I don't think there is anyone that hasn't suffered from the excesses of their behaviour from time to time.

You already ahead of a lot of your peers in realising you need balance. I am sure you will find it but don't beat yourself up too much when you do "live life to the full". After all thats what life is about isn't it?

Wishing you the very best

Lynnann

[tom1]

Hi thank you for the responses.

I just want to say I feel things have levelled off a bit now and aren't so over-the-top like I was saying. I feel like perhaps I might be on a bit of a 'high'? which is probably a good thing.

Overall I am feeling much happier and less depressed, (much less depressed) which I still find so weird and hard to believe because I've been so down for a while. My anxiety on the other hand has had its ups and downs - a few bad spells here and there but I think the CBT is starting to pay off in some areas.

Another thing that perhaps might be a contribution to all this, is the fact I am now taking half of Sertraline in the morning and half at night before I go to bed. Could this be affecting my overall mood? I'm not sure. I am just glad I am feeling somewhat better at the moment about things and hope it lasts.

[tom1]

Ok, a quick update. I need some opinions again please as this is quite a big change that I am about to take and it requires some people's input and experiences to help me out.

Basically, I want to change from Sertraline to something else. I've noticed for a number of months now Sertraline is giving me really bad headaches. Not constantly but atleast 4 really bad ones a month. I discovered it was the sertraline when I decided to miss a dose and see if it went away and it did and this has happened more than once to cure it. It seems like after a while my body stops tolerating it or something. I've read similar reports with other people saying the same thing. Also there's a couple of other side-effects I'd like to get rid of anyway. So this begs the question of whether this a good idea to switch? because there's always a risk involved and instead of trying to get better with another med, it could make me worse...

A couple of medications I am considering are: Venlafaxine, Trazodone, Citalopram (again), and maybe Mirtzapine (but the weight gain does scare me!).

So if anyone has had any experiences with either of these meds, and wants to inform me of any dangers or common bad side-effects and also any positive effects would be great too.

thanks

[Lynnann]

Hi Tom,

I am glad you are doing so much better than you were and things have levelled off a bit for you, I am afraid I don't know much about medication, you will probably get more responses, if you put your post in that section


Lynnann

[tom1]

Hi everyone. I just basically want to express some concerns of mine in this thread because I am really getting fed up at the moment.

In CBT I've been taught that graded exposure (which is basically exposing yourself to something you are anxious of many times until it stops making you anxious) is usually the best way to deal with something you are anxious in. However for certain tasks, I am just not getting any reduction in anxiety which really bothers me. I explained this to my therapist who said I just need to keep doing it - even though I've known about and been doing graded exposure the first time I did CBT 5 years ago. So 5 years I have been doing this for tasks I find anxiety provoking and still I have the same feelings.

I have also been taught in CBT to write my worries and feelings down and assess which ones are stronger than others and how they are affecting my mood, emotions etc. But, so far being more aware has just made me thinking things over 10x worse. It feels like it is creating some type of obsessional behaviour - the more I think about it the more I obsess and worry.

I am really confused at the moment because my anxiety is at quite a peak at the moment with things and I have nothing to help reduce it.

I also believe my medication may be making me feel worse about things as well because I notice I am getting cloudy judgement in the simplest of tasks. On top of that I am also getting the worst headaches ever, which I have not had on any other medication before. To make things worse my doctor who prescribes me my medication is not always available for me to discuss this so I just seem to be playing the waiting game and suffering miserably with this pain.

I honestly just feel like giving up.