View Full Version : negative thinking please help
hi all,
i couldnt take my daughter to playgroup this morning because no one was around to help me take her and i just really couldnt face doing it on my own so now im really upset and guilty,i phoned someone that ive had hypnoanalysys with a while ago and he said that im just thinking negative about it and need to think positive but thats easier said than done,god i just fell so stupid and upset, has anyone got any advice for me ?
im just so bloody sick of this.
tanya 1 x
wish i could advise you hun but as you know im in the same situation as you and its really not nice :hugs:
x
willitstop
26-01-09, 15:14
Its so hard hun
Ive suffered with this for 7 years now and also suffered from agoraphobia.
you really must say to yourself when you start feeling a panic attack coming i can do this im in control and i will not let you beat me.
its so hard i really do understand what your saying but if you keep letting it rule your life it will get worse
you have already started avoiding places and things you want to do.
If you want to talk further please dont hesitate to pm me :)
sending loads of positive thoughts your way xx
Hey I dont know if this will help you but try searching online about "The Law of Attraction".
I read a good book (The Law Of Attraction by Michael.J.Losier) and help guide which teaches you how to attract positive thoughts and energy into your life and to keep out the bad/negative thinking which your mind does.
Hope you overcome this :)
Hi Tanya, you're right - its easier said than done.
I have no miracle cure, I can only empathise as you are not alone. I've been in a similar situation several times. More often than not I avoided the situation, which isn't the best idea (but sometimes the douvet over my head approach is all I can muster).
I only know this. We all have good days and bad days. I spent a while beating myself up when I had a bad day, which led to another bad day. Just accept that once in a while it might happen, but tomorrow will be different.
I know this because at first it used to be bad months and good days. Then bad weeks and good days. Now its a bad day sometimes, and most times I'm fine.
It happens now and again, but if you allow yourself to feel out of sorts now and again without beating yourself up about it, then those days become just "blips".
I hope tomorrow you'll be a whole lot better.
Krakers.
daniel_ploss
26-01-09, 16:15
i wish i could help you but i am going through something simalar
if you need someone to talk to PM me
hi,thanks for replying,well had a bad morning as you know so im going to let it go and start again tomorrow,my boyfriend works shifts 4 on then 4 off so hes off tomorrow, weds, thurs, and fri so im going to push myself going out on my own while he is on standby as my saftey net if i need him.
im really going to try and face my fear.
tanya 1 x:)
Its so difficult, i struggled with mine today but other days are fine. Sometimes its a case of having no option, my husband travels a lot with work so mine will miss out so much if i dont try and get them to places. Just do the trip as a last minute thing, leave as late as possible, arrive as the doors are open, take her in and leave asap. I remember you saying another mum now knows, maybe she will be there tomorrow as a bit of a safety net too. Keep talking to her or your daughter tro distract, i use my watch and think things will be over in 3 mins, then 2 etc and before long its done and over and you achieved what you set out to do. Gradually you will hopefully become more desensitised to it and be able to take her with more ease. Can you take her elsewhere, like the park, library etc? Or is it mainly nursery that is troublesome?
hi bagpuss,thanks for replying,i live in a village and dont drive so no i dont take her anywhere on my own,it all started when i moved out of my mums and rented a house until we found one to buy,but the house we rented was half an hours drive from friends or family,and when i had my daughter i had an infection and was really not well and also had postnatal deppression and was panicking all the time and with a new born baby i was getting no sleep not eating good,i was a mess honestly,so anyway this one day my boyfriend went to work and by mistake i had left the buggy and my mobile (didnt have house phone) in his car,well when i realised i just really panicked thinking oh my god im on my own what if something happens ?
so i ran upstairs (luckily i had written down everyones numbers in my diary )so i got the numbers got some change,put my baby in a sling on my stomach and walked about 20 mins to there nearest phone box,phoned my boyfriend(no answer ) so phoned his mum,burst out crying when she answered and told her i was having a panic attack come and get me.but let me tell you that 20 min walk to the phone box must of been the worst time of my life,i was so ill and panicking that i thought i was going to faint and squash my baby it was awfull.so thats when i stopped going out on my own with her.
tanya 1 x
Well, its very understandable that you have anxiety about going out alone. Must have been a horrific time for you, but remember that nothing bad did happen and you did manage. Its going to take a lot of work and perseverance but im sure you will get there. You can go out when others are with you, so have someone walking behind, rather than with you. That way there is some support but it is also giving you a bit of independance. Do you manage to get to places when you arnt with your daughter? Sometimes i find im ok on my own, but if i take my two along i can feel panicky and anxious. Not all the time, but it can be made worse by the extra responsibility. I can look after myself when like this, but a couple of children as well is almost too much.
Hope today was a better day for you
xxx
well to be honest sometimes im nervous about taking my daughter out because she sometimes just wont hold my hand and run off,it was ok when she was in her buggy,but shes too big for it now,i just dont understand because i can take my brother out on my own and hes got epilepsey and learning difficulties and he can sometimes be hard to handle but i think its cause hes younger than me so im used to looking after him,i think like you said i just need to keep trying on my own while someones behind me or 5 mins away as my saftey net.
tanya 1 x
i was going out this morning with my mum so she gave me a lift down to the school and waited in the car while i took my daughter in,and my boyfriends home today so hes going to come with me to pick her up.
well done for taking your daughter today thats great!
how did you feel? did you feel panicky or was it not as bad as you thought?
ive got to go pick my daughter up from school for 315 and am totally dreading it :( x
hi mummy4,no i was ok because my mum gave me a lift down, with me its the walking down and walking back on my own that i panic aswell even though its only 10 mins away,i didnt want to go and pick her up with my boyfriend though,honestly ive just made this problem about going to pick her up from a mole hill into a big giant mountain,anyway we took our dog and walked down early and hardly any1 was there which was great and then before you knew it she was out early so i feel much more positive now.
i tend to put things off and make myself worse,well not anymore.
tanya 1 x x x
Good on you, thats a great start, it shows you can do it with some support. The more you do with help the more you will start to do on your own. Confidence grows with time, just keep plugging away at it and you will get there. Maybe try on your own but speak to someone on the phone the whole time, or someone walkiing a little way behind you. Im sure you can do this, things are never as bad as they seem once you get there. I tend to settle as soon as i get somewhere, even if i dreaded the sensations getting there in the first place, its most of the battle won once you arrive. The main thing is not to dwell on the bad days and start each new one with an aim, no matter how small. Some days mine is to go to the supermarket, today i went to a cafe and had a drink and read the paper (have a real problem with eating out etc so today was a test!), other days i can barely get the washing up done!
Keep the positive mind frame going, dont slip back to the negative thoughts, tomorrow will be just as good!
xxxx
thanks bagpuss for your advice it really helps me,especially as i know youve been through anxiety too,it just feels like you all understand me on here.
tanya 1 x
How are things going?? Just noticed the bit about your daughter not holding hands etc. Stick with reins, mine hated the reins so i used to carry them in my bag and if they didnt hold hands they had them put on. Didnt take long for them to decide to comply!! Remember that you are in charge of her, not the other way round. Kids sense our weaknesses and if we are having a tough time they use it to their advantage and try to get away with stuff we wouldnt normally allow.
Im still going through the anxiety and have been on Citalopram for 3 weeks now, the mornings are still hard but im getting better as htey day goes on and noticing a difference on how im looking at things. Keep plugging away at it, you'll get there.
xxx
hi bagpuss,yeah things are good,my daughter hasnt been to nursery today because she hasnt been feeling to well,and neither have i,feel like im coming down with something,i really hope its not one of those horrible bugs again,anyway we had a lovely time last night we all went out for a meal and bowling with some family and friends and it was really nice,but it just goes to show that when you practise things it does get better because i used to be a nervous wreck going out for meals it was awfull,i used to sit there panicking the whole time ,then once we left i would just cry, honestly and at the time i always used to think that i would never be comfterble going for a meal but now i am,and thats what i think about taking my daughter to school that i will never be comfterble so i just need to think(practise makes it better).
tanya 1 x
were you on other medication before you were on citalopram ?
Oooh, that gives me hope! My main problem is usually eating out etc, had a very bad experience when on holiday a few years ago and it seemed to trigger this response when out. Occassionally at folks houses i get a bit flappy too, but generally settle. Im not sure if we will ever be able to go out and enjoy ourselves again at this rate! But it can be done as you say. Im pleased you had a good night, it should provide a decent boost to your confidence. Hope you have a good weekend,
xxx
Tried Seroxsat and lasted 3 weeks before nearly topping myself, so came off it. That was 2 years ago and lasted until Jan this year before finally seeking some medical help again. Are you on anything?
hi bagpuss,ive been on 20mg citalopram for months now,hope you have a good weekend too. x x x x
Snowshadow
02-02-09, 04:15
I can totally relate. I've had agoraphobia since I was 20... I'm now 59. However, I've been able to pretty much overcome the agoraphobia... The thing that helped me the most was finding the right medication and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). If you can't find a therapist who does this, you can do it on your own. The book we used was "Feeling Good" by David Burns M.D. Although there are lots of books on CBT now. It does take time and lots of practice, but you can change your negative thoughts into realistic positive thoughts. Of course I still have the off day, but I'm going places now I never thought possible. I too had incredible problems taking my two kids places and after my first baby I was housebound for a year. If only I had known about CBT back then. My doctor actually made me go to a group for CBT... I thought I would die the first few sessions, but somehow I made it. And I'm so glad I stuck it out. A year later I went back for a "refresher" course. Now it is second nature... I hope this helps. There is a workbook that comes with the book I mentioned. But like I said, there are a lot of books on CBT now. Good luck!!! There IS hope!!!
How have things been today Tanya? Ive had a stinker of a weekend and an awful day today. IM not sure if its the citalopram or not, but imhardly getting any sleep-about 3 hours a night-and i just cant functiononit. Now im starting to dread the evenings as im so sure i shant sleep again and its too much to face. My husband has gone to India now for a month too so im on my own wth my children-who are also poorly. Im not sure how on earth i will manage.
The CBT booklet sounds good, im starting to work from one with my councellor but cant remember who it is by. I can get over the agoraphobia bit most of the time but struggle with the inward thinking and analysing how i feel every minute etc and how bad the panic is at each moment. I feel pretty useless with it at the minute as its so controlling. Although i know the key is to control it, i just dont know how yet. This has to be the toughest thing i have ever dealt with in my life.
Snowshadow
04-02-09, 01:12
This definitely is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with too... and I've even had cancer! Plus had to leave my first husband as he was abusive... NOT an easy thing to do with two children. But dealing with anxiety and panic is the worst. But stick with the CBT... it really does help... it's amazing actually... but it does take time and practice. But so worth it. It's truly incredible how our thinking affects us!
blackberry
04-02-09, 04:38
Just reading through this post and I'm in the same position re; taking my child to school and feeling like I'm going to 'freak out'. I also find the panic and dread harder to control when I have the responsibility of my child. Am I a bad mum? It's so much easier for me to go shopping etc. by myself rather than to take her along. Is this wrong? I know I shouldnt take the easy way out by going alone but its difficult staying in a shop while I'm panicking with my child saying 'can I have this can I have that!'
IloveJoshHolloway
04-02-09, 13:58
Hi Hun. Im going through the same thing at the moment. Some days I feel I can take my kids to school other days I cant.
Cant really offer advice but sending you positive thoughts and big hugs. xxx
hi bagpuss,yeah im ok sometimes i go through periods of feeling down and coming on here all the time to be honest was making me feel worse because i was thinking about my problems too much so i didnt come on here for a couple of days and i feel much better now,sometimes i go through fazes of looking for answers to my problems all the time so i just take a step back and try to focuse on other things in my life and push the panic to the back of my mind,im down on the playgroup rota for helping out next tuesday which i havent done since before christmas so i will see how that goes,hope your ok and feel better x x x
and thank you to snowshadow,blackberry and ilovejoshholloway for also replying it means a lot to me to know other people are out there who are going through the same things as me because sometimes you get so caught up in your own problems that you think your the only 1 so thanks guys x x x x x
tanya 1
ok so its sunday night and now im starting to feel really panicky and upset because tomorrow morning ive got to take my daughter to school on my own which is 10 minutes walking down the road but im dreading it and dont think i can do it,why do i feel so alone and always want someone to be with me ? im supposed to be the mother holding my daughters hand to school but so feel like i need someone to hold my hand ? im just really sad and fed up with it now.
tanya 1 x
ladybird64
08-02-09, 22:19
ok so its sunday night and now im starting to feel really panicky and upset because tomorrow morning ive got to take my daughter to school on my own which is 10 minutes walking down the road but im dreading it and dont think i can do it,why do i feel so alone and always want someone to be with me ? im supposed to be the mother holding my daughters hand to school but so feel like i need someone to hold my hand ? im just really sad and fed up with it now.
tanya 1 x
Tanya, this is the way we all feel hun, don't let guilt add to your difficulties. :)
I do the same with my daughter..she is 18 but has the mental capability of someone much younger and I know logically that she can't help me if I panic..but when we're frightened logic doesn't come into it.
I do know what it's like to build up the fear in your mind..I always mentally "walk" my route about 20 times before I even leave the house so by the time I do leave..well, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. :)
But it may not happen tomorrow just because it's happened before. If it does, try and slow your pace although I know the tempation is to walk at a zillion miles and hour..rushing just increases the adrenaline being released.
Take some water, mobile, whatever you think may help and if you do feel yourself "losing it" put a hand on your tummy to make sure you're breathing properly. Seems obvious and I didn't believe it until I did just that and found out I was breathing very strangely!
If you can't make it, you can try again. However, I would advise you to see your doc if you haven't already, you may need some extra help.
Good luck :flowers:
thanks laydybird for your advice,i just work myself up about it all the time and feel so guilty,i went to the doctors about 2 weeks ago but he cant give me anything else because im allready on 20mg citralopram,it really helps when people reply to my posts because i dont feel so alone then so thanks,i think sometimes i just need somebody to talk to about my problems who understands.
tanya 1 x
How did it go today? Maybe the doctor could up the dose of citalopram? Ive just gone up to 40 from 20 and its beginning to help. Today is the first day i havnt woke up shaking and wondering how to get through the morning.
xxx
hi bagpuss,i had to phone my mother in law to come and give me a lift down to the school this morning because i just felt i couldnt do it on my own then because i look after my disabled brother on mondays my mum went to pick her up,im helping out in playgroup in the morning but not too worried about that because my boyfriends off work tomorrow so hes there if i need him,so will see how tomorrow goes.
tanya 1 x
my boyfriend gave me and my daughter a lift down to school this morning so i could help out at playgroup,when we got there i started to panic and said to my boyfriend "i cant do it" he said come on you will be fine so i got out the car panicking like mad,walked up to the door seen some of the mums were still in the corridor talking which made me feel worse so i took my daughter into the toilets for five minutes until i heard them go,then went into playgroup thinking i wasnt going to be able to stay but i started to feel calmer so thought ok i will just try,so anyway i stayed and helped out and it was fine,there were 3 playgroup leaders and two other women helping but that didnt bother me, i think its just when all the other mothers are there all in a crowd talking thats scares me i feel as if there looking at me and talking about me,so anyway im pleased that i stayed and helped out my daughter loved it.
tanya 1 x
Thats excellent progress!!!!! Well done hun, keep it up and you will be doing everything again in no time at all. Big hugs!
xxxx
thanks bagpuss,how are you doing ?
tanya 1 x
Having a better couple of days thanks. Got various things that seem to be breaking down in the house/car so am trying to get all manner of stuff repaired etc but am taking it with a pinch of salt. I think the extra medication is beginning to really work for me now so its nice being able to think positivley and manage everyday stuff that had become very difficult. Am off to brave the snow now and take the kiddies to their swimming lessons and will use the rest of the pool to do some exercise myself. Must be mad! Take care xxx
hi bagpuss im glad to hear your ok,youve been really helpful replying to my posts,i had cbt today and it went really well,i need to stop focusing on the negatives and focuse on the positives,i was so wrapped up in thinking if i dont take my daughter to school on my own then i must be a bad mum,god ive only just realised its so untrue,im going to start taking her to school with the mum i told my problem to and stop bloody worrying about it,sometimes i listen too much to a certain person in my life that keeps telling me i should be doing this or should be doing that and if i dont then im bad,god this person has done this to me before cant believe i was listening to them yet again,i think they were just trying to push me too hard or trying to scare me into suddenly snap out of my anxiety which is not going to happen,they told me that if i dont start taking her on my own to school then i will have to pull her out alltogether which is a load of crap theres nothing wrong with me going with another mum is there,god this person is so bloody interfering,sorry just needed a little rant ha ha feel better now
tanya 1 x
Thats very true, there is nothing wrong with walking with someone else. Small steps help loads and after a time of walking with her you will be happy to walk alone. Dont let other people drag you down, if you know this person drags you down then ignore all that they say and distance yourself from them. There is no need for all the rubbish about pulling your daughter out of school or being a bad mum if you dont get her there yourself. We all have our problem areas and so long as we want to resolve them and deal with them so that we can get to doing whatever the activity is then we are already halfway there. Keep plugging away at it and the positive attitude will help loads. Have a good weekend,
xxx
im still struggling every1,and fed up with it
tanya 1 x
Which bit are you struggling with hun? Is it getting to school still?
hi bagpuss,yeah im still struggling to take her to school,its also got worse because for the past two weeks ive been making excuses for someone else to take her and me not even going at all,im just so scared and feel so bloody stupid and guilty,i just dont get it,im getting better at other stuff like shopping and taking her to parties but still bad with school,ive really got to start pushing myself this week,sometimes i just think i will never get better,its always the negative thoughts that take over with this problem and its really getting me down,im just so fed up with this one bloody problem
tanya 1 x x
:) hi i hope you dont mind me butting in - just wanted to add my encouragement to you - i have been where you are and in some situations i still struggle - but you are doing amazingly well!:yesyes: just to say though that replacing the negative thinking with positive thinking will not become natural overnight - and even when we do start to hear our positive voice more we still have the negative voice, but we become better and better at noticing it and answering it quickly with a positive - it wont happen overnight so be easy with yourself - you had a horrible start when this all happened and it happened relatively slowly over a period of time - the reversal of it is the same - it takes time - have you ever heard of the book 'feel the fear and do it anyway' by susan jeffers? that book really inspired me and alot of other nmp members - it may help - you can get it from th nmp bookshop, take care and keep up the hard work, eventually you will start to feel okay:hugs:
Take comfort in the fact that you are doing other stuff that was difficult before. You may have a problem with school but can now shop etc, any step forward is great! Be proud of it! Start trying to accompany your daughter to school again with a friend/family member and build up from there. Maybe you can walk to the corner near school and progress nearer each day, it all takes time but you will get there. You managed to help out at school a couple of weeks ago so you have it in you to do this. Maybe speak to your doctor about some additional help/upping meds for a bit to help?
I know what you mean about the guilt too, i feel it a lot and as if im not good enough mum/wife etc. It may be true but it might not be, im doing the best i can and i am making an effort to get better. Better than nowt! PM me anytime if you need a chat,
Bagpuss
xxx
thanks bagpuss you always give me good advice,i just always forget the positive things ive done so thanks for reminding me,will let you know how i get on
tanya 1 x x x
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