If I push myself, will it help me get better?

[auxano]

I have what I think is a mild anxiety.
It started after I had surgery and then episodes of waking in the night with vertigo. My dr did alot of testing and they all came back clear. Now 2 years later I have pretty much decided that the random vertigo was related to having a sore neck. I think I was sleeping with my neck twisted and this somehow caused the dizziness. I found the vertigo to be incredibly scarey and this led to anxiety.

Some days i will just carry this feeling of "dread" but don't know why. Every Sunday I sit in church but when it's time to stand and sing I feel out-of-breath and a bit woozey. This is so annoying as I don't understand why? I choose to sit on the edge of the aisle so I feel "safe" and not squashed into the middle of the pews. I would love to know how to relax and know if the breathlessness/woozy feeling I get when trying to sing is anxiety related?

I think I have done really well in talking my way through this anxiety problem. There were times when I would feel panic when I was in a shop or situation and I have taught myself that "things are fine, nothing bad has ever happened before and you need to relax and calm down" - and I'm pleased to say that it has worked well and I now have no problems going out etc.

However, I am about to go back to school to train as a teacher. This will be for 3 years. This is a HUGE challenge for me. My worry/anxiety/feeling of dread/ has been worse these past weeks and I know it is because of the new challange i have starting next week.

I am wondering about things like this:

-do I play it safe and sit at the back of the classroom (in my mind "giving in" to the anxiety), or do I sit whereever is spare and push through the feelings that may arise?

I wonder if pushing through actually helps, or if things go belly-up and I struggle for 1.5hr lecture with anxiety have I made things worse?

Also, another question:
Becasue my anxiety is all related to being scared I will have another vertigo attack -I think about it every day, I hate the word "dizzy" (it makes me feel nervous), I find that when I get into bed each night I THINK about it, I WORRY I may have an attack that night, I worry about the position of my neck. I have now started waking in the night and the first though is "oh is my neck straight?" etc.
In reality, I haven't had a vertigo attack for at least 6 months!

-How can I get through this paranoia?
Part of me thinks it is a justified parnanoia because it HAS happened, but the other part of me thinks that it's been a long time since it did happen and I don't want to spend 2009 worrying every night when in reality it may NOT ever happen again.

Sorry this is long, I need to just get it out!
Thanks

[mestys]

Hi auxano. I've had relapse of my anxiety for about 4 months now. I've found that the more and more you let it bother you the worse it will become, which is obviously common sense. I've also used the same technique as you to get me through tough situations, telling myself that i've been in this situation so many times feeling axious and nothing has ever happened to me and you're right it does work really well.

I can totally relate to you when you say you would prefer to sit at the edge of the row in church, having that comfort that you can always escape if need be makes it less daunting, though the more you do this, the harder it will be to overcome your anxiety. Although i'm saying this, i'm completely guilty of the same thing. I've had enough of my anxiety, so starting tomorrow I'm just going to brave it out, put myself in tough situations and see what happens, keeping a diary of each situation. You can then look back at say, well I did this and NOTHING happened. You will no doubt experience high levels of anxiety but the more you do it, the easier it will get.

The veritgo is something I can relate to also, my axniety started with vertigo/hearing problems. The time they were the most frightening was when I was driving, consequently I haven't driven for 6-7 weeks. The more I avoid driving the harder it becomes.

Hope this helps a bit. Feel free to PM anytime. Goodluck :)

[auxano]

Thanks so much for your reply mestys,
We sound similar in our approach:D

It's good to hear that you think I should push myself - that was my gut feeling. I always considered myself a no-nonsence, get on with it sort of gal.... I have 6 children ! So, I NEED to gt on with it!

Looking back on the past 3 years I can see issues in my life that have caused the anxiety to be there...the vertigo was the tipping point for me I think. I have been through hell in some ways - my gall bladder surgery, being strangely ill after this surgery, dr not finding anything wrong, diarreah - afraid to go out incase I had a bout of it - my dh having an affair and me trying to keep the family together - which was the RIGHT thing totally to do and our marriage is back on track and my dh is so supportive - but then when the vertigo started and the Dr couldn't work out why I just freaked!

I just want to be able to put the vertigo into perspective, but I go to bed each night and worry that I'll wake up and the room will be spinning. DH is so good at talking me through it each night and telling me to wake him if I wake in the night etc. I have just HAD ENOUGH. I want to TAKE CONTROL of my sleep again - I used to love going to sleep.

Do you find that you are super sensitive to movement after vertigo? Sometimes if there is movement - ie the car goes over a bump and at the same time someone moves in another direction at the same time, my heart lurches. The adrenalin rush is just awful. I think I am just super senstive to that movement.

Some times I can go weeks with no problems, then it starts again. Does this mean I can never "recover" and move on? Is this always going to be there?

Thanks again, it's so good to be able to chat this out with someone.

[Janieb]

one thing that keeps me going on my bad days and I have taken a lot from it was a book called, Feel the Fear but do it anyway, or something to that extent.

It tought me that well hey just do it, like a bit like NIKE. Life is so short, and I think more than anything we know it is short with our anx so you have to try and make the best of this time we have. You only get one shot at this. Maybe you will never overcome your fear 100%, I know I haven't because now and again my old habits creep in but you have to try.

I would say try and channel all that worry and anx into your new task, learn to be a teacher and hopefully if anx strikes in time you will push past the fears and soon learn how to manage them as apposed to them managing you.

Fingers crossed everything goes well!

[mestys]

Looking back on the past 3 years I can see issues in my life that have caused the anxiety to be there...the vertigo was the tipping point for me I think. I have been through hell in some ways - my gall bladder surgery, being strangely ill after this surgery, dr not finding anything wrong, diarreah - afraid to go out incase I had a bout of it - my dh having an affair and me trying to keep the family together - which was the RIGHT thing totally to do and our marriage is back on track and my dh is so supportive - but then when the vertigo started and the Dr couldn't work out why I just freaked!

Sounds like you've been through a really difficult time, you sound like you're a very strong person too. Keep fighting, it will get better! :)



Do you find that you are super sensitive to movement after vertigo? Sometimes if there is movement - ie the car goes over a bump and at the same time someone moves in another direction at the same time, my heart lurches. The adrenalin rush is just awful. I think I am just super senstive to that movement.


I know exactly what you mean! I get this quite often, it's like someone has just injected me with adrenalin, horrible feeling. For me it seems to be triggered by movement/sounds.

Do you have problems with your hearing too? I know veritgo is often a sign of an inner ear disorder, maybe its worth getting checked out by an ENT specialist. I'm seing one soon to hopefully get to the bottom of it, it can be very debilitating.

[Nicomi]

Hi

I think some people have to push themselves and not "give in" to the fear because that makes it worse and the cycle is worse.

I had become really nervous shopping and in Asda and had a couple of PA's but kept on going. I'm ok when I'm with someone but not on my own. The worst was in Decemeber doing the Christmas Asda shop and I had a call to say my Grandpa had died. I was stood there like an idiot then decided to go to the toilets, had a good cry, told myself to get on then I could go home and I did it. I haven't been to Asda since until Monday night, my OH said he would go but I knew I had to get on with it so I went and I was absolutely fine, no panic at all. It has given me more confidence in myself which hopefully will mean I can deal with more and more difficult situations.

Sometimes it can be tough but it makes you feel stronger.

Good Luck with your Teacher Training!

Nicomi:D