ade
30-01-09, 14:36
i have paid attention to the fact i was raped as a boy,many of my posts deal with it.But having had a conversation with my GP,i maybe think there are other more 'accidental/incidental events that have shaped my PTSD aswell.
when i was 6, my family went on a trip to dartmoor and us 4 boys were allowed to run to the riverbank from the car park.i went another way to beat my brothers to the river,tripped and fell into a ditch.then i felt a million needles.i had fallen into a hornets nest and was stung over 200 times,nearly killing me.i went into shock and heard screaming as if it was someone else,not my own voice.god bless my mum and dad they knew i was in trouble and dad drove like a maniac to try to get stopped by the police.he was,and i was rushed to hospital where i just remember injection after injection of anti immflamatory drugs.i was in 6 weeks.i remember drifting in and out of consciousness,awakening in the police car and feeling something in my pocket moving and was stung again by the hornets lodged here.my brothers were terrified and Paul describes it as his worst ever memory.
in the late 1970s i hadextensive dental treatment for chronic overcrowding.
i was operated on twice.each time,i went under,but was not anaesthetised
just immobilised,and felt each tooth being cut out in exquisite pain,so much so i had flashbacks to the rape.i was so scared by this event i lied to my dad saying i had had a bad dream about football,but the flash backs were so severe,such a 'warning' that it disturbed me very much.it didnt help that the dentist was about as sensitive as a brick.guess who doesnt
go to the dentist anymore.
at secondary school,a horrible,horrible catholic grammer school,we still had prefects who could hit you or give you an 'imposition' if you were seen to be behaving badly out of school (on the bus etc) we waited for the bus on a motorway bridge.iwas wearing a button badge for liverpool fc.he told me to take it off.i told him to shove it.in front of a disbelieving crowd,he punched me,picked me up and hung me by my legs over the bridge,a memory my twin brother still has great difficulty with.i remember being upside down and thinking i was about to fall the hundred or so feet and die.
what links these events is the fact that rather than feeling like an innocent victim,i felt ashamed and frightened,as though this was my destiny for my sinfullness.as though what was happening to me being raped,was mirrored by these freak occurences.
i know that most of my PTSD is sexual abuse related.i rarely have nightmares about the above events.But my GP has advised me to maybe explore them with a professional as he thinks they have reinforced the messages given to me by the rape.
phew....
when i was 6, my family went on a trip to dartmoor and us 4 boys were allowed to run to the riverbank from the car park.i went another way to beat my brothers to the river,tripped and fell into a ditch.then i felt a million needles.i had fallen into a hornets nest and was stung over 200 times,nearly killing me.i went into shock and heard screaming as if it was someone else,not my own voice.god bless my mum and dad they knew i was in trouble and dad drove like a maniac to try to get stopped by the police.he was,and i was rushed to hospital where i just remember injection after injection of anti immflamatory drugs.i was in 6 weeks.i remember drifting in and out of consciousness,awakening in the police car and feeling something in my pocket moving and was stung again by the hornets lodged here.my brothers were terrified and Paul describes it as his worst ever memory.
in the late 1970s i hadextensive dental treatment for chronic overcrowding.
i was operated on twice.each time,i went under,but was not anaesthetised
just immobilised,and felt each tooth being cut out in exquisite pain,so much so i had flashbacks to the rape.i was so scared by this event i lied to my dad saying i had had a bad dream about football,but the flash backs were so severe,such a 'warning' that it disturbed me very much.it didnt help that the dentist was about as sensitive as a brick.guess who doesnt
go to the dentist anymore.
at secondary school,a horrible,horrible catholic grammer school,we still had prefects who could hit you or give you an 'imposition' if you were seen to be behaving badly out of school (on the bus etc) we waited for the bus on a motorway bridge.iwas wearing a button badge for liverpool fc.he told me to take it off.i told him to shove it.in front of a disbelieving crowd,he punched me,picked me up and hung me by my legs over the bridge,a memory my twin brother still has great difficulty with.i remember being upside down and thinking i was about to fall the hundred or so feet and die.
what links these events is the fact that rather than feeling like an innocent victim,i felt ashamed and frightened,as though this was my destiny for my sinfullness.as though what was happening to me being raped,was mirrored by these freak occurences.
i know that most of my PTSD is sexual abuse related.i rarely have nightmares about the above events.But my GP has advised me to maybe explore them with a professional as he thinks they have reinforced the messages given to me by the rape.
phew....