Help, Im at a loss :(

[CJH86]

I really dont know what to do anymore, ive suffered from anxiety for years and it generally comes and goes and i used to have a degree of control over it.... but for the last month or so its been just awful (been backwards and forwards to the doctors, panic attacks and all sorts). I live with my boyfriend and try and explain things to him as best i can, i try not to drag him into it too much...i.e. if im up all night panicking i'll go sit in the other room so he can sleep, most of the time hes not fully aware i do this.

The last week or so ive made some progress....Problem is i went out tonight with him and some friends to a club and started getting panicky, i went outside and calmly i said i was going home and he started giving me a guilt trip about how quiet id been, how hes 'not going to let me ruin his night', how he 'didnt want me there if i was going to stand at the side'......he walked out on me and left me in a horrible state said he doesnt know when hes going to be home and i just feel rubbish now, dissapointed with myself and worried what he is going to do :weep:

Is it possible for someone who doesnt suffer to understand, or am i just expecting too much? :(

[Ryan82]

Hey, i kinda know what you are going through as last weekend i went to see my girlfriend and she wanted to go out for lunch with some of her old uni friends, i was having a s**t week, just started on citalopram and feeling more anxious and low than normal and just said that she should go do it by herself as i really wasn't feeling like it and didn't want to spoil her fun. Instead of understanding how bad i was feeling she then just became frustrated with me for not wanting to do things and not being fun (which was pretty gutting when i was on a low already). On the back of this though I just think unless you have experienced any of this yourself, its really difficult to properly put yourself in 'our' shoes and know how difficult little things are like sitting in a restaraunt or walking in a busy highstreet, whatever it is. And even with people that care for you and are normally patient with you, there is always going to be that point where it is all hard work and very trying for them too, and because none of this has obvious signs of how bad we are feeling on the surface or any clues as to when we will be feeling 'better' it can be really difficult for them. I guess as much as they have to be patient with us and help us how the can, we need to be patient with them too and just accept that they probably won't understand fully but not let it get to us when they don't. Because afterall, the whole anxiety thing is irrational and doesn't make sense, its only real to those of us who experience it.

What i've learnt from all of this personally though is that for the last few months i've been wanting to get better so im more fun for my girlfriend, but i've actually really realised that i have to do all of this for me, because i want to be better for me.

Hope this is of some help and good luck :)


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