Coming off anti-depressants.... I CAN do this!! [Archive]

View Full Version : Coming off anti-depressants.... I CAN do this!!

Smiley?

02-02-09, 17:28

Yep, I'm gonna do it!

I've been on five different anti depressants in almost 2 years of being diagnosed with depression. Some have helped but then stopped working, others never worked at all. Some have caused me terrible side-effects, one caused so much discomfort I had to stop taking it and that could possibly have been the one that helped me most!

I have noticed that my mood has been affected by other things more than the medication. I had a lightbulb moment a while ago when I read something on the internet and felt almost immediately indestructible! I can still laugh with my partner and find inner calm with his arms wrapped around me. I have come to realise that work is a major issue for me and while I have been at home this time I have found doing simple things like cooking, cleaning and even ironing to be quite therapeutic!!

I am currently taking Mirtazapine 45mg. Like all the anti depressants I have taken, I wonder what they are actually doing for my mood, what else they are doing to my body and how much they are numbing me from actually feeling. Three weeks ago I went to the doctor's in a state and the dose was upped to this, which is the maximum for Mirtazapine so what happens when I reach my next crisis point? Another anti depressant on the med-go-round??

No!!

I'm going to fight this, I will not be numbed anymore. I will experience the highs and the lows and I will cope. If I was going to commit suicide I would have done it already. This is life and it is crap sometimes but I'm gonna fight the crap and look for the positives.

The reason I had a crisis 3 weeks ago was because of work. I know that and I know that it wasn't anything the tablets could change.

I'm concentrating on me now. I'm taking myself off these drugs (sensibly, slowly like I should) I'm stopping the pill (because I think that could be an issue too - but that's another story!), I'm eating properly, I'm going to bed early, I'm getting the sleep I need, I'm taking the dog a walk every day, hell I'll join the gym again if I can afford to next month!! I'm pulling myself together, just like all the non-believers in depression tell me to.

So here goes.....

daniel_ploss

02-02-09, 20:13

you can do this keep it up and never give in
if you feel like giving up talk to me

ElizabethJane

03-02-09, 16:05

Dear Smiley have you consulted your doctor about all this? I withdrew from mirtazapine 30mg last year. It took me two 'gos'' because it was so difficult. The first time I withdrew by tapering but I experienced severe anxiety and had to go back on them. The second time I just stopped them 'dead' because the Psychiatrist told me to. For two weeks I experienced really awful panic attacks, hallucinations and sleep disturbances. I did manage to come off them with the help of some valium. What I'm saying is it wont be easy and some of your original symptoms may well come back.

Smiley?

03-02-09, 16:08

I've not told the doctor yet, but I have full support from my partner. If I had it my way i'd be stopping dead but I'm stopping gradually.

Have an appt with doctor on 17th.

tom1

03-02-09, 22:32

Well if I could do it, anybody can do it! My doctor switched me to Sertraline from Paroxetine to come off. I don't know how the withdrawals are for Mirtzapine, so you may/not be switched to come off. It took me 2 months to do it properly. I took everything really slow, and thankfully had no unpleasant withdrawals at all.

sunshine-lady

04-02-09, 13:47

I think it's great that you feel confident enough to think about coming off your medication.However, I have done this in the past when I have felt positive, then crashed. It was then that I realised it was my medication that was actually making me feel positive.

I have to also agree with ElizabethJane. If you want to come of your medication it is best to do it with the help of your GP. Like you said you have an appointment with your Doctor on the 17th, why not discuss it with him?

Good luck xxx

Smiley?

04-02-09, 16:11

I've already started to lower the dose!!

I'm really going for the mind over matter thing, thinking myself happy, distracting myself, remembering all the things that are good in my life.

You probably all think I'm stupid! But I can't be ruled by these tablets. At some point in the not too distant future my partner and me will be wanting to start a family and I can't even entertain being on anything while I'm pregnant.

People cope with life and there's no reason why I can't be one of those people that copes. I used to be happy-go-lucky, nothing bothered me, I was chilled! And I want to be that person again. I've just got to believe that I can do it.

What I don't know is how slowly to come off the meds. I was on 45mg, started taking 30mg on Monday. How long should I take 30mg for before dropping to 15mg?

Yvonne

04-02-09, 20:51

Hey Smiler xxx

Yes you are sounding extremely positive and full of enthusiasm. I'm really pleased for you.

I don't know what dosages the Mirtazepine comes in so I don't know if you could have actually gone from 45 to maybe 35. It sounds a big jump to me but I know you haven't been on the 45 that long. You know me, very very wary of tapering down on these meds too quickly.

If I were you Jo I would phone the gp rather than wait for your appointment - tell him that you have made the decision to wean off and that you have dropped to 30 already. See what he says. When you see him he can tell you how to cut down and the intervals to cut down.

Now this is only my point of view but if he tells you to start doing day on, day off method I personally wouldn't go for this. A lot of gp's will want you to go one day off then a day on etc -- then a week later maybe two days off the med etc. In my opinion it is much better to be getting some of the medication into the body each day and then taper down to lower dosages over the weeks to follow.

I think your whole attitude is going to get you through this and I know you have positive things to look forward to which will alleviate a lot of the stress - i.e. the job - and this is the stressor for you.

If you were really badly depressed I have to say that you wouldn't be happy doing your housey stuff cooking etc and ironing. You would be lying about and you would be very very low and you wouldn't even have the motivation or inclination to do such things. This is all very positive of course.

I understand you will want to start a family in the future and now is the right time to get off the medication.

Only one thing here I will add - not putting a damper on you coming off by any means. However, you have raised the med to 45 and you feel much better. Is that to do with the med or is it the fact that you have had time away from work and so have been relaxed? I personally think it's the latter because if the Mirtazepine was going to work you would have felt better on the 35mg which you didn't. So, I do think this is a case of clearing stuff out of your life which is stressing you out and you looking forward to a new bright future without the burden of a job you hate.

Go girl!!!!!

I have tried to come off the meds many many times - I personally haven't been able to do it. However, maybe the time hasn't been right for me and perhaps things in my life haven't allowed me to get to the stage where you are now. I still think I'd like to be able to come off the meds in the future but I doubt it very much.

Get yourself a good supplement of Omega 3 and make sure you keep getting that dawg out and defo try to join the gym. Do anything you can to keep the m ind away from thinking low thoughts. You have a lovely man at your side who is supportive and he will be magic medicine for you.

When the reduced dosage starts kicking into the system you may get some withdrawal symptoms. If the tears start and you feel tired that would be absolutely normal. Gp's do love to tell us it's the return of the original illness but often it isn't - it's withdrawal. If you do go low just keep telling yourself it's not the depression it's the withdrawal. I know you can do this.

Take take mate and keep us posted. xxxxxx

Smiley?

05-02-09, 12:31

Thank you Yvonne - love you to pieces!!

(tears in my eyes now)

x

Yvonne

05-02-09, 19:06

Awww shucks thanks you smiley person lol.

I have tears in my eyes thinking of you with tears in your eyes now lol. xxxxxxxx

ElizabethJane

06-02-09, 16:01

As a fellow mirtazapine user (not now) I thought that the tablets came as 15mg 30mg and 45mg being the maximum dose I'm not sure how you could end up with 35mg? I have heard of people splitting the 15mg tablets. I hope this helps.

Smiley?

06-02-09, 16:51

Yeah, 15mg, 30mg and 45mg. Think it was just a typo by Yvonne - I knew what she meant!! ;-)

Yvonne

06-02-09, 18:38

Hi

I just didn't know what dosages the Mirtaz came in. I see you had no choice Smiler but to go from 45 to 30. How you doing? Keep us posted.

Of course you'd know what I mean lol.

faith

06-02-09, 20:04

I would like to recommend the following book 'Coming Off Antidepressants' How to use and stop using antidepressants safely. I used the information myself and I have not taken a pill for one year.I do use cbt. It is probably a good idea to arm yourself with as much information as possible to come off pills.The book is written by a psychiatrist Joseph Glenmullen and is a real eye opener.

Smiley?

06-02-09, 20:20

Ooh! Thanks for that faith, not even heard of that one but will try and have a look at it. Well done on being off meds for so long. Did they ever work for you while you were taking them? (just out of interest)

Smiley?

06-02-09, 20:38

For anyone who's interested, just a little update:

Came down to 30mg on Monday and so far (fingers crossed) have not noticed any unpleasant withdrawal. Maybe a smidge of taking a little longer to get to sleep, but I think that was my own apprehension for something I had to do today. Still getting swollen ankles which was a side effect that started a month or so into taking it so nothing new.

I know it's early days but I've never really suffered too many adverse effects from any of the meds. Maybe I'm just lucky in that way or I'm just not as tuned in to my body as some on NMP??

We shall see

Yvonne

08-02-09, 09:26

Smiley

Well done mate - your positive attitude is going to get you through this. xx

Angelai

08-02-09, 14:41

Hi Smiley

Just wanted to say good luck, and don't give up! I know that many people are wary of stopping or reducing meds, and you will hear horror stories of withdrawal symptoms and returning depression. It's good to be aware of the possibility that you may feel worse for a while - just don't let that awareness become fear.

All the best xx

Franz

08-02-09, 17:51

I do not expect ever to come off antidepressants. I mean I feel suicidal on 150mg clomipramine, so God knows what I'd feel off them.

If your life is s**t and lonely, there's no amount of medication that can cure that. I know that now.

Yvonne

08-02-09, 20:34

Franz

I don't think I'll ever be able to come off them either. Others do though, and successfully. What other meds have you tried ? Clomipramine isn't one of the stronger anti depressants is it.

I sympathise with you xx

Smiley?

08-02-09, 21:31

Have had quite a headache all day today but I think it's more tiredness than anything else.

Was out too late to take my 30mg last night so have missed a dose!!! Smacked fingers I know! But other than the headache I'm fine.

Still positively moving on I'd say.

Smiley?

10-02-09, 15:22

Another update:

Had a week on 30mg, and last night dropped the dose again to 15mg.

Will take the 15mg for a week and then probably do every other day for a week then every third day.

Yvonne

11-02-09, 12:58

Blimey - you are doing so well. I said you could do it xxxxx

sue681

12-02-09, 20:39

You can do it !
ive suffered with Anxiety/depression most of my life and ive been given alsorts of meds,most made me feel worst and had bad side effects,i just wanted to die on Citalopram ! and others just made me feel numb.
i too got fed up,wanted to be "me" was sick of sitting there staring into space in a world of my own.
ive come off the pills,cut dose in half then started taking them every other day then every 3rd day etc
ive decided to fight this myself
Have given up smoking
Have given up caffine
drink nice herbal teas through the day or nice hot choc or tetley decaf
i walk a little each day,gonna buy a stepper for in the house,maybe join a gym in time to come(if Anxiety gets better)
also started vitamins

i want to fight this,don't want to be a zombie all my life going from one pill to another because "its stopped working again"

One day at a time !

Good luck x

its hard and i have my bad days but i'm gonna fight this

Smiley?

12-02-09, 21:15

Thanks for the encouragement everyone.

Sotonsue: sounds like you're doing great. Seems we have the same idea especially where the meds are concerned. Good on you for making all those changes.

I have to say I'm feeling fine coming off them apart from the odd headache. Can't wait to be off them completely!!

bab

12-02-09, 21:47

I just wanted to say you are doing so well - i have been following your post (not stalking lol)

love nicky x

Smiley?

12-02-09, 21:51

That's fine, following is fine!! Thanks xx

sue681

12-02-09, 21:57

Drink lots of water,our bodys are full of drugs that have built up over the years, also sweat them out by walking.

i watched a sad film the other night and i actually cried,was to numb to do that before when i was in zombie mode lol

The worse thing is the Anxiety,when it comes i fight it,i take deep breaths and i just say to myself "your just Anxiety,your not gonna hurt me or control me" and then i think of something else and kind of ride it out .

Started taking vit- b complex & 5-HTP this is suppose to be really good,gonna get some of that Valeria stuff too.

gonna try it all lol..

sue681

12-02-09, 22:02

Ive also read that we should swap white foods for brown

Bread,rice,pasta/crackers etc...this is good for boosting yr mood !

Smiley?

12-02-09, 22:05

Does that include chocolate? Yay - lol!!!!

sue681

13-02-09, 08:55

YES...the darker the better !

Ive been having a bad few days been really moody
ive been shouting alot at the kids(ive got 4 aged 12-21)

since comming off the meds i'm more alert more "me" and ive looked around
and realised what a mess ive been living in,when i say mess i mean the house
its a tip,washing everywhere,piled up in corners.Kids rooms are tips and the clutter everywhere where nothings been put away,can't even open the front door because of all the shoes behind it lol

This did'nt really bother me before i was numb to it all
and i suppose the kids have taken full advantage of the fact ive not been nagging them all the time

Its not fair to be shouting at them like this its not there fault its got like this

So...today i'm going to start getting this house in order,ive still got the depression etc so it'll take time but i'm gonna do abit each day even if its half an hour,i need to get a bit of PRIDE back in my life !
i think living in this chaos can only make me feel worse

i got up and ive done the kitchen already and 2 loads of washing

i might treat myself to some dafts and put them on the window sil

can't remember last time i got the iron out lol

x x x

Smiley?

13-02-09, 12:13

Again, good for you!

I always find a cleaner tidier house makes me feel calmer. Can't stand it when my bloke just chucks clothes on the floor. Apparently if they're not chucked near the laundry basket, they're still clean!!! But when I'm feeling ok (like today) it all gets picked up and bunged in the washer!! He'll complain later but I can handle it!

I think you're on the right track definitely and although you shouldn't take stuff out on your kids it's good that you can see your old self when you nag a bit. And a bit of nagging is ok, isn't it?!!

sue681

13-02-09, 17:20

Did the livingroom as well and when the boys came in i told them to go and do there room or theres "no going out !" The boys are 14 & 16 so you can just imagine the state honestly it was like something from "Trainspotting" lol

I'm not cooking tonight because i don't want to mess my clean kitchen up so just got some pizza's from Asda 3 for £4

I'm gonna have a nice bath and get on my settee and watch a dvd,feel really shattered tonight and tommorow i'm going to go for a nice walk and wash my bedding(not gonna tell u the last time that was washed)
if i can just do a couple of things aday to get back on top then that would be great
oh i also sorted the shoes out so now we can open the front door lol

Think the kids prefered me on the meds lol !

I'm single thank god,could'nt cope with anymore washing,can u inmagine !

Smiley?

17-02-09, 19:35

Another update:

Have done my week of 15mg so now on every other day. Feel fine, apart from the headaches - still getting them but not every day. But I still think that's tiredness!

Saw the doc today. He asked how I was and I said getting better and told him I'd decided to come off the meds. He reacted exactly how I thought and just rolled his eyes but then listened to why I was doing it and the thought process behind it, and he's supportive - just as I thought!

He agrees that work is the major factor that's dragging me down. So he's signed me off again with a view to not returning there. I was shocked to tears to finally realise this fact but also relieved. I have a job interview next week for something totally unrelated to my current job and am pleased to be moving forward.

I'm nearly there.....

sue681

17-02-09, 19:59

Well done,really pleased for u !

sue x

Smiley?

17-02-09, 23:04

Thanks sue! Hope you're ok x

cinders38

18-02-09, 21:24

Smiley?

22-02-09, 15:23

Thanks for the positivity Cinders!!

Doing fine thanks

Smiley?

25-02-09, 11:43

Ok, so still doing fine without the pills, but had a really crappy day yesterday.

Had a job interview and it was one of those that you build up to and really really want and really believe that you are the person for the job.

It was one of those recruitment days so there were 6 of us for one job and we did ice-breaker exercises and a presentation and a role play all morning. And then at lunchtime they split the group and 3 of us went home as unsuccessful.

Really annoyed though as I didn't feel I did particularly badly at anything and was so gutted to leave. Fought back the tears on the drive home and then called my boyf and spent most of the afternoon randomly crying! It was really playing on my mind as to what I could have done differently and what they were looking for but clearly didn't see.

I'm just waiting to call the recruitment woman for some feedback but she wasn't at her desk so am trying to wait a bit longer. Been building it up in my mind as to what she'll say. Of course I'm hoping for something along the lines of "the other candidates had more relevant experience" but in my mind it's could be anything like I came across as agressive or they just didn't like me as a person (that would really hurt).

I really want to appeal to her for another chance and tell her exactly what it would have meant to work there but if they hated me then there's not much point is there?!

So after my crying day yesterday, and even crying myself to sleep, I hope that will be end to it! Have got up this morning (hopefully) with my positivity back. Am off to the hairdressers in a bit (although reading Yvonne's hair dye disaster thread I'm having second thoughts!). I'm still remembering all those things I've got to be thankful for and can continue moving forward from this

freakedout

27-02-09, 11:36

Smiley?

I have only just noticed this thread. You have done very well with reducing the Mirtazapine. You are so sensible. I quit mine for about 10 days in September/October last year and went a bit bonkers, so I wouldn't recommend that to anyone. I am glad you are getting support with it and hope you continue to stay well.

Sorry about the job interview, you did really well to manage all of that though, just the thought of the role play, presentation etc... etc... brings me out in hives! I am sorry you didn't get the job and I know how disappointing it is when you already imagine yourself doing the job. I hope you get some good feedback and that your confidence doesn't take too great a thrashing. Anyone would be upset under these circumstances, I hope that you are alright today.

Take care

Freaky

Smiley?

27-02-09, 18:19

Thanks Freaky,

Called the recruitment woman back for the interview feedback and actually it was all really positive! They thought I was a lovely friendly person but it was clear that nerves got the better of me during the presentation and I just didn't have enough self belief for the job (it was a supervisor role).

So I came across pretty much as myself. Everything they said I agreed with and felt better after talking to her about it all. I've asked that they keep me in mind for any other jobs come up there, and I said how much I wanted to work for them, but as a team member rather than the supervisor and she agreed to that.

I've had this before though - you're a lovely person and you'd fit in great in the team but you didn't quite have the experience or enough clout to keep the staff in check!!! Just hope that something else comes up there...

So it's not over yet. Gonna show my face in the store next week as she suggested and talk again to the manager or assistant manager who I met at the interview, but hopefully without the nerves this time. And if they liked me as much as she said they did I might be in with a chance.

I felt fine the day after (bit teary when she was saying how lovely they thought I was) and the feedback just gave me some closure on the recruitment day.

Been fine since, just had trouble sleeping last night but hopefully it was a one off.

Movin on up....

Yvonne

28-02-09, 20:43

Smilerxxxxxxxxx

Well you are a lovely person. D'you know I think you are so brave and so motivated. Okay so you didn't get that job but you aren't giving up and you're going to go in there next week. You see I think that's marvellous and it shows how confident you are.

Things is Jo, this isn't the only job out there, there must be other jobs that you could do with your eyes shut lol. You are a rather clever old thingxxx

I think your attitude is wonderful and this attitude will guarantee your getting where you want to be. Go girl!!! Or keep going girl!!!

You've done so well you should be really proud of yourself. Keep up the good work.

Take carexxxxxx

freakedout

28-02-09, 20:58

Smiley,

Glad you got positive feedback, that's a boost that you no doubt deserve. Fingers crossed that things will go well next week when you go back there. Wise words from Yvonne, your attitude really does sound positive, I hope you get the break you want soon.

Take care

Freaky

Smiley?

03-03-09, 18:37

Went in to the store today and saw the manager and assistant manager that I met last week. We chatted for about 20 minutes and again it was all positive, just that I needed to be more confident in the interview.

But they're well impressed that I made the trip into town to go and speak to them and it shows how interested I am in working with them. They are keeping my number and say they will definitely be in touch when another position becomes available. They are expecting a few people to leave soon. Can't come soon enough for me - can't even entertain the thought of going back to my other job right now.