missmandy
04-02-09, 19:59
Hi everyone,
My name is Mandy and I've been suffering from hypochondria, depression, anxiety all my life. The past five years I've been struggling with terrible panic disorder and debilitating panic attacks. A summary of the past five years would take forever and bore you all to death, so I'll try to be brief.
My first attack came on when I was 17. It was just a weird feeling in my heart (I get PVCs and occasional SVT) and then sudden panic that lasted for four hours. I eventually retreated to the basement and rocked back and forth until the morning, when I passed out from exhaustion. Over the next year I was in and out of the emergency room, convinced I had a heart defect and was dying. I was diagnosed with panic disorder on the first visit by a brilliant on-call who gave me two ativan (lorazepam) and let me rest before dispatching me. I suppose I believed the diagnosis, but while the attacks took place I'd convince myself that there was something else going wrong. I began drinking nightly to avoid attacks - it really works, but it has lead me down a scary path that I'm unfortunately still on. At 18 I went to my doctor and asked for paroxetine - I'd done my research and knew which meds I wanted to take. Let me tell you, that drug saved my life. Within six weeks I was feeling happy, able to cope again, and my attacks were reduced to about once a month. The fog of anxiety seemed to clear and everything else seemed more important. I know the reaction is not typical, but for me it's a wonder drug - though it does level out my emotions significantly. After being mostly panic free for two years, I switched to Prozac (having gained weight on the paroxetine). If possible I felt even better, and stopped taking it about two months later. I had a wonderful summer and early fall, despite the dissolution of my engagement. Unfortunately in December of 2008, my panic disorder came back with a vengeance. I am a husk at the moment. Still drinking heavily and nightly. I've just started back on paroxetine and I'm praying it helps soon because I'm trapped and terrified. I'm determined not to rely entirely on the meds. As I write this I'm at home from work because I can barely get out of bed and I'm having panic attacks every two hours.
Sorry to go off on a rant, but writing this is a bit cathartic and it helps to be honest. Reading all of your stories and advice has helped me so much that I thought I'd join up and see if I can't leech a little bit of your hopeful spirit. :)
Thanks,
Mandy
My name is Mandy and I've been suffering from hypochondria, depression, anxiety all my life. The past five years I've been struggling with terrible panic disorder and debilitating panic attacks. A summary of the past five years would take forever and bore you all to death, so I'll try to be brief.
My first attack came on when I was 17. It was just a weird feeling in my heart (I get PVCs and occasional SVT) and then sudden panic that lasted for four hours. I eventually retreated to the basement and rocked back and forth until the morning, when I passed out from exhaustion. Over the next year I was in and out of the emergency room, convinced I had a heart defect and was dying. I was diagnosed with panic disorder on the first visit by a brilliant on-call who gave me two ativan (lorazepam) and let me rest before dispatching me. I suppose I believed the diagnosis, but while the attacks took place I'd convince myself that there was something else going wrong. I began drinking nightly to avoid attacks - it really works, but it has lead me down a scary path that I'm unfortunately still on. At 18 I went to my doctor and asked for paroxetine - I'd done my research and knew which meds I wanted to take. Let me tell you, that drug saved my life. Within six weeks I was feeling happy, able to cope again, and my attacks were reduced to about once a month. The fog of anxiety seemed to clear and everything else seemed more important. I know the reaction is not typical, but for me it's a wonder drug - though it does level out my emotions significantly. After being mostly panic free for two years, I switched to Prozac (having gained weight on the paroxetine). If possible I felt even better, and stopped taking it about two months later. I had a wonderful summer and early fall, despite the dissolution of my engagement. Unfortunately in December of 2008, my panic disorder came back with a vengeance. I am a husk at the moment. Still drinking heavily and nightly. I've just started back on paroxetine and I'm praying it helps soon because I'm trapped and terrified. I'm determined not to rely entirely on the meds. As I write this I'm at home from work because I can barely get out of bed and I'm having panic attacks every two hours.
Sorry to go off on a rant, but writing this is a bit cathartic and it helps to be honest. Reading all of your stories and advice has helped me so much that I thought I'd join up and see if I can't leech a little bit of your hopeful spirit. :)
Thanks,
Mandy