Getting by..
04-02-09, 21:27
Hi
I just wanted to take five minutes to introduce myself and say hello as I am new to the site and really keen to hear about others experiences with aniexty disorders as to be perfectly honest sometimes it is the lonliest place I have ever been.
I have always been the "nervy type" however as I have got older (27 now) I thought I was getting better, I seemed more able to deal with the situations which had previously made me nervous e.g. dealing with authority, getting "told off" etc (however I have always had and continue to have a terrible phobia of transport) until about 6 months ago when I started getting a series of really strange headaches.
To begin with they where relatively infrequent and felt just like little lightning strikes in my head, really sharp pains for a couple of seconds and then nothing however over time they became more and more frequent and I started to get really anxious about them (oddly enough I can't now tell you if I had ever had anything like this before - I have a suspision that I have always had these but have only recently started taking any notice).
As a result I visited three different doctors and the optician about them and each time I was told there was nothing to worry about and that I was suffering with "stress" - my apologies to anyone who is suffering with stress but I have been brushed off so many times by medical professionals on the basis of stress now that I almost have to physically restrain myself when ever anyone uses the word.
Based on this I carried on with a few life style changes, more excersise, better diet etc until one day in my office I suffered the worst headache of my life, at the time I thought the right handside of my head was going to explode, then suddenly I couldn't breathe the room started to spin and the next thing I new I was sitting on the floor (in the middle of the office I might add) crying hysterically, totally unable to clam down, unable to catch my breath, heart racing....
From there it really just spirralled, I then started having one to two panic attacks a week with no obvious cause until it all culminated in the worst panic attack of my life, so bad in fact that I ended up getting out of a moving car (it had slowed right down at the time) and stumbling around on a road absolutly convinced I was having a heart attack.
After this I was taken to my GP who prescribed Diazepham at which point I decided the situation had got totally out of hand and that serious action was required. I immediatly booked a week of work, started seeing a counsellor, bought and continue to take every herbel remedy, keep healthy product or sleep well tablet available as well as ensuring my diet was spotless and increasing my excersise (although not by much as I suffer really badly with fatigue - so find this very difficult) and finally making it to that Dentist appointment I had been putting of for weeks.
Oddly enough as soon as I saw my dentist he knew instantly what was causing the headaches and diagnosed a condition called TJD or TDJ - I am never sure, which effected the joint in my jaw and was known to cause headaches etc which was great news and I was fitted with a mouth guard to help fix the probelm.
This has all been very good and I haven't had a serious panic attack in well over a month, although I have had a couple of minor aniexty attacks (less serious than a panic attack and easier to get under control but still not particularly great - apologies if that is not the correct definition) and have even succesfully managed to overcome my addiction to paracetamol and lemsip (not a real addiction but I was taking up to 8 paracetamol a day at one stage and with hindsight I now realise half of those weren't necessary and that it was just a comfort thing).
Despite this however I have now found that instead of having periods of severe aniexty I now have almost constant low level aniexty mostly about my health. For a while I was suffering quite badly with disassocation (or blurred vision caused by a brain tumour depending on if Mr Negative or Mr Positive is on my shoulder - best post ever by the way, the one that convinced me to sign up), then the headaches came back (brain tumour again or was it just the cold weather?), then I felt dizzy (but I have vertigo anyway so that's not abnormal - however despite knowing this I still managed to convince myself it was something far more serious), then I had a sore throat (throat cancer or possibly a cold, or worst case scenario an allergy to cat hair given that we just bought a kitten), then I had a rash (so many options.... but probably just the same ezcema I had since childhood) and the list goes on and on and on and on and on......
Some mornings I wake up and before I am even out of bed the aniexty starts, I have had to ban myself from certain things - baths in the morning as this is just worry time, TV as if it is not sufficently engaging this is just more worry time, the cinema (odd I know) but the feeling of being trapped and embarrasing myself in front of strangers always triggers even more anixety even though I know I can get up at any moment and walk out (this applies to meetings and car journeys as well but these are less easy to get out off) and although I feel "better" overall, no more panic attacks, no more paracetamol I am becoming increasingly depressed and generally quite hopeless.
Prior to all this I loved so many things but the aniexty issues have taken away so much that now I find it hard to pluck up the energy to do anything, seeing friends is a constant battle as I want to go out and enjoy myself so much but what if I get a headache, what if I feel anxious, what if I can't get out if I need to, plus if I have a drink I can't have a diazepam should I need one (even though I take one a week at the most so the chances are pretty slim). Shopping (as I am a true girly) but not now, I don't like busy place, the disassocation saw to that as it makes me feel spaced out and I can't stand being bumped in to or getting too hot or having to stand still for too long. Swimming but I can't do that because of the fatigue (I get home from work at about 6.30 eat my dinner, get anxious and go to bed!) and the fact that any, even tiny change to my heart rate is a heart attack....
Finally off course there are the people, my mother is constantly worried even more so because we live some distance apart, which just makes me feel so increadibly guilty and I really have no idea why my partner (without whom I can honestly say things would be much much worse) is still here given everything he has to put up with.
Anyway that's it, that was far longer than five miuntes and I apologies I am rarely this self absorbed but oddly telling all your secrets to a computer seems far less embarassing. Thank you for listening...
x
I just wanted to take five minutes to introduce myself and say hello as I am new to the site and really keen to hear about others experiences with aniexty disorders as to be perfectly honest sometimes it is the lonliest place I have ever been.
I have always been the "nervy type" however as I have got older (27 now) I thought I was getting better, I seemed more able to deal with the situations which had previously made me nervous e.g. dealing with authority, getting "told off" etc (however I have always had and continue to have a terrible phobia of transport) until about 6 months ago when I started getting a series of really strange headaches.
To begin with they where relatively infrequent and felt just like little lightning strikes in my head, really sharp pains for a couple of seconds and then nothing however over time they became more and more frequent and I started to get really anxious about them (oddly enough I can't now tell you if I had ever had anything like this before - I have a suspision that I have always had these but have only recently started taking any notice).
As a result I visited three different doctors and the optician about them and each time I was told there was nothing to worry about and that I was suffering with "stress" - my apologies to anyone who is suffering with stress but I have been brushed off so many times by medical professionals on the basis of stress now that I almost have to physically restrain myself when ever anyone uses the word.
Based on this I carried on with a few life style changes, more excersise, better diet etc until one day in my office I suffered the worst headache of my life, at the time I thought the right handside of my head was going to explode, then suddenly I couldn't breathe the room started to spin and the next thing I new I was sitting on the floor (in the middle of the office I might add) crying hysterically, totally unable to clam down, unable to catch my breath, heart racing....
From there it really just spirralled, I then started having one to two panic attacks a week with no obvious cause until it all culminated in the worst panic attack of my life, so bad in fact that I ended up getting out of a moving car (it had slowed right down at the time) and stumbling around on a road absolutly convinced I was having a heart attack.
After this I was taken to my GP who prescribed Diazepham at which point I decided the situation had got totally out of hand and that serious action was required. I immediatly booked a week of work, started seeing a counsellor, bought and continue to take every herbel remedy, keep healthy product or sleep well tablet available as well as ensuring my diet was spotless and increasing my excersise (although not by much as I suffer really badly with fatigue - so find this very difficult) and finally making it to that Dentist appointment I had been putting of for weeks.
Oddly enough as soon as I saw my dentist he knew instantly what was causing the headaches and diagnosed a condition called TJD or TDJ - I am never sure, which effected the joint in my jaw and was known to cause headaches etc which was great news and I was fitted with a mouth guard to help fix the probelm.
This has all been very good and I haven't had a serious panic attack in well over a month, although I have had a couple of minor aniexty attacks (less serious than a panic attack and easier to get under control but still not particularly great - apologies if that is not the correct definition) and have even succesfully managed to overcome my addiction to paracetamol and lemsip (not a real addiction but I was taking up to 8 paracetamol a day at one stage and with hindsight I now realise half of those weren't necessary and that it was just a comfort thing).
Despite this however I have now found that instead of having periods of severe aniexty I now have almost constant low level aniexty mostly about my health. For a while I was suffering quite badly with disassocation (or blurred vision caused by a brain tumour depending on if Mr Negative or Mr Positive is on my shoulder - best post ever by the way, the one that convinced me to sign up), then the headaches came back (brain tumour again or was it just the cold weather?), then I felt dizzy (but I have vertigo anyway so that's not abnormal - however despite knowing this I still managed to convince myself it was something far more serious), then I had a sore throat (throat cancer or possibly a cold, or worst case scenario an allergy to cat hair given that we just bought a kitten), then I had a rash (so many options.... but probably just the same ezcema I had since childhood) and the list goes on and on and on and on and on......
Some mornings I wake up and before I am even out of bed the aniexty starts, I have had to ban myself from certain things - baths in the morning as this is just worry time, TV as if it is not sufficently engaging this is just more worry time, the cinema (odd I know) but the feeling of being trapped and embarrasing myself in front of strangers always triggers even more anixety even though I know I can get up at any moment and walk out (this applies to meetings and car journeys as well but these are less easy to get out off) and although I feel "better" overall, no more panic attacks, no more paracetamol I am becoming increasingly depressed and generally quite hopeless.
Prior to all this I loved so many things but the aniexty issues have taken away so much that now I find it hard to pluck up the energy to do anything, seeing friends is a constant battle as I want to go out and enjoy myself so much but what if I get a headache, what if I feel anxious, what if I can't get out if I need to, plus if I have a drink I can't have a diazepam should I need one (even though I take one a week at the most so the chances are pretty slim). Shopping (as I am a true girly) but not now, I don't like busy place, the disassocation saw to that as it makes me feel spaced out and I can't stand being bumped in to or getting too hot or having to stand still for too long. Swimming but I can't do that because of the fatigue (I get home from work at about 6.30 eat my dinner, get anxious and go to bed!) and the fact that any, even tiny change to my heart rate is a heart attack....
Finally off course there are the people, my mother is constantly worried even more so because we live some distance apart, which just makes me feel so increadibly guilty and I really have no idea why my partner (without whom I can honestly say things would be much much worse) is still here given everything he has to put up with.
Anyway that's it, that was far longer than five miuntes and I apologies I am rarely this self absorbed but oddly telling all your secrets to a computer seems far less embarassing. Thank you for listening...
x