View Full Version : What I Learned from my Panic Attacks
I got my first panic attack in Oct 2006. I got chocked up in a restaurant, then one month later at home while eating supper. I think you all understand the symtoms and the fear and the darkness you feel inside, so I don't want to describe the details.
I realized at that moment the real existence of soul, and the significance of light and darkness. With the help of a friend of mine, I started to read Bible and "The Purpose driven life" by Rick Warren. My friend helped me to understand Bible, because I really couldn't understand it, and had been really arrogant. But, suddenly I realized what Jesus talks in Bible has so signifcant meaning to this life. I cried every night from fear (fear for being choked up, fear for darkness, fear for being alone....probably or ultimately fear for death. My baby was just born at that time, and I didn't want to die.) I decided to accept Jesus for my Savior and for my Lord. I sarted to attend several churchs...worshiping always made me cry. (I don't know why. But still I cry frequently while worshiping.)
I took 2 kinds of medicine (I resisted about 2 weeks, but had to take them because I wanted to die rather living like that.) I took antidepreesant for 6 months, and decided to stop...because the medication seems not help me much. I slowly crawled out of the darkness...the mother of my son filed divorce May 2007. But, somehow I got strength to crawl out of the darkness through solely prayer and asking God's Grace.
I didn't have any more severe panic attack like the first time I had over the time. But, I had to fight some axiety, like cleptophobia, height phobia, which I had never had before the panic attack. Visitation to my son (I lost custody, the mother moved to Hawaii) on the airplane gave me the axious feeling every time, but I couldn't run away. I only prayed and read Bible...somehow everytime God helped to cope with this horrible feeling.
I still have some physical symptoms, like excessive phlegm, swallowing difficulty and severe allergy was developed since last year. I was a thin person, but lost 15 lbs further. But, my spritual state is just fine because now I pray every day and whenever I feel weak. Prayer and Trust in God really help INNER PEACE IN YOUR MIND!
I never appreciated the peace of mind before I experienced this panic attack. But, now I understand why Jesus talks so frequently about PEACE and LOVE.
I still think that panic disorder or axiety is probably related to some unknown physical illiness. Of course, Cancer and heart attacks cause panic disorder and axiety too. But, if you trust in God and his plan and even Heaven, you can get peace in your mind. Then, you can deal with your physical illness without (or less) fear. FEAR itself kills people. Fear and Anger kill yourselves (you see I had to deal with tremendous anger too, against the mother of my son). People with cancer almost die from FEAR.
So, if you realize that you can't cope this fear by yourself, surrender to Jesus and accept your limitation. He will carry away your worry and fear for you.
I'm sorry but Jesus won't help you with panic attacks. I saw those excellent ads in London the other day - 'There is probabaly no god, so relax and start living your life' or something similar. I understand the temptation to explain unexplainable things by introducing god into equation though. However this is not for me. I'd rather suffer another panic attack, than cloud my mind with false hope.
I have been a christian for many years, I KNOW that when I feel alone, I can talk to God, write in my journal. God may not take the problem away, but for me He is with me when I experience it. It does not stop me from feeling anxious & terribly frightened when I am in the throes of a PA. For me, God is not a crutch, but a way of living my life.
LACEYA1961
05-02-09, 17:42
Hi there :D
Thank you for posting your testimonial, it was very uplifting. Unfortunately, as you'll see from the first reply below, there will be people that will scoff at the thought of the existance of God. That's okay because if your post about your faith in Jesus reaches just ONE person in this nightmare we all live in then it's worth it. I find peace every single day from Jesus and I believe that one day I'll be healed of all of this. When, I don't know, but I know it's going to happen. God promised us that whatever we ask him in the name of Jesus it shall be done. Maybe not on our time or when we think it should happen, but it will in His perfect timing. Could even be in the next life, who knows. That's just faith.
I know people have to die from something eventually, whether through and accident or illness, but I remember a pastor telling me that I won't die until God is done with me. That's comforting to me. I also know that God gave us common sense and we have to be responsible for our bodies and what we do to them. For me, I have a real struggle with smoking...that's not God's fault it's mine. So, if I get lung cancer who's fault is it? We all have to face the consequences of our actions...doesn't mean God isn't there for us when we need Him though. I have a fear of death so I started praying that when it's my time to go that God will take me gently. Sorry if I'm babbling...I'm having a weird day today from anxiety lol
Anyways, I usually don't discuss God on a public forum because it causes so much discord among believers and non believers but I will if God directs me to. Better to obey God than man.
God Bless xoxoxox
Lacey
I didn't post to persuade my belief. Everyone is different for some reason.
But, there is healing related to the belief, believe or not. But, I don't ask miraculous cure from God, the miracle is not the reason I believe in God. It helps me to keep going even in the darkness with less fear. I just realized suffering and death is inevitavle in this life...but I get the strength to keep going though the belief. Again, everyone is different...even this, I don't understand, but I don't try to understand with my own brain.
LACEYA1961 (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/member.php?u=17289), Thanks for the reply.
I don't mind people like the one replied first. I was the same kind of person just 2 yrs ago.
For me, i think i get most comfort from believing in the next life in heaven with the host of it, with my family whom I couldn't spend time with in this life. Before I got to know Jesus, I thought "every creature die, so what makes the death of mine special? Human being is not special, so No big deal for me to die". But, since I realized the existence of my soul which will live forever, through this experience of darkness, I feel really thankful making me to accept God in my heart.
By the way, for me, praying early in the morning everyday and listening christian worship songs really have helped. Let's keep praying, Jesus will guide you continuously. (One Japanese doctor says that getting up in the early morning --and excercsing or strolling etc-- is very good for fighting depression)
Veronica H
05-02-09, 19:55
Hi gofishing
You found God at a very vulnerable time in your life and I am very pleased that God came through for you. I keep an open mind on these matters. I know that this site has been invaluable to me in my recovery, as have the works of Dr Claire Weekes (available from the NMP shop). We should not underestimate our capacity to help each other of course and religion and self help can, and do, go hand in hand for many members here. Peace and love to you too.
Veronica
that is exactly why the world is so f***ed up - gods, religions, fairies and ignorance. If 'jesus' makes you happy, that's cool, but it takes strength to stare into the abyss, which this life (or rather end of it) is. Nothingness. Pure and simple. Live now, while it's not too late. Sorry all 'god' and 'jesus' fans, I'm in a bad mood today, lol
Hey stm93,
I read some of your posts. I guess you're going through now the most difficult periods recalling to mine. For me, the first year was really hard, first the series of panick attacks, then dealing with divorce and losing my son later. Especially the first 3 months or so was constant nightmare...My most fear was, at that time, the one that I'll be crazy, (didn't figure really the fear of death around that time, although I felt the fear of my death was related to my son.). I even imagined, for a test to myself, that something not real (something like my real parents are not mine or my son is not really mine) was true, then, that something unreal started to become real in my mind. I was so scary at that point...because i thought i was crazy.
I had all the pains you describe now. Sunset was something I could't bear. I literally trembled when the darkess started everyday. I stoppted watching all TV shows and movies; people started to look like ghosts on screen. (I really don't want to recall the memories, or remind to any of you.)
I read Rick Warren's book every day one chapter per day (40 chapters). Since I couldn't understand Bible, his book helped me as a step stone. By the way, Bible really helped me to sleep. It was like sleeping pills, when I started to read Bible, I would go to sleep within 30 mins....that's funny how Bible helped me to sleep without nghtmares and sweats. (I sufferred with severe sweats in my lower body too.)
You really need patience to fight with this panic disorder, and positive thinking and attitudes. Keep excercising and meet real people who are nice to you. You need to get help from someone nearby who understand your situation now. Ask help to someone who can deal with you without being scared or stressed by your situation! don't act like you are fine. And if you can, try to attend a church...you never know what will happen. Psychiatrists or therapists can be helpful too, but with my experience, Jesus is the best counseler on this topic. (Later, i found that Psalm 23 is really comforting, probably to many christians too, in case.)
I hope this helps a little.
It was God that send me to this forum. My testimony is extremely similar to yours 2 months ago I experienced severe PAs. I was having PAs 3-4 times a day already thin losing weigh going from 105 to 80 lbs. I couldn't leave the house have several test ran "Just didnt understand or know what was wrong" I took leave of absence from working staying off for 1 month then one day I was laying down on the sofa and the holy spirit came across as I was watching church on TBN and while watching TV the holy spirit told me to get my bible and began reading psalms. I began reading some scriptures in the chapter but it was so deep and interesting that I knew that I had to start from the beginning reading until the end to get a true understand of my state of mind and where I was at that moment (desperate for help). Since then I have not had a full blown PA. In the past I cannot began to tell you the last time I picked up a bible but since that day I have been reading my bible, going to church, and praying that God continue to lead me in the right direction and keep me amongst positive people and remove the sickeness from my body that Satan tried to instill in me. So what did God show me? Still watching TV everything began to unfold to help me understand the bible. On the History channel they covered the 7 Deadly Sins and how fear is a sin, all it is, is Satan trying to destroy you and have you constantly live in fear. Since then God has continue to bless me and lead me amongt godly people to where my faith in God will remain active. I know that since then I have also come across individuals that do not believe in God however everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I know what the Lord has done for me. I have not been on any blood pressure medicine and I am only taking 1/2 of Xanax when needed which is 1/2 of pill (lowest mg) once or twice a week.
Thanks so much for sharing your testimony and please continue to share and encourage others. God and my support family is what help me. Me talking and sharing with others of what I have gone through makes me stronger. I can now say that I do not regret that 1 1/2 month bc through one of the most difficult moments made me stronger.
Love you and God Bless you.
************************PLEASE READ**************************It was God that send me to this forum. My testimony is extremely similar to yours 2 months ago I experienced severe PAs. I was having PAs 3-4 times a day already thin losing weigh going from 105 to 80 lbs. I couldn't leave the house have several test ran "Just didnt understand or know what was wrong" I took leave of absence from working staying off for 1 month then one day I was laying down on the sofa and the holy spirit came across as I was watching church on TBN and while watching TV the holy spirit told me to get my bible and began reading psalms. I began reading some scriptures in the chapter but it was so deep and interesting that I knew that I had to start from the beginning reading until the end to get a true understand of my state of mind and where I was at that moment (desperate for help). Since then I have not had a full blown PA. In the past I cannot began to tell you the last time I picked up a bible but since that day I have been reading my bible, going to church, and praying that God continue to lead me in the right direction and keep me amongst positive people and remove the sickeness from my body that Satan tried to instill in me. So what did God show me? Still watching TV everything began to unfold to help me understand the bible. On the History channel they covered the 7 Deadly Sins and how fear is a sin, all it is, is Satan trying to destroy you and have you constantly live in fear. Since then God has continue to bless me and lead me amongt godly people to where my faith in God will remain active. I know that since then I have also come across individuals that do not believe in God however everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I know what the Lord has done for me. I have not been on any blood pressure medicine and I am only taking 1/2 of Xanax when needed which is 1/2 of pill (lowest mg) once or twice a week.
Thanks so much for sharing your testimony and please continue to share and encourage others. God and my support family is what help me. Me talking and sharing with others of what I have gone through makes me stronger. I can now say that I do not regret that 1 1/2 month bc through one of the most difficult moments made me stronger.
Love you and God Bless you.
Veronica H
06-02-09, 08:08
hi all
'fear is a sin, all it is, is Satan trying to destroy you and have you constantly live in fear'.......this is a sweeping statement that could alarm people. Pope Benedict speaking in in 2008 said 'Those who fear God are serene even amidst the storms'. I am a non believer by the way.
Veronica
I am sad that people feel the need to criticise. We all have our own ways. Your belief obviously helps you and I am pleased for you that it does.
I find that my belief has never been strong enough and I need to believe in my own ability to keep the panic under control and try to stay in control of my life.
I am glad though that you are feeling better and more positive. ,:D
So good to read the experiences of fellow christians as I feel very alone which increases my anxiety levels esp. when I am unable to get out due to the sleet/snow!
THANK YOU & GOD BLESS:hugs:
"then one day I was laying down on the sofa and the holy spirit came across as I was watching church on TBN and while watching TV the holy spirit told me to get my bible and began reading psalms"
Sorry but this just made laugh. I can't even begin to describe how wrong all of it sounds. But then again, what do I know? Some people believe Earth is flat, which is much worse, lol
:D I know what you mean about trying to explain how God moves one to do things!!!
I just know that He is my Comfort!
This Forum is used to express ones feeling in no way am I trying to sway others. That is just like the poll's that they have on here along with people enlisting different symptoms, side effects, or reactions to different meds. I do not expect everyone to agree with me or experience the same thing that I have experienced. But those who believe in God would understand. That is just like someone posting a forum talking about how good Zoloft is, and one disagrees with taking any meds like antidepressants and would rather find a cure or comfort spiritally or take natural supplements (it will either work or not work) its called having faith and hoping that some of the information on this website could become helpful.
God Bless
stm93,
"this just made laugh.": You are not the only one.
Genesis 17:17 and Genesis 18:12 show that Abraham and Sarah laghed at God's promise. They are the forefathers of our belief.
Well, actually I found this website almost "by accident", right after I read Mattew 4:19. My being here is not so pleasant for me, because it reminds me of those dark feelings I experienced. But, I think somehow Holy Spirit lead me to this website to share my experiences with you. Once I belive in God's promise and plan, "by accident" is not "by accident" nor coincidence any more. Once we believe God's promise, this makes really big difference in our lives. By the way, I am not a person who believes signs or wonders easily...but God is very patient.
You might as well quote from Harry Potter for all I know - both are fairytales created by man. Being a teacher (of philosophy) I can't even begin to explain fallacies in your brain. But this is not the right place for this type of discussion, this is anxiety forum. And you saying that 'god' might help you is like mixing religion and politics - they never work together. To me you're saying - 'read Harry Potter and it'll help you'. Fair enough, but you see now - I can't take your suggestion seriously, ever. 'God' bless you & goodbye. I'm not going to reply to this pointless post.
Forrest Gump
07-02-09, 14:23
While faith in a higher being and fulfillment of destiny can indeed be a very powerful friend in hard times, it can also be devastating. I used to be a christian many years ago and I have seen quite a few lives ruined by "men of God", that were claiming how faith could help them. When it comes down to depressions, anxiety disorders and mental issues, I would advise anyone to be very, very careful with adopting any religious beliefs that is told by someone would relieve the situation. Then again, should you find this to be your truth, experience and aid trough hard times, then by all means embrace it. But please be careful when leading others. Life, this world, all the people in it and their lives are truly a whole lot more complex than what is covered in any bible or religious writing. If there is a God, I'm sure that he or she wouldn't leave us all hanging, or depend upon whether we happened to stumble upon a certain book.
Thanks for your opinions.
All I can say is that Jesus deals with each individual differently. I don't lean on people too much...we human-beings, pastors? Pope? you name it, are all weak and stumble all the time, and still some people do not want to accept that...for some reason. If you lean on people, you stumble together. But, my faith that Jesus is good God has grown over time. That is great comfort.
Nobody can not say this discussion on this matter is right or not in this forum. Healing is related to my previous panic suffering. Some people will get this healing too, I'm sure. Prayer and faith has power than tiny little Zoloft...although some medicines and doctors would be still helpful with some caution too. Believe it or not, it is up to you, (again I'm not here to persuade) how high your IQ is, how rich you are, how powerful you are in your position all do not matter.
Forrest Gump
07-02-09, 19:20
Just don't get me wrong in my previous post, gofishing. I'm only advising caution with any religion during hard times, or rather so with people preaching religion. But I'm happy for you that your faith is helping you. There's not enough help to go around with panic attacks, be it pills, therapy or religion. Whatever makes you well is well enough. I disagree though that "if you lean on people you stumble together", as my experiences are different. Without the help of friends and kind hearted in the past I wouldn't be here today. I think that we should lean on each other, and as far as Jesus goes I'm quite sure he would agree. People need to learn or remember to take care of each other, as most of society is inherently fighting against it.
Forrest Gump,
Thanks for clarifying, and I agree on you, that's why i said in the previous post that "even a small smile or kindness from a stranger feels like angel's touch". I experienced those gracious touches all the time, especially in the airplanes to Hawaii to see my son, when I felt extremely anxious with phobia.
That's why I said "don't lean on people TOO MUCH". We should love each other, be nice to each other. But, we also should be aware of that we are weak and vulnerable. That's why we all need God. Jesus is the only one who we can put our trust on with our FULL heart.
By the way, Forrest Gump, I get curious with people like you saying "I was once christian....blah blah", because I'm a novice christian by myself. I accpepted Jesus in somewhere around Nov 2006, then got baptized in Nov 2007. I don't memorize any Bible verse correctly, I don't momorize any words of Hymn, even 'amazing grace'. To quote any Word, I need to open the Bible and search for it. But, over the time, I got to figure that these following questions are very critical to become a TRUE christian:
1. Did you believe in your heart that Jesus died for YOUR sins, and to forgive your sins?
2. Did you belive that Jesus is truth, life, and ONLY the way to the salvation of your soul?
3. Did you believe that Jesus conquered the death and revived from the grave to show you the eternal life?
4. Did you believe in the eternal life in Heaven?
5. Even if you were not sure of all, were you willing to follow the guidance of Holy Spirit and that Holy Spirit will let your faith grow?
I believe all these. Did you believe those, Forrest Gump? If you turned away from God, even if you had believed those at that time, I'd be really curious to get to know you in person and why.
I studied cosmology (origin of universe in the aspect of physics and astrophysics), and earned Ph.D. in engineering area, but I am still really ignorant with Bible, although I try to read several verses everyday. But, I now got to the point to understand the significance of those questions and believing them truly in my heart. This faith is the one which gives me the relief and inner peace, truly.
Thanks.
Forrest Gump
08-02-09, 20:18
This is perhaps outside the boundaries of this forum, but here goes:
gofishing, I kind of expected this reply but it saddens me a bit. You are far from the first to ask me the very same phrased questions and assumptions regarding why I left Christianity. Trust me on this... This might not be your reason for asking, but if so: Don't fall into the trap of protecting your faith by thinking that people leaving or disagreeing with Christianity, do this because they lack understanding of what it means to be a christian, or do not fulfill "what is needed" to become a christian (and even worse, as a consequence do not receive further understanding or blessings). There is no such thing as a novice or experienced or really even a true christian. Think about it - the very first Christians had nothing. No bible, no map, no understanding. Nothing. Your faith does not need to meet any qualifications or certain education. If you think i does, then you are missing the point of what Jesus was written to have said.
If it means anything to you though, I can answer yes on all your questions, 1 to 5.
As to why I left Christianity, I would humbly advice you not to ask, unless you absolutely feel that you have to know. If I were to tell you my reasons for leaving Christianity, it might put a serious dent in your faith and that's the last thing I would want to do. Faith is all we have. It doesn't matter much what we believe in, but we have to believe in something. This is your truth and I do not want to take it away from you. For what it's worth, I still have faith, and there are parts of that faith that I would still call christian.
FoRREST GUMP,
Thanks for your reply. I feel you are a very sincere person, and I didn't intend to do any trick with you...how can I? As I said before, until around Nov 2006, I had never gotten interested in knowing nor listening about Jesus, and it is not until really very recent that I could answer 'yes' to those questions I asked. I genuinely want to talk with someone who say that they were once christian and turned away...Who knows if I will have those trials and test which made them turn away from God in the future?...even though the trial I am going through for these last two yrs is really really heavy one already for me. I had never experienced this kind of hardship in my entire life (41 y/o). I just feel tremendously thankful for Jesus to let me draw near to him through this. Probably it is improper for me to ask those questions to you through this forum..even through a private message... that should be with someone in person face to face.
But, it is good to know that you still have faith. Those questions were important to myself, because i figured out that the fear of death is the ultimate one to me. And having faith on the Heaven, despite of how difficult trials are or will be in this temporary life, gives me comfort which I had never known. And I don't want to lose my faith I have now, i want it grow every day until i die. That's all.
Thanks and hope you be well.
Forrest Gump
09-02-09, 08:28
I didn't think you were intending any trick, it just so happens that I've been asked the same questions many times before. But that's ok, my main concern is to not get into a discussion that leads to questioning anyone's faith, especially here with you as you seem to be going through a hard time. If you're on a stormy sea, there's no point in questioning whether the boat floats or not. Just keep going and when you are ashore there will be plenty of time for checking the boat, should you feel the need to.
Also, I agree, these questions are better asked face to face. I certainly don't have all the answers, if any, and I feel that a forum leaves to much said out in the open that can be interpreted in too many ways - including by others - without a functional way of debating or correcting misunderstandings.
Cheers
FORREST GUMP,
Our journey (of course, with so many sufferings) in this world do not stop until we will enter in the rest of the arm of our Lord, as St. Augustine said. Certainly, I'm floating now, but at least I have faith that I will enter the eternal rest in his arms. Arriving at the temporary shore of this world (which probably means recovered health, financial prosperity, recovery of broken relationships?) is just a blessing which only fortifies my faith through God's grace. Not the chance to evaluate God's promise or something. I'm less than a wretch before him (but ONLY before Him. Are you too?), how can I evaluate him?
Somehow I still feel you truly didn't accept God's promise through personal relationship with him. But, my thought about somebody else is not important at all, everybody's journey is different...only Jesus deals with individuals personally.
one more thing, FORREST GUMP,
When people around you asked the same questions to you as I asked,
it was not to criticize your faith, probably they wanted to explain their joy of realization of the fact that you get what you give to the LORD, that is your FULL heart. Probably there was no other way for them to communicate it with you, except asking those questions.
So, even if you're not comfortable with those questions, please don't draw back from those, don't draw back especially from God. Instead, ask to Holy Spirit for the closer relationship. I was a very doubtful person, still I am, but somehow the Spirit keeps leading me, which I desperately ask for.
All:
"I" think that his forum was not to debate it was for believers with intentions to instill faith and hope into doubters. But hey of course everyone including the nonbelievers are entitled to their own opinions. Gofishing and I have been communicating back and forth regarding this forum and on a personal level. Of course, I have never I meet Gofishing but I believe and know that through no means this forum was created to start confusion or again sway others into christanity, I enjoy reading what others believe helps them through their most difficult moments. Again if you think that this is a debate that is your opinion but I think that Gofishing is an inspirational, kind-hearted, sincere person who is so exicted about sharing their great experience that brought them through hard times. Obviously this is a great topic bc its stay on the top of this forum mmmm for some odd strange reason (God) Gofishing I know you are laughing now and God is too as he sits on the throne. Keep encouraging other bless you. Talk to you later as I know I will get another email, keep them rolling. Have a great day !
Forrest Gump
10-02-09, 15:03
Somehow I still feel you truly didn't accept God's promise through personal relationship with him. But, my thought about somebody else is not important at all, everybody's journey is different...only Jesus deals with individuals personally.
Ok, now you are going too far and being rude. You don't know anything about me and haven't got a clue as to what I did or did not do during this time.
one more thing, FORREST GUMP,
When people around you asked the same questions to you as I asked,
it was not to criticize your faith, probably they wanted to explain their joy of realization of the fact that you get what you give to the LORD, that is your FULL heart. Probably there was no other way for them to communicate it with you, except asking those questions.
Once again, you have no idea what you are talking about and you are making assumptions that are just plain wrong. I do not wish to continue this discussion, and I ask you kindly not to write any further assumptions regarding me. No hard feelings, lets just leave it, ok?
FORREST GUMP,
If you felt that I'm rude, I apology for that. I certainly remember those feelings I had from some evangelistic friends who keep trying to say what they believe, when I was a non-believer. (I used to get upset even when they say "God Bless" to me. So, I guess people change. Sorry I'm NOT implying you're upset now.) Well...this discussion with you is done. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.
I personally do not enjoy debating. I'll try to avoid it as much as i can...especially for us experiencing difficult time, even small debating can be stressful. I'll try to put only positive postings.
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