View Full Version : Does HA make us selfish?
Which comes first the HA or the selfishness? I was reading today about Jade Goody who, tragically, has been told that her cervical cancer has metastatised and that treatment will now be to prolong her life rather than cure the cancer.
Obviously this is terrible news for Jade and her young family. She's only 27 - it's almost unbelievable that she could be dying from cancer, but it seems that is what is happening.
My first twinge of sympathy for Jade was swiftly followed by HA thoughts about myself. They included: I've never had a smear test and I'm 8 years older than Jade - I should book myself in asap; what about that large, hard lymph node under my ear - I should go and get that checked out too; I must check all of my moles again and stop drinking now or I'll get breast cancer.
Oh, and finally, why am I feeling dizzy again.
So mainly I was selfishly thinking of myself.
Is this natural? Am I completely self-absorbed, worried only about myself and unnecessarily so? It just seems so unfair that this is happening to such a young woman. If it can happen to her it can happen to me, I guess is what I'm thinking. Selfishly.
Hi Leebee
You are right, HA is a very selfish disease, and I think the disease definately first, which then brings about the selfishness.
When total fear takes over in any person, it grips them so hard and affects every aspect of their lives, that they automatically move into self preservation mode, and nothing else matters to them as much. It's a natural reaction by the body in a will to survive at all costs, but as you know there is really nothing organically wrong with us, but our bodies are on red alert at all times, we are constantly looking inwards, looking for problems, looking for answers to these terrible 'symptoms' which have been thrown our way. Sound familiar?
Constant fear brings it's own physical symptoms as you know, and this fear of what's going to happen to us next brings more fear, and with it come the unrational thinking and the 'impending death syndrome'. The fear that we experience is greater than some people will experience in a lifetime, so it's no wonder that we are constantly evaluating, comparing and worrying.
When I heard interviews with some of the passengers on the plane which recently landed on the Hudson river in NY, most of them them thought they were going to die, (and I believe there are people on this site with the same degree of fear) they claimed to think of their loved ones just before impact! This may or may not be true, but someone who has HA is more likely to think of themselves first, because the constant fear has dragged them away from any rational place, and forced the poor sufferer to become 'obsessed' with themselves. I know this sounds really harsh, and I may well face a backlash on this issue, but I'm quite sure there are many people on this site who can relate to what I've just said!
Is someone with HA selfish? You bet they are! Is it their fault? Absolutely not, they are at this time of their lives allowing the body to 'dupe' them, and when there is constant fear, unfortunately there is selfishness!
Please don't be hard on yourself, it's simply another classic case of HA, and NOT the real Leebee.
House.
I don't think it makes sense to talk of selfishness when you suffer badly from anxiety. As House Fan said, it's your body that's in control, going into red alert mode, where you don't have any choice but to worry about yourself.
You can't be generous and unselfish unless you feel secure in yourself.
Ah, LeeBee - when I read your reactions to poor Jade's illness, I felt "then it's not just me!" I feel so so sorry for her but my rotten HA immediately dragged my thoughts back to myself. That's what HA does to us all - keeps us prisoners in the torture chamber of our own worries.
I reckon House has got it in one - yes we are "selfish" but its a symptom of our illness. You're not selfish at all - your subconcious is just trying to help you survive. If you were a really selfish person - and there's a few out there, but not as many as we think - you wouldn't worry that you were selfish. [If you see what I mean.]
LeeBee it's not selfish at all, you suffer from HA. I bet there are lots of people who don't consider themselves HA sufferers who immediately think 'that could happen to me' when they read or hear about bad things happening to other people. You're being too tough on yourself again! We all have our vulnerabilities if we're honest and yours happens to be HA, don't beat yourself up. To a certain extent we all have to be 'selfish' sometimes to survive. Hang on in there. Love, Helen
My first twinge of sympathy for Jade was swiftly followed by HA thoughts about myself. They included: I've never had a smear test and I'm 8 years older than Jade - I should book myself in asap; what about that large, hard lymph node under my ear - I should go and get that checked out too; I must check all of my moles again and stop drinking now or I'll get breast cancer.
.
Yes and I have now started having an HA attack about what you put above about drinking giving you breast cancer...omigod is this true ? pure selfishness:ohmy: .....
Interesting thought. I am not so sure health anxiety sufferers are selfish; obviously we worry excessively about our health that is the nature of HA, but i do not think it makes us uncaring people. - LeeBee, you and so many other posters take such care and show great empathy when responding - i think our own suffering gives us much greater insight into other people's pain.
Elitest, alcohol can deprive you of folic acid, and if you are deficient it might put you at slightly higher risk - they say if women drink it is a good idea to make sure they supplement with folic acid.
Toffeeapple
05-02-09, 18:20
I know how you feel, I definately feel selfish and self centered worrying about myself like that.
When I heard Jade Goody's news I immediately thought: "God, I'm sure I had a smear last year but I'd better check with the surgery just in case, but anyway what would they know, I'm the one who had to remind them last time.... etc...".
My next door Neighbour told me that her mum had bowel cancer but that she never had any symptoms like blood in the stools or anything, but that she did feel a lump in her stomach, and my face dropped.
Instead of feeling for her I automatically thought: "Oh my GOD! I've had a lump in my stomach for about 4 years now!! No other symptoms, I'd better book an appointment at the doctor's straight away!!".
So I do feel self-centered, and I do believe it's a self-centered disease, and I don't want to tell myself "No it's not selfish, it's not my fault if I have HA" because in itself, that is a self-centered statement.
If I direct my thoughts towards others, and if I concentrate on helping people feel better, my anxiety seems to vanish.
But if I keep telling myself that it's not my fault and it's the way I am, I feel I will never change.
I don't think it's selfishness either. I think most people can feel sympathy for Jade Goody and her family for what she is going through and because she is well known it highlights the nature of illnesses like this.
Personally I don't have health anxiety and am probably more to the other extreme due to depression in that it wouldn't worry me if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. But I think it is more common to have 'what if it were me thoughts'.
I think anxiety about anything is just another illness, but to an extent most mental health illness cause the sufferer to focus inwards and self obsess. I suffer from an eating disorder so weight stories trigger my anxieties, but I can imagine how stories about cancer would trigger worrying thoughts for someone with health anxiety.
As someone has already said, the fact you have these thoughts is not your fault, just as having health anxiety isn't an illness you've asked for either. So, I think selfishness is the wrong word. News stories like these just bring home awareness of what our own particularly anxieties are.
Karen x
Thanks for your comments, guys. Much appreciated. As many have said, our response posts on these forums are proof that we do empathise with others. I guess I just feel guilty sometimes for having this thing that makes me think about myself so much!
I agree with House that the anxious response is a selfish one in that it's part of our evolved survival instinct and we probably wouldn't be here if we didn't have it. I guess the trick is to find a way to stop it activating when it's not needed or wanted.
Also although we may be selfish to the extent of worrying about ourselves, my main fear is that if something happened to me then my girls would be left without a mum (they are total mummy's girls!) so my overall fear is for them - hope that makes sense??
I think it does make us selfish because we talk alot about our problems to people and forget about others.
When people are ill we often wonder then if we are ourselves instead of supporting them.
We don't mean to be this way but its just what happens with anxiety.
Do go have a smear test, you really should of had quite a few by now. I go every 3 years and I am 30.
kaysheldon
16-02-09, 21:43
Yep.. this is what i have been thinking. Its awful isnt it. I work in Journalism, although not neccesarily covering stories like Jade's- my friends and colleagues do. They come in and tell me stuff because to them, its just news, maybe gossip even. And i want to scream at them that i really dont want know through fear of me having exactly the same symptoms or such. The problem i think for people with HA at the moment, particularly women, is that the Jade story is inescapable. Every single media outlet is covering it to varying degrees. I'm truly gutted for her but I dont think its neccesarily selfish to maybe keep away from the toxic media surrounding Jade at the moment. It's almost certain that every newspaper report will 'sensationalise' her situation saying half-truths regarding her cancer which put the fear of God into people like me and you lot who suffer with these problems. See what you all think of this.. My mother's friend recently crashed into my Dad's BRAND NEW CAR, not two months old, completly writing it off, all the time i was sat in the house and it was parked on the street outside my house. The oddest feeling was, rather than be concerned for my dad's shiny new, now dead vehicle. I was instantly concerned about my leg after i saw hers all bloody from the crash. She was ok, but my leg was a constant source of anxiety to me all day. I had everything from blood clots, undetected fractures etc. Its just what the mind does to us. There were two people more deserving of my concern that day and yet i opted to worry unfounded, about myself.
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