ade
05-02-09, 10:27
oh my,please,to quote Ian Curtis, 'someone take these dreams away'
last nites nightmares were the now familiar warning that i am bound for hell
having named the abuse i suffered.logically,i know that us children who were abused in this way,were threatened that hell would occur if we told.well i didnt tell till i was 24,but every night at the moment,i get the same warning.
last nite it was a beautiful blue sky with a burning sun,i dare to smile.then it comes for me, a horizon filling geometrically intricate shape, so big my stomach turns with fear.it has come from eternity to dissolve me into hell.it passes over me and i try to think of my children to comfort me,but before their beautiful faces fill my heart, the shape passes over me and i wait for the end...and it comes .... i feel myself being violently ripped apart as if i can feel the pain of every molecule being dissolved.i am then nothing.inside a mute blackness forever
oh my....i am at work but my mind is elsewhere,on these days,the day after,i surround myself with the pictures of my family and cry to be with them
'dadda sad?' she said this morning.shes 2 and half and has the compassion of an angel.
:weep: :weep: :weep: :weep: :weep: :weep:
a broken man today
ade.
last nites nightmares were the now familiar warning that i am bound for hell
having named the abuse i suffered.logically,i know that us children who were abused in this way,were threatened that hell would occur if we told.well i didnt tell till i was 24,but every night at the moment,i get the same warning.
last nite it was a beautiful blue sky with a burning sun,i dare to smile.then it comes for me, a horizon filling geometrically intricate shape, so big my stomach turns with fear.it has come from eternity to dissolve me into hell.it passes over me and i try to think of my children to comfort me,but before their beautiful faces fill my heart, the shape passes over me and i wait for the end...and it comes .... i feel myself being violently ripped apart as if i can feel the pain of every molecule being dissolved.i am then nothing.inside a mute blackness forever
oh my....i am at work but my mind is elsewhere,on these days,the day after,i surround myself with the pictures of my family and cry to be with them
'dadda sad?' she said this morning.shes 2 and half and has the compassion of an angel.
:weep: :weep: :weep: :weep: :weep: :weep:
a broken man today
ade.