Gig tomorrow night - don't know if I can do it :-S

[deejay_sleepy]

Hi,

I've got a gig tomorrow night, launching a new music project that I've been working on and at the moment I'm really not sure if I can do it. The whole thing wouldn't fall apart if I wasn't there so it's not like it would be a huge disaster if I didn't go but it's a slippery slope letting anxiety get the better of you over this sort of stuff eh?
It's only a small thing and I'll know virtually everyone there it's just that my anxiety stems from a drug related breakdown where I was in such a bad way I basically thought everyone around me could read my mind (crazy I know but not that uncommon apparantly) and when my anxiety gets really bad I get into a state where I become paranoid and get very similar feelings to that. That breakdown was a good 5 years or so ago but it's the backlash from it that I'm still dealing with and the past 3 months or so have been particularly tough.
Last time I went out I ended up having an episode and even though it was short lived and I managed to sort myself out rather than just doing what I usually do and retreating from it, my defences are still pretty low from it.
So, on the one hand I'd like to do it because it would be a fairly big victory for me to get through it without having a paranoia attack and would also give me extra strength to get through other things I've got coming up (birthday next week, starting work soon etc). But on the other hand the way I'm feeling now I feel almost certain that I'd have an anxiety/paranoia attack if I did the gig. Argh!
I'm not making any decisions on it just yet in any case. I'm waiting to see how I am tomorrow and see what sort of nights sleep I get etc.

Any advice?

[Bob47]

I play drums in a band and got into a state about the last gig - almost hyperventilating in the soundcheck...actually doing the gig was easy - it was the anticipation that got me going. You can do it. Go for it. You have to remember that you wouldnt even have a gig if you were no good!Since that last gig I've been on a course of Citalopram and its working ok

[deejay_sleepy]

Yeah, it's not so much the playing of the gig that bothers me as just being up there with everyone looking at me that freaks me out!

[lorac]

Hi

I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.

Carol

[bluegirl09]

Try and go ask yourself what will you be doing instead dwelling at home beating yourself up whats the absolute worse thing that can happen - dont let it get the better of you be brave and GO good luck xxxxx

[ana]

The anticipation is much, much more horrible than the actual event.

Can you do it? Of course you can!!! :yesyes:

You'll feel so much better after having done it and you'll feel on top of the world for accomplishing something you doubted you had the strength to do.

Good luck!!! :flowers:

Ana xxx

[deejay_sleepy]

Thanks all. Still feeling ropey this morning though. I've had a cold for the past few days which is complicating things. Still not sure what I'm gonna do. If I decide not to do it it'll be as much from feeling physically unwell as psychologically.
The thing with that of course is that I'm not sure how much my feelings of being physically ill are related to my anxiety. I did start feeling unwell about 3 days ago though when my anxiety levels were a lot lower. Plus my dad's had a cold lately and you know how these things go around.

[deejay_sleepy]

Well, I decided not to do it. Physical unwellness and psychological strain combined is just a bit too much for me today.
So, to make up for it I'm going to make sure I get out and about as much as possible next week to build up my confidence. Silver linings and all that!

[ana]

Physical symptoms are more connected to anxiety symptomps that you may realize. It gets confusing to the piont that you can't really tell the symptoms apart. It's ok to faulter, we all do it, just make sure you go out and about to as much as you can just to conpensate a bit...:winks:

Ana