deejay_sleepy
05-02-09, 19:27
Hi,
I've got a gig tomorrow night, launching a new music project that I've been working on and at the moment I'm really not sure if I can do it. The whole thing wouldn't fall apart if I wasn't there so it's not like it would be a huge disaster if I didn't go but it's a slippery slope letting anxiety get the better of you over this sort of stuff eh?
It's only a small thing and I'll know virtually everyone there it's just that my anxiety stems from a drug related breakdown where I was in such a bad way I basically thought everyone around me could read my mind (crazy I know but not that uncommon apparantly) and when my anxiety gets really bad I get into a state where I become paranoid and get very similar feelings to that. That breakdown was a good 5 years or so ago but it's the backlash from it that I'm still dealing with and the past 3 months or so have been particularly tough.
Last time I went out I ended up having an episode and even though it was short lived and I managed to sort myself out rather than just doing what I usually do and retreating from it, my defences are still pretty low from it.
So, on the one hand I'd like to do it because it would be a fairly big victory for me to get through it without having a paranoia attack and would also give me extra strength to get through other things I've got coming up (birthday next week, starting work soon etc). But on the other hand the way I'm feeling now I feel almost certain that I'd have an anxiety/paranoia attack if I did the gig. Argh!
I'm not making any decisions on it just yet in any case. I'm waiting to see how I am tomorrow and see what sort of nights sleep I get etc.
Any advice?
I've got a gig tomorrow night, launching a new music project that I've been working on and at the moment I'm really not sure if I can do it. The whole thing wouldn't fall apart if I wasn't there so it's not like it would be a huge disaster if I didn't go but it's a slippery slope letting anxiety get the better of you over this sort of stuff eh?
It's only a small thing and I'll know virtually everyone there it's just that my anxiety stems from a drug related breakdown where I was in such a bad way I basically thought everyone around me could read my mind (crazy I know but not that uncommon apparantly) and when my anxiety gets really bad I get into a state where I become paranoid and get very similar feelings to that. That breakdown was a good 5 years or so ago but it's the backlash from it that I'm still dealing with and the past 3 months or so have been particularly tough.
Last time I went out I ended up having an episode and even though it was short lived and I managed to sort myself out rather than just doing what I usually do and retreating from it, my defences are still pretty low from it.
So, on the one hand I'd like to do it because it would be a fairly big victory for me to get through it without having a paranoia attack and would also give me extra strength to get through other things I've got coming up (birthday next week, starting work soon etc). But on the other hand the way I'm feeling now I feel almost certain that I'd have an anxiety/paranoia attack if I did the gig. Argh!
I'm not making any decisions on it just yet in any case. I'm waiting to see how I am tomorrow and see what sort of nights sleep I get etc.
Any advice?