Over-analyzing! Trapped in my mind!

[bananas13]

Hi, my name's Kaylee... I'm 19 and I'm new to this forum. I've been suffering from anxiety and depression since the end of November... it all came on very suddenly and I really don't know what triggered it, except that I was in college 2 hours away from my family, friends, and boyfriend... Maybe the lonliness triggered it?

Anyway, I was hospitalized twice in the last 2 months because of severe panic... The last time was the beginning of January and I stayed for a week and was put on Zoloft, Seroquel, Xanax, Risperidal, and Lunesta -- I was really messed up, I would make myself pass out from panic and I would shake uncontrollably. I lost my appetite completely and had to force myself to get anything down. I had HORRIBLE depersonalization and didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. I would get to the point where I would beg the nurses to just knock me out and put me out of my misery because I couldn't get out of my head. I would shake and sweat because of worry that I would do something stupid to myself, so I never wanted to be alone. I just couldn't take it anymore.

It's been about a month since I've left the hospital and I'm on 100mg of Zoloft during the day and 50mg of Seroquel and 1mg of Lunesta at night. I was gradually taken off the Risperidal by my doctor and I have 1mg of Xanax that I can take as needed... and so far I usually have to take it once a week. So obviously, I've been feeling better.

The reason I'm posting is because for the past few days, I've been feeling like I'm slipping back into my old thoughts and anxiety. The best way I can describe it is that I have these weird thoughts about the meaning of life and I over analyze EVERYTHING! I'm constantly checking up on myself, always thinking... Am I happy? Why aren't I happy? Why can't I enjoy life? Am I going to go insane again? What if I can never take care of myself again?

I feel as though I'm trapped in my mind and never get a break! I just want to stop thinking about THINKING! It's driving me crazy! I don't want to always have to resort to Xanax because it's so addictive... I just can't stop analyzing. It sucks so bad.

Does anyone else feel like this, or am I just nuts? Is there any method that's worked for you? Is there any med that I'm taking/not taking that would help? Help me please! I can't live the rest of my life like this!

[missmandy]

That's quite the cocktail of meds! The fact that they gave you so many to start is indicative of the fact that they did not have a strong diagnosis. That you've only continued on Zoloft, Seroquel, and Lunesta means that they are attempting to treat you for depression/panic, bipolar or mood disorder, and related insomnia. The degree of your breakdown means that you REALLY need to have a contact person within the medical field who you can call whenever you feel like you're losing control. It's very reassuring to have someone you can contact who knows your history and can assess the situation from an objective position.

That being said, I completely identify with your overly analytical traits. I live inside my head and I can't help but dissect everything I feel or witness. I have pills they give for panic, as well - but I'm hesitant to rely on them because I don't trust them. They're addictive and they can be a band-aid solution. In certain cases they're lifesavers, but long-term I guess we have to learn to deal with our anxiety and find strategies to cope.

I hope you feel better soon. PM me if you ever need to talk.

[cece]

That really is a lot of meds, like a machine gun approach to treating you rather than a silver bullet. If you over analyze things like I used to do I suggest you try and join a cognitive training group and learn how to counter your thoughts in a tea form. Or get the books by sam obitz and david burns and start doing them everyday on your own. You really can retrain your brain to eliminate most of your irrational over analyzing and thinking habits and get rid of most of your anxiety.

[bananas13]

Well I'm seeing 2 therapists... one to talk with, and one I'm doing biofeedback with. And I am currently reading "Feeling Good" by David Burns... it's a good book, but it really doesn't address how I'm feeling. Or maybe it does and I'm just being depressed and overlooking it... Is there anything else you suggest so I can get out of my head?? I'm desperate...

[popsy]

Didnt want to read this post and not reply at all, i wish i could help, i know exactly how you are feeling, i constantly analyse how i feel its as though im scanning myself every min, it makes me feel completely detached from everything else, i just wish i could live outside of my head again. I so wish i could help but all i can say is you arent alone im completely there with you! Im just reading all i can on my condition it does help. Good Luck, thinking of you xxxxxx

[Liverbird67]

Hiya Kalee

Hope things sort themselves out for you soon hun, severe anxiety is a terrible thing for someone of your tender years to be going through, keep posting on here hun, lots of people will give you tips and advice and just plain comfort when you need it unfortunately severe anxiety does feel like you are trapped in your own head, things do get better eventually it probably feels like a living hell to you at the moment have a good read of the symptoms page and things will make sense.


Sending you lots of love and hugs

Debbie
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Richd]

Hey, I know this is a couple days old but I can totally relate to it.

I've not been hospitalized by my anxiety, and since coming off citalopram for depression and anxiety just under a year ago now I've not taken any other medication for it, but I was on citalopram for 3 years on and off.

But I do feel like I'm living inside of my head sometimes, and I know the over analyzing everything only too well. I'll be in the middle of a normal social situation, whether it's work, or having a meal with my family, and all of a sudden I'll start questioning the meaning of life, or existance, like "Why am I here, what is this?", these thoughts just pop up out of nowhere. Another one which pops up, is a thought where I think how weird the sky is, and how strange it is that we're just on this big ball floating in the middle of space... and all of a sudden these concepts just seem really surreal.

I had CBT for a while, and that helped me master some skills such as the feeling that, there's nothing we can do about it, if these concepts seem surreal, if these thoughts don't make sense or I can't fathom them, then so what, there's nothing I can do about it, the fact is we're here and we're now, and I'm in the middle of life, and whatever my thoughts are then the world's still going to continue, and good things are going to happen.

Right now I'm in the middle of a massive bout of anxiety, which is why I came on here, it always helps to read what people have to say here when my anxiety's high. I'm trying to stave off a panic attack, my heart is pounding away, my head is buzzing, and my chest feels so tight... but I know that in a minute I'm gonna put my laptop away, turn the light off, shut my eyes and just rest.

When you feel you're over analyzing, just start thinking about something nice, memories you had with the people you miss, or thinking about when you're going to see them again, and try not to be scared of the way you're feeling, just accept it, and let your thoughts flit somewhere else. Easier said than done, but I assure you it's possible.

Good luck!

[cece]

Well I'm seeing 2 therapists... one to talk with, and one I'm doing biofeedback with. And I am currently reading "Feeling Good" by David Burns... it's a good book, but it really doesn't address how I'm feeling. Or maybe it does and I'm just being depressed and overlooking it... Is there anything else you suggest so I can get out of my head?? I'm desperate...

If you are anything like me you are on the right track with the Burns book. Burns and Obitz say feelings don't matter because they come from the way you are processing things and that's the root of your problem. If you can counter your thoughts in the TEA form daily it will teach you how to think objectively and you will start to feel much better because it's your inaccurate processing that effects how you are feeling and makes you miserable. That what CBT is supposed to do, get you out of your head and living in the present.

[cece]

Great note Richd. I hope you are feeling better now:)

[lebec]

SNAP! these last few weeks i feel my sneixty has got worse as i have been feeling very low and my mind seems it hasnt been ther.i feel i have lost my memory,i test my self to see if i can remember things (which i can) but feels i have to think and think to get my answear.this last week has been the worst as i have been thinking about life n al the horrible things that happen (e.g sucide etc) i dont actualy wanna do this but it runs threw my mind as 'what if?'.its horrible i have just been put on med citrapram 10mg for thw first timw as i rrefuse to take meds,i think we jsut av to hang in ther n fight it and understand it ourselfs. if u need to chat anymore in private pm me

Hope you get better soon:) just rememeber your not alone on ere these people are fantastic with help and advice:yesyes:

[cece]

Lebec,

I hope you are feeling better now:)

[PoppyC]

I have just read RichD's post - That is exactly what I do...the thing with the sky!!!!...I have never heard or read of anyone mentioning that before...I over analyse everything. I can be in the middle of something and then out of nowhere I get a feeling of Whats the point because whatever it is I am doing seems so trivial compared to the whole grand scheme of things, meaning of existence and life..Sometimes I feel like we are all little ants scurrying around on the planet and I then start to think why are we here, whats the point, and the thoughts just go on from here.. I realise this sounds mad I know and I cant explain it very well...however the first post explained it perfectly. Its nice to know that I am not alone in how I feel. Is this all related to anxiety do you think? :wacko:

[sarah123]

Lebac: I was so glad to read your reply because that is exactly like I am and for years I wanted to find someone like me lol!. However my problem has no itensified and Has become an obsession with sleep like now I am thinking that "last week the therapist Iam seeing said that all people with GAD and ocd are very caring people,but now I am convinced she did not say that and she just said we are big worriers and now because I think that I have to stay awake all night so I can be a caring person for my 4 year old son." Has anyone else who analizsed attached their thoughts to another obsession like this. Because I quite often feel like I am going mad and no-one will believe me. My therapist said that all my thoughts are normalish and I should not ask for reassurance but this thought seems worse somehow and was really pleased agin to read a similar post.

Sorry for babbling
Sarah x

[Pennymoo]

Hey I'm 19 and new here too, and I totally relate to your thoughts! I kept thinking about the meaning of life, about happiness and it just spiralled into a huge horrible hole of anxiety. I just started on citolopram yesterday. Psychiatric nurse I saw suggested relaxation cds to help calm your mind, could help?

Hope things get better for you!
Message me if you wanna chat a=]
xx

[Lel]

Hi there, I am new to the forum and it always gives me such a big burst of relief when I read something I can relate to, and I can definitely relate to this. My anxiety started with the weirdest thoughts, and then I became hyper-sensitive to my thinking, so that nothing felt like it came naturally, it was like I was observing myself thinking. Awful. I thought I would try my hardest to counteract these with logic... I've always been a reader and so whatever my weird/anxious thoughts were about.. I'd get a book on the topic and concentrate on the facts rather than my endless questions and hypotheses. BUT..

For the last few months my worst symptom has been depersonalization and a feeling of being detached from the world. I too get the social thing. I can be talking with friends and all of a sudden wonder, "What's going on? Why do we do this?" Or weird things like, "How did humans become humans? Like we're so different from everything else.... how do we know what's real? Why is it real?" Then I get to thinking about the universe and get confusingly philosophical and can't figure out heads from tails. It makes everything seem like a movie I am watching and not something I am participating in.

I wanted to say, you are not going mad! Anytime I feel "normal" even for 2 seconds, when I forget that I am anxious, I use those moments to remind me that that is what life is really like, that people ask these questions but don't get bogged down by them or go down a crazy spiral.... they just live. Even if it only happens once in a week... I hold on to those moments with all my might because it means they exist and one way or another I'm sure they can happen more often if we try to overcome our anxieties.

[Lel]

Also... question... does anyone get depersonalization about their past? By which I mean analyzing your past to the point that it doesn't seem real anymore, or like a fuzzy dream or something that happened to someone else? I get really worried that I won't be able to experience things naturally anymore, and then I won't have memories of them, just memories of me being in a situation and then going down my trippy rabbit hole of questions. Basically feeling like nothing will feel real or authentic anymore? Just wondering if anyone's felt that. I think we're all really brave people. This is not easy and we try so hard.

[goingmadder]

Ah... light relief at hearing my own thoughts echoed back to me from so many others...

My anxiety started when i was 18, the first year of it I call the darkest year of my life to date...back then i didn't know it was anxiety, it was put down to mild depression by a priest a doctor and a mental health nurse. I think my mum thought i needed prayer not medical/psycological help hence the visit to the priest... and thats not changed in the last 10 years cos just recently during a few months of grieving the loss of someone every special to me my mum decided counceling doesn't work and that i needed to be prayed over... I dare say my mum has mental issues surpassing mine lol... anyway

RichD's comments about thoughts as well as others are so spot on. At the moment i seem stuck in an old thougth process revolving around love and how its supposed to feel doubting it and attempting to rationalize it... but over the years there have been soo many different areas my mind has tried to cover...

thoughts of the universe, time, time travel, particles how small can they get.. when does something become nothing? In my worse anxiety times i become extremely supersticious, reading horroscopes, being careful of classic bad luck things like black cats or magpies

Also something i call Stage thinking, where one single random thought pops into my head triggering another and another like a mallets mallets of thought lol thought association and by the end of it (sometimes minutes sometimes hours) the thing im thinking of at the end has Sweet FA to do with my initial thought.

The social thing is also quite disturbing and i find it happens with most drastic effect when im already feeling sad or low but generally happens everytime i go out... I analyse other people.. questioning why we are where ever we are, why no one seems bothered by their thoughts? Why are they all laughing and smiling? whats the point of being here at all.. We're having fun but why is this fun? analysing everything about the venue the people what it means to be having fun why we think something is fun or not fun...so on and so fourth...

Drives me loopy..

I've been on the verge of suicide but that was years ago although i did consider it a few months ago during my grieving process... I have two daughters and that stopped me doing something silly.

I'd give my right arm, in fact all my limbs if it would make the analytical thoughts the anxiety stop ... So i could rest... it doesn't happen every day but each bout feels like it will never end... i worry so much about it being forever...

On saturday a friend of mine showed me some notes he'd taken at a seminar about child abuse and its effects, and i found myself in tears when i realised so much of my character is false... so much of it is based on damaged thought process's and behavioural patters caused by the trauma of my child hood. So many of the Neg thoughts i have stem from my back ground and the defense barriers i have built over the years...

I'm going to look into CBT and see if i can retrain my brain enough to enjoy a loving relationship... build up my self esteem which i never really saw was low but in hindsight and after a few events this last few weeks realise just how dead on the ground my self esteem has been....

I choose to change...

Im trying to use that as my mantra at the moment along side the thought in the morning.. today is a new day, its the first day and the last day and I choose once again to make it count, i choose to keep the barriers down one more day/

This way Im trying to focus on just now and not tomorrow or the next or 20years from now...

I hope everyone finds their way and if anyone wants to PM.. please feel free..

Take care everyone

Peace and love

[goingmadder]

wow sorry just realised how much i went on there... sorry!

[starlight78]

Wow what a brilliant post this is.. it has so reassured me.. I thought i was the only one who had these bizarre thoughts about the sky and the world and the meaning of life.. I've chilled out about this alot now and wont let myself think too much about it.. but its great to know others have had similar experiences (sorry to be happy about your misfortune as well! lol) xx

[cece]

This way Im trying to focus on just now and not tomorrow or the next or 20years from now...



I think you are on the right track here in your quote above. As I said in my previous post on here that countering your thoughts in a TEA form is the quickest way to retrain your brain to live in the present.

[NoPoet]

I was going to post in this thread but I'm too tired and I might end up typing "I am a fish" 400 times. I'll post tomorrow after I get my beauty sleep quota. Rest assured I will be agreeing with most of the people who have already posted in the thread.

[cece]

That's really funny. I feel that way sometimes too but it would be I am a cat instead of a fish:blush: