Duckie
06-02-09, 16:18
My mother and I do not get along. At all. She makes me anx so bad. I can't even BEGIN to tell you.
When she is near me its like we are magnet we "repell". She stresses me out, she makes me anx so bad, I cry, I get so upset, so angry and so hurt.
I can't even stand it. When she is near me, I want to run thousands of miles away. The further the better. She makes me so upset and so depressed by the things she says. Purposely making me feel QUILTY!!
She had fed me lies after lies. She even lied about being her friend "emailing me under her friend's email address." Telling me all these things that weren't true. I vowed I would NEVER speak to her again. However my kids, I couldn't do that indef. Every time she emails me, my heart races, it pounds and throbs right into my throat. It hurts. I want to cry, I am so emotional. She has never been the protector, or anything in my life when I have needed it. She was the abuser, the tormentor, the person who made me feel death was more comfort then life.
She will never admit to anything. Ever. She blames me for the abuse. That I was the problem. She told me I wish you were dead, or if you don't clean up this house I am calling children's protective services to take you away. She shook the very foundation of trust I ever had. I felt so helpless, like the world beneath me was never going to be right.
She would hit me across the face with a wooden spoon, tell me I was lying. I wasn't. She would blame me for things missing when she moved it. I had to become trained to remember where everything was, when, where, who moved it so I would not get hurt. I didn't eat for weeks at a time because she blamed me for having no food. So many things, I can't even begin to tell you. She never ever took care of me the way a real mom should have.
Worse part is no one see what is she like. NO ONE!!! They all think she is "poor her, poor "her name." God, I am so sick of it. She even emailed Hubby and told him she would like to come down for a week and dont say anything its a surprise. SHE JUST EMAILED ME few days ago about that. I said I would get back to her. She is so flippping manulipulative and controlling!!!
NO ONE EVER puts her in her place and sees what she is really like. She keeps doing whatever she wants.
Now I am suffering so full of anx, I don't know how to control it. How and why does she have that much control over me? Over my emotions?
I have tried meds, but bec of my heart and migraines its best that I dont.
She is the one of the MAJOR causes of my anx. Makes me jumpy all the time.
Someone reach out to me..pls?
When she is near me its like we are magnet we "repell". She stresses me out, she makes me anx so bad, I cry, I get so upset, so angry and so hurt.
I can't even stand it. When she is near me, I want to run thousands of miles away. The further the better. She makes me so upset and so depressed by the things she says. Purposely making me feel QUILTY!!
She had fed me lies after lies. She even lied about being her friend "emailing me under her friend's email address." Telling me all these things that weren't true. I vowed I would NEVER speak to her again. However my kids, I couldn't do that indef. Every time she emails me, my heart races, it pounds and throbs right into my throat. It hurts. I want to cry, I am so emotional. She has never been the protector, or anything in my life when I have needed it. She was the abuser, the tormentor, the person who made me feel death was more comfort then life.
She will never admit to anything. Ever. She blames me for the abuse. That I was the problem. She told me I wish you were dead, or if you don't clean up this house I am calling children's protective services to take you away. She shook the very foundation of trust I ever had. I felt so helpless, like the world beneath me was never going to be right.
She would hit me across the face with a wooden spoon, tell me I was lying. I wasn't. She would blame me for things missing when she moved it. I had to become trained to remember where everything was, when, where, who moved it so I would not get hurt. I didn't eat for weeks at a time because she blamed me for having no food. So many things, I can't even begin to tell you. She never ever took care of me the way a real mom should have.
Worse part is no one see what is she like. NO ONE!!! They all think she is "poor her, poor "her name." God, I am so sick of it. She even emailed Hubby and told him she would like to come down for a week and dont say anything its a surprise. SHE JUST EMAILED ME few days ago about that. I said I would get back to her. She is so flippping manulipulative and controlling!!!
NO ONE EVER puts her in her place and sees what she is really like. She keeps doing whatever she wants.
Now I am suffering so full of anx, I don't know how to control it. How and why does she have that much control over me? Over my emotions?
I have tried meds, but bec of my heart and migraines its best that I dont.
She is the one of the MAJOR causes of my anx. Makes me jumpy all the time.
Someone reach out to me..pls?