ArellaMarie
06-02-09, 20:13
I thought I might share what I've been going through, and maybe get some advice if possible...
I'm a 20-year-old newlywed, a homemaker, and also an aspiring chef. Ironically enough, this wanna-be chef can't even enjoy the food she makes.
I traced my anxiety to quite a few causes. Most of them being what I guess are phobias and fears about food - a few caused by my mother. I've always been quite overweight, even when I was little, and my mother would always tell me that I had to lose the weight or else I would die of a heartattack. I'd often get told this daily, or WHILE eating. She'd launch into a rant in the middle of dinner about what to expect to feel when you're having a heart attack (primarily pain in the left arm). From age 16 on I will begin to feel horrible shooting pains in my left arm either during or shortly after eating - this'll launch me into a panic attack thinking I'm about to die of a heartattack.
I'm very allergic to mushrooms. I can't even begin to count how many times I've had to go to the emergancy room after eating something. I'm as sensitive to mushrooms as someone with a bad peanut allergy would be to peanuts. I always panic as I'm eating out someplace that something with mushrooms was cooked or prepared right where my food was prepared, as that alone will send me into a spell of strained breathing and throwing up.
I have a terrible fear of dry-heaves... not so much the throwing up part. Dry heaves are usually what I get for about an hour AFTER I deal with anything mushroom-oriented. They're dreadful and painful, so if I start to feel queasy I'll panic, thinking I'm going to have another spell of dry-heaves.
However my worst one of all is my fear of eating too much. That is one I've had a therapist tell me came from my mother - often putting too much food on my plate, telling me I had to 'clean my plate', then lecturing me on how much weight I was going to gain by overeating. After only a few bites I'll start to get anxious, trying to determine how much on my plate is too much before I continue eating.
I'm currently going to therapy to help with this... but I'm having a really bad struggle with it as my husband doesn't seem to try to understand why I do what I do. He's chocked it up to it being an eating disorder and that's it.
Sorry if that sounded whiny or anything.
I'm a 20-year-old newlywed, a homemaker, and also an aspiring chef. Ironically enough, this wanna-be chef can't even enjoy the food she makes.
I traced my anxiety to quite a few causes. Most of them being what I guess are phobias and fears about food - a few caused by my mother. I've always been quite overweight, even when I was little, and my mother would always tell me that I had to lose the weight or else I would die of a heartattack. I'd often get told this daily, or WHILE eating. She'd launch into a rant in the middle of dinner about what to expect to feel when you're having a heart attack (primarily pain in the left arm). From age 16 on I will begin to feel horrible shooting pains in my left arm either during or shortly after eating - this'll launch me into a panic attack thinking I'm about to die of a heartattack.
I'm very allergic to mushrooms. I can't even begin to count how many times I've had to go to the emergancy room after eating something. I'm as sensitive to mushrooms as someone with a bad peanut allergy would be to peanuts. I always panic as I'm eating out someplace that something with mushrooms was cooked or prepared right where my food was prepared, as that alone will send me into a spell of strained breathing and throwing up.
I have a terrible fear of dry-heaves... not so much the throwing up part. Dry heaves are usually what I get for about an hour AFTER I deal with anything mushroom-oriented. They're dreadful and painful, so if I start to feel queasy I'll panic, thinking I'm going to have another spell of dry-heaves.
However my worst one of all is my fear of eating too much. That is one I've had a therapist tell me came from my mother - often putting too much food on my plate, telling me I had to 'clean my plate', then lecturing me on how much weight I was going to gain by overeating. After only a few bites I'll start to get anxious, trying to determine how much on my plate is too much before I continue eating.
I'm currently going to therapy to help with this... but I'm having a really bad struggle with it as my husband doesn't seem to try to understand why I do what I do. He's chocked it up to it being an eating disorder and that's it.
Sorry if that sounded whiny or anything.