claire_80
07-02-09, 14:32
Last night was the worst night I’ve had in a long time. I usually spend Friday evenings on my own as my partner is at work and my daughter sees her dad, but yesterday was very different as my partner was asked to go into work during the day rather than the evening.
I was expecting him home around 4pm but around 3pm he phoned me to say he was stuck in the snow and wasn’t sure what time he would be home. At this point I didn’t panic as I just thought he would be a little late. What I didn’t realize is that he was snowed in and the lorry was just sliding everywhere. He made the decision that it would be safer for him to just stay where he was.
At first I just thought ok, this is nothing to worry about and I can always ring him if I get lonely or scared. By about 6pm I was starting to panic, it had just hit me that I was going to be alone all night. I found myself locking all the doors and making sure every window was closed. I wanted to ring my partner but didn’t because I didn’t want to worry him.
I started getting pains in my chest and tingles down my left arm, these weren’t my only symptoms but they were the ones that bothered me the most. Even though I know it was nothing to worry about the thoughts that I was about to die alone were so overwhelming I didn’t know what to do.
After around 15 minutes I had calmed myself down enough to go and bake some cakes (something I do when I’m on my own and anxious) I continued to bake till around 3am and made far too many cakes but it kept my mind occupied and even though I still felt anxious and on and off i felt like the panic was about take over it was nothing like I had felt earlier in the evening.
So this morning I am still alone and very tired but I made it through last night with the help of some cakes lol and I feel that I am able to stay alone at night again as long as I keep myself busy until I fall asleep. Ok this is still not ideal as I would like to be able to relax but maybe that will come in time, for now I’m just happy to know that when my partner goes on the stag weekend later in the year I won’t be a complete wreck.
I guess in a strange way something positive came out of a bad situation and if we have no option these things can be done.
I was expecting him home around 4pm but around 3pm he phoned me to say he was stuck in the snow and wasn’t sure what time he would be home. At this point I didn’t panic as I just thought he would be a little late. What I didn’t realize is that he was snowed in and the lorry was just sliding everywhere. He made the decision that it would be safer for him to just stay where he was.
At first I just thought ok, this is nothing to worry about and I can always ring him if I get lonely or scared. By about 6pm I was starting to panic, it had just hit me that I was going to be alone all night. I found myself locking all the doors and making sure every window was closed. I wanted to ring my partner but didn’t because I didn’t want to worry him.
I started getting pains in my chest and tingles down my left arm, these weren’t my only symptoms but they were the ones that bothered me the most. Even though I know it was nothing to worry about the thoughts that I was about to die alone were so overwhelming I didn’t know what to do.
After around 15 minutes I had calmed myself down enough to go and bake some cakes (something I do when I’m on my own and anxious) I continued to bake till around 3am and made far too many cakes but it kept my mind occupied and even though I still felt anxious and on and off i felt like the panic was about take over it was nothing like I had felt earlier in the evening.
So this morning I am still alone and very tired but I made it through last night with the help of some cakes lol and I feel that I am able to stay alone at night again as long as I keep myself busy until I fall asleep. Ok this is still not ideal as I would like to be able to relax but maybe that will come in time, for now I’m just happy to know that when my partner goes on the stag weekend later in the year I won’t be a complete wreck.
I guess in a strange way something positive came out of a bad situation and if we have no option these things can be done.