constant analysing and intrusive thoughts

[Torgon]

hi all, I am new to this forum but have had some aspect of OCD since being 6 years old or maybe younger. I don't remember before that. My OCD started to become a real problem in my late teens. Now I am 26 but it seems to be taking a different form that I don't know to to fight. I have mostly struggled with checking compulsions in the past but that, although not completely gone, has gotten much more controllable using CBT techniques. However my problem now is that I have an almost constant flow of analytic thoughts and role plays in my head. Sometimes when alone I act them out loud without realizing at first that I am doing so. I have intrusive memories of unpleasent past experiences that I cannot get rid of. I try to accept that these exeriences happened and although they were not happy experiences I should just learn from them and move on but the thoughts won't go away. Also I constantly analyse recent conversations with people and cannot help but look for way in which I might of appeared foolish or what I could of done better. Quite often it is things that really don't matter and I know this but the thoughts will not stop. My problem is that there is no physical compulsion with these obsessions. The thoughts just come out of nowhere but there is no ritual I can stop myself from doing to stop the thoughts. How can I fight only an obsession?

[PUGLETMUM]

:) hi, i have just posted on another thread to someone who is having disturbing images - like i advised them - go to ocduk - you will get lots of info on there that will help you on the road to recovery - good luck, emma:winks:

[hi.im.alex]

Hi,

Ive only just signed up here, & this is the first thread Ive looked at & I really cant believe there are other people out there who are exactly the same as me. I also have the most terrible intrusive thoughts, Im too embarrassed to go into it, but they often make me ask really inappropriate questions, & then I obsess about the answers Im given. I also do a lot of worrying about conversations Ive had & seeming rude. Generally its when Ive spoken to someone in passing, so havent said much, but I worry that what I have said has been taken the wrong way. The only way I can stop thinking about it is to get my partner to go through the conversation with me & promise me I came across O.K.
Sorry I cant give any advice, but at least you know there are other people here feeling just the same as you.

Al

[Ruffus]

Hello.
I came across this site two or three days ago and while there is still alot for me to discover, this thread really caught my attention.
I do what both Alex and Torgon have described in thier posts.
Others would say that I'm funny and quick witted and can carry a good conversation. But thats what on the outside. On the inside my mind is going a million miles second in all different directions(all negitive). I really have to concentrate on whats being said to me and whats coming out of my mouth. I feel like I'm wearing a mask. I find it hard to make friends. Friendships seem like they make it to a certain point where I feel like I cant hide my secret anymore and I end up withdrawing for fear that I will come across as crazy.
I'm greatful that there are people I can relate too.
And I am finding this site to be very helpful.
Thank you.
:) me

[Johnni]

I'm near enough the same as you Torgon. My checking compulsions have decreased over the past few yrs but over analytical thoughts and replaying past conversations thinking i came across stupid etc are still quite high. I find CBT helps me but they are still quite frequent.
How long have you had CBT for?, i find the first few months did'nt help but more on the CBT is getting more effective.

[goingmadder]

Hey everyone,

Torgon, sounds like your suffering from GAD apart from your OCD. It's strange and difficult at times to separate the two. When my mental spiral first began back in 98 it started all of oa sudden and for no reason as a whirldwind of negative thoughts and analyzing... I didn't know at the time and only discoverd about 2 months ago that for the past 11 years i've beemn suffering from GAD and ROCD. I put it all down to depression.

I suppose in a way you could put the negative thoughts/Doubt as your obsession and the analysing of these thoughts as your compulsion ... one feeds of the other and vice versa so you end up in a viscious cycle. The root of it I beleive is fear most likely caused by low selfesteem caused possibly by years of suffering OCD.

Facing the fear is the only way to beat it. By keeping the analyzing a private affair your avoiding the fear and feeding it at the same time.

From what I have been reading the best way to cope with it is to desensatize yourself of the fear. For example, if conversations are a big issue for you, put yourself in more situations where you're likely to have a conversation. By seeking reassurance from others you're justifying the fear. Rather than seek reassurance make an effort to not seek it. I guess baby steps is the way forward. Im not a professional by any means just passing on bits and bobs that i've read recently...

Try writting out the conversation you just has as you remember it...

The biggest point here for me is we're too danm hard on ourselves ... we lack focus on the reality of the issue which is simply so what...

What i mean is, place yourself in the worst case scenario.. You've had a conversation and completely cocked it up... you poot your foot in it big time, said the wrong thing.... SO WHAT? You can't take one minor and insignifiact moment and use it to draw a genral judgement of yourself in your entirety.. We are after all only human.

We are entitled to cock up, we're entitled to not be perfect. Each of us is a collection of hundreds of parts, thousands of experiences, millions of thoughts, hundreds of characteristics, great things not so greath thing, cacheivements and failures, tears and smiles.... and so on... We can't selcent a single moment, a single cock up and allow it to outweigh all of the things that make us great people!!! Heres where the Gernralised part of GAD comes in...

Instead of trying to control the thoughts or trying to prevent them entering your head, try taking a more passive position... a negative thought comes in to your head try to view it as a person you don't particularly want to talk to but can't avoid... just let it be what it is, play with it, make fun of it.. let it sit in your head but try to take a third party perspective on the thought, imagine someone else asked you that question... Don't own the thought, don't hold it, and it will float away....

I know its easier said than done but you can do it... we all can!! We're all a lot stronger and more amazing than any of us give ourselves credit for!!!

big hugs to all

XX

[Arthurjaded]

Hi could someone please tell me what GAD and ROCD stand for, cheers

[melody]

General Anxiety Disorder. I don't know the other one.

I am a shocker for worrying about everything I said after I was having fun. I have a habit of ruining it for myself. I am learning to allow myself that it's OK I'm worried, but I am overreacting. I was very proud of myself recently because I caught myself doing it. I said to myself, I feel worried, but I did nothing wrong. I won't think about what I may or may not have done this time! It took a lot of self control but I did it! We can fight this one day at a time & we can beat it. I think this very strongly, I am getting closer to normal by realising I don't always have to believe my feelings. I have a choice what I am willing to let myself believe. I can slow down my thoughts with practice. Then I can be more aware & more in control of my thoughts. That's the goal :)

[sunndyd]

did he not mean ocd if thats the case then its obsessive compulsive disorder

[Thumbelina]

Me two,

I experience all of those feelings that all the people in this thread mentioned.
I also realise with anxiety we at times hae symptoms of all sorts of different disorders: OCD, GAD, depression, other obsesions, fobias.
Though each person grows, developes one of them more than others therefore doctors diagnose us with one or two of them.

Even pshychiatsit told me that with mental (not pshychotic !!!!) deseases the bordelines can be very hard to determine, and therefore you normally treat the symptoms: such as anxiety, depression, phobias....

My scary thinking was scaring me allot until I found out how many people have the samefrom other sites and this one as well. Now I do not feel such a deviant as before.

We can help each other by sharing our experinces and ways we deal with these feelings.

Take care

[Aliciahodgson]

Hi,
I've just found this discussion board on the internet. My boyfriend experiences quite a few symptoms of GAD and a lot of the above mentioned (e.g. constant and uncontrollable analyzing of thoughts). It often makes him feel extreme anger and it results in him physically punching himself or hitting a pillow or something. He always controls it but he is afraid that he might not be able to sometimes. He has had other symptoms such as memory loss of thoughts. He will constantly change his opinion on his thoughts and feel almost "like a completely different person" he said once.

Please if any of this is familiar to you, or if you have any ideas of what this could be, please let me know.

Thank you

[deepreason]

Nice to hear I'm not alone in the above :D

Lots of you put it really coherently in your posts. It's very easy to identify with the whole worrying about convrsations and having to replay them over and over. Another similar thing I do is internet posts (like this one lol!), wemails and texts etc - I have to go back and reread them every fw hous for days just to see if someone took something I said the wrong way or if there is some possible way of misinterpreting what I've written.

My psychiatrist gave me what he called some CBT for the problem a few years ago back when I first started seeing him a lot. It has to be the fastest bit of CBT I have ever had in my life: about 5 minutes! It was very effective though. Even now I wish I'd written it down word for word so I coulod refer to it.

It roughly went:
- People are all wrapped up in themselves. They aren't as worried about what you think they are, as you think.
- People will be thinking about themselves in a conversation, not you.
- How many times has someone said something not quite perfect to you and have you ever held it against them for years and years? Never.
- Conversations don't hinge on whether you say the exact right thing at the right time, just get involved and accept that's good enough.

I kind of summed it all up for myself into a nice easy quick mantra: "**** it". Sorry to anyone who the language offends, that isn't my intention. The idea is to not worry about things just do them and if it isn't perfect then f' it. Have a go, get stuck in and if you fail then f' it.

All of the above really worked well for me for a period of time. I found myself getting better week on week and I felt I really had a solid tool to use against the demons when they came out. A nice big lead pipe to clobber those fears round the ear with!

Sadly I let the practice of keeping these thoughts at the front of my mind slip after a few months and I've never really been able to fully recapture them.

[deepreason]

Hi,
it results in him physically punching himself or hitting a pillow or something. He always controls it but he is afraid that he might not be able to sometimes.
Please if any of this is familiar to you, or if you have any ideas of what this could be, please let me know.

Thank you

Whilst living at home with a fairly unpleasant and unsupportive wife who I had to hide all my symptoms from, or at least try to, I often got to the point of punching myself in the head, or bending my fingers back until they nearly broke, something I got wrong once! The reason I did these thighs to myself is because a jolt of adrenalin, a blast of pain, blocks out the negative voices going round my head. Albeit the pain only gave a very brief (seconds / minutes) relief from the intrusive thoughts, it was still so welcome.

It was about causing myself pain, but finding ways that wouldn't leave a mark or do any permanent damage. Luckily the very progressive martial arts club I attended often taught me the very techniques I needed.

I found myself in a bit of a double whammy because my main obsessions had developed into my inability to fulfill my traditional role as a man / provider / protector but the OCD had got me to a point where I coulldn't work. My wife made it clear that she didn't believe in mental illness and i just needed to snap out of it and be normal. She used to scream at me that I was "worthless, weak willed and unwilling to cope with what other people do every day". I consider myself a reasonably tough chap who will tackle any problem full on; if you put enough will power in you can beat anything. All of a sudden for the first time in my life I'd met something I couldn't beat. No matter what I threw at it, it eat me. SO I pushed harer and harder and harder still until I was pretty much on the brink of pushing so hard I'd have killed myself. Luckily I had enough family around me to pull me back fom that edge.

all of the above leads to feeling very emasculated which coupled with the OCD leads to the head punching to try and reassert masculinity and create enough pain to burn the problems out of your head.

There is also the physical act of wanting to literally "knock those voices out of your head". Make them fall out and go away.

Sorry, long rambling story but what I am trying to say is that although him punching himself in the head is probably quite scary for you as to what it might signify of his mental condition, it's not tht uncommon and it is actually a sign of him fighting back; Of him being the sort of person who won't let himself be ruled by this illness if he can help it. And the best possible way you can help with his efforts is to be loving, supportive and let him know you believe in him. You believe he'll come through this time and you'll still have each other on the other side. Wiser but sadly a fw years older. It' not a quick fix. :blush: