DeanOz
13-02-09, 09:04
G'day everyone
(My background is : I have a fear of syringes/needles and that i I'm going too , or have been jabbed and in due course will catch HIV)
Over the past few months ,every was going really well for me , i started to feel confident with myself again , i started opening up to people again , and i also made more effort to meet guys again in hoping to find someone special (im 35 and live alone all my life)
Last tuesday i felt the highest ive felt in a very long time , i wasn't on cloud nine but on cloud 10 , life was wonderful.
I work in a large dept store and the next day around 12 noon i washed my hands ready for lunch when i noticed a small mark on one of my fingers , i wiped it in hoping it was just a smudge or dirt , it didn't move so i wiped it again and again.By now my heart was started to pound and i felt my "high" just drain out of me like if someone had turned on a tap! , the mark was still there and i squeeze it ,and under my skin was a blood blister , i squeezed harder and harder to see if it would bleed or not , it didn't bleed but just made the blood blister (very small size) , just more noticeable.............the only thing that is now running though my head 24/7 is that it was a syringe and i was jabbed sometime during the day while handling boxes , and moving stock.I know this must sound so weird to people who read this but for me its so real.
I have gone so far down hill here that when i fell from my high i really have hit rock bottom , all i think of now that "if" it was a needle , i will soon get sick and eventually die from AIDS.I so wanted to get on with my life , and there was in fact a few guys that i really liked , i have since pushed them away as i cant risk been HIV+ and getting into a relationship , I'm so sad now , i feel like my life is over.I just wish these things would stop and i just wish i knew what caused the blood blister.........i have checked over and over in my mind everything i did that day that i can think off and i still cant work out where and when the blood blister actually happened.....so the only thought in my mind is that i was jabbed by a needle and now will get HIV.
To make matters worse , today ive just started my 2 weeks Holiday after a very busy and stressful Christmas with work (i had no time off except 3 days and weekends in the past 75 days).So instead of been happy and unwinding and enjoying myself....all I'm thinking of is that ive been jabbed.
I'm not expecting any feedback here , i just wanted to vent my feelings and get it off my chest.
Dean ...........
(My background is : I have a fear of syringes/needles and that i I'm going too , or have been jabbed and in due course will catch HIV)
Over the past few months ,every was going really well for me , i started to feel confident with myself again , i started opening up to people again , and i also made more effort to meet guys again in hoping to find someone special (im 35 and live alone all my life)
Last tuesday i felt the highest ive felt in a very long time , i wasn't on cloud nine but on cloud 10 , life was wonderful.
I work in a large dept store and the next day around 12 noon i washed my hands ready for lunch when i noticed a small mark on one of my fingers , i wiped it in hoping it was just a smudge or dirt , it didn't move so i wiped it again and again.By now my heart was started to pound and i felt my "high" just drain out of me like if someone had turned on a tap! , the mark was still there and i squeeze it ,and under my skin was a blood blister , i squeezed harder and harder to see if it would bleed or not , it didn't bleed but just made the blood blister (very small size) , just more noticeable.............the only thing that is now running though my head 24/7 is that it was a syringe and i was jabbed sometime during the day while handling boxes , and moving stock.I know this must sound so weird to people who read this but for me its so real.
I have gone so far down hill here that when i fell from my high i really have hit rock bottom , all i think of now that "if" it was a needle , i will soon get sick and eventually die from AIDS.I so wanted to get on with my life , and there was in fact a few guys that i really liked , i have since pushed them away as i cant risk been HIV+ and getting into a relationship , I'm so sad now , i feel like my life is over.I just wish these things would stop and i just wish i knew what caused the blood blister.........i have checked over and over in my mind everything i did that day that i can think off and i still cant work out where and when the blood blister actually happened.....so the only thought in my mind is that i was jabbed by a needle and now will get HIV.
To make matters worse , today ive just started my 2 weeks Holiday after a very busy and stressful Christmas with work (i had no time off except 3 days and weekends in the past 75 days).So instead of been happy and unwinding and enjoying myself....all I'm thinking of is that ive been jabbed.
I'm not expecting any feedback here , i just wanted to vent my feelings and get it off my chest.
Dean ...........