Still feeling low and depressed.....

[ElizabethJane]

I'm reluctant to post on here and have been lurking for a few days. I have a recurrent depressive disorder and I am on medication long term to counteract this. I work part time and look after my son and husband. I have been feeling extremely low and depressed recently. I have been lurking because I feel exactly the same as others who post on here. I have nothing positive to add to their posts at the moment. My husband is worried about redundancy and as I work for a small business my job is hardly safe. I'm irritable most of the time. I think gloomy morbid thoughts. My psychiatrist wannts to upp my meds but I am reluctant. I spent a lot of last year trying to come off an anti depressant that had previously helped me. At the moment I am trying to work it out by myself. I'm forcing myself to do exercise and to read a book about CBT. I'm trying to plunge myself into my music but you have to travel in the dark to rehearsals in the first place. I'm hoping for an enlightenment moment when I turn the corner and feel better. This weekend I fought against tiredness and feeling blank and numb. I'm sruggling to stop my body going into shutdown mode.

[Smiley?]

What meds are you on now? I know you are referring to coming off Mirtazapine and you should be really proud of yourself for doing that. As you know, I'm coming off Mirt at the mo and I totally had a light bulb moment which made me decide to do it. But I feel our depressions are probably very different(?)

I know you're probably way past this but I found this link really helpful when I first read it last year. It actually made me feel quite indestructible just from reading it and that was saying something because I was at a really low point at the time. It made me think I could do it without meds (at the time I was reducing on Lofepramine and ready to take my first dose of Citalopram the next day - I felt like I didn't need the Citalopram!!). In the end I carried on with the meds, but the info did help.

If you're reluctant to increase the meds (and I know what it's like to be reluctant) then don't do it because the more I think about it the more I'm convinced you have to believe in them and that they are going to help. But if you feel that bad you can always take the advice of your psych and try upping them just to see if it helps.

Here's the link anyhow:

http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/

Hugs xx

[Yvonne]

Smiley - I've just saved that link to favourites and I'll have a read tomorrow.

Elizabeth - I know exactly how you feel and what you're describing is the old demon depression that for some reason doesn't want to leave us types alone.

I've had a few bad days as well despite all my distraction etc - efforts to help myself.

If you don't want to up the meds then I say don't. However, h aving said that, if the shrink thinks the increase would help you then wouldn't you give it a try?

I think you're doing really well to continue to try to immerse yourself in your music AND to keep working so you must give yourself credit for that.

Take great care. xx

[ElizabethJane]

thank you Smiley and Yvonne for your posts. I will have a closer look at the depression link. I'm not taking mirtazapine at the moment just lithium 1,000mg and prothiaden 150mg. I think the psych wants to increase the prothiaden to 175mg. I'm worried that I will become very sleepy. He has talked about other anti depressants such as duloxetine and risperidone ( not an anti d) as well as effexor I think. He really is a super person but as I'm feeling rather paranoid I'm wondering whether he will be seeing how much I can take. 175mg to 200mg of prothiaden usually only given in hospital. I dont want to feel so slowed down I can't work. Both my boss and a good friend are away at the moment. I rely on their texts a lot. I feel very happy about the support that I have from people on here. I know I shouldn't feel guilty about feeling depressed but I do. Thankyou.

[Yvonne]

Hi elizabeth

I guess you could try the increase just to see how you do feel. I'm wondering if it would be a better option than changing meds. The fact that the high dosage is only given in hospitals wouldn't worry me - and you mustn't worry about it either. Lots of people are on very high dosages of meds and not in hospial. A friend of mine is on a very very high dosage of Duloxetine.

If you can't cope with the lethargy on the increase then it may be time to think of a change but I personally would give it a go first.

Take care of yourself and whilst your colleagues are away just come on here for support.

[ElizabethJane]

I haven't contacted my Psychiatrist and I'm still feeling low. I felt a lot worse last weekend due to a combination of factors. On Monday I felt a lot lot better. The week has just gone into low low low. Not sleeping well and paranoia. I have been reading posts about others managing to do without anti depressants. that doen't seem the case for me. My boss is back from holiday and rightly or wrongly I do rely on him for emotional support. I'm not sure what the answer is. It feels like my brain is continually switched on but in other ways I feel unmotivated and lethargic. I fight to go to work each day because I know what the consequences are if I dont. I have just told a good friend on the phone about my depression and I feel better but also paranoid and selfish. Although she is sympathetic she doesn't know what depression ifeels like. At times I feel as if I am living my life behind a glass screen. I can't feel anything but on other levels I feel everything acutely.

[ElizabethJane]

I'm still feeling low and depressed. I'm almost embarsssed to say it. I have been to see my GP today to get a prescription for some antibiotics for my chest ( infection?) I have had a permanent cough since Christmas and coughing up lumps of green muck. Hopefully this will do the trick as I have several concerts coming up and can't afford to cough. My GP has said that it is OK to pretend if I am feeling low ( to pretend I'm not) but I'm not sure. I'm afraid to put on a front. At least I have made a psychiatrist appointment for next week. I will discuss with him whether I can come off the prothiaden that I am on and swap it for one of the newer anti depressants. My GP has said that is likely to make me more ill and I may need time off work. I feel more hopeful as I have been on prothiaden off and on for sixteen years the only break I had was when I had my son. I know that one of the newer anti depressants might make me feel better. I know that the prothiaden isn't hitting the spot any more. I have just been told by the pharmacist that the prothaden 150mg that I take is contraindicated with the zopiclone that I take for insommnia. Help please.

[ladybird64]

Hi Elizabeth

Although medication is not my area of expertise, I thought I would offer my opinion anyway. :)
I tend to agree with Yvonne, why don't you try and increase in your dose of Prothiaden before you make the decision to change meds? I can see you're stuck in an awkward situation, particularly as you have concerts coming up but I think that a change in meds at this time might necessitate time off as your GP has said..16 yrs is a long time to be on a medication.
As for the contraindication, well, I'm not sure how long you have been taking the Zopiclone but this is certainly something that needs to be discussed with your psychiatrist. Perhaps you can have a different med for insomnia?
Please don't feel guilty about posting for support..you may not be up to it at the moment but I know that you have replied to many posts asking for help.
No guilt allowed. :flowers:

[ElizabethJane]

Thanks Ladybird. I think that after all this time that I wouldn't need to rely so heavily on anti ds but I do. I have this idea at the moment that being on one of the newer ssris would be more benefitial than staying on prothiaden. I have been on 175mg of prothiaden before but there are the added sedating effects.Will I be able to concentrate at work and drive my car and read and concentrate on my music? I told my psychiatrist that I would see if I could work it out for myself without meds but I have not been able to. Work, music and my son keep me going. I do use avoidance behaviour if I can't do something but generally I just keep going. If it all gets too bad I take time off and sleep sleep. Weird because when I want to sleep I can't. I only take the zopiclone very rarely. I had a blip depression wise just over a year ago and was put on mirtazapine but had considerable difficulty coming off it. I do think morbid thoughts but then I usually can tell that is the depression talking. Thinking that people are talking about you and thinking bad thoughts about you isn't nice. When I'm well I just laugh and think that they will do that anyway. My appointment with Dr J is next Wednesday and I'll post after that.

[freakedout]

ElizabethJane,

I really do feel for you. I guess there is little you can do about your medication until your appointment next week. I hope the antibiotics clear the mucky chest and that this will help you feel better. It is fascinating to read about you sleeping if it all gets too bad. This is something I can relate to very much at the moment.

I wish I shared your GP's enthusiasm for 'pretending' but like you I am not so sure about that. I think we already make huge efforts to pretend, hold back the tears etc to protect our families. Hmmmm. Anyway, I don't want to hijack your thread but wish you well with your appointment next week.

Freaky

[freakedout]

ElizabethJane,

I hope your appointment went well with Dr J

[ElizabethJane]

Thanks Freakedout. I saw Dr J yesterday and he wants me to go onto duloxetine at 60mg whilst continuing to take the prothiaden and the lithium. This is what I wanted as I dont think that I am getting any real benefit from the prothiaden with the anxiety and depression returning. He also said that NICE guidelines are to get people off prothiaden as it is extremely toxic in overdose. So I'm glad that something is happening as I wasn't feeling any better but I'm scared with all those drugs in my system what sort of reaction I might have. Thanks for thinking about me. I will let you know how I get on with the cross tapering.

[freakedout]

I am so glad that you have managed to get a prescription you wanted. I have never taken duloxetine so don't know much about it, I hope it helps and soon. Fingers crossed you will have a positive reaction. Thanks for letting us know how it went yesterday it would be good to know how these new meds are for you.

Freaky

[alexann]

I wish I could offer something better to say or advice but I just thought I'd say I'm in a similar position and I understand how you feel. I think the tiredness can be one of the worst parts of feeling depressed because it makes you want to give up and just sleep and that feeling always makes me feel more depressed. I really hope you can start to find some peace and start getting better. I think you're right to be reluctant to up your meds, it's not always the answer but that being said you should consider it and think about whether you think it has the potential to help you. Maybe CBT would be something to try?