Have i done right

[darkphantom]

I think i have just made a big mistake, though im not sure, i have sat down and written letters to my family telling them how heartless and uncaring they are, and that i have made the decission never to see them again, and i dont even want to have phone or letter contact, trouble is now its just me and steve and of course all you. i posted the letters so its too late to cancel them, im worried cause my brothers and sisters have nasty tempers and it will probably end in a fight. Im just dreading the future now, it hurts me so much when i see familys having fun together. I use to do security work and there is a job coming up which no one wants to take, it pays well, its doing security protection of the troops in iraq im thinking about it its only for 3 months but if i take it perhaps people will be proud of me my doctor says im not in the right mind mentally to take it i dont know can i ask your advice.
I think i just want people to love me and if i can save some lives they will.
I need so much to prove to my self that i am not a bad person ive let everyone down, last text from my brother was im a let down, and all this is my fault and dad would be disappointed in me, thats the one that has hurt most .
think this is why im not sleeping, i sorry to put my problems on you guys, recently ive just felt like going off on my own and not worrying anyone as they say out of sight out of mind. sorry i a pain just so hard at min.
I love you guys
susie xxxxxxxxxxx[B)]

[trac67]

Hi Susie,
People love you because of the person you are not for what you do hun.
And wrting the letters to your family was not a bad thing, you do need support when you are going through a bad time and not being told that you are are a let down. And i am so sure that your dad would not be dissapointed with, you a parents love is unconditional, they love and support you whatever hun.
Dont forget im here if you ever need to talk just pm me.
Be strong you can do this.
Take Care
Trac :D

its "just a thought"

[leo05]

hi i know you said for me not to read this but you know what theys what ever you say dont do then i do the other

well dont know what to say i know you are not bad person and i know things are hard right now but i dont want to lose you and if you go away what will i do :(

will talk more bout it when see you as really sad but dont just dissapear ok

[darkphantom]

Thankyou guys,
it just hard for me at the minute, i think the family thing has hit me harder than i think, especially the wish you were dead comments, that so hard to handle.
I just need to feel wanted and loved, that why i thought of iraq and i know the job pays well, and with that i could buy my friend leo a computor to talk to us all.
plus if im out country know one would worry bout me then it best for everyone.
Thankyou for all you kind words you make sense in what you saying.
you right perhaps i need to work on me to beat this. and if i out there i would be able to talk to you all would i?
i glad i found all you otherwise i would not make right choices.
thankyou
oh yeah lea, do as your told lol and im not leaving you xx
susie

[pinkscrumpy]

Hi Susie

writing the letters is go therapy. It means all that burnt up anger is getting out. I does not mean that you have to send them.

When my mum died I wrote a letter telling her how selfish she was to leave me and my brother on our own. It made me feel a lot better. Then I just ripped it up and put it in the bin.

Take care hun

Love ya will txt later

Mandie

MANDIE XX

[leo05]

see i told you that you would tell me off