View Full Version : Really REALLY tired of feeling so lonely ._.
hoppipolla
21-02-09, 21:11
I'm just SO tired of it :weep:
I just don't know how to DEAL with it anymore :sad:
You know when you sit at home and just feel completely shut down, or spend hours just looking through people's profiles on (dating etc) sites or just ANYTHING to grab at straws? ._. Well yeah that's what I do lol
And I'm not a bad guy, I'm really not :( I'm a confused guy, and stuff like that, but I really don't mean to approach things in some unusual way, i don't mean to spend hours on online games or sit in my room feeling all depressed listening to emo less than jake songs heh (i actually also listen to happy less than jake when i am happy lol).. but... i don't know how else to cope or how else to do this. I'm too dumb :( I just don't KNOW :sad:
I just want cuddles, you know? Sometimes what you want is so simple, and you just can't have it, you just can't ._. and you feel too down to try anything constructive so you kinda mopily try to find a new way to approach life but.. yeah, you can't as you don't have the energy in you I guess.
and none of the girls on dating sites ever seem to want to talk to guys for very long, because there are SO many guys looking! Sooo many.. So you feel like you're fighting a losing battle :sad:
Can I tell you what I want in a perfect, PERFECT world?
I want a girl to explore the world with, I want someone to take care of, I want someone to cuddle, I want to find a place to be happy and comfortable, I want to have fun, I want sunshine, I want to see new countries, I want to get away from computer screens lol, I want to go swimming in the sea... and I want to learn more and exercise my mind more...
and are there NO girls out there who just want to be cuddled and taken care of and loved? Because it's tricky to find one lol
aaanyway that's the end of that I'm spent lol
Maybe I'm just tired, I did only get about 4 hours last night lol
and wow this richard ashcroft song is really pretty ._.
Take care all though, at least this song's calmed me a bit hehe, take care everyone and thanks for listening to my ramblings ._.
Bye for now, I've gotta spend more time on here this forum is still v important to me :)
Hoppi :flowers:
Hi Mike
I know how lonely one can feel sometimes. All of us would love to have a partner, someone special to tell us it's going to be ok !.. to love us and give us stength and a reason to be happy!..
The reality though, is that no one should have that responsibilty. There are many that say.. ' if only I had a man/woman in my life to make me feel complete'.. believe me, no one can make you feel complete.. only you can do that..Having someone is not the answer to making you happy.. We need to find peace withiin ourselves first and foremost.
You want to explore the world.. then go explore!.. there is nothing stopping you.. only yourself.
You want someone to take care of... then take care of yourself!.. you are worth it.. you deserve to be happy, so be nice to yourself and learn to accept and like yourself more..
All that you want to share with someone you can share with yourself..
if you go swimming.. go visiting museums, relax in the park on a bench in the sunshine.. etc.. doing these things will be good for you and will get you out of the house and away from the computer screen!..
and also.. means you will be out of the house and meeting people.. there will be more opportunites to meet someone who could... in turn.. turn into that someone special..:)
I'm sorry if I sound harsh, I really really do not intend to.. I really do hope you find someone to share your dreams with. Dating sites are ok, but that is only one avenue.. there is a big ole world outside your door..and I think once you start adventuring, and becoming more confident in yourself the the rest will follow.
Best of Luck hun.. Huggles xx
ps: I do need to add.... you are not completely alone.. you have us you know ;)
hoppipolla
21-02-09, 23:13
I know you are SO right, and I do tell myself that, I went through this massive train of thought one time where i eventually came to a conclusion a bit like that and i was like wow ok, so I'm gonna do all this stuff and make myself happy and my life wicked, and THEN a girlfriend is what I should have on top of everything else that makes it like, even more amazing lol :) I dunno, how to put it in words lol
But... the human brain is a funny thing hehe, and within a couple of days I was back on dating sites and back trying to find that someone again ._. Sometimes i think i really do need a good rship just to help me recover from things in the past I guess, and it's all part of who I am ._.
But I'll try! I will :) I'll keep pushing myself in the way that feels constructive for achieving my goals...
Thank you for the input though, and you know it genuinely felt a lil weird to be called "Mike" on here lol... I am Hoppiii! lol I think I'm gonna go edit that first post...
Hoppi ^_^
PS Sorry that wasn't your fault it was just a silly thing i just noticed hehe :)
Hi Hopi
I completely understand where you are coming from and I know it's even worse when you know in your own brain what you really should or could be doing for yourself.. and you just don't do it!.. I've been there myself and many a time I told myself off !.. ( yes I talk to myself allll the time :rolleyes: )
My only other piece of input would be to do it in baby steps.. maybe set yourself some little goals, things that are not that hard to acheive other than requiring a little extra effort to get off ya bum.. and when you have success, treat yourself.. a new game.. or favourite bar of chocci.. etc..
:hugs:
The reality though, is that no one should have that responsibilty. There are many that say.. ' if only I had a man/woman in my life to make me feel complete'.. believe me, no one can make you feel complete.. only you can do that..Having someone is not the answer to making you happy.. We need to find peace withiin ourselves first and foremost.
Curious......the number of times I read this - that we should love ourselves first because it's wrong to rely on others to feel complete because it's not fair to put the responsibility on others. What if someone wants the responsibility of caring for someone because it makes Them feel complete?
I agree though that we should all learn to love ourselves and we all need to get out doing things and socialising to meet the love of our life but I wonder sometimes if this "responsibilty" issue highlights a difference between men and women or whether it just depends on personal priorities.
It also seems to me like a defence mechanism saying rely on yourself first because you can't rely on others as they always let you down so people can't be trusted with our happiness so we shouldn't rely on others to makes us feel complete. However, not everyone is like that though.
Is it that men need women more than vice-versa? Women do seem to cope much better alone than men and it's been proven that men live longer on average if they have a woman to care for.
Personally, if I was the only person left in this world, the reason for me to live would no longer exist. Is it wrong therefore to make your priority to care for others because it's wrong of others to make you feel responsible for their happiness? It doesn't make sense to me because there is no way in the world that I could ever be happy living for myself alone. Whether that's right or wrong I don't know but it's something I can't and would never want to change because I feel complete when I feel needed because I can never stop caring.
It's true that we can find enjoyment in life alone but every garden needs a rose to make living beautiful.
If someone wanted me to make them feel complete, I would welcome them with open arms and for all my life I would also feel complete because for me they would be what makes life worth living.
I can't help feeling that most men wouldn't agree with this responsibility philosophy of finding happiness alone because I simply can't believe that the majority of men would be truly happy without the love of a woman or having a woman to care for.
I think the feeling of being complete really depends on a persons priorities. Yes, we should love ourselves but I often wonder who developed this philosophy of not being a burden to others because it's unfair on them and that we can't rely on them to make us feel complete. Doesn't it rather depend if someone wants that responsibilty rather than create barriers to protect ourselves?
I honestly feel it's flawed and yet I can see the logic in it but perhaps our priorities differ and minds don't think alike. Isn't this so -called mindfulness? I can't help wondering if it was a man or woman who developed this philosophy of thinking. Whichever, I could never feel complete thinking in such a way because I Love the responsibility of feeling needed. It's what I live for!
A world without a rose to love and care for is a meaningless empty world.:hugs:
All that you want to share with someone you can share with yourself
Yes, I do this all the time with Everything....and I'm always left feeling empty void!
I just want cuddles
Ermmm, give myself a cuddle? Lovely!:shrug:
We should love ourselves but there is Nothing that can replace a loving touch, the warmth of anothers body or the love and care said in softly spoken words. What else could really make life worth living unless the love of another isn't a persons priority.
Sorry, but I will never be able to accept anything less because there is nothing that could ever substitute the beauty of a rose, the scent of its perfume or the texture of its delicate petals. Nothing could ever substitute the wonder of a woman and nothing else could ever make me feel complete than to hold in the palm of my hand the responsibility of a delicate rose in need of protection. I would Welcome the responsibility and willingly live my life caring and nurturing it to bloom with its prism of wonderful and beautiful colours that nothing on earth or in the universe could ever replace. I could simply never feel complete without.:hugs:
hoppipolla
22-02-09, 21:38
aww hehe, some interesting and slightly conflicting viewpoints here heh but it made really interesting reading!
I can definitely see where both of you are coming from, and also Bill I think you make some really good points, like how nothing can be the same as having another person close, and how sometimes I too think it CAN be like a defense mechanism when people ONLY want to rely on themselves.
I guess it's down to the extents to which people do things... I mean many people just cut themselves off completely and don't ever want to place any trust in others, and some put ALL their trust in others even if it does sometimes hurt them. A midpoint is probably the best, but I'd have to say that the people who seem capable of doing the latter AND don't get hurt for doing it do often seem very happy lol
But that's very rarely possible anyway hehe O.O
I think you have to be very thick skinned to not feel hurt when trust is broken.
I was watching an episode of Star Trek when Data (the android) put his trust in a woman he met but she betrayed him by using him. He then asked a colleague why humans put their trust in others knowing that they are always at risk of being hurt. Perhaps it's because we all want to be loved or perhaps it's our natural instinct as we're social animals. Perhaps it's all just part of evolution and our need to mulitply. Whichever the truth is though, if we become insular and try to block out others, we often become very depressed because we end up living our lives alone, even if we can like ourselves.
This is when fear of hurt creates a defence mechanism because it goes against our natural instinct which then leads to a depressed state because we end up living our lives in fear of others.
We all need friends but to make friends we all have to reach out which means risk of being hurt but that's what life is - risk. In everything we do there is risk attached, just through living. If though we try to lead our lives in continuous safety, we lead our lives in a very narrow path which means that when something happens that pushes us off our safe path, anxiety then hits us like a ton of bricks.
When people say we need to relax, it doesn't just mean sitting in a chair listening to claming music. It also means developing a relaxed approach to life itself by accepting that life is full of risk so that we lead our lives free of fear.
We often have a fear of losing control but if we let go, we discover it's only our fear that made us believe we needed to stay in control because in reality we actually break free from the restrictions that our fear creates so that we then become in control of living our lives as we wish free of anxiety and depression.
When I was in my teens I used to be terrified of trying to chat up a girl because of my fear of rejection because I didn't want to be hurt but as I've grown older I've learnt to accept that hurt is unavoidable and that life is too short to allow fear of hurt to prevent me from seeking true happiness. Whenever we're knocked, as we will be, we just have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down and try and try again by putting the knock down to experience and consigning it to history. We only learn through making mistakes.
I could never feel complete or be happy with my own company no matter how much I learned to like myself so I accept that I have to place my trust in others and so also accept I could feel hurt as a result but that the ulitimate reward far outweighs the risks attached. As they say, no pain - no gain, and I'd much rather gain then always live in lonely pain because of fear of trusting others with my feelings.:unsure:
.....................................I'm also a hopeless romantic so personally I could Never Ever agree with the following statement.....but that's Just Me and the way I'll Always Want to be!:hugs:
' if only I had a man/woman in my life to make me feel complete'.. believe me, no one can make you feel complete.. only you can do that..Having someone is not the answer to making you happy.
Maybe I'm just plain Odd and my mind lives in an unreal world,:wacko: but this link shows how much love means to me and Only love like this however unlikely could ever make me feel happy and complete......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_JmUMkLy7g :hugs:
Maybe I'm just plain Odd and my mind lives in an unreal world,:wacko:
Yep, guess it's just me then!:shrug:
hoppipolla
24-02-09, 02:49
heh no i know what you mean :) and I'm mostly the same... i mean there are lots of things that make me happy, but yeah i always need people to share them with :)
I just hope that one day I find somebody ._.
This is just a thought.:shrug:
I've never tried them myself but I know people who have, but would you consider "club 18 - 30 holidays"? You'd meet people your age, find sun and get that swim in the sea and meet people with similar interests who also enjoy exploring the world! Could also even meet the girl who's just waiting for a young good looking loving caring fella like you to find her!:shrug:
:) hi mike, i 1000% agree with mully - bill knows that i dont agree with him and he respects that and i respect his views, but i would not advise anyone to live there lives from a needy position - we do all need each other, but if we cant care for ourselves in our hearts and minds we actually cant care for anyone else - we are always coming at things from the position of what this can do for me - even if that is disguised as helping others - i have been helped for a very long time by somebody who to the outsled world looks like a saint, but in reality they are only doing it to make themselves feel better - they are actually one of the most selfish ppl ive ever come across, their need to be needed is all consuming - this is not attractive and it makes this person work from the lowest part of themselves not from the highest part of themselves.
i think from wha tive seen of you mike that you are not this needy person, but you are having problems - but they are problems that can be fixed - depression and loneliness can be fixed- from within - and this in itself will give you a great deal of self esteem. 2 books i would suggest to you are 'feel the fear and do it anyway' by susan jeffers and 'freeing yourself from chronic unhappiness - the mindful way through depression' by john kabat zinn
never give up trying to make yourself feel better - you dont have to accept being depressed, you just have to have a good understanding of why your mood is low and why you cant get rid of it indefinately - but beleive me you can, especially with the john kabat zinn book - i have and i have been depressed most of my life:blush: like mully said you are not alone, there are ppl on here who care and want to help you to feel better, you dont have to feel like this for the rest of your life, take care:hugs: emmaxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you for telling me what you think of me! lol
Let's see....
i would not advise anyone to live there lives from a needy position
Yep, I'd quite agree with you on that. It wouldn't be fair to constantly demand support from another, unless of course the person's too ill to look after themselves and the carer offers them the support they need to survive.
if we cant care for ourselves in our hearts and minds we actually cant care for anyone else - we are always coming at things from the position of what this can do for me - even if that is disguised as helping others
So that would mean that because I don't care about myself I can't actually have been caring for my wife for the past 19 years because I married her with the only thought of what her illness could do for me. I just disguised it as wanting to help her. I guess that explains why her illness drove me to self harm and od because I married her for my benefit!:wacko: Confusing, isn't it.
they are only doing it to make themselves feel better - they are actually one of the most selfish ppl ive ever come across,
Guess that makes me the same as him then. Fair enough.
depression and loneliness can be fixed- from within
There you go. All you need do is create the girl of your dreams from your imagination......and then.........
you dont have to accept being depressed, you just have to have a good understanding of why your mood is low and why you cant get rid of it indefinately.
the mindful way
There's that word again that can never replace the wonder of a woman!
So there you go Mike. Two opposite views on the way to find happiness and to feel complete. Bet you're confused as hell! lol
I love a healthy debate. Fascinating as Mr Spock would say. I wonder what his logic would say.:)
By the way sweet Emma, whether you think it's disguised or not, I still genuinely care about you as I do about everyone who suffers in whatever form. I'm also glad this way of thinking helps you. It just wouldn't for me.:bighug1:
Now listen, I've got very sore eyes from my dry eye syndrome which is worse since the gp gave me anti histemine drops yesterday - (lol) - however had to read these posts because I love a good ole debate as well. So interesting and so thought provoking so far.
Hoppo you really have started something here haven't you!!! Lol.
Here goes - I may be quite frank here and no offence directed at anyone.
I think it's all very well saying that we have to do things ourselves and go here there and everywhere on our own but actually, with this illness that is very difficult. However, let's forget the illness for a minute.
I don't think I know many people at all who would rather go to the cinema, to the park, theatre, out for dinner etc etc - alone. If a person is confident enough and comfortable enough to do these things on their own and enjoy it then good for them.
Mike/Hoppo most people (it's human nature since Adam & Eve) feel the need for a partner in their lives - so - you are no different. I think your perception of women is wrong though. Females do want hugs and cuddles for sure - in fact a lot of us prefer that (especially as we get older).
You will meet someone - but it won't just happen because you are willing it to. It'll just happen naturally one day. Stop worrying about it and TRY to enjoy life with your friends.
Some people have lived their lives without a significant other and are used to it. My own brother is one. He never got married, he is now 63 years old, finds much pleasure in his hobbies and home --- however he is a very sad man underneath it all and he would have loved a wife and family but it just didn't happen for him. He has made the most of his life I would say, but he is a shy man so things like travellling the world etc etc he hasn't done - not that he hasn't the resources financially either.
I wouldn't want to live my life without a partner I have to admit that. With me for very selfish reasons I guess because I am quite dependant on my other half. Other reasons as well though, choosing things for the home together, discussing television programmes whilst we are watching them, etc etc etc.
Bill, you are the sort of man actually that most women would love to have as a partner. You are a romantic yes, you want to care for a woman and make her happy. Making her happy would make you happy - sounds like a good relationship to me. You are old fashioned in your ideas of how a woman should be treated and I like that.
Not everyone has a partner in life - that happens and it isn't the end of the world. We do need someone to look after I think though, as well as looking after ourselves of course. Pets can be wonderful for us to care for and they give us so much back in return.
My conclusion is: Of course life is better with a partner - as long as it's the right partner. Doing things alone isn't as much fun.
Take care allxxxxx
Not everyone has a partner in life - that happens and it isn't the end of the world. We do need someone to look after I think though, as well as looking after ourselves of course. Pets can be wonderful for us to care for and they give us so much back in return.
My conclusion is: Of course life is better with a partner - as long as it's the right partner. Doing things alone isn't as much fun.
Take care allxxxxx
I agree with you Yvonne, It would be perfect if we could all find 'Mr or Mrs Right' or even nearly right :winks:.. being able to share life with another can be a wonderful thing. And so many of us want to have that in our lives, myself included.
However, my point was regarding those people that totally rely on other people to make them happy.. Those who feel that having someone, will make all their problems go away. To believe such I think is nieve.
I just feel that those people who feel that they cannot fuction in life, without a boyfriend' or girlfriend' who feel that their lives are meaningless unless someone gives them their worth... is going to end up always being lonely and insecure..
Unless of course, they may be lucky enough to find that person who wants to care for a dote every moment on them and will constantly feed their insecurities and stroke their egos.. If they do, then great..thats a perfect match! and I would be happy for them. Though I think the chances of that happening is slim.
I also agree in getting a pet, if all you need is to feel needed and to have someone rely on you 100% for their wellbeing, then get a pet.. I have two Ferrets myself :D .. and I will say that they really did help me when I was in my deepest darkest depression,, they were my reason for getting out of the bed in the morning !.. well that and they used to bite my toes :glare:.
Vanilla Sky
25-02-09, 19:36
WOW Bill !!! x
Mully - I understand. No you could not rely on one other person in your life to make your happy - to make your life worthwhile. Happiness has to come from within us for definite.
I like ferrets lol xxxx
hoppipolla
26-02-09, 02:24
hi all, thanks for all the great replies :)
yeah I know i shouldn't rely on it to the extent i do... and i do try not to so much ._. I think it would be easier if the last few years hadn't been as rough... all I feel I have are bad memories lingering over me and I just wish I could have some nice memories with someone I am with, a nice relationship even if it is short, to balance it out a little and make me feel like things CAN work and I'm not always unlucky hehe!
I guess I just can't help how my head works a lot of the time ._. I mean my self-esteem CAN be low, not always, and not even necessarily by my nature, but it can be ._. But even if it wasn't, I think I still feel a need to love and a need to have feelings for someone!
Even back at school I used to have really quite strong emotions for girls even in PRIMARY school! lol ... is that normal? o.O lol
but yeah anyway, it's not too bad really I guess hehe, it's all part of being who I am and then the feelings that you get when you ARE with someone you really care about are all the more indescribable!
Maybe it's my emotional Italian blood ._. lol
Oh and I found some wicked new games recently BUT! I will do like you said Mully and kinda... reward myself with them or at least try them slowly, not just sit in my room for several days on end getting totally hooked! hehe :)
Hoppi :flowers:
Mike,
You're a perfectly normal bloke with perfectly normal blokes needs. I've always thought in exactly the same way as you. I don't know why we blokes are like this though just as Yvonne has said about her brother. I just don't think the majority of us can feel complete without a loving companion whereas as I feel perhaps women tend to have different priorities and on the whole cope better alone.
My father used to say if anything happened to my mother before him, he would have just given up on living whereas he always knew my mother would cope without him. He said she has a strong character but in actual fact she is very shy and a worrier. She just has an ability to survive which she believes is due to her priority being us kids which could go some way to explain why women are stronger at coping alone.
I think men adore women but perhaps women don't have the same drives that us men have. When we get frustrated, I've heard the expression "that's because you're a bloke!" and although I know women can also get frustrated, I think they're better able to block it out.
Sorry. I hope this doesn't offend any women out there as I'm trying to explain from a mans perspective. Men just need a womans touch to feel whole but I'm not sure all women realise how strong that need is like needles constantly digging in when the electricity of a womans touch can't be found or isn't allowed.
Yes Yvonne, I'm old fashioned and I know that. I guess it comes from my father because we were so much alike. He lived for my mother and would do absolutely anything for her to make her happy. He felt constantly guilty if he left her on her own because he felt he should always be there for her even though she was perfectly happy with her own company. He could never think of himself without thinking of my mother first. I confess his beliefs are mine and so it saddens me Greatly when I read these "mindful" posts.
Yes, we all should love ourselves but that's as far as I can agree. I don't like myself but I don't need others to fulfill my own needs. I need them because I simply Care about others.
Sorry Mully and I'm not actually having a go at you because it just makes me Sad....
Those who feel that having someone, will make all their problems go away. To believe such I think is nieve.
I agree a loving companion wouldn't make my problems go away but that's simply not the point! I wouldn't be asking, expecting or wanting them to sort my problems! The point is that to give them happiness would help me to feel happy knowing that I'm helping them to feel good about Themselves! I don't care about me as long as They are happy! And to say that we can't care about others when we can't care about ourselves just hugely grates on me because I would do Anything for someone I cared about because if I saw them crying, I'd want to cry too so how can that show that I can't care about them just because I don't like me!!!???
I just feel that those people who feel that they cannot fuction in life, without a boyfriend' or girlfriend' who feel that their lives are meaningless unless someone gives them their worth... is going to end up always being lonely and insecure..
It's Not entirely about finding worth! Of course it plays a part because we all need to feel worth something in life but it's much more than that! It's about Giving happiness to someone for Their benefit...Not mine!!! I wouldn't care if when they'd used me they dumped me in skip because I'd be Happy seeing Them Happy knowing that I'd helped them to live a happier life. Why is it wrong not to care about me or say that I couldn't care about others Because I can't care about me! What people want to do or say about me is their business. I can only do my best and if they want to take advantage or use me then I just feel sad and sorry for them like I feel sad about Emma's post to think she might be thinking so lowly of me. That's up to her though because in my heart I know the person I really am.
I despair with this world and the way people are abused and mistreated. I know I'm not the only one who deeply cares about others and it makes me So sad to read things aout this "mindful" "religion" that spreads beliefs that I simply can't agree with. If this is the future then I'd rather stay in the past and stick to my old fashioned beliefs where Others wellbeing should come first!!!
Sorry.
I'm really thinking about not posting anymore because I feel I don't belong here anymore. I feel I've outstayed my welcome and perhaps it's time to move on. I'm hoping to join a romantic poetry site where hopefully others will share similar old fashioned beliefs on how to love another!
My apologies Mike for rattling on in your thread but these beliefs just get to me.
One last thing- Paige, why "Wow"???:hugs:
(I've later deleted some sections with respect to Mully with my sincere apologies for misunderstanding but I still wish for my account to be deleted to prevent me hurting others. It upsets me too much when I do this and I feel Really Bad as a result.)
It Really saddens me that you can think like that. Has no one ever treated you in the way you should be? I'm Not having a go at you personally Mully. I just feel SO Sad that perhaps no one has shown you that these "slim" people exist! What a sad sorry world we live in if people can't be treated in the way they should be! It's the sort of thing you'd hear in a soap![/color]
No wonder you suffered so much with depression if you were made to believe that loving caring people didn't exist.
Whoa there Bill.. its seems to me that you have misread what I have written.. and who are you to assume the reasons for my depression?
I never once said that ' loving caring people don't exist' Loving couples, partnerships do exist.. and I know this from experience. So please do not assume anything about me.. I have not done so about you.
My apologies Mully.:hugs: I didn't mean to presume. I couldn't understand why you said the chances of finding a couple as you described were slim when I feel I could easily be part of such a couple.
I didn't mean to upset you either or appear to attack you personally. It's this mindfulness theory that doesn't make any sense to me.
My father lacked self-confidence, never thought much of himself, always thought of others and would do anything for my mother because she was always most important to him. He was very happily married and my mother loved him dearly as did I which is why we both miss him so much. They were married for 59 years. To say someone can't care for another because they can't care for themselves seems nonsense when I think of my father.
I came here to try and help others and not to cause conflict or upset people. I fear perhaps my own frustrations and hurt is being misplaced so I need to stop posting.
"""I'm really thinking about not posting anymore because I feel I don't belong here anymore. I feel I've outstayed my welcome and perhaps it's time to move on."""
Please could someone delete my account as soon as possible so that I can no longer post on here as I don't want to keep upsetting people with my beliefs as I hurt too much.
I should add my email address is in my profile if anyone wants to risk staying in touch with me.
Apology accepted Bill :hugs:
I in no way intended my response to Hippos post to sound as though I did not believe in ' love ' that which two people can intimately share.. that oneness of soul, the joining of spirit.
To have such a union with another being is something I think much of the human race yearns for and wants. We all need to feel loved, to feel needed. to give, unconditionaly to others because we care.
All this I do believe in Bill, its just that I don't see it as a be all and end all of my life. I am very lucky at the moment that I have a partner, who loves me for who I am.. warts and all !.. the relationship is not perfect, we have to work at it, .. it certainly is not like it is portrayed in the movies..damn it! lol..
You are obviously a very caring man.. you care about the human race in general and that in itself is a comendable thing becasue there are many that do not.
We may not see eye to eye on this matter, but I would not wish you to leave this place over a clash of opinion.
Emotions can run high, especially in a place like this. I know I am sometimes anxious or feeling low and things can be said or misconstrued.
I feel though that everyone here understands this, and we all make allowances for such.. I don't know many here yet, but i do feel that this place is a good place.. Its support, its an ear, a shoulder to cry on..it helps so many people and your contribution is just as valid and needed as much as everyone elses.
Huggles Bill x
Firstly my apologies to Mike for hijacking your thread, it wasn't intentional. I'm Sorry.:blush:
"Dear" Mully:hugs:
I admire you because it takes alot of courage to forgive another when we are wronged so I appreciate your words of kindness more than you know.:hugs:
As you can tell, there are some things I'm very passionate about and caring about people, especially those who are suffering, is one of them. This passion though sometimes takes over and I'm sorry to say mindfulness is one such subject that appears to trigger me off because I can't agree with it's philosophy. However, I realise it does help others so I shouldn't react to it as I do because the most important thing is finding something that works for the individual.
Mully, I'm sorry. I never intended to offend you personally because I care about you just as much as everyone else on here. It was just this mindfulness philosophy that for me I could never believe in but enough said on that.
I know I've over-reacted but I need some time to understand why. I do feel though that this is just the tip of an iceberg where beneath there are other things in my life that have been building up which is really no excuse though for the manner in which I typed my post to you. I'm sorry.
I really hate myself when I feel I let others down because I feel I've let myself down too. I punish myself for not behaving in the way I should. You see, I feel I care so much about people that to upset people who don't deserve to be treated that way, goes entirely against my own belief that people in need should be cared about, if that makes sense.
I came here to help but when I feel I'm causing hurt, it really upsets me so I then feel I shouldn't be here because I want to bring happiness, not sadness. I find it very difficult to forgive myself if I feel I've upset someone, even when I feel strongly opposed to something they've said but I'm soft and I know I should be stronger.
As I've since found out, sometimes I say something in a post that without realising or knowing it, has actually helped someone else unrelated to the thread and it's moments like that which keep pulling me back because it makes me realise that I am doing some good being here, and that's what matters most to me - to help, to bring a smile and to show that someone cares.
My problem is sometimes my own issues interfere with me wanting to help so that my passion becomes a fire that can burn others unintentionally....and then I feel Bad.
As you will discover, the vast majority of people on here are Truly Lovely and I believe you were merge in Perfectly with them. They are far better and more deserving people than me, although i can already see mindfulness telling me I shouldn't think like that! lol
Well, I care much more about others on here than myself because often when I read their pain, I feel their pain which is why it's so hard to leave.
So....as for me....I don't think how I feel is "entirely" due to this debate or my offensive post to you. I feel there's more going on within me at mo due to a combination of other stresses. I do feel very :blush: about the way I've behaved and very emotional due to the responses I've just read. As "someone" said in so many words, "I'll probably be back after a nights sleep because I can't resist trying to help others"........and they're probably right! I just have to remember to think more before I speak.
Sorry Mully. I haven't been a good advert for this wonderful site so I should also apologise to Nic and all the other Lovely people on here.:hugs:
As you will discover, the vast majority of people on here are Truly Lovely and I believe you were merge in Perfectly with them. They are far better and more deserving people than me, although i can already see mindfulness telling me I shouldn't think like that! lol
You are as deserving of happiness as anyone of us here, and you know this, you have that right and I wish you sooooo much of it :bighug1:
Though I understand how easy it is to slip into the trap of feeling lesser of a person. Low self esteem is a bugger to live with, I've been there myself and I still get days of doubting my own mind. My way of thinking has changed over the years, and I've learned to give myself more credit for the things I was/am able to achieve in my life, no matter how small.
As you say, you feel as though other areas of your life have contributed to how you are reacting to things of late. The fact that you are aware of these things can only make this journery your taking a little easier, having some understanding as to why we are the way we are gives us something to work on, or just accept. At the same time, knowing these things and feeling that we have no control over our character/ how we react to things etc can make us feel low.
You have such a strong need to help others, that this place is great for you. Sometimes we wont have the right things to say, or understand fully what someone is going through, but to just be able to reach out and genuinely offer our love and support to another, regardless, can mean so much to someone. The fact that somebody, shows some compassion, can cast a light over someone, who's world seems to be in darkness.
Each and everyone one us could all experience the same thing, but not all of us would handle it the same way or have the same opinion of it. And I'm sure not everyone will agree with me on all things as they wont agree with you.. but that is life, we are all individual. So long as we respect others, we all have the right to be heard and offer our experience to others in the hope that it helps them in some way.
One main point I would like to add is this.. I believe that this site is perfect for those that just want to let it all out!.. to get it off their chests, their minds, all that they have bottled up, released and out of themselves. This includes youself and me.. to not be able to express how we feel can lead to all sorts of problems, it is soooo much healther just to let all hang out!
I admire your honesty, and I respect you.
I look foward to sharing some other thoughts and threads with you here on NMP :hugs:
Huggles xx
Mully
A woman standing alone at her window as raindrops slowly fall down the glass mirroring her tears that flow from her lonely hurt filled eyes. A world beyond that exists that she can see but cannot feel or touch in her solitude. Confined by her fears, limited by her anxiety, seeking comfort and compassion that she herself cannot find from within. Yearning for the sun to appear from behind the clouds that fill her mind with a heavy fog over a frozen ice covered cold ground. Seeking the warmth that her dark room and four walls prevent her from feeling.
Who will care for her? Who will knock on her door to say I care? Who will say to her she's not alone?
Her sharp objects lie with reassuring reflections from the cold light of day that illuminates her darkened soul. Pill packets lie empty providing false hope of a future that will never be.
No one visits. No one can wrap her in angels wings to keep her safe. No one can provide a candles glow to bring back feelings to a forgotten life of lonely living.
Now.........picture her as a man........how I used to be.......and why I care so much for those now there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_J9F-x6EsQ&feature=related
I've since learned to cope for myself without medications but there is still a large void contained within a trap conceived by myself with no escape that torments and frustrates me which overflows at times of emotional stress, too much to retain. This is my enemy that I hold within my soul. My beast I still need to tame so that I am better equipped to help those still stranded by their rain soaked window panes. This "something" I cannot fill from within because it needs an angels touch with comforting wings but I still believe they exist just beyond my self inflicted cage of caring. We all must have a dream because dreams give us a reason to live.:hugs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itzG_hy1Vm8&feature=related
http://i562.photobucket.com/albums/ss64/Lilia_Aracely20/kis.gif
I am a tiny angel... I'm smaller than your thumb; I
live in peoples' pockets, that's where I have my fun. I don't
suppose you've seen me, I'm too tiny to detect; Though I'm with you
all the time, I doubt we've ever met. Before I was an Angel...I was
a fairy in a flower; God, Himself, hand-picked me, And gave me Angel
power. Now God has many Angels That He trains in Angel pools; We
become His eyes,ears, hands, we become His special tools. And
because God is so busy, with way too much to do; He said that my
assignment was to keep close watch on you. Then He tucked me in
your pocket, blessing you with Angel care; Saying I must never leave
you, And I vowed to stay right there!
I know its not the same, but I thought it was cute :D
Bill, it has been a real pleasure to have met you. I am warmed by your soul.
:hugs: <--- for you, for surviving and for being you.
Thank you Mully:hugs:
It is indeed cute! And so are your very kind words which after what's happened I'm not sure I deserve but I Am very grateful Dear Mully:bighug1:
I think it's way past time that I gave poor Mike his thread back!:blush: Sorry Mike.:blush: I hope things are feeling better for you.
hoppipolla
01-03-09, 20:42
heehee no no it's good it's good to see some activity on one of my threads, often they can go quiet as there's a limit to what can be said etc =\
BUT even though I am feeling a little down tonight and a little lonely, I have nearly finished getting this game:
http://mabinogi.nexon.net/Preview/intro.htm
I actually wanted to get it as I wanted a game I could hang out with my Iranian friend on as she really likes beautiful and like, pretty things ^_^ It looks like a really nice one to explore for a bit!
and there's another outstanding looking alternative one i wanna get soon too! Maybe I'll see some of you on there or something! (Mabinogi!)
http://i562.photobucket.com/albums/ss64/Lilia_Aracely20/kis.gif
I am a tiny angel... I'm smaller than your thumb; I
live in peoples' pockets, that's where I have my fun. I don't
suppose you've seen me, I'm too tiny to detect; Though I'm with you
all the time, I doubt we've ever met. Before I was an Angel...I was
a fairy in a flower; God, Himself, hand-picked me, And gave me Angel
power. Now God has many Angels That He trains in Angel pools; We
become His eyes,ears, hands, we become His special tools. And
because God is so busy, with way too much to do; He said that my
assignment was to keep close watch on you. Then He tucked me in
your pocket, blessing you with Angel care; Saying I must never leave
you, And I vowed to stay right there!
Hope you don't mind me butting in Hoppi.
Mully, that poem - I love it :yesyes: .
My kiddies have their own Happy Book Folders, which they fill with paintings, drawings, photos, poems, quotes,.. anything that inspires them and makes them smile.
I'm going to print this poem out for them if you don't mind, they're feeling very sad at the moment, as our young family cat needed to be put to sleep.
This poem, I think they'll really like. :flowers:
Hoppi - I love the look of that game :)
I'm going to print this poem out for them if you don't mind, they're feeling very sad at the moment, as our young family cat needed to be put to sleep.
This poem, I think they'll really like. :flowers:
Of course I don't mind :) I don't know who wrote that poem, it was sent to me a long time ago and I thought it was cute. I'm sorry to hear about your Cat, and send my sympathies. I know what it's like to loose a much loved pet. Maybe you could find a picture of a kitty with wings to put on top of the poem when you print it out? you could probably google an image from somewhere? Then they would think their Cat would now be an Angel in their pocket :D
Of course I don't mind :) I don't know who wrote that poem, it was sent to me a long time ago and I thought it was cute. I'm sorry to hear about your Cat, and send my sympathies. I know what it's like to loose a much loved pet. Maybe you could find a picture of a kitty with wings to put on top of the poem when you print it out? you could probably google an image from somewhere? Then they would think their Cat would now be an Angel in their pocket :D
:D That's really cute, I love that idea. Thanks :flowers:
Maybe I'll see some of you on there or something! (Mabinogi!)
I've just checked it out too and signed up :D
hoppipolla
13-03-09, 03:32
:( that's sad about the cat, I hope everyone is okie ._.
and sorry i've kinda left this thread so much i didn't mean to, I've just been a bit distracted and my mind is in different places.. or something! :)
On a positive note though i think i have found quite a cure for my problem(s)! I have discovered that when i am thinking about and making real steps towards doing exciting things that i enjoy or might enjoy and planning for cool things in the future I really don't think about being single anymore!
I've been looking into climbing, scuba diving, jobs and things in places like Hawaii which seem feasible, urban exploration (risky but great fun lol), surfing... there is so much out there i find exciting!
It really makes me feel alive and I can't wait to get stuck in, and who knows maybe I'll meet a cool girl along the way! lol :)
Hi there im new to this site and i really hope you meet that perfect someone everyone deserves what you want. Dont get down thinking about though just go out there and try to find what your looking for. i wish you all the best!
Emma:)
hoppipolla
19-03-09, 01:05
Hi there im new to this site and i really hope you meet that perfect someone everyone deserves what you want. Dont get down thinking about though just go out there and try to find what your looking for. i wish you all the best!
Emma:)
aww thanks emma, yeah i will try my best! It hits me in patches but I will probably be ok, just gonna hang in there and keep aiming for the things that make me happy and I think I need... it's hard to know where to go in life but all you can do is try ^_^
thanks for the post :)
I've been looking into climbing, scuba diving, jobs and things in places like Hawaii which seem feasible, urban exploration (risky but great fun lol), surfing... there is so much out there i find exciting!
It really makes me feel alive and I can't wait to get stuck in, and who knows maybe I'll meet a cool girl along the way! lol :)
WOOHOOO !!! You go :yesyes: .. I am sooo glad that you are going to go out and explore.. keep me posted ! :D
People,
People who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world
Were children needing other children
And yet letting our grown-up pride
Hide all the need inside
Acting more like children than children
Lovers
Are very special people
Theyre the luckiest people in the world
With one person,
One very special person
A feeling deep in your soul
Says you are half now youre whole
No more hunger and thirst
But first be a person who needs people
People, people who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world.
With one person
One very special person
A feeling deep in your soul
Says you are half now youre whole
No more hunger and thirst
But first be a person who needs people
People, people who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world.
such true lyrics
Pooh x
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