Advice needed please

[ladybird64]

Sorry in advance if I waffle on. :blush:

I'm agoraphobic although I do manage to leave the house, I very rarely travel alone.
After attending a short course with the local mental health people nearly 2 yrs ago, I have noticed that I had been slipping back into old patterns..finding excuses for not having to go out, avoiding my "danger zones"..you get the picture.
In my defence, I have suffered from some quite significant health problems recently which has meant that I can't go walkabout although I know that I have to get back out there.
So..because I haven't been out walking as such, I have avoided the PA's that I know I will get if I'm stuck in a difficult situation where I feel trapped, the last one I had was prior to Christmas, it was awful particularly as I hadn't had one for so long.
I went for a short walk yesterday, didn't feel TOO uncomfortable as I had my daughters with me but had that horrible feeling which I call the "goldfish bowl effect", it feels like everything around me isn't quite real and that people are staring at me because I must be acting in a strange manner. I think this is depersonalisation or derealisation isn't it? I used to get this all the time when I went out and it was one of the most uncomfortable things about the agoraohobia, it hit me hardest when I did actually start to panic and couldn't get away from the situation.
God, I AM waffling..:wacko:
Ok, I'll get to the point. I have done exposure therapy, I have read Claire Weekes, I have read posts here..I think I need to start over with the basics. Lets assume I manage to go for a teensy walk (providing the asthma lets me at the moment:mad: ), I walk up the road for a couple of hundred yards and I get that "shock" jolt through me..you know, the one that brings you to a grinding halt just before you start looking for the nearest/quickest way to get the hell out of there.
Do I
A) Stand still and let the feeling build up (terrified that some passer-by will think I'm behaving very strangely)
B) Propel myself forward because if I turn around and go home/go to safe place, I will feel relieved followed by self-hatred at the fact that I have given in to "it".
C) Give in and go.

In the past I have gone with option B, never mind "float past it", more like walk too fast, get short of breath and use my inhaler too many times, thus increasing my heart rate, making me sweat..get to safe place and collapse in soggy wheezing heap.
Not good. :winks:
Is it worthwhile just doing a little bit at a time without making myself uncomfortable if I do it regularly and then gradually step outside of my confort zone? I have never done this before, have always gone for the "grit my teeth and get on with it" and I honestly don't think my mental or physical health can tolerate it.
I know that Dr Weekes recommends letting time pass but I just get this very real sense that I have let enough time pass and that my time is running out.

Any advice from those who have been there on how to manage the derealisation thingy and how much I should actually be aiming for in terms of getting out.

Thanks guys and gals. :flowers:

[faith]

I understand your feelings I am having a hard time myself trying to travel to appointments. I have managed to get around my town comfortably for a long time now... I think when you start to feel bad you should GO SLOWLY or even stop for a while. Is there a bench you can sit down on, or a shop window to look in. Just stick with it and probably it will ease,if not then come home and try again the next day. Remember there is no such thing as failure only practise. Just increase your distance a little each time do not just grit your teeth and bear it watch for the easing of symptoms. I was taught to buy a sweet or a treat in a shop and it conditions you to having a reward and to this day I cannot wait to get out and have a latte. As I said travelling is getting me down when does it all ease up? Good luck.

[staple]

Hi Ladybird
Its very difficult to be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation and when you are trying to brave the uncomfortable feelings its difficult.
we can still try and get out and if we can bear the discomfort a little progress can be made
Mike

[honeybee3939]

Hi Lady

Just wondered if you had tried to distract yourself when that feeling of terror comes along. I can understand everything what you say because i have been in your sittuation many many times.

I remember when i used to go out doors taking a magazine with me and when i felt the anxiety rising i used to stop, sit on a wall or just stand and read it till the anxiety passed. I have also used my mibile phone texted people or played the games on it, i have counted the number of cars that are red while im walking and even made words out of car number plates. Anything that distracts the mind until the panic passes.

It will come i promise you that, you just have to keep going out everyday and practising until it becomes just a natural thing to do without any thought at all.

Good luck

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx

[ladybird64]

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. :flowers:

Faith-Part of the problem is that although I live in a busy area of London, the nearest main shopping street is about a 10-15 min walk away..all uphill! So benches are out unfortunately..I suppose I could stop and hang onto someone's garden wall/fence. One advantage to not going out much recently is that I have had time to really think about the problem and my attitude to it and much of it centres around how other people perceive my actions when I'm panicky. It's hard to admit but I'm actually scared of putting myself in a vulnerable position..I don't live in a very nice area and have a fear of being attacked if I do look vulnerable. Stupid, I know, particularly as I have never been a victim of mugging or any other type of attack. Don't know why I feel this way..:shrug:
By the way..I do award myself with a coffee when I manage to make it along the high street..I promise you it tastes great. :)

Mike-thanks for the encouraging words. :)

Andrea-I gotta ask you something hun! I have tried distraction in the past, fiddling with my mobile (hand shake too much to text or play games!), have even taken large books with me to read if I have to wait at the bus stop (on bus-fine, waiting at stop-:scared15: ). It might just be me but I have found that by concentrating hard and staring at the book/phone I actually get quite dizzy..probably is just me. The writing in the book or on the phone is clear but it's like my outer vision becomes blurred, ie the pavement looks like it's coming up to meet me. I often feel like I'm going to fall over/pass out so of course I get even more jittery and am absolutely sure that the people around me think I'm not quite right.:wacko:
When I did my bit of therapy 2 yrs ago my therapist told me that I had to stop all "safety behaviours"..that included anything that might distract me from dealing with how I felt. Claire Weekes tells us to face and accept it so I guess that means no distractions..anybody else confused?

I'm not being obstructive, I promise. I have written about my PA's and phobia before but haven't really gone into detail like I have here, It is such a complex thing and it drives me up the bloody wall. (Oops..sorry!:blush: )
I can be fine walking along one stretch of the main road and then all of a sudden feel fearful although nothing has changed, it's still the same road!:mad:
Girls (and Mike :) ) I'm going to do a little bit as soon as I can and if I have to distract myself, so be it. Not gonna knock myself out though, need to look after the health now!


Thank you again :)

[honeybee3939]

Hi Ladybird

I know everyone needs to face there fears and just do it, but distraction worked for me best but i do realise what works for one dosnt nessary mean it will work for others.

I was housebound for 2 years and have never read a Claire Weekes book so i cant comment although from what i have heard she is very good.

Ive had CBT, Community help ect and they all advised the distraction method for me. One of my best was the MP3 player too listen to my favorite music while on the bus and out and about. Im alot better these days but i never go anywhere with out my little MP3 player its always in my hand bag just in case i need it:) .

Anyway, im sure you will concur the Agorophobia and work out which is the best method for you hun.:)

Good luck
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx

[sunshine-lady]

Hi Ladybird,

It sounds like I am in the same situation as yourself. I was housebound for over 18 months and also have asthma.
I can now go out with a 'safe' person, but am unable to go out alone. I know I should push myself, but I feel so anxious I give in and resign myself to staying in rather than venture out on my own.
I did have exposure therapy which actually made me a lot worse and in the end refused point blank to do it any more.
I am currently having CBT at the moment and I am planning to set myself achiveable goals ie putting the bin out and basically work from there.
I think it is best to set yourself reasonable targets and gradually build from there. The last thing you need is to make yourself so anxious and make your asthma worse.
Good luck xxx
.