ladybird64
22-02-09, 19:34
Sorry in advance if I waffle on. :blush:
I'm agoraphobic although I do manage to leave the house, I very rarely travel alone.
After attending a short course with the local mental health people nearly 2 yrs ago, I have noticed that I had been slipping back into old patterns..finding excuses for not having to go out, avoiding my "danger zones"..you get the picture.
In my defence, I have suffered from some quite significant health problems recently which has meant that I can't go walkabout although I know that I have to get back out there.
So..because I haven't been out walking as such, I have avoided the PA's that I know I will get if I'm stuck in a difficult situation where I feel trapped, the last one I had was prior to Christmas, it was awful particularly as I hadn't had one for so long.
I went for a short walk yesterday, didn't feel TOO uncomfortable as I had my daughters with me but had that horrible feeling which I call the "goldfish bowl effect", it feels like everything around me isn't quite real and that people are staring at me because I must be acting in a strange manner. I think this is depersonalisation or derealisation isn't it? I used to get this all the time when I went out and it was one of the most uncomfortable things about the agoraohobia, it hit me hardest when I did actually start to panic and couldn't get away from the situation.
God, I AM waffling..:wacko:
Ok, I'll get to the point. I have done exposure therapy, I have read Claire Weekes, I have read posts here..I think I need to start over with the basics. Lets assume I manage to go for a teensy walk (providing the asthma lets me at the moment:mad: ), I walk up the road for a couple of hundred yards and I get that "shock" jolt through me..you know, the one that brings you to a grinding halt just before you start looking for the nearest/quickest way to get the hell out of there.
Do I
A) Stand still and let the feeling build up (terrified that some passer-by will think I'm behaving very strangely)
B) Propel myself forward because if I turn around and go home/go to safe place, I will feel relieved followed by self-hatred at the fact that I have given in to "it".
C) Give in and go.
In the past I have gone with option B, never mind "float past it", more like walk too fast, get short of breath and use my inhaler too many times, thus increasing my heart rate, making me sweat..get to safe place and collapse in soggy wheezing heap.
Not good. :winks:
Is it worthwhile just doing a little bit at a time without making myself uncomfortable if I do it regularly and then gradually step outside of my confort zone? I have never done this before, have always gone for the "grit my teeth and get on with it" and I honestly don't think my mental or physical health can tolerate it.
I know that Dr Weekes recommends letting time pass but I just get this very real sense that I have let enough time pass and that my time is running out.
Any advice from those who have been there on how to manage the derealisation thingy and how much I should actually be aiming for in terms of getting out.
Thanks guys and gals. :flowers:
I'm agoraphobic although I do manage to leave the house, I very rarely travel alone.
After attending a short course with the local mental health people nearly 2 yrs ago, I have noticed that I had been slipping back into old patterns..finding excuses for not having to go out, avoiding my "danger zones"..you get the picture.
In my defence, I have suffered from some quite significant health problems recently which has meant that I can't go walkabout although I know that I have to get back out there.
So..because I haven't been out walking as such, I have avoided the PA's that I know I will get if I'm stuck in a difficult situation where I feel trapped, the last one I had was prior to Christmas, it was awful particularly as I hadn't had one for so long.
I went for a short walk yesterday, didn't feel TOO uncomfortable as I had my daughters with me but had that horrible feeling which I call the "goldfish bowl effect", it feels like everything around me isn't quite real and that people are staring at me because I must be acting in a strange manner. I think this is depersonalisation or derealisation isn't it? I used to get this all the time when I went out and it was one of the most uncomfortable things about the agoraohobia, it hit me hardest when I did actually start to panic and couldn't get away from the situation.
God, I AM waffling..:wacko:
Ok, I'll get to the point. I have done exposure therapy, I have read Claire Weekes, I have read posts here..I think I need to start over with the basics. Lets assume I manage to go for a teensy walk (providing the asthma lets me at the moment:mad: ), I walk up the road for a couple of hundred yards and I get that "shock" jolt through me..you know, the one that brings you to a grinding halt just before you start looking for the nearest/quickest way to get the hell out of there.
Do I
A) Stand still and let the feeling build up (terrified that some passer-by will think I'm behaving very strangely)
B) Propel myself forward because if I turn around and go home/go to safe place, I will feel relieved followed by self-hatred at the fact that I have given in to "it".
C) Give in and go.
In the past I have gone with option B, never mind "float past it", more like walk too fast, get short of breath and use my inhaler too many times, thus increasing my heart rate, making me sweat..get to safe place and collapse in soggy wheezing heap.
Not good. :winks:
Is it worthwhile just doing a little bit at a time without making myself uncomfortable if I do it regularly and then gradually step outside of my confort zone? I have never done this before, have always gone for the "grit my teeth and get on with it" and I honestly don't think my mental or physical health can tolerate it.
I know that Dr Weekes recommends letting time pass but I just get this very real sense that I have let enough time pass and that my time is running out.
Any advice from those who have been there on how to manage the derealisation thingy and how much I should actually be aiming for in terms of getting out.
Thanks guys and gals. :flowers: