Agraphobia

[Peru83]

I'm posting this as I suffered this when I was in my early teens and managed to over come it, even though I think it's trying to creep it's way back in again[Sigh...]. I won't let it though[Yeah!],lol.

Anyways, when I was young I was badly bullied not physically just verbally but it hurt all the same. I had a big nose and people used to call me Gonzo, Pinnoccio, ugly ect. It got to the point where I would walk with my hair over my face whilst looking at my feet so that no one could see my hidiouse face. I would cry all the time about how horrible I was and found it more and more difficult to go out I became very shy and lost ALL confidence. My mum then took me to the doctors to see about an operation on my nose and they agreed but were hesitent to do it as I was only 12 but my mum and I instisted. I suppose I thought that if I had it done then I would be someone else, I would be beautiful, people would want to be my friend. Didn't happen like that though, my nose was smaller that was it. I was still regular old Claire. This couldn't of depressed me more. I sparked alot of interest in school but not in the way that I wanted, I felt like a lab animal being poked at. I even had one of my class mates come up to me and ask 'Is your nose really made of plastic? Does this mean that you can't sit out in the sun anymore?', at that point I realised that I had made a big mistake.

I then turned to drugs, first it was cannabis then ecstacy. I became very addicted to ecstacy as it gave me great confidence and made me feel good. I got so bad that I would be phoning dealers till 2am just trying to get my hands on them (I was only 16!!). I had become a very sad sight indeed, I was having to take more and more ecstacy to try and get the same high, I'd become soo under weight (I was under 7 stone). Eventually I stopped the drugs due to having a bad experiance on the ecstacy, I thought that I was going to die. So I then turned to drink, I just needed something to make me feel other than who I was. I felt horrible with out the help of something intoxicating to give me that false sense of confidence, I had become addicted.

At 17 (just before I turned 18) I found out that I was pregnant, I cried as I just though oh my god what kind of mother am I going to make! But my partner and I talked about it and I decided to keep my baby. My doctor told me that I desperatly needed to start eating healthier and had to give up the obvious so I did, just like that. I had another reason other than myself to do it for, my unborn child:). When I was pregnant there were lots of occations I had to go out on my own and because I had ditched the bad crowd I was hanging around with I didn't even have a friend to ask to go with me so I just had to.

I started by breaking all of my old habbits, I stopped looking at my feet as I walked I held my head high and made eye contact with people as I passed, sometimes even a friendly smile (probably thought I was a nutter:D). I stopped putting my hair over my face and I started taking my walkman everywhere with me. My partner bought me a walkman for my 18th so I made up a tape of all my favourite music (stereophonics always make me feel good) and listned to that, especially sitting on the bus I always found that the hardest.

I still have moments of feeling uneasy and nervous outside, especially with how I have been feeling lately but I am still walking with my head held high[8D].

I do hope that my long winded blabbering helps someone. If I have just put you to sleep they yay at least I helped someone relax[:o)],lol.

Take Carexx

Claire

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

[seh1980]

Thanks for sharing that Claire - What an inspiring story!! It just goes to show that we all have it in us to beat this and that we can turn our lives around if we really want to..:D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

[Sue K with 5]

Hi Jammie

whats a story! I too was bullied as a child, I was very shy and would not argue with people, so I was bullied. I had issues about my looks and became very self conscious. I was ridiculed and was beatn a number of times,I was actually walking to the shop one evening and was hit for looking the wrong way by a girl and her brother.

I lived in absolute fear of goin gout of my door

Silly because I am now still very severely agoraphobic and I dont understand why?

Well done to you for facing your fears and walking with your head held high, and hey thanks for the advise as wel, I am 37 and I still have not beat it well done you !


Take care


Sue with 5

scknight

[Meg]

Claire

Thanks for sharing this.

You have done so well in the face of adversity and you are going to be fine. You've got what it takes .



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Peru83]

seh1980 - Thank you very much[:I].

sue - I think the agraphobia always stays with us, like I said I still have days or moments when I'm outside and I get butterflies in my stomach and I get this overwhelming sense of feeling intimidated or frightend. The only way I find that I get over that is by reminding my self that no-one walking past me can see how I am feeling and that looking confident is half the battle. You might not feel it on the inside but walking with your head high and like I said before, the occational smile, might make you look like a nutter(lol) but trust me little things like this help. I also find that being more assertive helps, I don't know about you but because I was bullied and was so shy and quiet, because of it I became unable to give an opinion or say no to people. Still guilty of that now, I'm still kind of a push over but I do have my moments where I just think to myself 'no, I'm a person in my own right and I don't have to do or think what I don't have to'. It is all about possitive thinking - 'You are a strong woman, you are beautiful and most of all you are confident', there is nothing that anyone can say and do to you to make you think any less, your too strong minded! I know that your probably thinking 'oh my god what is she on about' but just try it, it will help. I know that my issues with Agraphobia still lay with all those girls who put me down and mocked me years ago and less I forget the boys who made it there life to remind me how horrid I was[Sigh...]. They don't matter anymore though, I have even met a couple of them in the past year and they have asked me how I am and what I am doing now, even though it's nothing great I tell them I am doing fantastic and couldn't be happier, all the time smiling.:D[^]

again long winded (could you expect anything less from me,lol:)) but I do hope it makes sense and helps.

meg - thank you too[:I]

Take Carexx

Claire

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"

[Meg]

I agree , often we underestimate the importance of a good healthy self esteem and self image .

These can both be worked on and improved at any time of life by self help, local courses, finding a mentor etc

I trained with a girl who was bullied at school, she had little confidence but with her training and by becoming a fabulous person in her own right she blossomed professionally and personally.
Shes now extremely senior in her field of a university lecturer in midwifery.

One day she was on labour ward and there was one of old her bullies having a bad labour.. My friend took over the care and ensured this woman had the best care possible and all went well but when the woman kept saying -I know you- she denied it at all and refused to get into personal details.

It was only the day after delivery she went to see her on the ward just before discharge and had the conversation and told this woman exactly what the effects of her bullying had been and what the effects had been.
The woman was compltely gobsmacked and was in awe of her achievements and her poise and confidence and said so in great length.

Now all that same bullying group try to ask for my friend whenever they're in labour...

How the tables turn

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?