ales09
26-02-09, 11:06
Hi,
I have been suffering from what i think is bad anxiety related to relationships - i find this very hard and confusing and was wondering if anyone has advice or similar problems.
I am a 30 yr old female - have been dating this guy for about 3 months. I am quite an anxious person generally - but I have noticed that is only really in relationships that my anxiety get v bad and affects me like this - at an emotional and physical level. I use to think that maybe it was just that I had dated guys who weren't right for me and didnt make me happy and the anxiety was my instincts feeling that - but now Im not sure.
My anxiety started soon after I started dating this guy - i was felt scared of getting attached and scared of getting hurt. I worried a lot about being disappointed, what would go wrong - always expecting something to go wrong. It gets really bad if for example - he doesnt call - I start to panic - I get lots of negative thoughts and start thinking he doesnt like me anymore or something is wrong. I seem to think about it too much - i analyze things a lot and sometimes can't sleep going over things in my mind. I wonder whether this is a problem with me - or whether its that the person isnt right for me? how can you tell?
I like him a lot - he seems like nice, honest and genuine guy. We are very different though - different backgrounds, interests - so I worry about that a lot.
When I get really anxious i get physical symptoms like : not being able to relax or sleep, pounding heart and shortness of breath, loss of appetite, sometimes shaky hands, cold. I also have thoughts racing through my mind which I can't stop -they just keep going and I feel confused and out of control, i feel insecure and vulnerable and guilty for feeling like anxious.
When I didnt speak to my boyfirend for the whole weekend - i was so worried - I thought he was breaking up with me and i went into a state of panic - i was anxious the whole weekend, couldnt sleep or eat much, cried a lot. I didnt call him either - i think my anxiety/insecurity sometimes holds me back. I think that actually he is just not much of a phone person - he has never realy called me that much - and I think that may just be him and have nothing to do with how he feels about me - but at times - it triggers this anxiety. If it happens again I may mention to him that i would like it if we spoke more.
The way I felt that weekend really scared me - maybe partly it was a normal reaction to feel sad - if I thought he was dumping me - but it was just so bad - my heart was pounding and i just felt so helpless.
I don't understand why this happens. I have had a good life so far, have a great relationship with my parents and friends. Maybe it is low self -esteem?
I have had a couple of bad relationship experiences. My first serious relationship -when I was quite young - was actually a great one - we were both in love - (our first love) - but when it ended - it was a real shock to me - i didnt expect him to start doubting his love for me and I went through a very bad period of not sleeping/eating. However - we ended on good terms in the end and I have a good memory of him.
I had a serious relationship 2 years ago - which left me feeling terrible. I didnt trust the guy - (i was right not to) i tried to make it work and trust him but i couldnt. I fell in love with him but he couldnt say the same to me which hurt so much, i felt anxious and vulnerable all the time, i was no longer myself, i always thought he might cheat on me. (and he did). It was so awful - the way i felt that I promised I would never let anyone make me feel like that again.
I just don't know how to stop the anxiety once it kicks in - I feel like im on a roller coaster - sometimes happy fine, then really down the next.
I have been seeing someone about this - but it hasnt helped much so far.
Please let me know if anyone has a similar anxiety?
I have been suffering from what i think is bad anxiety related to relationships - i find this very hard and confusing and was wondering if anyone has advice or similar problems.
I am a 30 yr old female - have been dating this guy for about 3 months. I am quite an anxious person generally - but I have noticed that is only really in relationships that my anxiety get v bad and affects me like this - at an emotional and physical level. I use to think that maybe it was just that I had dated guys who weren't right for me and didnt make me happy and the anxiety was my instincts feeling that - but now Im not sure.
My anxiety started soon after I started dating this guy - i was felt scared of getting attached and scared of getting hurt. I worried a lot about being disappointed, what would go wrong - always expecting something to go wrong. It gets really bad if for example - he doesnt call - I start to panic - I get lots of negative thoughts and start thinking he doesnt like me anymore or something is wrong. I seem to think about it too much - i analyze things a lot and sometimes can't sleep going over things in my mind. I wonder whether this is a problem with me - or whether its that the person isnt right for me? how can you tell?
I like him a lot - he seems like nice, honest and genuine guy. We are very different though - different backgrounds, interests - so I worry about that a lot.
When I get really anxious i get physical symptoms like : not being able to relax or sleep, pounding heart and shortness of breath, loss of appetite, sometimes shaky hands, cold. I also have thoughts racing through my mind which I can't stop -they just keep going and I feel confused and out of control, i feel insecure and vulnerable and guilty for feeling like anxious.
When I didnt speak to my boyfirend for the whole weekend - i was so worried - I thought he was breaking up with me and i went into a state of panic - i was anxious the whole weekend, couldnt sleep or eat much, cried a lot. I didnt call him either - i think my anxiety/insecurity sometimes holds me back. I think that actually he is just not much of a phone person - he has never realy called me that much - and I think that may just be him and have nothing to do with how he feels about me - but at times - it triggers this anxiety. If it happens again I may mention to him that i would like it if we spoke more.
The way I felt that weekend really scared me - maybe partly it was a normal reaction to feel sad - if I thought he was dumping me - but it was just so bad - my heart was pounding and i just felt so helpless.
I don't understand why this happens. I have had a good life so far, have a great relationship with my parents and friends. Maybe it is low self -esteem?
I have had a couple of bad relationship experiences. My first serious relationship -when I was quite young - was actually a great one - we were both in love - (our first love) - but when it ended - it was a real shock to me - i didnt expect him to start doubting his love for me and I went through a very bad period of not sleeping/eating. However - we ended on good terms in the end and I have a good memory of him.
I had a serious relationship 2 years ago - which left me feeling terrible. I didnt trust the guy - (i was right not to) i tried to make it work and trust him but i couldnt. I fell in love with him but he couldnt say the same to me which hurt so much, i felt anxious and vulnerable all the time, i was no longer myself, i always thought he might cheat on me. (and he did). It was so awful - the way i felt that I promised I would never let anyone make me feel like that again.
I just don't know how to stop the anxiety once it kicks in - I feel like im on a roller coaster - sometimes happy fine, then really down the next.
I have been seeing someone about this - but it hasnt helped much so far.
Please let me know if anyone has a similar anxiety?